My 14 year old daughter is out of control

jonbays · 17-09-2005, 11:58 AM

My 14 year old daughter is out of control.

Got the call last night pick up your daughter from some house where shes para drunk and chucking everywhere.

Happened before but now looking really bad. banning her going out taking her mobile and talking to her isn't working.

Is it time for a backhander or two? I got to say its more than hard to keep my hands off her some time the cheek I get. What next will she get up to.

This was funny when I was sixteen but as a Dad now this is just getting too hard.

Anyone got any good ideas? I'm just banning her from going out again for two months this time but its hard to lock her up in the house.

Casper · 17-09-2005, 12:01 PM

This is a killer position to be in.
My thinking would be a reality check. Somehow get her to see how a 16yo single mum is living and how screwed up her life could become? Bit of shock treatment.

Your living something that I have nightmares about mate, I can really feel for you.

**Charliewool** · 17-09-2005, 12:01 PM

Oh my!

BJ · 17-09-2005, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonbays

My 14 year old daughter is a drunken slut who makes me feel sorry for the scaf brothers.

Got the call last night pick up your daughter from some house where shes para drunk and chucking everywhere.

Happened before but now looking really bad. banning her going out taking her mobile and talking to her isn't working.

Is it time for a backhander or two? I got to say its more than hard to keep my hands off her some time the cheek I get. What next will she get up to.

This was funny when I was sixteen but as a Dad now this is just getting too hard.

Anyone got any good ideas? I'm just banning her from going out again for two months this time but its hard to lock her up in the house.

Sorry dude this is a hard one. May be she need some positive people around her. Try the local youth group, it has done wonders for my daughter. Or see you local church you would be suprised what they can do for you. No i am not a born again just like you a concerned father.

CrankR · 17-09-2005, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CH7472

Sorry dude this is a hard one. May be she need some positive people around her. Try the local youth group, it has done wonders for my daughter. Or see you local church you would be suprised what they can do for you. No i am not a born again just like you a concerned father.

Totally agree with your advice on this, positive influence is a big thing at their age. A good invironment in a youth group sure helped me out and i met a lot of good friends as well.

Giving 'Kids Helpline' a ring (1800 55 1800) is a great way to finding out good information about dealing with your circumstance. They will be able to give u contact numbers.

On a delicate note........
Not trying to attack your views or anything and as a concerned father i can feel your frustration.......the name of the thread is a bit on the harsh side.
(Hope i don't offend)

CrankR · 17-09-2005, 12:56 PM

Good call on the renaming of the thread

first sentence of your original post needs a bit of work as well. Cool.

Go easy on him fellas, he's is just looking 4 advice............

'Jonbays' this is an uneasy subject which will probably get blown out (hope not) by alot of people that are trying to help, but in the end will just be there opinions (will probably be good advice but in the end will end up confusing u due to your circumstance differing to theirs)

Best way is to get private, one on one advice from councilers who deal wit these problems everyday.
Hope this helps

CAMS290 · 17-09-2005, 12:08 PM

Jonbays, i would be treading very carefully with this one, as the last thing you probably want to do is lose her.
I agree with Casper, you should try the shock treatment with her, explain to her the path she is taking in life, and where she could end up.
good luck with a very difficult situation

Laminge · 17-09-2005, 12:10 PM

You need help from someone professionaly to show her that she needs to take ownership of her life.

but its not just her, time to talk to some of the parents of her friends

vino3o2 · 17-09-2005, 12:11 PM

Yeah I think banning her from going out would be the right way to go untill she can show that she can be responsible.....It's a tuff one, good luck with it

crispy · 17-09-2005, 12:12 PM

show her this thread

Melz · 17-09-2005, 12:14 PM

Probably for starters dont be saying she's a 'drunken _ _ _ _', i can understand where you a coming from but i don't think there is a need for demeaning names. If this is only more recent (say in the past 6 months) check if she's had any trouble with friends at school (or boys!). She may be looking for attention, someone to help her. I'm guessing somethings happened to make her resort to her current state. A female role model, and someone on her level is needed

Edited by myself.. couldn't stand leaving that word on here

MNM96 · 17-09-2005, 12:19 PM

I think anything with a title like this should be deleted!
If anybody called my daughter a name like that, they would be answering to me, pretty poor form to be doing it yourself!!!

**Charliewool** · 17-09-2005, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MNM96

I think anything with a title like this should be deleted!
If anybody called my daughter a name like that, they would be answering to me, pretty poor form to be doing it yourself!!!

Here Here!.... The absolute most demeaning word.. AND to be used for your own daughter... OMG

Mark^^ · 17-09-2005, 12:29 PM

Hmmm I am a social work who has worked with this type of young person for the last 8 years, and I am in the process of being recruited by DoCS.

Both the parents’ description of this problem and the daughter’s behaviour are a concern to me, and should not be used on this site I think.

The way this post was worded worries me about the person who posted it. I am not saying the 14 year old girls behaviour is not a concern, in fact is very worrying and her safety is at risk.

Perhaps the whole family needs some assistance an there are good services that help families like this.

If you are in Sydney I can put you on to services that can help.

Mark

GraveDilute · 17-09-2005, 12:50 PM

Agree with the points about the thread title.
Going overboard with drinking on a number of occassions is more than just learning limits, it also seems to indicate lack of slef respect. The "no one gives a F&^k about me, so why should I" kind of thought pattern. This is terribly self destructing.
If you're thinking this about your daughter, then she may feel this, even if you're not saying this to her face.
You do need to discipline, but you can also consider a way to fast track her grounding by giving her the chance to reduce her "sentence" through more positive behaviour.

Also, if you want to give her a mental slap to wake her up, show her the movie, KIDS, about 13-16 yr old kids who screw their lives up through poor choices.

loxxr6 · 17-09-2005, 12:51 PM

Quote:

This is a killer position to be in.
My thinking would be a reality check. Somehow get her to see how a 16yo single mum is living and how screwed up her life could become? Bit of shock treatment.

My g/f's parents did this to her. She still turned out to be a horror. I reckon when you take so much away from a person they're more likely to resent you more and rebel further.

jonbays · 17-09-2005, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loxxr6

My g/f's parents did this to her. She still turned out to be a horror. I reckon when you take so much away from a person they're more likely to resent you more and rebel further.

This the bind we're in now. Taking more away every time isn't really working just causing more problems but what do you do?

I can't say oh well don't do that again.

The fact I am asking for advice on the forum tells you I am getting seriously worried about her.

Trying to control which friends she sees is a real drama too. We have tried to make it easier to go out with people we approve of but this has been abused as well.

I would be happy if she had a sensible slightly older boyfriend who would probably straighten her out a bit but the way she carries on she isn't attracting those sort of boys.

Yes I am sorry I was really ****ed off with her and it all came out badly in the beginning but you have to understand how far teenagers will push you and there are a lot of ugly details that don't bear repeating. Stuff that you just don't want to know about your own daughter. If I had taken a photo of her when I picked her up last night I would be jailed as a Pedo for posting it up!

Cheahman · 17-09-2005, 01:56 PM

I completely understand jonbays. Alot of people dont understand really just how bad it can become, it sounds easy in theory but when it comes to the real thing it just goes the complete opposite. I know im not a father, but Im a brother and i care about my sister and worry about her just as much. My parnets have been through hell and back over the last few years. All I can say is the stuff we have been through is much worse than what you are currently. It is stuff i have told no one and never will.

Best advice i can give is the get her to hang around decent people, but again it may sound easy but to get her to do it is another thing.

FPVWEPN · 17-09-2005, 12:55 PM

so a thread about hitting ones daughter and calling her demeaning names doesn't get banned but a thread on burnouts on public roads does ????

Casper · 17-09-2005, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FPVWEPN

so a thread about hitting ones daughter and calling her demeaning names doesn't get banned but a thread on burnouts on public roads does ????

Firstly, he didnt hit her. Secondly, the thread title was modified to be more appropriate. Thirdly, there is nothing in this thread that goes against the site rules....yet. Unlike doing burnouts in public places.

This thread is contraversial yes, and it is being watched very cloesly... but at this point it will not be deleted.

Cheahman · 17-09-2005, 01:09 PM

Sounds like a typical teenager to me. If you think your daughters the only one like that well most of you are in for a shock, the majority of them are like that! Our family has already been through this crap with my sister, shes 16 and nothing ever worked on her and still doesnt. It hard to get through to them when all their friends are just as bad. Their all like little sheep, what one does the rest all follow.

xr8 007 · 17-09-2005, 01:11 PM

Only if we had military school or boot camp!! That will streighten any teenage out!

MNM96 · 17-09-2005, 01:15 PM

Good Job Johnbays on the changes made to title and thread etal.

I feel for you. This would have to be a parents worst nightmare!
All I can offer is to contact Mark for the help he has offered, and as heffo said ask Kids Helpline for help.

There would be a huge amount of help available for people in your situation, just finding it, and accepting it will be the drama.

Is your Girl aware she has a problem??

davocol · 17-09-2005, 01:18 PM

And forthly, a thread like this would not come under scrutiny from the public eye like the other thread would on a CAR focused site.

As far as your 14 year old daughter goes, dont lock her up it will only make her want to go out more, encourage her if she is going to drink anyway to be responsible about it and if that does not work find a male friend of hers and give him a stern talking to, that your daughter is his responsibility when they go out and if she is not looked after you will tell his parents what they get up to and if he touches her you will kill him. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casper

Firstly, he didnt hit her. Secondly, the thread title was modified to be more appropriate. Thirdly, there is nothing in this thread that goes against the site rules....yet. Unlike doing burnouts in public places.

This thread is contraversial yes, and it is being watched very cloesly... but at this point it will not be deleted.

bindi · 17-09-2005, 05:11 PM

This is a very difficult situation, I agree with others who suggest to take Mark's offer (I would in this situation - my son is nearing 14 and my daughter turns 12 tomorrow).

By banning your daughter from doing stuff, it will make her want to rebel more. I know that we all go through those teenage years and things can get very nasty for some. I would look at her friends, her school, and the friends' parents. Get support from everywhere possible, cos you need it.

Also I don't know what the title was, nor the wording of the original post. Anything seriously demeaning and nasty she experiences at home will encourage her to leave, and/or rebel. She needs positive attention - she is craving love and support. By reacting so dramatically to her bad behaviour it only reinforces her to go and do it more. Negative attention is better than none at all in the eyes of a girl. Also she may deep down feel she deserves nothing better than this... been there, done that myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by davocol

and if that does not work find a male friend of hers and give him a stern talking to, that your daughter is his responsibility when they go out and if she is not looked after you will tell his parents what they get up to and if he touches her you will kill him. Good luck.

I personally think this is a bad idea. SHE needs to take responsibility for her own actions, and you can't force another into the situation. It would be unfair on the guy. What kind of pressure is that? And what makes you think that she would listen to him anyway??? He could warn others to stay away, but she'd need some 7ft Samoan guy to be her bodyguard in this situation.

Good luck.

ssj_jaypee · 17-09-2005, 06:37 PM

You guys are all pussies!!
If that was my daughter well for starters she wouldnt be a problem cause I would've raised her properly with good sets of morals and beliefs.
Half the problem with kids these days is their parents and their lack of proper parenting.
You gotta be strict and forward with them. Like the old saying goes "you gotta be cruel to be kind" they will thank you in the future when they realise all you did was to protect them and make them realise the errors in their ways.

Now, if that was my daughter and she still would be rebelious I would seriously start laying the law down on her ****.
If smacking and yelling at her doesnt do anything, start getting aggressive like take away all priviledges, dont do anything for her make her do her own washing of her clothes and making her own food, dont pick her up after school or take her to dance class.
If she thinks she is mature enough to be out drinking and partying and such at that age well she might as well do all the other stuff "mature people" do.

F**k I hate teenagers, bloody annoying idiots. Stupid parents cant even raise them properly.
Back in the old days kids were scared to answer back to their parents, now you see them calling their parents morons and "I hate you!".
This world is going to slowly cave into itself and implode killing everybody with it.

b2tf · 17-09-2005, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssj_jaypee

You guys are all pussies!!
If that was my daughter well for starters she wouldnt be a problem cause I would've raised her properly with good sets of morals and beliefs.
Half the problem with kids these days is their parents and their lack of proper parenting.

I would suggest being VERY careful about making assumptions about jonbays' parenting abilities etc. You dont know what you're talking about.

Quote:

Now, if that was my daughter and she still would be rebelious I would seriously start laying the law down on her ****.
If smacking and yelling at her doesnt do anything, start getting aggressive like take away all priviledges, dont do anything for her make her do her own washing of her clothes and making her own food, dont pick her up after school or take her to dance class.
If she thinks she is mature enough to be out drinking and partying and such at that age well she might as well do all the other stuff "mature people" do.

All well and good to say it on the net, when its for real you may be singing a different tune.....

Quote:

F**k I hate teenagers, bloody annoying idiots. Stupid parents cant even raise them properly.

In that case, I hate you too.

BJ · 17-09-2005, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssj_jaypee

You guys are all pussies!!
If that was my daughter well for starters she wouldnt be a problem cause I would've raised her properly with good sets of morals and beliefs.
Half the problem with kids these days is their parents and their lack of proper parenting.
You gotta be strict and forward with them. Like the old saying goes "you gotta be cruel to be kind" they will thank you in the future when they realise all you did was to protect them and make them realise the errors in their ways.

Now, if that was my daughter and she still would be rebelious I would seriously start laying the law down on her ****.
If smacking and yelling at her doesnt do anything, start getting aggressive like take away all priviledges, dont do anything for her make her do her own washing of her clothes and making her own food, dont pick her up after school or take her to dance class.
If she thinks she is mature enough to be out drinking and partying and such at that age well she might as well do all the other stuff "mature people" do.

F**k I hate teenagers, bloody annoying idiots. Stupid parents cant even raise them properly.
Back in the old days kids were scared to answer back to their parents, now you see them calling their parents morons and "I hate you!".
This world is going to slowly cave into itself and implode killing everybody with it.

Well now why don't you take a good look at your self sport. I have a teenage daughter and guess what. I have got not one problem with her. Yes she was bought up with the right values and beliefs and she has respect for her elders, but saying all of that she also has her days were i could kill her,it is just part of them growing up. What this person has not so much asked for but is trying to find some sort of soluition for his daughters bad habits. Now if you dont have some thing worth saying from you bag of pareinting skills then i suggest you don't say anything at all. I hope to god you never have any kids i would hate to think how they would be bourght up like.

Laminge · 17-09-2005, 01:11 PM

Wouldnt worry too much Casper, his maturity to post a statement like that in this thread just goes to shows what a waste of time it is to justify it to him.

Casper · 17-09-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laminge

Wouldnt worry too much Casper, his maturity to post a statement like that in this thread just goes to shows what a waste of time it is to justify it to him.

Sorry Gary, as a father of 4 young children I'm used to explaining out thing is very simple terms so even young minds with only a minimal grasp of reality can understand it.