Do I tell or don't I?

big fella · 14-04-2006, 12:33 AM

This may get a little long winded, sorry but I need to give the background to the story.

About 10 years ago, the company I worked for was taken over by another. Most of the mechanics on the floor (me) stayed. The new owners brought some of their own mechanics and their spare parts workers from the dealership they sold to buy the one I worked at.

One of the spare parts guys that came with the new owners was about 19, quiet, reserved, a bit green and naive, but very good at his job. Not long afterwards, a female delivery driver was employed, who was about 22. She seemed nice enough, was a little bit flirty, and had lived a bit, if you catch my drift.

She and another female staff member used to enjoy embarressing the young man by talking a bit dirty in front of him, and acting a bit tarty. This carried on for 6 months or so, until she finally reeled him in and had her way with him.

They became attached, she moved on workwise, but they married and are still together. He left work for 12 months to start his own business. He worked 14 hour days, 7 days a week. The business failed, and he returned to spare parts.

I left work there in 2002. I kept in contact with a couple of techs, but not the spare parts guy. I would occasionally call in, and when I did, we would catch up, but we were never what you would call mates. I hadn't seen him for 6 months or so. A new supermarket opened in my home town, and my wife was lucky enough to get a job there. On my first visit to the supermarket, after I had finished work, I was served by the woman who had worked at the dealership. It turned out they had moved to a neighbouring town. I introduced her to my wife and they became friendly.

The friendship has soured just recently, it has become apparent that the women, who is now 32, married with 2 kids, is playing up behind hubby's back with an 18 year old shelf stacker. As I said earlier, I was never really close to her husband, but he is a great bloke, who thinks the world of his wife, and works his guts out for her and their kids. I would love to let him know what she's up to, he deserves better. But my wife insists that it would make her job unbearable, and in the end it's none of my business.

The thing is, if the tables were turned, I would want to know, and I'd be p15sed off if I found out that people knew and didn't tell me.

Do I tell? Or do I keep my mouth shut?

Scott · 14-04-2006, 01:03 AM

IMO - The easy answer is not to say anything. Like you said, he's not a mate and why would you risk your wife's employment (and possibly a nutter enemy for her) for a fella you hardly know? I know it sucks but I'd have to say that you might need to put yourselves first in this case. Poor bugger though, I'd be looking for a way to lead him to the answer (like an anonymous tip that his wife is a slut who can be found a whatever address after work!) Good luck to the three of you & let's hope the mole get's hers.

ten[A]cio[U]s · 14-04-2006, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GMH8TR

IMO - The easy answer is not to say anything. Like you said, he's not a mate and why would you risk your wife's employment (and possibly a nutter enemy for her) for a fella you hardly know? I know it sucks but I'd have to say that you might need to put yourselves first in this case. Poor bugger though, I'd be looking for a way to lead him to the answer (like an anonymous tip that his wife is a slut who can be found a whatever address after work!) Good luck to the three of you & let's hope the mole get's hers.

I agree with GMH8TR. In this kind of situation its best to just let it all fold out itself.. But the anon tip would be a greta idea though. Maybe talk shelf stacker and have a few harsh words with him and let him know what he is doing to this poor bloke.

McobraR · 14-04-2006, 01:12 AM

Man, i cant give u an answer to that, just to hard. How can a person be like that? Man she's a wild one.

EF, What else? · 14-04-2006, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GMH8TR

IMO - The easy answer is not to say anything. Like you said, he's not a mate and why would you risk your wife's employment (and possibly a nutter enemy for her) for a fella you hardly know? I know it sucks but I'd have to say that you might need to put yourselves first in this case. Poor bugger though, I'd be looking for a way to lead him to the answer (like an anonymous tip that his wife is a slut who can be found a whatever address after work!) Good luck to the three of you & let's hope the mole get's hers.

I have to agree, anonymous tip it the only way. Im sure in the long run, the bloke is going to appreciate it, but you never know how people are going to react, help the bloke out, he needs it, but there is no need for you to identify yourself. No need to create a situation where you can get yourself into trouble by doing the right thing.

Outbackjack · 14-04-2006, 08:20 PM

This such a sh1tty situation for the poor guy. He can not win. If she gets caught she will just bugger of with the kids to the nob that she is humping. The poor father will still be busting his butt but will have very limited acces to his kids and the CSA with strip half of his pay to pay wife support. Then he will loose the house and its all down hill from there. Who ever introduced the no blame divorce shoud be shot.

Answer to your question, IMHO, tell the poor fella. Fore warned is fore armed. I wish him luck.

phat_stak_tipa · 22-04-2006, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

This such a sh1tty situation for the poor guy. He can not win. If she gets caught she will just bugger of with the kids to the nob that she is humping. The poor father will still be busting his butt but will have very limited acces to his kids and the CSA with strip half of his pay to pay wife support. Then he will loose the house and its all down hill from there. Who ever introduced the no blame divorce shoud be shot.

Answer to your question, IMHO, tell the poor fella. Fore warned is fore armed. I wish him luck.

its called a pre-nupt il be having 1 for sure my girl and i have discussed it she seems kewl with it for now....if shes not she can go jump.... ive seen so many blokes at work stick with there mrs coz they know financially they are better off eventhough its hell at home and kids well kids just bugger everything up child support custody what a mess.
as far as letting him know surely hes probly getting vibes of his own and knows of her 'PAST" let it go these things sort themselves out.

deankdx · 22-04-2006, 11:07 AM

now he Knows, it would be intersting i guess to see if he forgives her, and the Marriage continues, if they can actually discuss the reasons and work out why it happened?
i know of a few people who have worked it out and still together afterwards.
personally i'd not be as forgiving as i outline this scenario in the begining of a relationship i'd rather break up if there is a need to be unfaithhfull.

with the original question i would have said nothing unless i had seen it with My own eyes(i'd be trying not to see it)
its not cool in my opinion to go behind someones back.. if the relationdhip is open and agreed to it then there would be no problem.

347Stroker · 14-04-2006, 01:15 AM

I would print a short note, telling that you have reason to believe that this is happening, but it would be in his best interests to maybe start some investigating of his own, phone records, stories not matching and so forth. You do not need to substantiate your claims, and making it anon also, will have him thinking.
It could just be something he does not want to know about, or maybe he does.
Tell him minimal information, let him find out for himself.
Leave the note under his windscreen wiper.

Steffo · 14-04-2006, 01:35 AM

I'd hang her out to dry. Let the guy know immediately. It is absolutley unfair on him to be deceived and if he is a top bloke like you say, then let him know what's going on so he can either put a stop to it or rid himself of her. Cheating is basically trechary. I don't wish an experience like that on my worst enemy, let alone someone who I thought was a good person, friend or otherwise.

2kool4u · 14-04-2006, 02:12 AM

is she your wives boss, If she isn't I'd tell him. Or if you don't want to do that and you feel bad for this bloke go and have a few harse words to this shelf stacker.

but really, I'm not really the best person to give advice, i'm only 17.

42.57lb · 14-04-2006, 02:23 AM

Mate, the answer to this is going to depend. A couple things to take into account here. 1) your moral fibre. 2) How cunning you are. 3) How much you give a shag. If it were me getting the dirty done on me and someone didn't tell me and I found out 2 years later when the b1tch had given me hepatitus or some ИИИИ I would lose my rag.

I'd say get chummy with the dude, and his wife. invite them over/out/BBQ WHATEVER, then just lead the conversation towards, "ИИИИИ, a mate of mine was getting cheated on by his wife, poor bastard. This guy worked his guts out so hard for his wife and kids, and she just spat in his face... Was with someone 10 years younger... The worst part is she's given him Hep B from the younger bloke. Filthy tart..." then you say to the wife "Can you believe someone could be so cold?"

I'm not saying such into it mate, but I think you should def look out for the poor ba5tard. This wuzza sounds VERY cold.

mik · 14-04-2006, 02:43 AM

be carefull, you could wind up having both of them for enemies, quite often once these things are found out the lives of the whole family turn to ИИИИ, then they might be looking for someone too blame.

Casper · 14-04-2006, 06:25 AM

Stay completely out of it , listen to your wife on this one.

aimzes · 14-04-2006, 09:15 AM

yeah i like 347's idea. just leave your name off it.

who knows he might have a slight suspision and this might help prove it. if he decided to act or beleive it then its up to him.

eb_5litre · 14-04-2006, 09:17 AM

Yep, just leave a note without your name on it.

phoon · 14-04-2006, 09:34 AM

SAY NOTHING. About 10 years ago I told a mate his misses was playing up, which she was, and guess what, we are no longer mates, she manipulated him into believing what she wanted him to believe and I was made out to be the liar. Thing is he actually caught her about 1 year later,they are now divorced.

eb_5litre · 14-04-2006, 09:42 AM

Thats why anonymous is the only way..... its the easiest way for the guy to get justice without any backlash.

Olympus · 14-04-2006, 09:49 AM

Mate get the whole under cover detective thing happening and take some snapshots of these two lovebirds. Then just put the photo's in his mail or post them to him.
Seriously, this guy needs to find out now sooner than later. The situation is just so bloody wrong.

falcon91 · 14-04-2006, 10:07 AM

My Two cents, Tell him immediately
My missus two cents (I showed her this thread) Was do nothing.

I know that doesn't help but if it was happening to me I'd want to know.
The worst part is, I bet my left nut that this is not the first guy she's been around the block with during the marriage.

[Tonko] · 14-04-2006, 01:38 PM

i agree with olympus on this, go 007 on the ИИИИИ...

max^power · 14-04-2006, 07:55 PM

is it just me or is it the season for cheating women? i know of at least 3 other marriages that have broken up recently over cheating wife.

stay out of it, and let him figure it out.

big fella · 14-04-2006, 07:55 PM

I don't think I can just do nothing. My only consideration is making sure to not affect my wife's job. It seems the 18 year old is unable to contain himself, and has told his department about the M.I.L.F, except he is now calling her the M.I.H.F, the "h" meaning have. If I can find a way to make it look like his blabbing has lead to the husband finding out, then that's what I'll do.

FAT071 · 14-04-2006, 07:57 PM

Find out where its taking place and video it, then stick it in his letter box addressed to him. If it was me I'd want to know, then I'd probablly go and teach the ***** a leason.
Mick

Black XR6 · 14-04-2006, 09:12 PM

Ok, I read all the firt post and some of the replies. Skipped the rest,.

This is dangerous territory.

Your options are to

A: not tell, he spends the next few years with her thinking all is fine and one day its not. They divorce or not and thats that. Either way, dont ever tell them you knew.

B: you tell them, either by mail annonymous or by actually telling him. The husband fights with denial etc and eventually they divorce or whatever. Youve told them then for better or worse. But....and here is the kicker. What if the husband goes and kills both the wife and lover. Could you handle that on your conscience. Its also possible that if they break up due to option A, he may still go on a rampage, but if he does this he probably would have had you told him anyway.

In the end its your choice, its just dangerous waters.

ronwest · 14-04-2006, 09:27 PM

Keep out of it!

You have half a story at best. There are obviously problems within their marriage.

You interfering in something which has nothing to do with you benefits no-one.

They will sort it out or not, but your "help" is not necessary nor will it be be appreciated.

As a by the by, I wonder how many of us have "cheated" and have never said anything or have been "cheated" and have never known about it?

Quite a few I'd say... life goes on.

turbo00007 · 21-04-2006, 11:37 PM

good on you

coyote · 14-04-2006, 09:32 PM

Find a way to inform him anonomously
Do NOT get involved
Women are dangerous
and well lets be honest men are not always logical when cheated upon.

Mrs Coyote · 14-04-2006, 09:39 PM

Who's to say that he does not know if you say that he does everything for her and thinks the world of her. Maybe he knows and does not want to lose what he thinks he has. Let's face it the 18 year old is not going to hang around forever. Maybe they just have an open marriage. Maybe things are just not right between them. Do you know all the details of what goes on behind closed doors. What people see from the outside is not always the truth.

We women are very manipulative and usually get what we want. Like Phoon
says it can be all turned around very easily by a caniving scheming woman.

I would stay well and truly out of things.

And I do not agree with my husband who happens to be sitting opposite me.

Tornado · 22-04-2006, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs Coyote

We women are very manipulative and usually get what we want. Like Phoon says it can be all turned around very easily by a caniving scheming woman.

I would stay well and truly out of things.

Interesting replies in this thread.
Most men say tell him and the women say don't tell him.
hmm yes women are very manipulative and caniving aren't thay.

Well it looks like you don't need to worry about if you should tell him or not. Anyway I think its best that he knows. It won't be easy for him but better to find out sooner then later. I would want to know if my wife was cheating and I won't be happy if my mates knew about it and didn't tell me.