the loss of a child

vanman_75 · 11-11-2008, 04:22 PM

sorry i just need to write. my wife and i have been going through ivf .and to our joy we fell pregnant .well today we had a beautiful girl ,name chloe ,she battled from the start ,i have a translocation & my wife wasnt ovulating .we have been getting scans every week in brisbane with a membrane rupture at 20 weeks .so another battle began ,no fluid for her lungs to grow properly ,every week another doctor would take us through the possibilities .
born at 5.22 my baby battled for 4 hours on a respirator with emergency chopper flown in with the hope for a flight to brisbane .she was not strong enough .im trying to rest but i cant .my girl left this world at 11 ,this is the worst day of my life .i have done all the calls ,cant stop the tears .thanks in advance for any condolences ,life just isnt fair sometimes ,I will go back to the hospital soon . i have never felt like this before .thankyou for listening .

tankclare · 11-11-2008, 04:28 PM

I fell so sorry for you and your family! can't begin to imagine how you and youre wife must feel.

DEEPEST CONDOLENCES

aye you · 11-11-2008, 04:28 PM

jesus, i don't know what to say mate. My heartfelt condolences to you, you wife and your family. RIP Chloe

MNM96 · 11-11-2008, 04:32 PM

You poor buggers. People take the ability to have children for granted, and yet it can be such a journey for some. My Wife and I send our wishes, and prayers, to you both! May God brighten Chloe's way!

Mike and Mel.

Nostalgia · 11-11-2008, 04:38 PM

vanman_75, Our thought's are with You and your Wife at this very sad time.

Deepest Condolence's to you both.

Adam and Kylie.

Weiry · 11-11-2008, 04:40 PM

Sorry to hear this, we lost two one at 16 & other at 20 weeks. Mate look after the Missus as they really struggle. We gave up & by accident she fell pregnant again & now we have a great little boy(1 week yesterday) Keep chin up & keep trying. Best wishes for future.

GTP534 · 11-11-2008, 05:02 PM

Hi vanman_75,

Very sorry to hear about your loss. I know how you are feeling; back in 1983 we had a little girl, Kylie, who lived for 8 hours. She was small for dates and though it turned out later the doctor suspected something was wrong during the pregnancy, he didn't tell us. There was insufficient fluid for the lungs to develop. Westmead Hospital staff were fantastic

My wife took it very hard. My father was terrific and organised everything for us. My one regret is I did not go to the funeral home to see Kylie before the casket was closed.

My advice to you and your wife is to take time to be together and support each other emotionally, especially look after your wife. If you do get a chance to see your little girl once more before the funeral I think you should take it.

It's good to talk about it and I wish you and your wife strength, peace and comfort in the time ahead.

Jim

fiery · 11-11-2008, 05:26 PM

Sincerest condolences to you and your wife and both of your families and friends.

RIP Chloe.

It breaks my heart to read this, life is unfair :(

It might sound strange to others but the only advice I can offer is to take photos of the little angel, she was apart of you guys and it might help in time. Cuddle her as much as you can before it is time for her to be prepared, most hospitals actually encourage that thankfully.

I extend my hand in friendship, if you need anything (even just to talk and want a friendly ear) just ask.

Take care of yourself and your wife.

Kerri

svo347 · 11-11-2008, 04:31 PM

My heart just sank too. Hang in there mate, Condolences to you both, but dont let it sway your decision from trying again..

GORDZ · 11-11-2008, 04:32 PM

RIP Chloe =(

just fkd my day. feel for you mate.

Smoke Pursuit · 11-11-2008, 04:32 PM

That is terrible, what a tragic thing to happen after what you and your wife have been through.

Very sorry mate!

**Mechan1k** · 11-11-2008, 04:32 PM

So sorry to hear what you are going through right at this point in time.

My wife and I have been trying for a baby for a while now and luckily she fell pregnant ... it makes it so much harder when you know there have been problems ... and then further complications. All my wife worries about is if everything will turn out alright in the end. To lose you child not long after delivery would be our worst nightmare. I really wouldn't know how to deal with it myself.

Our sympathies go to you and your wife during this hell of a time.

vanman_75 · 11-11-2008, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mechan1k

So sorry to hear what you are going through right at this point in time.

My wife and I have been trying for a baby for a while now and luckily she fell pregnant ... it makes it so much harder when you know there have been problems ... and then further complications. All my wife worries about is if everything will turn out alright in the end. To lose you child not long after delivery would be our worst nightmare. I really wouldn't know how to deal with it myself.

Our sympathies go to you and your wife during this hell of a time.

that first touch made me cry and to watch her breath taken away ,thanks for your prayers and ours to you, life is so precious

Fev · 11-11-2008, 04:39 PM

That is horrible news, i really feel for you. I hope everything works out, good luck for the future and i hope you can start a family soon!

vanman_75 · 11-11-2008, 04:39 PM

thanks again .the staff were wonderful ,all they could do they done .i never wanted to know how this felt .but we must move on, im going back to the hospital now .sorry to upset anyone .just needed to vent .

**FTE217** · 11-11-2008, 04:48 PM

Now this is "real" after some of the BS thats on these threads !

Mate I can only imagine how you and your wife must feel !! I'm so sorry to hear and may the little one RIP !......
Look after yourselves and try to keep the chin up as Weiry mentions your wife needs you now.
I'm gonna hug my kids something special in honour of Chole's short time with us when I get home !

Dezza · 11-11-2008, 04:48 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that. It'd be the worst, to have a child, but to lose them before you get a chance to know them. Condolences.

XR6_661 · 11-11-2008, 05:20 PM

Poor bugger....Words don't cover this.

As GTP534 said, Support your wife and have strength. Deepest condolonces mate. I'll drink to Chloe tonight.

Jason[98.EL] · 11-11-2008, 05:25 PM

vanman

our hearts go out to you more than you will ever know

we have been married for 9 yrs and will remember one that we lost (before birth )

keep your head up and support your wife as best you can don't hesitate to ask questions and seek any support you can get

the hospital should be able to put you onto the right people

jason & helen

escapin · 11-11-2008, 05:53 PM

mate be there for ur wife and it may make it easier for both of u
just cant imagine how hard it is for both of u
take care

gtfpv · 11-11-2008, 07:19 PM

i'm sorry mate. hang in there.

**Charliewool** · 11-11-2008, 08:03 PM

That really puts all our petty whinges and troubles into perspective eh?...
Sincerest sympathies Vanman.. We share your pain buddy
I know it's easy to say.. But try and stay positive and strong, and importantly.. be there for the Mrs...
Thoughts are with you guys.. Charlie

snakeoil · 11-11-2008, 08:25 PM

van man I am very sorry to hear about your loss

But I can only suggest try again

My daughter who is now nearly 22 was born 11 weeks premature and weighed 2 lb 10 ozs.her hand was the size of my thumbnail

Of the 20 something premmies born that day only two survived and it was very hard to see parents so distraught when my baby was still alive.

it is a very tough thing dude

Do your best

devilcv8 · 11-11-2008, 08:40 PM

I hate seeing thread titles like this.
Condolences to you and your wife for everything you are going through. Only advice I can give, and speaking from experience having lost my 3yo daughter in 1988, everone deals with loss differently. No one way is right. Things will improve and one day you will be able to talk about your child without getting upset. I'll let you know when that is, as I'm not there yet.

schnoods · 11-11-2008, 11:01 PM

Truly sorry for your loss.

My Deepest condolences.

Steve · 14-11-2008, 10:26 PM

I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss Vanman. I haven't read this whole thread so forgive me if I'm repeating someone else.

My sister lost her little girl last week as well. Little Jasmine was diagnosed with an extremely severe form of Cystic Fibrosis and a bowel complication requiring major surgery. The poor thing never had a chance.

As terrible as this may sound, your little Chloe and Jasmine didn't deserve to be put through the pain that life would have meant. They're both at peace now.

My heart feels for you and your wife. Your pain will ease but Chloe will be your little angel always.

**TUF_302** · 16-11-2008, 06:11 PM

You poor bloke! im so so sorry for this!, i cant imagine how you must feel!

this story also brought a tear to my eyes, so sad

Turboconvert · 16-11-2008, 07:34 PM

I dont know what to say so I shall keep it simple, the both of you have my condolences also. Even though I do not know what you two are going through.....

Mark s · 11-11-2008, 08:07 PM

Mate I am so sorry to hear your news.

My wife and I have been going through IVF for over 5 years and that can be a roller coaster ride, but to lose a child, mate words cannot help. Our thoughts are with you both, keep your head up.

Cheers
Mark

JC · 11-11-2008, 08:10 PM

Sorry to hear about that Vanman. Not that much any of us can see will ease what you feel (and it will never ease - you always remember), but in 1993 we lost our first boy at 17 weeks gestation. It was called a miscarriage, but he was born whole (so really he was still-born premie), and I held him in my hand. We christened him and whatnot, so we will always remember him (Brooke - as in Zin Zan). Let the tears flow, and let others be there for you, just as you will be there for your missus. It took us about 12 months or so before we could talk about it without tears; it gets easier (there's the hope), but you never forget!