Timmeh's 3rd Great Tribute to Aviation

[Timmeh]

Well, every now and then I go thru all the stuff I get sent at work, and post the finest on here. Unless you work in aviation, probably not stuff everyone gets to see, so I've done the hard work and eliminated all the boring stuff to bring you...

Timmeh's 3rd Great Tribute to Aviation!





Q: How many Air Force pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One...he just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: How do you know if there is an Air Force pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between an Air Force pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the planes shuts down.



Three pilots are walking through the forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
The first pilot says, "Those are deer tracks."
The second pilot says, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third pilot says, "You're both wrong! Those are moose tracks."
The pilots were still arguing when the train hit them





More to come...

[Timmeh]

How do you know when you are half way through a date with a pilot?
Because he says: "Thats enough about flying, let's talk about me!"



An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.

After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"

"Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."

"Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."

Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew."
"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."





More to come...

[Timmeh]

A couple of Hornet fighters are escorting a C-130 Hercules transport plane, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft. Of course the fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, while the putting down the Herc's deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, the fighter jocks challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level..

After several minutes the Herc pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Herc pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back an took a leak."

[Timmeh]

That's all from me, folks. Hope you enjoyed the images and all that, any questions, feel free to ask. And I'll leave you with a beautiful classic, just like with cars, there's something about the old girls that is just awesome.



Timmeh!

[Mechan1k]

pics were cool ... jokes were ... ummm ... well ... pilot jokes ...lame really.
Hope your not a pilot Timmeh ... hee hee

[aimzes]

That's all from me, folks. Hope you enjoyed the images and all that, any questions, feel free to ask. And I'll leave you with a beautiful classic, just like with cars, there's something about the old girls that is just awesome.

i love the old girls, they sound... fantastic.

hey that b17 124485 isnt that "memphis belle" or did a few of them have those numbers?

funniest pic was the emergency exit thingy inside the plane ahahahahah!

[MAGPIE]

Originally Posted by aimzes

hey that b17 124485 isnt that "memphis belle" or did a few of them have those numbers?

Think you'll find it is a Memphis Belle Replica (B-17G 44-83546)

Flies as 124485, Memphis Belle

Memphis Belle is a B-17F

[deesun]

Great work as usual Timmeh. Love all the pics you post and the funnies . Can't imagine a pilot posting some of those pics,most likely he would be hiding in the coffee lounge talking FIGJAM : . Thanks.

[Gammaboy]

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot
dies."


In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed. "90 knots" Center replied. "Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same." "120 knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout.' There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison." "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause .... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.


In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.


There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."


"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"


The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

[aimzes]

Memphis Belle is a B-17F

s**t just noticed thats a g. lol. cheers for the info.

[Timmeh]

Originally Posted by Gammaboy

[
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft).

Not quite right, the correct term is FL600 if it was 60,000 feet.

Good stories, been around for ages and circulated many times but still good for a laugh, and thats what this thread is all about.

Also, good to see the popularity of the Memphis Belle - good pickups by both aimzes and MAGPIE.

Timmeh

[MO]

Originally Posted by Timmeh

Not quite right, the correct term is FL600 if it was 60,000 feet.

Good stories, been around for ages and circulated many times but still good for a laugh, and thats what this thread is all about.

Also, good to see the popularity of the Memphis Belle - good pickups by both aimzes and MAGPIE.

Timmeh

Knowing the yanks I believe the fl would be Angels xxxxx.

However it seems your a tragic Timmeh good luck to you.

[mad machs]

Even the RAF has its moments ;)

[EB_5.0_WAGON]

Originally Posted by Timmeh

the first pic would be like the guy thinking damn this isnt good
That second pic would have scared the hell out of me if it was me taking the pic...but that said its a very good pic

[Envious]

nudge, first pic is photochopped. :P

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.

That joke was hilarious...love it. Nice one timmeh