UPDATE:Need Advice!! Fiance may have been drugged

saber · 25-09-2006, 01:13 PM

Just a quick update.

Spoke with her friends who went with her on the night, her drink was left unattended for about 30s. In this time somebody slipped something into her drink (rihypnol, found in a blood test) but we dont know who. The guy she woke up with denies it, her other friends saw nothing, bar staff, security gaurds saw nothing, and the camera was not pointing in the direction she was at.

The police dont have enough evidence to charge anybody with drink spiking.

I am might ****ed off with her supposed friends who didn't take her home after she appeared drunk: bascally they had the "she'll be right" attitude. Not sure what i am going to do about the other dude. That *********g bastard knew she had a finace, but still took advantage of her. As for me, i feel like i have been cheated on, evan though she was in no state to control her actions.

Thanks for all the replies guys, hope this doesn't happen to you.

PS: The reason why i was not with her that night was i finished work at midnight (at safeway licquor!) and the bar they went to was about 80km away (she went down to the pensula to catch up with family and friends for the weekend)

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davro_xr6 · 25-09-2006, 01:29 PM

Dude, at the end of the day it backs your missus story up... And me personally, whilst I would be p*ssed off, hurt and feeling betrayed,it was by no direct action of hers that she ended up in the guys bed... It sounds to me like you love her and care about her, I mean why else would you be looking for support, answers and helping her - stick with her and be supportive and understanding of eachother's feeling on the situation... As much as you're gutted, she'll be hurting worse...
With her supposed friends, I would be asking her the question, if they were such good mates, why the hell would they leave you like that, and by the sounds of this sub human piece of excriment that took advantage of her, he ain't really a friend either if thats what he did in her state - my thinking is, it was him that spiked her drink...
Personally I would take a crow bar to his knees for taking advantage of her, I'd end up in prison for grievous assault with a weapon, but hey, no one would be touching my missus... I know the situation sux man, but if you love your girl, stick by her... She sounds like a good honest sort who cares about you and thats pretty rare in this day of age... All the best to you!!

RG · 25-09-2006, 01:57 PM

Mate you really can't be ****ed off with her, Rohypnol in her blood means that she wouldn't have known what was going on and couldn't have consented. As for her friends, they aren't friends so try to make sure she doesn't see them, you don't need people like that in your lives. Real friends would have gotten her home and not let her go off with said man (can't really call him that). As for this person who took complete advantage of her and that the Police can't do anything about...enjoy it.

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Outbackjack · 25-09-2006, 02:09 PM

As a father of a 16 year old daughter, reading this thread has made me realise how important it is to know who your loved ones are spending their time with.

There is some real vermon out there masquerading as men! :jab:

HLC · 25-09-2006, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

As a father of a 16 year old daughter, reading this thread has made me realise how important it is to know who your loved ones are spending their time with.

There is some real vermon out there masquerading as men! :jab:

dont worry, im a good guy.

:

AWD Chaser · 25-09-2006, 02:58 PM

As much as I would feel the same as being cheated on, put yourself in her shoes. She must feel a million times worse, as she has been raped... I think the more you support her, the closer you should feel to her....

saber · 25-09-2006, 03:11 PM

Evan though her friends are a*******s, they promise that she they saw her at all time (except when she went to the toilet). They all left together, and the nominated driver drove them to the house of the guy she woke up next to. From what he told me, he help his mate to the couch, where he subsequently slept for the rest of the night. He then found a bed and put my fiance in it. Finally, he had a quick chat to "the guy", said goodbye and left. that fa**ot then took advantage of her.

Yes EA2BA, proving drink spiking and rape is impossible, hence the reason why the issue will not go any further, but she was drugged, and 1 guy did sleep with her. He admits that.

XRQTR · 25-09-2006, 03:13 PM

The police may not be able to charge him on their own but she should be able to lay charges, I would be speaking to the Snr Sarge at the station, their may be other instances of this occuring but no one having come forward. I cannot believe that they would dismiss this with this kind of evidence, the blood test showed a controlled substance in her blood and she admits to waking next to someone in a state of complete undress, this alone would be enough to at the very least prompt the police to bring this guy in for questioning.

Failing this, and I am not joking, get on to any of the papers and put the story out their, don't mention names of people involved but do mention the club in which it happened. Actually come to think about it, you can mention his name so long as you don't make any accusations of any wrong doing, it really is a grey area but you should not have to worry about slander or false accusation charges being brought against you so long as you do not accuse the person of anything. Simply state that she woke up next to this person without any knowledge of how she came to be their, in this way you are as good as accusing him without actually saying it, but it's a good way to perhaps jog someone elses memory of a similar thing occuring to them. Some guys actually go for people they know as it is much easier to explain away how they ended up in the same bed, that plus the other person is sure not to tell anyone for fear of people assuming that she was a willing participant having known the person.

Does this guy live in the area?? If so then speak to the people at the bar or other locals about how often he goes their and how often he leaves with women and what state they might be in, no doubt more often intoxicated than not. If you can get this into the local paper, where it happened, you may find people willing to come forward, perhaps anonimously at first but this is better than not at all.

Good luck champ

EA2BA · 25-09-2006, 02:10 PM

I havent read the final results of everything in the other thread, but has it been proven 100% she was taken advantage of, despite the situation she woke up in, is it 100% proven something did happen other then the drugging?

saber · 25-09-2006, 02:31 PM

When you are drugged, lets say by rihypnol, you lose all ability to make a rational descision. This is the same if you drink enough alcohol. This is the reason why she (and you) have friends around you so that if you do lose the ability to make descision's for yourself they will make these descions for you with your safety 1st and foremost in there mind. I have no doublt the 2 friends she was out with didn't do that for her, hence she ended up in a situation which she had no control over, or no ability to say otherwise.

Also, when taking the samples, she was examined, and they found bruising around her vigina. Since myself and her haven't had sex since the incident and when she told me, it can only 1 of mean 2 things: 1) she had sex that night 2) The "friend" used objects ect on her. Kinda find #2 hard to believe: what young male would rather use object's on a girl rather than have his way with her???

merlin · 25-09-2006, 02:21 PM

I'd be speaking to a lawyer - I don't understnad how the police can say they can do nothing when the drug was found in her blood and she knows the identity of the man she woke up with. It dosnt matter if it can't be proved he put the drug there, the fact remains that he obviously undertook said activity without consent.

EA2BA · 25-09-2006, 02:44 PM

Oh i see, then sue the guy for rape, plain and simple. I dont see any other course of action, however proving it was him that and intercourse with her sounds like it will be hard as you have no proof, in reality it could have been anyone who had sex with her, and he just passed out naked beside her.

davro_xr6 · 25-09-2006, 03:29 PM

I reckon you go to the police and press charges. Taking it to the papers is another good idea too!! I'd be putting the squeeze on this piece of ***** from every angle. Failing that, I would be inclined to take a crow bar to his knees!! Its absolute C**TS like this that make it extremely hard for decent blokes!!

King Nothing · 25-09-2006, 03:46 PM

Reading this makes me feel ill and makes my blood boil at the same time. The thought of it happening to my girl, well, I cant bear to think of it. Just know that you have support with people you know and on this forum. Most importantly look after her, she needs it more than we can imagine.

As the for sack of ***** that did this, even if you dont have any legal/criminal angle to work with, go to the media. As its been said above, squeeze him for all he is worth (which aint much). Today Tonight, a current affair, the papers (especially ones like the daily telegraph, they love this stuff).

You could either do what XRQTR has said, name him without accusing him, and let the media and public opinion do the rest. These low life bastards need to be brought into the open and shown for what they are, worthless air theives. Plus the police and courts dont like to be criticised, especially after it has been acknowledged that this sort of stuff is a serious problem. Cant seem like they are dragging their feet, can they?

If it were me, a long, drawn out public shaming would be first on my list if no criminal charges can be made. If that didnt work, well, things that can not be said here would happen to him and his belongings :thebirds:

4.9 EF Futura · 25-09-2006, 03:48 PM

It would be interesting to know how the "friend" she woke up next to came to the conclusion that she had given consent. Positive drug test would certainly not sway in his favour.

But i know nothing of the legalities in this area, i'll refrain from offering advice on a specific course of action. Others should take care when making recommendations too - this is not trouble shooting a motor vehicle, this is an emotional topic that only trained professionals should be counselling.

Somehow i get the impression a trained counseller would not be recommending that some sort of media circuis take place and you tip off the local rag. Think about saber's fiance and her feelings before suggesting such nonsense guys. This isnt some petty little traffic accident where you're trying to ridicule someone publicly.

Actually that sort of advice verges on being completely irresponsible.

Saber, i hope you guys are able to move on - whatever happens in the meantime. I couldnt think of a more awful situatuation to find one's self in.

uranium_death · 25-09-2006, 03:52 PM

Not to be a *****, but I think that asking us for advice is kinda of pointless.

The best thing was to discuss it with your fiance and if she consented it, drive straight to the police station and ask them for advice/direction as they will know what to do far better than anybody here.

Woz · 25-09-2006, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uranium_death

Not to be a *****, but I think that asking us for advice is kinda of pointless.

The best thing was to discuss it with your fiance and if she consented it, drive straight to the police station and ask them for advice/direction as they will know what to do far better than anybody here.

Some of the people on these forums are, or have been, in the law and/or law enforcement industries. There's some very knowledgable people floating around these forums and there's no harm in asking for advice.

Saber, good luck with dealing with this situation. My fingers are crossed for you, buddy. Your fiancee and yourself are both victims in this and the best thing is for the both of you to help each other through this.

Quasi · 25-09-2006, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saber

That *********g bastard knew she had a finace, but still took advantage of her.

Having a fiance is beside the point really. He knew the state she was in and figured opportunity was knocking. Talk about a coincidence.....how lucky did this guy think he was, meeting up with a girl who had been drugged by a complete stranger......

Overall though your biggest concern should be how she is dealing with it. Your own feelings stem from a male ego thing. Be with her and let her know this changes nothing for you (that you love her and all that mushy stuff), she most likely feels violated.......after all this is still technically rape, and the ***** that she woke up with should be very nervous about a knock on the door.

GCFordChic · 25-09-2006, 04:10 PM

Just a thought...

The guy may be a victim to, drink spiking happens with men. He also could have gotten so drunk he doesnt have a clue what happened and the whole night could be a blurr. Guys getting totally 'tanked' do things they would rather forget because in the sober world the thought would never cross their mind. Im sure it has happened on a lesser scale with different circumstances involved, to some of the users on here.

There are two sides to every story. As stated when the other thread was closed, the best advice has been given. The best avenues have been utilised and the suggestions of criminal acts of revenge are not useful in this situation. The best option is to discuss these issues with your fiancee, work through them personally, decide between yourselves if you want to approach the other guy in a non threatening manner to get his side of the story, or if you want to work on your relationship and forget about him altogether.

Good Luck and Best Wishes are all you need.

Shonky · 25-09-2006, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GCFordChic

Just a thought...

The guy may be a victim to, drink spiking happens with men. He also could have gotten so drunk he doesnt have a clue what happened and the whole night could be a blurr.

Indeed - Men can be (and indeed are) drink spiked, however generally Rohypnol (aka: "the date rape drug") makes it's victims very lethargic and inable to walk.

If both were drugged then it is very unlikely that intercourse would be possible.

saber · 25-09-2006, 10:06 PM

We have seen a sexual assault councillor. The first session was really helpful, plenty of good advice given, got to air out our feelings, made her and myself feel a whole lot better.

We will be taking it easy for the next couple of days. May go to the Royal Melbourne show tomorrow or the zoo, give her a break. Failing that, let her loose in the shops (my credit card will hate her!!!!).

There will be a lot more talking, crying and tissues used, but we will get there. She knows that I am there for her.

The only advice I can give it that if your partner is going out, make sure he/she is with friends and only friends you trust. Know where they are heading, how they are getting home or where they will stay for the night. Most of all, emphasis safety, keep a lookout for each other, and enjoy the night.

PS: The word is getting around about this dude, justice will be served one way or another.
Thanks for all the advice guys,
Stay safe, Saber.

drcook · 25-09-2006, 10:10 PM

lets look at this theoretically.

say i was the person who woke up next to your fiance.
now, theortically i was also the person who either
a) gave her the drugs or
b) didnt give her anything but was aware that she was affected by drugs (alchohol or other) and that she was engaged but thought i would take advantage of the situation (and her).

now would i fall asleep next to her when whatever happened had finished, so she could wake up the next morning and identify me? no.

i would think that if this guy had sinister (or even criminal) intentions he would of taken advantage of her then left, or at least left where she was sleeping and slept in another room, and then deny all in the morning.

Im not saying he's innocent. i just dont understand him staying there.

you dont break into a house then wait there for the owners to come home and see you, you know what i mean?.

punktured · 25-09-2006, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drcook

you dont break into a house then wait there for the owners to come home and see you, you know what i mean?.

it was in the papers a week or two ago, guy broke into a store and fell asleep waiting for the pickup and got busted

glad to hear things are going alright now. i hope this guy gets everything he deserves!

T_Terror · 26-09-2006, 12:03 AM

Dont bother trying to use logic with how these people think.

You'd need to have more than a few screws loose to need to score (rape) a woman by drugging her into submission.

The dude's woman was passed out and this guy decides, "Hey what a great opportunity to have sex with her! Im sure she will consent (when she wakes up the next day?!?).
Those kinds of circumstances arent coincidental, the guy is guilty date rape and its bullshit that the cops cant do anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by drcook

lets look at this theoretically.

say i was the person who woke up next to your fiance.
now, theortically i was also the person who either
a) gave her the drugs or
b) didnt give her anything but was aware that she was affected by drugs (alchohol or other) and that she was engaged but thought i would take advantage of the situation (and her).

now would i fall asleep next to her when whatever happened had finished, so she could wake up the next morning and identify me? no.

i would think that if this guy had sinister (or even criminal) intentions he would of taken advantage of her then left, or at least left where she was sleeping and slept in another room, and then deny all in the morning.

Im not saying he's innocent. i just dont understand him staying there.

you dont break into a house then wait there for the owners to come home and see you, you know what i mean?.

Laminge · 25-09-2006, 04:24 PM

This thread is well on the way to being closed, regardless of my personal view of the subject matter at hand, this is a Ford Site, there are plenty of other forums to handle this discussion and offer advice.

Please dont jump to conclusions and offer support as needed.

EvilChief · 25-09-2006, 06:52 PM

I am feeling sick once again ... same thing happened to my missus a month ago and I very much know how you feel. I was quite angry, but I realised it wasnt her fault. I am still out to find the guy who did it to her thou ...

Bucknaked · 25-09-2006, 06:55 PM

Time to change your venue.

punktured · 25-09-2006, 09:23 PM

stuff like this really gets me ****ed off! just shows you have to protect yourself from supposed friends too! dont listen to ppl saying to bash him, the last thing you and your fiance need is you locked up and getting charged for assault. i can see how you would feel cheated on and i would imagine i'd feel the same too, but right now you have to put that aside and stand by your fiance cos no offence, i think she would be having a much harder time dealing with this then you

you said he admits to sleeping with her, she was drugged and proven there was intercourse, go to the cops and see if he can be charged for rape or talk to a lawyer and see where you stand

my thoughts go out to you and your fiance, i hope things work out for you 2 and this low life scum bag waste of air piece of **** gets what he deserves!

gtfpv · 25-09-2006, 10:38 PM

saber thanks for sharing that with us . just stick too counseling you and your girlfriend . they are the best ones to help you both deal with it . take it easy.

XR6TickfordBoy · 26-09-2006, 12:20 AM

That is shocking, If that happened to my girl and the guy admitted to me he slept with her, Im sorry but there's no excuse he knew she was taken and alcohol is no excuse, you must always live with the consequences of your actions, I would be more than happy to go to jail just to let him feel physical pain that would equal my emotional pain. You've really adressed this very maturely and good on you, personally I wouldn't have the will power someone would pay for such unacceptable behaviour and its obvious who would be first in line! I wish u all the best it sounds that u really love her and at the end of the day love conquers all!