Toast Of The Year....

[killerjoolz]

I know it maybe an oldie but god dam its a goody....lol

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the
rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the
night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in
church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he
fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to
make him come."

[Quasi]

Nice one Joolz.

[killerjoolz]

well,here's another one for ya's....

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre and the Amazing Claude
was topping the bill.

People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.As
Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,Unlike most
hypnotist who invite two or three people up here to be put into a
trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat.

"I want you each to keep your eye on this watch, ts a special watch Its
been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth,while quietly chanting
"Watch the watch, watch the watch....".

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.light
gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly, it
slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking
into a hundred pieces.

"$ hit........." said the hypnotist.....






It took three days to clean up the senior centre......