|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome to the Australian Ford Forums forum. You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and inserts advertising. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features without post based advertising banners. Registration is simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us. Please Note: All new registrations go through a manual approval queue to keep spammers out. This is checked twice each day so there will be a delay before your registration is activated. |
|
|||||||
| The Pub For General Automotive Related Talk |
 |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
|
28-11-2005, 10:40 AM
|
#1 | ||
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Hey guys my b.f was on a local holden fourm the other day and much to my suprise he come across this.. just cheak theses out so i thougt if we all put our heads to gether we could come up with a few of our own.. and get back as there so call holden drivers...
Want to laugh at Ford? Here are some Ford jokes, as if the car isn't a big enough joke in itself!! The Ford AU ute has cup and thermos holders built into the tailgate. So when you push the ute you can have a drink at the same time. Friends don't let friends drive Fords. If all the vehicles in New Zealand were 'Built Ford Tough', the shoulders of New Zealand's highways would be a much more crowded place. Have you driven over a Ford lately? Have you outdriven a Ford lately? This is Holden country and on quiet nights you can hear Fords rusting. I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford. I'd rather push a Holden than drive a Ford. Ford Escort me to a Holden dealer. Buy a Ford and you buy the 'best'. Drive a mile and walk the rest. Sometimes the best jokes are true. On May 12, Ford announced a recall on it's Expeditions and F-series trucks. Faulty lug nuts could cause the tyres to FALL OFF. It just keeps getting better. SPEED KILLS Drive a Ford and live forever. A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!" If you're baffled why Ford is actually competing in ATCC, don't be. They have teams of mechanics working around the clock for a week, just so they can run a race. Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust, If is wasn't for Ford our tools would be rust. Next time some Ford fanatic claims Ford means "First on race day" remind them that anything could be fast if a team of mechanics worked on it all week so it would last long enough to run a race before needing another weeks work. Have you ever seen a ford pick-up, they must of been out there for hours. Thanks to T. Pickering. Flawed Falcon Thanks to spitfire. Driving a ford is like the special olympics....even if you win your still a retard Thanks to S Quiritis The people who say they would rather push a Ford than drive a Holden usually do. That's not a leak, my Ford's just marking its territory! Ford...At least they circled the problem. Did you know that Ford has a new magnetised bumper? They needed something to pick up the parts that fell off along the way. God make s**t, Ford gave it wheels Thanks to Gordon Povey Did you know that 98% of all Fords ever built are still on the road? The other 2% made it home!! Thanks to Ted Church Sex is good, Sex is golden, Sex is done in the back of a Holden, if you dont like it or if you get bored, be a faggot and f**k in a ford. Thanks to Leanne Shaw who received it from Shayn Rencher FPV stands for en Povarse Vehicles Thanks to John & Helen Keep out motorways clear, beautiful and user friendly. So leave your Ford at home. Thanks to Lynda O'Dwyer A guy walks into a service station and says to the attendant "hey have you got a petrol cap for a ford" and the attendant says "yeah sure sounds like a fair swap" Thanks to jdc God created s**t and ford made it move Thanks to Stephen Boyd Q: How do you double the value of a Ford? A: Put gas in it. Q: How is a golf ball different from a Ford? A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards. Q: Why are there footpaths beside streets? A: So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home. Q: Why is New Zealand so far in debt? A: Jenny Shipley gets chauffered in a Ford. Q: How much wood could a Ford ute haul if a Ford ute could haul wood? A: As much as the Holden ute towing it. Q: Why are the new Ford Falcons more aerodynamic? A: So they will save the Holden petrol when the Holden tows them away. Q: How come Ford makes tractors and Holden doesn't? A: Holden can't get one to run that slow! Q: What does the GT stand for on a Ford? A: Glued together! Q: Why did Ford start putting magnetic bumpers on the back of Ford pick-ups? - A: So it would catch all the parts that fell off the guys Ford pick-up. Thanks to T, Pickering for this one. Q: How long does it take for a ford falcon to drive from Sydney to Melbourne? A: Depends on how fast the car carrier takes to get there! Thanks to RD & AV for this one. Q: What kind of car did Fred Flinstone drive? A: A ford of course, and it ain't much different now! Thanks to RD & AV for this one. Q: How long can a ford go for with out repairs? A: Depends if you can leave the ford dealer. Thanks to Christian Purkiss for this one. Q: Why does a ford and a tin can have in common? A: They both rust just as far. Thanks to Rebecca Nelson for this one. Q: What does BA stand for? A: Bad Automobile. Thanks to Warped_Youth for this one. Q: What does a ford and a tampon have in common? A: They both come with tow ropes. Thanks to Stephen Boyd for this one. If one or more of these is true, unfortunately, you are driving a Ford... You look in your rear-view mirror to see two people with their hands on your tailgate. You constantly receive sympathy cards from the Department of Transportation. When you are walking across the parking lot, you see a priest performing last rights on your car. While stopped at traffic lights, other motorists offer to help push to get you started again. You have preferred customer status at Repco Auto Parts. You have to stop along side the road at least once a day to pick up parts that have fallen off. You leave your keys in the ignition and a $20 bill on the dash for gas money in hopes that someone will steal your car. When you drive though town, people stop what they are doing and just start laughing. People try to hire you to bring your truck to their house to fog for mosquitos. In place of a spare tire, you find a pair of running shoes. F.O.R.D= first on rubbish dump Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy Fixed or repaired daily |
||
|
28-11-2005, 10:43 AM
|
#2 | ||
|
bring it on
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Praying....for you
Posts: 987
|
i guess it isn't any worse than what some of the Ford guys here say about Holden.
__________________
Here is the devil-and-all to pay. |
||
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:00 AM
|
#3 | ||
|
not here much anymore
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sthn NSW
Posts: 22,918
|
Oooo. Ouch, so very painful. Some fantastic intellect there, was it compiled in a Centrelink waiting line?
 :
__________________
2024 F150 XLT
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:02 AM
|
#4 | ||
|
The 'Stihl' Man
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: TAS
Posts: 27,591
|
tools....
__________________
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:04 AM
|
#5 | ||
|
meow
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Where the Pirates are.
Posts: 2,744
|
 90% of those jokes have just had the names swapped for Ford instead of Holden. Haha. Last edited by FordFan86; 28-11-2005 at 11:09 AM. |
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:13 AM
|
#6 | |||
|
Its yellow, NOT green!
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Hunter Valley
Posts: 1,219
|
Quote:
__________________
EL XR8 sedan - low & loud FG XR6 Turbo ute - Auto & Lux pack |
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:17 AM
|
#7 | |||
|
IWCMOGTVM Club Supporter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern Suburbs Melbourne
Posts: 17,799
|
Quote:
I've noticed lately that the Holden guys need to gang up like homeboys to try to make fun of someone that drives a Ford. Quite amusing. |
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:11 AM
|
#8 | ||
|
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern Sydney
Posts: 1,908
|
Haha, top stuff.
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:16 AM
|
#9 | ||
|
Regular Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 391
|
I couldnt care less about those, i mean ouch they really make me feel bad about driving a Ford...
Im more happy that about 6 of my mates are looking at buying a Ford after they have been Diehard Holden Fans since they were born...
__________________
AU Series 2 XR6 Redback Exhaust Sound system Coming Soon: Lowering |
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:19 AM
|
#10 | ||
|
meow
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Where the Pirates are.
Posts: 2,744
|
I don't mind them really. Some are quite original. Got my morning laugh.
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:19 AM
|
#11 | ||
|
SSuper SSpy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: WA
Posts: 607
|
i wanna know why it was ' much to your suprise' that your b/f came across ford bashing in a holden forum? I thought you would expect that from the socially/mentally challenged and die hard fans from both camps.
And hey, someone blew up my avatars donk! Nooooooooooooooooo! |
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:21 AM
|
#12 | ||
|
Windsor Man!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Not under the bonnet!
Posts: 2,048
|
I think there is a fair share of anti holden jokes. The thing is, they are just jokes. I certainly am not cut about it. I think its up to the person reading to decide whether they take it personally. Bring it on. I like a little competition.
__________________
Wife's car - BA XT Wagon - Lowm shiney wheels, dark tint, no bottom half of front bar, faded paint :/ My Car - 93 Diesel Lux - not as fast but more reliable than her falcon! |
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:24 AM
|
#13 | ||
|
Adapt or perish...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Dip!@#$
Posts: 7,954
|
I'm gonna play Nostradamus here.
I foresee a closure and banning of some sort.
__________________
Carless
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:40 AM
|
#14 | |||
|
Regular Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 330
|
Quote:
__________________
car that goes (just) <----- gonna be MENACE so :thebirds: |
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 12:48 PM
|
#15 | ||
|
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Posts: 3,926
|
lol some pretty funny jokes there.
But really it happens on both sides not just Holden guys giving Ford guys crap but Ford guys giving Holden guys crap aswell and yes ive seen it here a few times and ive been the victim on a couple of occasions. |
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 12:53 PM
|
#16 | |||
|
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,419
|
Quote:
__________________
405rwhp LS1, FG XR6T Ute manual, VE series 2 Omega LPG. |
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 12:54 PM
|
#17 | |||
|
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Posts: 3,926
|
Quote:
|
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:05 PM
|
#18 | |||
|
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Adelaide SA
Posts: 5,584
|
Quote:
I'd say noone is in a position to testify what you do or do not know, except for you and your therapist.
__________________
1965 XP Falcon Deluxe Sedan 1978 XC Falcon Wagon Rallypack 2003 BA Fairlane G220 Windsor Powah!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7hT9dxD2hM |
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:10 PM
|
#19 | |||
|
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,419
|
Quote:
 :
__________________
405rwhp LS1, FG XR6T Ute manual, VE series 2 Omega LPG. |
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:19 PM
|
#20 | ||
|
Regular Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 51
|
the great appeal in stuffing the wife's hk monaro with ford stuff. My whole motivation for this project comes from the local holden fanatics who spend more energy rubbishing fords than building their holdens, same as my mate, he has a tiny penis yet constantly rubbishes my taste in cars. Personally i like anything that is out of the norm'.
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:23 PM
|
#21 | ||
|
Regular Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 51
|
im a member of a couple of holden sites and other ford sites too . your (we're) all as bad as one another. just that the anti holden jokes are easier to relate to and so appear funnier to me.
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:29 PM
|
#22 | ||
|
Regular Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 368
|
The old Found On Rubbish Dumps is today First On Race Day. That's what matters..!!
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:41 PM
|
#23 | |||
|
Regular Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 51
|
Quote:
|
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:45 PM
|
#24 | ||
|
Has Blue Blood
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,551
|
alot of those were made up by troubled primary school children I think ! Most are just stupid ! Some were funny , and the rest just have Ford inserted instead of holden
__________________
Real cars dont wear bowties I'm not arrogent , Just superior
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 09:55 PM
|
#25 | ||
|
XF 393 3v CHI heads
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 1,437
|
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 10:09 PM
|
#26 | ||
|
Blueprint of Perfection
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: AT YOUR LOCAL SERVICE STATION
Posts: 1,414
|
Holes Oil Leaks and Dangerous Engine Noises !!!!! More the truth than a joke...... I see it every day at work..... No more needed to be said.
__________________
HIS 426 RWHP / 1100 NM OF TORQUE 393 CLEVELAND AFD 2V CYLINDER HEADS 1974 XB COUPE NO TRACTION AT EASTERN CREEK HERS BOSS 260 03 XR8 SEDAN COLD AIR INTAKE BY PERFORMER SHAKERS FULL X-FORCE QUAD TIPPED EXHAUST SYSTEM |
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 11:40 PM
|
#27 | ||
|
Force Fed Fords
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Victoria
Posts: 5,556
|
The two biggest Holden jokes are the 4 cyclinder Comedydore and the Camira!!
Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now  :
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 01:49 PM
|
#28 | ||
|
Has Blue Blood
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,551
|
And puuuuuurnlazer, the reason why so many holden drivers pick on ford drivers is because we are tough enough to take it , which is why there are so many of them ! And besides , why was your boy freind hanging out with homosexuals in the first place ? :evil_laug
__________________
Real cars dont wear bowties I'm not arrogent , Just superior
|
||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 02:07 PM
|
#29 | |||
|
Cuban... nothing like it
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Watching in amusement
Posts: 11,643
|
If anyone changes those to tea pots your banned! :P
__________________
Quote:
|
|||
|
|
|
28-11-2005, 03:11 PM
|
#30 | ||
|
Supercharged Mang-mobile
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Behind the wheel
Posts: 1,792
|
heres one that heard awhile back that i found half decent, " whats one extra feature commodores have over falcons? an extra dipstick in the drivers seat"
__________________
09/00 VX HSV XU6 Build #0001 of 0171 http://fordforums.com.au/showthread....09#post5571209 -- Best E/T: |14.982 @92.12mph | R/T:0.013 | 60' 2.213| 330: 6.283 | 1/8: 9.624 @ 73.17mph | 1000: 12.529 | 25Deg, N/A Hum, 1010mb | Willowbank Raceway 7/12/16 Tickford EL Falcon XR6 RIP  -- Factory Manual -- Best E/T: |14.991 @ 92.71mph | R/T: 0.607 | 60': 2.215 | 660': 9.665 |13Deg, 86%H, 1024mb, 184RA @ Willowbank Raceway |
||
|
|
y do holden drivers pick on ford drivers
Hybrid Mode