20 Ways to deal with telemarketers when they call:

[csv8]

20 Ways to deal with telemarketers when they call:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just
died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where
it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work
there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many
kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer:
"Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company."
You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you
wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror
as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over.
Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even
as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until
they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends
Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any
friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond:
"Can you get out blood?
Can you get out goat blood?
How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to
marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they
can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone.
As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down,
scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if
he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her
back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out
their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at
home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang
up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put
them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if
they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you.
But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . .
. louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word
down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on
telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.

[2fishingdogs]

Love No.4 I hope to try it soon :

[GRNKPR]

pi22er !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FRDGAL]

Gold!

[SPK-250]

The other day i had some asian lady ring me froma telemarketing mob telling me my number had been chosen for blah blah blah!

I pretended i could not hear anyone by repeating "hello, hello" over and over.

She persisted in telling the gig but i kept at the hello's for a while until she hung up!

"GREAT SUCCESS" :the_finge

[4.9 EF Futura]

#12 should really cite Jerry Seinfeld... word for word!

[K_Man]

If a telemarketer rings up and says 'hi, could i please speak to (eg.) Mr. Jones?' just tell them that the person they are asking for passed away very recently. It's a ****er and works a treat, the telemarketers get so flustered and apologetic, just be careful you don't use it on a bank or something important.

[uranium_death]

I just hang up.
If they call again, I hang up again.

Yeah, they're a stupid mob, but they eventually get it after the 5th try.

[ThoR_]

When the middle east ones call i ask them for curry recipies

[Hardtopxb]

Originally Posted by ThoR_

When the middle east ones call i ask them for curry recipies

OH Dearie dearie me, this not what I am on this phone for, please be civil..

[mrnsx]

Originally Posted by ThoR_

When the middle east ones call i ask them for curry recipies

india isnt in the middle east lol...

[belz82]

well, i was at my parents place one night (back in the day when i lived at home), and over my music i could hear my dad absolutely keeling over with laughter. upon further inspection the story went like this:
" a telemarketer just rang up..."
"yes," i say
"well, they asked if they could speak to the homeowner"
"and..."
"well, i told them they couldn't, because i was a robber, and was doing the house over, but that this phone has caller ID, and if you call the cops, i'll come and kill you"

needless to say, we were waiting for a knock on the door all night....

[Rollin]

I've always wanted to try #4 and/or #17, but nobody has rung me for ages :(

The last one I got was at 730am on a sunday, so I wasn't happy at all. Some Indian guy saying he had my wife on the other line and he needed to confirm my bank details.

I am not married, and never have been...

I kept telling him this, and he kept insisting, so I hung up. He rang back about 5 mins later and sounded a bit put off because I had hung up on him. I was like "DUDE! I AM NOT MARRIED. I NEVER HAVE BEEN. I DO NOT HAVE A WIFE. I CAN NOT HELP YOU. GOODBYE!"

And hung up for the second time. He got the message. Next caller gets the "what you wearing?/I'm not wearing anything treatment

belz - OMFG!!! That is awesome!

[savagE]

I feel for telemarketers, **** job. Customer service times 3.

[webby_191189]

You forgot the one where you find out what company and how they got your number and if they call again you are going to take legal action against there company. They havnt called for quite a while now lol

[XR6TickfordBoy]

Whenever they ask for the homwoner I tell them their not here and then they always turn on you so I just say im 16 and telemarketers can't sell to people under 18 so they just say "bye" and hang up anyway!

[Cruise]

when they ask for me by my surname i just say who do you want? me or my father? They usually just hang up

[adamcortina]

Never tried it but.
Get one of those emergency alarms you have on your keychain like grannies have for around $12.

Go along with it and act really interested ,speak quietly so they turn their headsets up and Blast them.

Not sure how loud it would be.

[RSgerry]

I have done number 4 a couple of times and it is great. They usually pause for a second and then get back into their script. Then I tell them that I am wearing my wifes ndeis and they go to pieces. I had one chap say to me that he was just trying to sell me a telephone and what I do in my own time is my business. Sadly, I dont get many calls any more.

[Ives]

But 99% of them are reading a script after they say "hello..."

[jonk]

"Get one of those emergency alarms you have on your keychain like grannies have for around $12."

Thats the most common thing they get btw, and it's illegal because people have been sued here and in the US for it and, most now have machines that block this type of noise out.

[sgt_doofey]

Don't know if you all know this, but the Australian "Do Not Call" register came in to effect today.

https://www.donotcall.gov.au/

Although I am having trouble accessing the website. Must be getting hammered by people trying to register.

[superroo]

Well what i do is when they call, they usually ask for someone, eg. homeowner ect. I just say hang i'll just go get them, put the phone down on the bench and walk off on it. then come back in 5 min and hang up.

cheers

[ebxr8240]

My son gives them heaps.. When they ask for Graeme he says No he's been grounded...

[photn]

i just go to the computer and click play on the Audio file i have of scarface, play it though out the speakers and just leave the phone. there....

wither scarface or some movie i have with a lady being shot and screaming or dying or what not......

some thing like that..

HAHAHAH i played southpark once when they where abusing eachother hahahaha. was funny....

[sgt_doofey]

The only one's I seem to get are ones on my mobile phone from people selling some sort of investment scheme. Stupid thing is that I work for a Financial Services company and can get that advice for free by talking to my work colleagues. I just interrupt them and say that, and they say, "Oh... OK... Well... Bye then."
Only got one at home once from Optus trying to sell me some deal. I had to say that I could beat it as I use VoIP and it's much cheaper for phone calls to anywhere in Australia. He then asked me about how much line rental I was paying, and because I am on the Telstra Homeline Budget plan, no provider can beat that rate and provide the same call costs that VoIP offers. He hung up pretty quickly too.

[Bill_R]

Well, I was going to sign up for the register tonight but I couldn't. then I had a telemarket call doing a road safety and car survey. I talked to the girl for ages about everything from music to cars to politics ...
Damn she was nice. I was going to do the "what are you wearing" bit but .... ;)

She has my number. well, probably not.

[schnoods]

I like the threats better.

Ring this number and I'll ring your neck!

Or i ask to put them on hold and then walk way while the phone is on the bench.

[Falchoon]

The Do Not Call Register still allows charities and marketing people to call you so it's as good as useless. I just hang up on the telemarketers, don't bother listening to whatever crap they are trying to sell me. Can't understand the foreign callers anyway. Don't have any foreign friends or relatives so have no need to talk to these people, even if I could understand them.

[woodsy109]

Usually there is a pause of about 3-4 seconds before they even say anything if they are calling from overseas. I've usually hung up by then.