Best Excuse For Avoiding A Speeding Ticket Goes Too...

[csv8]

First Prize :
"I am a funeral director, the law does not bother a hearse on the highway at any speed. But this one time I had a time to be at an out of town crematory, and I was in a van, taking an unembalmed body to be cremated and he got me at 90 mph on the Interstate, when he stopped me and asked what was my hurry, I said, 'Brother, I have to be at a crematory in an hour or I'll miss my appointment time and they will be closing for the weekend.' He said, 'So ...' I said, 'Take a whiff in the back, he stuck he head in the side window and jerked it back out and said sir hurry along and be careful.'"
Second Prize :
"I was driving along one day minding what I thought was my own business, and kind of daydreaming. I must have gone a little faster than I should have and was pulled over and stopped by a state police officer. My husband is a former police officer and told me how he always let someone go if they could tell him a reason for speeding that he hadn't heard before. I knew I had to think quickly because he was now approaching my door. He advised me that the reason he was stopping me was I had exceeded the posted limit by 15 miles over. I looked him in the eye and asked him sternly "Do you have any idea what I did to the last cop who stopped me for speeding?" He looked a little shocked and began feeling more cautious. I said, "I married him." I believe he is still laughing, he just walked away and said slow down, have a nice day. I was so pleased that for once my husband told me something that would really work."
Third Prize :

"Vehicle pulled over for speeding at approximately 04:00. When approaching the vehicle the driver asked me if I knew Officer Westberg. I told him I did. He then went on to tell me how he was Officer Westberg's buddy, and he (Westberg) wouldn't be happy knowing I was giving one of his friends a ticket. I asked him how well he knew Westberg. He said that they have been close friends for years, and even showed me Westberg's business card. I told the driver to wait in his car, and I would check to make sure his license was valid. It was, so I wrote him the ticket for speed. When I gave him the ticket, he asked me why I didn't let him off with a warning, since he was Westberg's friend. I told him Westberg doesn't have any friends and that he should look at the name of the officer on the ticket. There neatly printed was WESTBERG. The driver stared at the officer's name on the ticket for probably 15 seconds, then looked at my nametag, and saw it spelled out Officer Westberg. He told me that a buddy of his always dropped officer's names, and since he had received my business card in the past during some type of event, he thought it was worth a try. He paid the ticket."

[Twisted]

The last one is gold ;)

[Boss 260 Ute]

Aha excellent!

[poolkeeper]

I have a stupid one for p platers, "how can I be speeding its a na 6"

[Blue Oval Mopar Man]

I was speeding to get away from you , because my Ex run off with a copper and I thought you may have been trying to return her !!!!!!!!!!! :

[XR8putts]

*I'm not female*

"Officer, errr, ummmm it's that time of the month and I'm rushing home to get a pad..."

Many girls use that, worked for my ex. If I were a cop I'd run a mile too.

[kyro_02]

"My right leg got a cramp"

[MotherNatureVer2]

My eldests best mate's father (Bloke in his late 30's) used a classic line to get out of a ticket for placing his foot a little hard on the pedal on wet road causing the wheels to screech a little .....

Copper pulled him over & asked why he shouldnt give him a ticket .......his reply ....

"Because I will have to pay for more rubber now ....... "

Copper peed himself laughing and walked away ..........

Now this was a few years ago & now with the anti hoon laws I wouldnt be game to try it :P

[onemanempire]

Seems like this thread needs a little CPR..

Cop says "what's your reason for speeding?"
I say "hang on a tic reaching for my book of 1001 reasons for speeding".




I was just keeping the 2 second buffer time between me and the car behind
me". "There was no one behind you..." "Good job, huh?"


I was trying to catch up to the guy in front of me so that I could read his
license plate because he threw a beer bottle at my car.

[Jastel]

Cop - I've been waiting all day for you, you were doing 100MPH!

Driver - Well I got here as fast as I could!

[rare ss]

I got pulled up while happily ducking via the back streets home one sunny lunch time after knocking off work early, coppers pulled me up for going a little quick

Pulled out the busting for the toilet excuse and it actually worked, jumped back in the car and left not realising that we were parked out the front of the local cemetery with public toilets clearly in view of where we were both parked

not so long ago I flew past a marked cop car on a highway entry going well over, old mate pulls me up and I figured the car was going into impound until he introduced himself as a Snr Sargent from another station and let us off with a warning, obviously wasn't in the mood for paperwork that morning!

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi Guys,
Many moons ago in 2005 i had a CL valiant Charger and because it had a carby and needed a run now and then i gave it a blast on the M5 late at night.

I got pulled over by the Highway Patrol and the first thing the cop said was " who do you think you are Allan Moffat"?
I replied Allan Moffat drove a Ford GTHO and this is a Valian Charger.

Whats your excuse? well officer i said its an old car i dont use it much and if it doesnt get a good run its a real bitch to drive.
He then said " i will let you off this time so take it easy".

Next day i went and brought a Lottery ticket the next day.

[Mulva]

Not speeding but some quick thinking (and luck) got me out of trouble few years back.

At dusk, I see a mobile speed camera on opposite side of the road (they are unmarked in SA), so I flashed my lights to warn the cluster of 3 oncoming cars going in opposite direction.

One of those cars turned out to be an unmarked cop, who turned around and pulled me over. Asked why I flashed highbeam, I told him the first car that was in front of him had their high-beam on and so I was just trying to let them know as they were blinding oncoming traffic.

Not sure he believed me but he let me go without fine.

He'd seen the speed van, pretty sure he knew I was full of shit.