How to Shower........

[Night Runner]

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How to shower like a Woman

1# Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2# Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.
3# Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4# Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5# Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6# Wash your hair again with aloe vera shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7# Condition your hair with cucumber and aloe vera conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8# Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
9# Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10# Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11# Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12# Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband washes beer handle in kitchen sink and you lose the water pressure and temperature.
13# Turn off shower.
14# Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with jiff.
15# Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16# Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17# Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18# If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.


How to shower like a Man

1# Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2# Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her your tackle making the "woo" sound.
3# Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4# Get in shower.
5# Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6# Wash your face.
7# Wash your armpits.
8# Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9# Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10# Wash your ar$e, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11# Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12# Make shampoo Mohawk on top of your head.
13# Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14# Pee (in the shower).
15# Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out the tub the whole time.
16# Partially dry off.
17# Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire dick size.
18# Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19# Leave bathroom and fan light on.
20# Return to the bedroom with towl around your waist.
If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off towel, grab your d!ck, go "yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21# Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed...........Out for a drive in the Ford!!