Excerpts from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2005 (funny)

[loxxr6]

From an email I received -

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
- Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms


Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
- Jimmy Carr




My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most
of our family holidays in Customs.
- Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon



My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I
was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me
to sleep at night.
- Susan Murray at the Underbelly


Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind
people were given pointed sticks?
- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance



You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening..
Self-raising?"
- Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms


I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
- Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron


I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the
Girl out of Cork...
- Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco


Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
- Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance


Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time.
- Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms



I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've
already got one!"
- Norman Lovett at The Stand


It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
- Chris Addison at the Pleasance


I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not
very good at it.
- Arnold Brown at The Stand


If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
- Milton Jones at the Underbelly.