What jokes do you know?

[Burnout]

These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
little proofreading would provide.

* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.

* Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
includes meals."

* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

* Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring
your
own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon
tonight:"Searching for Jesus"

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help
they can get.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing "Break Forth into Joy."

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.

* Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
green
beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person(s) you want remembered.

* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment,
and
gracious hostility.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
morning.

* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.