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Welcome to the Australian Ford Forums forum. You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and inserts advertising. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features without post based advertising banners. Registration is simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us. Please Note: All new registrations go through a manual approval queue to keep spammers out. This is checked twice each day so there will be a delay before your registration is activated. |
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| The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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26-01-2007, 01:28 AM
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- V8 ENTHUSIAST -
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Wellington, NZ
Posts: 538
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 : How to shower like a Woman 1# Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2# Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. 3# Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. 4# Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 5# Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 6# Wash your hair again with aloe vera shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 7# Condition your hair with cucumber and aloe vera conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8# Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. 9# Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10# Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off). 11# Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. 12# Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband washes beer handle in kitchen sink and you lose the water pressure and temperature. 13# Turn off shower. 14# Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with jiff. 15# Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. 16# Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found. 17# Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 18# If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. How to shower like a Man 1# Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor. 2# Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her your tackle making the "woo" sound. 3# Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff. 4# Get in shower. 5# Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). 6# Wash your face. 7# Wash your armpits. 8# Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. 9# Wash your privates and surrounding area. 10# Wash your ar$e, leaving hair on the soap bar. 11# Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). 12# Make shampoo Mohawk on top of your head. 13# Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. 14# Pee (in the shower). 15# Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out the tub the whole time. 16# Partially dry off. 17# Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire dick size. 18# Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. 19# Leave bathroom and fan light on. 20# Return to the bedroom with towl around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off towel, grab your d!ck, go "yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her. 21# Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed...........Out for a drive in the Ford!!
__________________
Vehicles: 4 V8s & 1 V10 |
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26-01-2007, 10:07 AM
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STR8 6
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Moorebank, NSW
Posts: 132
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hahaha.......now thats funny!
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26-01-2007, 10:47 AM
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FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: onyourmum
Posts: 903
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: thats gold.
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26-01-2007, 11:54 AM
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.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Bundoora
Posts: 7,199
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Seen it before a few times, but it's just as funny every time...probably because most blokes can relate to it!
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26-01-2007, 11:56 AM
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Nikon
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Wollongong
Posts: 1,875
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That priceless
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26-01-2007, 12:30 PM
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#6 | ||
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Regular Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Posts: 352
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Theres nothing like turkey slapping the glass when the wife walks past, although I'd hate to see it break!!!!!
__________________
Current: 2016 Camry 1966 Mustang Coupe Previous: 2011 SZ Territory Titanium 2008 Ford Edge AWD Limited Silhouette BF XR6, ZF Auto White EF GLi, XR look alike VH Commodore |
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26-01-2007, 01:06 PM
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#7 | |||
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Donating Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 4,064
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Still makes me laugh every time I read it.
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02 BA XR6 T U R B O Venom Red, Auto 13.97 @ 101mph Quote:
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26-01-2007, 01:14 PM
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windsor user
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Geelong
Posts: 13,123
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thats gold......
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26-01-2007, 01:46 PM
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#9 | ||
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eskyman
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: adelaide
Posts: 874
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hahaha classic
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who says kents cant be quick |
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26-01-2007, 02:26 PM
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#10 | ||
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With da Warlords
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Orange NSW
Posts: 1,781
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lmfao, thats classic
__________________
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Windsor Warlords AU III XR-8220  300+ rwhp of Manual fun XR50T Ute - 300rwkw (give or take depending on the day)
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26-01-2007, 02:36 PM
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#11 | ||
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Regular Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 206
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Oldie but a classic. Still makes me laugh everytime I read it. Should be a sticky.
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26-01-2007, 07:56 PM
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#12 | ||
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FOXWHO
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Kalgoorlie
Posts: 1,209
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yep, that's gold...
laughed VERY hard, still laughing now... |
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26-01-2007, 08:05 PM
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#13 | |||
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FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Some say.......
Posts: 3,830
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hahahaha, now even i enjoyed that one! Now my ribs hurt!!
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Quote:
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26-01-2007, 08:34 PM
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#14 | |||
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Force Fed Fords
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Enroute
Posts: 4,050
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bastard, I've been laughing so hard my gut hurts.
Well done.
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If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power an ants go-cart a half a lap around a Cheerio - Ron Shirley Quote:
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26-01-2007, 10:46 PM
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#15 | ||
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: IN A 5.0
Posts: 281
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That is fantastic thanks for that i to have a sore gut
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27-01-2007, 01:12 AM
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#16 | ||
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Boost Addict
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: North Brisbane
Posts: 1,151
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what happens when u shower with the missus?
somebody should write and instruction manual about that :p
__________________
N12 Pulsar - sold Gen1 Liberty Turbo - sold VP Commodore Turbo - sold LN65 Hilux Turbo - sold EL31 Corolla Turbo - sold Ford AU Ute Turbo - sold Ford AU XR8 Sedan - 5.4l V8 Turbo (in the build) Ford BA XR6T Ute - daily driver Ford FG XR6T Sedan - cruiser do you see a general trend? I DO  Can't live with it, can't live without it! |
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27-01-2007, 01:40 AM
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#17 | |||
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.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Bundoora
Posts: 7,199
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Quote:
2. Female rejects advances by male 3. Partners enter shower 4. Female rejects advances by male 5. Female washes 6. Female rejects advances by male 7. Males gets hit very hard 8. Male left to shower on one's own |
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27-01-2007, 02:25 AM
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#18 | |||
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Boost Addict
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: North Brisbane
Posts: 1,151
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Quote:
lol, i feel sorry for you if that is ur manual :nutsycuck
__________________
N12 Pulsar - sold Gen1 Liberty Turbo - sold VP Commodore Turbo - sold LN65 Hilux Turbo - sold EL31 Corolla Turbo - sold Ford AU Ute Turbo - sold Ford AU XR8 Sedan - 5.4l V8 Turbo (in the build) Ford BA XR6T Ute - daily driver Ford FG XR6T Sedan - cruiser do you see a general trend? I DO Can't live with it, can't live without it! |
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27-01-2007, 05:18 PM
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#19 | |||
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FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,463
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Quote:
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27-01-2007, 08:22 PM
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#20 | ||
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The Vengeful One
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Tazzy
Posts: 12,765
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Thats scarily true!
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27-01-2007, 09:00 PM
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#21 | |||
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Former BTIKD
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunny Downtown Wagga Wagga. NSW.
Posts: 53,197
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Quote:
__________________
Dying at your job is natures way of saying that you're in the wrong line of work.
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27-01-2007, 09:23 PM
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#22 | |||
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Starter Motor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Bondi Beach (but an Emu Plains boy at heart)
Posts: 9
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Quote:
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27-01-2007, 09:47 PM
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#23 | |||
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Boost Addict
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: North Brisbane
Posts: 1,151
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Quote:
__________________
N12 Pulsar - sold Gen1 Liberty Turbo - sold VP Commodore Turbo - sold LN65 Hilux Turbo - sold EL31 Corolla Turbo - sold Ford AU Ute Turbo - sold Ford AU XR8 Sedan - 5.4l V8 Turbo (in the build) Ford BA XR6T Ute - daily driver Ford FG XR6T Sedan - cruiser do you see a general trend? I DO Can't live with it, can't live without it! |
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27-01-2007, 11:58 PM
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#24 | ||
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Banned
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 436
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Sooooooooooooo stolen and old.
I'll say haha for the first time i read it. Was in stitches. |
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28-01-2007, 12:25 AM
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#25 | ||
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FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 517
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hahah nice work
__________________
EA Series 2 now with fast parts added... Stage 1: Buy car. with money. Stage 2: Put in Wade Custom Cam, Crow Double Valve springs, High Flow Head, 3.23 LSD, 2.5" mandrell bent with Mercury muffler and custom made CAT, iridium plugs, nolothane bushes, Koni suspension, CAI.. NOW WITH MPFI....OHHH YEAHHH!! Stage 3: More engine mods.. and a fresh new look... can't wait.. :eclipsee_  : :Reverend:15.43 @ 89 mph - Willowbank Raceway 07/03/2007
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28-01-2007, 12:33 AM
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#26 | ||
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2003 BA XR8
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sydney
Posts: 224
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Like any good piece of humour, it's good... because it's TRUE
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28-01-2007, 01:23 PM
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#27 | |||
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Former BTIKD
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunny Downtown Wagga Wagga. NSW.
Posts: 53,197
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Quote:
And be nice or we wont let you win anymore Cricket matches!  :
__________________
Dying at your job is natures way of saying that you're in the wrong line of work.
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28-01-2007, 01:59 PM
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#28 | ||
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What's green is gold
![[Tonko]'s Avatar](image.php?s=210ef267725173b2b9153baa17e41654&u=14157&dateline=1232530551)
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Shepparton
Posts: 3,079
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Funny stuff, first time i have seen it.
__________________
EF XR8 - Koni's - Cam and Headwork -3.9s - Ex VIC TMU - 1982 Nissan Patrol - 460 ci Big Block soon - Semi Gloss Black - Dark Tint - 4x 6" Infinity Kappa Perfect Splits - 5" Kappa 2 ways - Kappa 6x9's - 2x12" Kappa perfect subs - 2x4 Channel and 2x Mono Kappa amps- |
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How to Shower........
Linear Mode
