Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by Charliewool

An obsession called... WORK!
I devoted way WAY too much time to starting up and running a business.
Thinking back, this “obsession” was probably at it’s peak during the early years of my kids growing up!
There’s no doubt my ex virtually raised our 2 almost as a single parent...
Any devotion to family time was almost nonexistent on my part.
I also lost my Dad in 1999, when my kids were little. This had a pretty profound effect on me, thinking back.
I retreated into myself for a long time, with communication between us probably at a minimum! No idea why I couldn’t open up to her?
I also took on a few overseas projects that sometimes resulted in me being away months at a time.
Great “earners”, and upgraded the family home, and bought us both new vehicles.
Unfortunately material things do NOT make the relationship!
I think I treated our marriage more like a business partnership, with me bringing in the bucks and expecting her to raise the kids, look after the household etc?
The breakdown WAS a great learning curve for me though?
I think I’m a better person for it... I’m a lot more tolerant, I am a hell of a lot more aware of my partners feelings... And I learnt that ALL else is secondary to immediate family (especially work!)

Yeap, the modern catch 22.

I have recently taken a small side ways step to allow my wife to concentrate on her work. Im still away from home 12 hours of the day, dont see the kids in the morning but atleast I am home every night.

4 years prior I worked DIDO, away Monday-Friday and missed alot. Its been an adjustment coming home for everyone but I feel that if I didnt do it now it would be too late. No point having kids if you dont see them.

Its a choice you have to make, kids when they are young need bulk $$ so as a parent you chase the best buck you can get. Our society is so gear for materialistic assets, housing is not cheap, childcare is rooted (finally out of that after putting 4 kids through it) and the list goes on.

But we as society have created this monster, I honestly think we need to start pulling back but you need EVERYONE to do the same.

There is a small movement for a 4 day working week, I think that would make a small difference. Or..depending on your role, working some hours that suit the school times better.

The failing of our extended families also puts strain on raising kids, only in the last 2 years I have had one grandparent around which has allowed us to make 2 careers work. Otherwise no chance, it would be before & after school care etc.

I dont have the answers, but we have gone way to hard on working like slaves just to house and educate the kids. Two massively important factors in building a better society...but it aint easy.

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by zilo

Nope.. strongly disagree..

I voted a very loud NO in the homosexual marriage postal vote.

(and proud of it)

Good for you.

That's how democracies work and you obviously do not know any same sex couples with kids.

[ford71V8]

Originally Posted by Polyal

Unfortunately there are a lot of factors in the modern world that have impacted the family unit, not for the better

Facebook, online video games.


There is a clear line pre- and post- these things.
IMO Life was far better without them.
I was going to include all forms of social media but I see benefits there, benefits I do not see with FB and Fortnite.

[Franco Cozzo]

Video games aren't that bad for society

Keeps little ****s off the streets being pests and graffiti down to a minimum.

[zilo]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

Good for you.

That's how democracies work and you obviously do not know any same sex couples with kids.

You're right and I don't want to.

Lived in a gay share house for 12 months when at uni and know all about it....(without any hands on)...heard all the arguments over and over.

Don't want any social interaction with dysfunctional 3 parent families.

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by ford71V8

Facebook, online video games.


There is a clear line pre- and post- these things.
IMO Life was far better without them.
I was going to include all forms of social media but I see benefits there, benefits I do not see with FB and Fortnite.

Like everything it can be managed, but its hard as all parents have different rules and next thing you know your the worst parent on earth if they dont get to play for the week. Just have to be strong.

I dont see the difference in playing a video game to watching TV as long as they game is age appropriate.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by Polyal

Like everything it can be managed, but its hard as all parents have different rules and next thing you know your the worst parent on earth if they dont get to play for the week. Just have to be strong.

I dont see the difference in playing a video game to watching TV as long as they game is age appropriate.

Like everything though, games and tv in moderation. Its when it consumes your life you need to really ask questions.

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Video games aren't that bad for society

Keeps little ****s off the streets being pests and graffiti down to a minimum.

Agreed, but, we do blame kids these days for being cottonwooled...so kids being outside or on the street actually gives them skills.

Whether they use their powers for good or evil is another thing, Im sure we all got up to mischief and learnt lessons from it...what happens with kids now? They get run over at a zebra crossing because they are on their phone.

Anyway, I am happily married even though you have your ups and downs. Been so for 12 years (crap, literally just remembered its our anniversary next month!). My eldest is also 12 this year, one day the penny will drop that those two events coincide..

[guzzis3]

Originally Posted by leesa

What do you suggest that would fix the issues in the marriage instead?

https://divorcedmoms.com/sudden-divo...ed-by-divorce/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/b...-wife-syndrome

Gee hasn't this run on. You log off for five minutes...

I probably need to take a few steps back and explain some stuff since this has broadened to teh whole spectrum of male-female relationships psyche the universe and everything.

It has always been the case that I've had more female friends than male. I used to say that most of my friends have always been female but then it occurred to me that that implies something else, which I have no problem with but it's not what I'm trying to say...

Anyway I LOVE women and have never seen them just as sex objects and domestic slaves, but I don't love ALL women. No matter how to divide people into a study group you will always find a percentage that need to be removed from society, some who are more work than they are worth and people you will go out of your way to keep company with.

The problem with relationships is not the sex organs of the people involved, it strapping 2 individuals together. Homosexual couples have all the same problems heterosexual couples do.

The first mistake people make is getting together because they want to have sex. From what I've seen this is the beginning of most relationships. The trouble is the novelty makes people ignore teh details of the other's personality. After typically 2 - 3 years they start really noticing the person who lives inside that body and you probably have a 50/50 chance of liking them. During that time you may have attached yourselves by home, money even marriage. Unwinding that is messy but you are adults right ? You brought this on yourselves and you need to deal with it. The first big problem is kids. You don't have the right to damage them. Unfortunately all too often they become casualties and even pawns in the war.

If both spouses are reasonable people there is no problem. The problem is sometimes one or both are not reasonable people. These are the cases I was referring to.

The reasons I get annoyed about marriage and what the government defines as relationship obligations are 2:

1. In formal marriage in particular 1 or more spouses enter into the arrangement on the assumption it is for life and that both spouses have certain stated obligations. I am an atheist, just saying, but all churches go to some lengths to educate people going in on what to expect and make courses available (I've attended same) to get a marriage back on track. They also offer one on one counselling. The vows are not accidental. They are carefully contrived. The until death do us part bit is specifically there so you understand you are offering up your life to be bound to that other person.

Why ? Well until a few generations ago marriage wasn't about romance. It was a mechanism for 2 people to team up to take on life together. It was also to get more babies in the church but lets leave that aside for the moment. It was really after WW2 as material wealth grew in the middle and working class that both male and female expectations grew. Before that everyone was just too damn busy to think about romance, quality time project cars and shoe collections. Men were trained from birth to treat women a certain way and if you came through she got the clue she was valued and loved and everyone was happy.

Not really. My great grandfather tried to put an axe through my GGM's head when he discovered she'd had an affair...mind that was after WW1 and they all came back pretty broken after that.

The reason I believe easy divorce is bad is not to make people who hate each other stay together, but rather as a flag at the beginning of the relationship that if you are going to open yourselves to each other emotionally, sexually (children) and financially you better make damn sure you are ready to make it a lifelong proposition. It would result in FEWER marriages, but it would also help resurrect and improve the institution, and the outcomes for the people who do choose to take the plunge.

2. So your seeing someone but you aren't married. One of two things happen. You move in together or one of you gets pregnant (not saying who, you have to guess). The two of you suddenly discover you have very different views of how this was going to play out. This is where the family court gets involved. From what I've seen over the years when it goes pear shaped 9/10 times the bloke gets totally screwed over.

As I said above there is no problem where 2 reasonable people are involved. Truth is 2 reasonable people probably aren't going to split anyway. The problem is where 1 or both are a problem. Men get completely destroyed and either suicide, kill the woman (and sometimes the kids) or spend their lives in poverty and mental illness.

The bloke is probably responsible for killing as many relationships as the women, but once that split is inevitable the family court's role is completely indefensible.

And I for one don't need lessons in a woman's viewpoint. I personally find men far more confusing...

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by zilo

You're right and I don't want to.

Lived in a gay share house for 12 months when at uni and know all about it....(without any hands on)...heard all the arguments over and over.

Don't want any social interaction with dysfunctional 3 parent families.

None of what you said explains why you are so against same sex marriage, or same sex parents but we'll let that one slide. I am going to assume you're somehow threatened by them, and 'traumatised' by your experience in the gay share house, but that is way outside of this discussion.

...although it possibly explains the island thing though, you running away from something?

In effect my Ex and I are in a 'dysfunctional 3 parent family' by your own narrow-minded definition...except it's not dysfunctional.

Is that purely because my kids were brought up by a man and a woman, or is it just good/good enough parenting? None of them drink, smoke, take drugs, drive irresponsibly or beat their partners.

I am not saying it's all smooth sailing, my kids and my fiance's kids are all in their 20s (and 30s for Glen) and thankfully only my youngest and her youngest live with us. My Ex still likes/liked to have put in her 2c worth whenever 'her' kids are involved but that has mostly stopped now given their ages.

We have grand-children on both sides, my 'dysfunctional' eldest is now a dad, he works and is bringing up two daughters of his own with his wife. For someone so 'dysfunctional' he seems to be coping pretty well.

My 'dysfunctional' youngest graduated from Melbourne Uni Bachelor of Science with Honours and walked straight into a job, for someone so 'dysfunctional' she is going pretty well too.

[PG2]

OK everyone, while I understand that this thread is about marriage and gay and lesbians are part of it, but lets not get the pitchforks out.

The thread is about whether marriage is bliss or a prison, not who can marry who. Any further posts will be deleted.

If you want to post any further of that sort of stuff, try Facebook, I'm sure there are plenty on there that will support you.

[zilo]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

None of what you said explains why you are so against same sex marriage, or same sex parents but we'll let that one slide. I am going to assume you're somehow threatened by them, and 'traumatised' by your experience in the gay share house, but that is way outside of this discussion.

...although it possibly explains the island thing though, you running away from something?

In effect my Ex and I are in a 'dysfunctional 3 parent family' by your own narrow-minded definition...except it's not dysfunctional.

Is that purely because my kids were brought up by a man and a woman, or is it just good/good enough parenting? None of them drink, smoke, take drugs, drive irresponsibly or beat their partners.

I am not saying it's all smooth sailing, my kids and my fiance's kids are all in their 20s (and 30s for Glen) and thankfully only my youngest and her youngest live with us. My Ex still likes/liked to have put in her 2c worth whenever 'her' kids are involved but that has mostly stopped now given their ages.

We have grand-children on both sides, my 'dysfunctional' eldest is now a dad, he works and is bringing up two daughters of his own with his wife. For someone so 'dysfunctional' he seems to be coping pretty well.

My 'dysfunctional' youngest graduated from Melbourne Uni Bachelor of Science with Honours and walked straight into a job, for someone so 'dysfunctional' she is going pretty well too.

Woa....and a big "Ad Hominem" to you too my boy.

There's plenty of time for the statistical fact I quoted to emerge.

Good to hear your kid might improve the gene pool and buck the statistical trend....maybe....

Sometimes someone bluntly telling you that you are a statistic gives you the opportunity to focus on not being one.

You're welcome...

.

[ford71V8]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Video games aren't that bad for society

Keeps little ****s off the streets being pests and graffiti down to a minimum.

I didn't say they are bad for society Franco (thats another topic all together)

I responded to this.... "Unfortunately there are a lot of factors in the modern world that have impacted the family unit, not for the better"

While your comment has truth to it, kids are missing an important part of real life education sitting in those rooms.
An example I've posted before is the road safety awareness you obtain by riding a bike to school and watching dad change the gears and indicate.....kids with heads buried in screens in a house or car are not getting that, cue the ****house drivers and ignorant pedestrians

Originally Posted by Polyal

Like everything it can be managed, but its hard as all parents have different rules and next thing you know your the worst parent on earth if they dont get to play for the week. Just have to be strong.

I dont see the difference in playing a video game to watching TV as long as they game is age appropriate.

We set rules and I to-and-fro from being overly harsh to too relaxed, trying to find the right balance. Gets tiring when you realise its become the only thing you are talking with the kid about....thats a problem.


I'm happy playing worst parent on earth if it means he ends up with the same values as his parents, but I also have come to understand that these days are very different to my time - I can't force him outside to play with his friends when they are not there. No point telling him to go over to Johnnys place and play when Johnny is online. Kids go online to play together these days. Took a while for me to accept that.


Age appropriate, yes.
But the difference between video games and TV is many of these new games are built with addiction in mind and require you to play a minimum amount to "keep up" by setting tasks.
Its a lot more involved than my simplified version I'm sure but I have no doubt that the PS4 and FB on my wife's phone is an overall negative influence
(except for when she finds a nice guitar on marketplace to show me)

[zilo]

Originally Posted by ford71V8

....
But the difference between video games and TV is many of these new games are built with addiction in mind and require you to play a minimum amount to "keep up" by setting tasks.

Then there's also the "in game purchases" they suck the kids
(and wives, into)

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by zilo

Then there's also the "in game purchases" they suck the kids
(and wives, into)

Yes and I am an absolute no on that, I never got to spend money online for gaming so nor will they!

That and agreed its a sneaky trap preying on the young and soft minded, much like online gambling but now we are really off topic.

[ford71V8]

Originally Posted by Polyal

Yes and I am an absolute no on that, I never got to spend money online for gaming so nor will they!

That and agreed its a sneaky trap preying on the young and soft minded, much like online gambling but now we are really off topic.

And thats a BIG NO from me too.


There's been a few birthday gifts for that sort of thing (not from me) but right from the get go it was if you cant play for free, you better find something else to do. Not even allowing him to use his own money for that crap.


Kinda forgot what the topic was so Yes, we are steering off topic, but I know marriage is always better when everyone in the household is on the same page.

[VioletGT]

Hey guys, i am currently going through a marriage break down right now. We have a daughter who is 11 months old. I am wondering if anyone knows anything about 'financial agreements' and how they work?

At this stage, things are as ok as they can be and my ex lets me see my daughter when i like. I look after her 2 days a week.

She has suggested some sort of agreement where i pay her a large sum of money and that is that... Is that really the case? Do i have any protection in the future with this agreement or can she flip and destroy me?

[Tassie f100]

My son went through a divorce about 2 years ago and that is what he did.When settling he got a smaller percentage of the house valuation but no ongoing maintenance.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by VioletGT

Hey guys, i am currently going through a marriage break down right now. We have a daughter who is 11 months old. I am wondering if anyone knows anything about 'financial agreements' and how they work?

At this stage, things are as ok as they can be and my ex lets me see my daughter when i like. I look after her 2 days a week.

She has suggested some sort of agreement where i pay her a large sum of money and that is that... Is that really the case? Do i have any protection in the future with this agreement or can she flip and destroy me?

Im no expert on this but get everything in writing and get legal advice. Not next week, NOW!

You dont want it to be a 'he said/she said' issue with no basis other than your word against hers.

[Franco Cozzo]

This thread has it all - divorces, affairs, gay couples, marriage legislation, sex, relationship advice and 'micro transactions' in video games! With our collective minds we could solve the world's problems! (alcohol required)

Anyway where did you all meet your current or former partners? That has to be a happier turn to this thread.

The whole riding a bike to school thing, my high school was 30km away from home - Tour De Franco!

[MercuryT]

I said earlier in this thread I wouldn't post again as I'm still far too triggered.

However I do wish to clarify my very strong views have nothing to do with women.

My best friend is my Mum and I have multiple female friends from growing up who are fantastic people.

The reason I'm so upset is purely how the system does not work upon divorce and how easy it is manipulated against men.

I experienced first hand that basically I had no rights whatsoever and screwed over completely on lies and lack of interest in my future with my Daughter.

I stress, men were involved in this system also so my anger is certainly not sex related rather the pure injustice I and many others I know have experienced. Especially when females are coached basically on how to get whatever they want and more.

Keep the discussion going and let's not attack each other as we are all here for love of Ford so in a way a small family.

Cheers. Merc.

[prydey]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Anyway where did you all meet your current or former partners? That has to be a happier turn to this thread.

The whole riding a bike to school thing, my high school was 30km away from home - Tour De Franco!

Church

And my work commute is a 42km round trip. I ride every day. Sometimes I extend it but not this time of year.

[FormulaFG]

Well this has been a very eye opening thread.

There are lots of different views and experiences but one thing that has stood out to me is that there are a lot of people on this forum that have had difficult relationships with their parents and significant others, and its saddening to hear.

A lot of you out there are hurting, I can feel it through your words and my heart goes out to you.

[mondeomatureguy]

Well yes FormulaFG
Some of us have had a hard time with divorce but for me it was a long time ago I got divorced way back in 2002.

I met my 2nd wife in 2007 and we got married in 2009. it was my wife's first time at being married at the age of 49 I was 50 years old myself then.

Were both still very happy being married and it was the best thing I ever did marry that lovely women of mine.

1st wife Prison
2nd wife Bliss

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by VioletGT

Hey guys, i am currently going through a marriage break down right now. We have a daughter who is 11 months old. I am wondering if anyone knows anything about 'financial agreements' and how they work?

At this stage, things are as ok as they can be and my ex lets me see my daughter when i like. I look after her 2 days a week.

She has suggested some sort of agreement where i pay her a large sum of money and that is that... Is that really the case? Do i have any protection in the future with this agreement or can she flip and destroy me?

I'll send you a PM later tonight.

Sent from my LG-M700 using Tapatalk

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

I'll send you a PM later tonight.

Sent from my LG-M700 using Tapatalk

I was going to say tomorrow so I'll let you handle it.

We both know what the answer is.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

Late to the party on this one, but I thought it worthwhile throwing in my own experience, so that others have an opportunity to learn from my mistakes.

Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

My answer to that is both. I have been married for 17 years. And my wife and I were going out for 13 years before we tied the knot.

And we have been separated now for just over 12 months.

It might surprise some here, but my perception of marriage being prison does not relate to the fact that our relationship broke down.

My perception of marriage being both bliss and prison is no different to a job, for example. There's times when your job may be both bliss and prison, depending on who else you are working with, your approach or attitude to the work, particular circumstances or issues that arrive in your day to day work, etc.

Marriage, IMHO, is no different. It ebbs and flows depending on a whole heap of influencing factors, both external to the relationship and within the relationship. Some of those factors are beyond your control. And others are within your control or influence.

My estranged (am I the only one that hates the sound of that word?) wife and I retain a healthy relationship. For the sake of our daughter. But also out of respect for each other. People I speak to about my situation are often quite surprised that my estranged wife and I are able to maintain a friendship. But as I tell them, we were friends before we entered into a relationship, and just because we have worked out that we can't live with each other, doesn't mean we need to throw away the friendship as well.

Like others on here, my belief is that empathy is a key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Not sympathy, but true empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, do the absolute best you can to see a situation form their perspective. If you (and the other party) do that, you're more likely to be able to work together to work through issues that arise. You don't have to have the same thoughts/preferences/likes/dislikes, you just need to be able to understand what the other person's perspective is and why they hold that view.

That's why leesa's insights are worthwhile taking on board. We (as men) may not be able to see things the way women see things. But we can try and put ourselves in their shoes and understand why they feel the way they feel. It doesn't mean we have to agree with their perspective, but we should respect their perspective.

I've done a lot of reflecting in the last 12 months, both around my actions (or lack thereof) and my wife's actions (or lack thereof). We both failed each other. I can't change what she did or how she will act in the future. But I can change my actions for any future relationship I may have. That is the least I can do.

Do I regret being married? Not for a second! We were able to bring a bright, healthy, loving child into this world. No one could ever consider that a regret. On top of that, we spent many, many years enjoying our life together. Times I could never have had with anyone else in this world. We shared a heap of highs together. And we experienced a number of lows together as well.

I do regret that our marriage ended, and how and why it ended. If I could jump in a time machine and go back and change the way I went about things, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

My biggest regret is that I wasn't there for my wife when she needed me the most. Not that it was ever intentional, I just was too insulated to be able to see the signs. And, on some things, she felt she couldn't share them with me. I haven't had the chance to tell her that, but would really love to do that some day. Not to make me feel better, but just so that she knows that I'm sorry for every time I wasn't there for her and the hurt I caused as a result. That, to me, is the sign of love; even in our failed marriage I still don't want to hurt her.

Sorry for the ramble, but this is the most I've ever told anyone about our failed relationship. It is somewhat therapeutic. Far cheaper than counselling, too

I get that everyone's experiences are different and some will share a completely different view based on their own experiences, but, to sum up, don't be afraid to enter into marriage because it may not work. If you fear marriage because of potential failure, you will never experience the bliss that marriage can bring. As the saying goes, it is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.

Just make sure you go into the marriage with a view that it is a marathon. It is not a sprint. You cannot just put the effort into the start of the marriage. You need to put the effort in for the rest of your life.

I hope that my views resonate with others. I also hope that some of you take the opportunity to learn from my mistakes such that you don't make the same mistakes in your own relationships.

One thing I have noted about society in the last 5 years or so is that it is becoming more acceptable for people to talk about their feelings. Don't be afraid to talk to someone you trust about how you feel. Sometimes just talking about it can change your complete outlook. And take the opportunity to listen to other's experiences and learn from them. You are not just helping them out, you may just help yourself too.

[Bossxr8]

Originally Posted by VioletGT

Hey guys, i am currently going through a marriage break down right now. We have a daughter who is 11 months old. I am wondering if anyone knows anything about 'financial agreements' and how they work?

At this stage, things are as ok as they can be and my ex lets me see my daughter when i like. I look after her 2 days a week.

She has suggested some sort of agreement where i pay her a large sum of money and that is that... Is that really the case? Do i have any protection in the future with this agreement or can she flip and destroy me?

Make sure you record any transactions. Before things change, she goes to CSA and says she didn't receive a cent from you. Even write out a statement providing details of what you are doing and have you both sign it.

[FTE217]

FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0 - wonderful post mate and Thankyou !
Wish you all the very best !

[buggerlugs]

Originally Posted by FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0

Late to the party on this one, but I thought it worthwhile throwing in my own experience, so that others have an opportunity to learn from my mistakes.

Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

My answer to that is both. I have been married for 17 years. And my wife and I were going out for 13 years before we tied the knot.

And we have been separated now for just over 12 months.

It might surprise some here, but my perception of marriage being prison does not relate to the fact that our relationship broke down.

My perception of marriage being both bliss and prison is no different to a job, for example. There's times when your job may be both bliss and prison, depending on who else you are working with, your approach or attitude to the work, particular circumstances or issues that arrive in your day to day work, etc.

Marriage, IMHO, is no different. It ebbs and flows depending on a whole heap of influencing factors, both external to the relationship and within the relationship. Some of those factors are beyond your control. And others are within your control or influence.

My estranged (am I the only one that hates the sound of that word?) wife and I retain a healthy relationship. For the sake of our daughter. But also out of respect for each other. People I speak to about my situation are often quite surprised that my estranged wife and I are able to maintain a friendship. But as I tell them, we were friends before we entered into a relationship, and just because we have worked out that we can't live with each other, doesn't mean we need to throw away the friendship as well.

Like others on here, my belief is that empathy is a key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Not sympathy, but true empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, do the absolute best you can to see a situation form their perspective. If you (and the other party) do that, you're more likely to be able to work together to work through issues that arise. You don't have to have the same thoughts/preferences/likes/dislikes, you just need to be able to understand what the other person's perspective is and why they hold that view.

That's why leesa's insights are worthwhile taking on board. We (as men) may not be able to see things the way women see things. But we can try and put ourselves in their shoes and understand why they feel the way they feel. It doesn't mean we have to agree with their perspective, but we should respect their perspective.

I've done a lot of reflecting in the last 12 months, both around my actions (or lack thereof) and my wife's actions (or lack thereof). We both failed each other. I can't change what she did or how she will act in the future. But I can change my actions for any future relationship I may have. That is the least I can do.

Do I regret being married? Not for a second! We were able to bring a bright, healthy, loving child into this world. No one could ever consider that a regret. On top of that, we spent many, many years enjoying our life together. Times I could never have had with anyone else in this world. We shared a heap of highs together. And we experienced a number of lows together as well.

I do regret that our marriage ended, and how and why it ended. If I could jump in a time machine and go back and change the way I went about things, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

My biggest regret is that I wasn't there for my wife when she needed me the most. Not that it was ever intentional, I just was too insulated to be able to see the signs. And, on some things, she felt she couldn't share them with me. I haven't had the chance to tell her that, but would really love to do that some day. Not to make me feel better, but just so that she knows that I'm sorry for every time I wasn't there for her and the hurt I caused as a result. That, to me, is the sign of love; even in our failed marriage I still don't want to hurt her.

Sorry for the ramble, but this is the most I've ever told anyone about our failed relationship. It is somewhat therapeutic. Far cheaper than counselling, too

I get that everyone's experiences are different and some will share a completely different view based on their own experiences, but, to sum up, don't be afraid to enter into marriage because it may not work. If you fear marriage because of potential failure, you will never experience the bliss that marriage can bring. As the saying goes, it is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.

Just make sure you go into the marriage with a view that it is a marathon. It is not a sprint. You cannot just put the effort into the start of the marriage. You need to put the effort in for the rest of your life.

I hope that my views resonate with others. I also hope that some of you take the opportunity to learn from my mistakes such that you don't make the same mistakes in your own relationships.

One thing I have noted about society in the last 5 years or so is that it is becoming more acceptable for people to talk about their feelings. Don't be afraid to talk to someone you trust about how you feel. Sometimes just talking about it can change your complete outlook. And take the opportunity to listen to other's experiences and learn from them. You are not just helping them out, you may just help yourself too.

Great Post, I'd send it to your ex. Explains how you feel perfectly..........