A Funny For Today.

[Outbackjack]

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. Anyway, you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it, was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over.

Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

“Are you sure?” asked the Devil.

“Yep, I’m sure”, said George

The devil smiled and said....

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"Well, Monica, you're free to go!"

[poolkeeper]

He got rorted lol, Bill Clinton was meant to leave...

[xbcool]

[bob 351]

what did one bum cheek say to the other














watcth the guy in the middle he's an r sole

[The Monty]

Bwahahaha, classic.

[tankclare]

Why did the condom cross the road?




He was ****3d off!

[gtfpv]

little johny got in the shower with his mum . curiously looking at her differant genitalia . with confusion he says . mummy . whats that. ? WHATS WHAT MUM SAYS? THAT ; johny says pointing to her wee wee . OH!!! THATS MY POSSUM SAYS MUM . allright , say little johny. and seems content and less confused .

2 weeks later , little johny is staying at nannys place . and decides to jump in the shower with nanny. dazed in confused little jonny stares in confusion points to nannys wee wee and says . NANNY, WHATS THAT. NAYY SAYS OH THATS MY POSSUM . little johny lokks for a moment and finally says oh , ok . and finishes the shower .

the next day little johny is in the garden with mum. and says to his mum . MUM . NANNY'S LITTLE POSSUM IS DEAD. inspired by little johny's comment his mother replies . WHAT ?? little johny says ; IT'S DEAD, IT'S TONGUES HANGING OUT . !!!!!

[MITCHAY]

What a suprise! Dubya is a pole smoker afterall anyway.

[bob 351]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

little johny got in the shower with his mum . curiously looking at her differant genitalia . with confusion he says . mummy . whats that. ? WHATS WHAT MUM SAYS? THAT ; johny says pointing to her wee wee . OH!!! THATS MY POSSUM SAYS MUM . allright , say little johny. and seems content and less confused .

2 weeks later , little johny is staying at nannys place . and decides to jump in the shower with nanny. dazed in confused little jonny stares in confusion points to nannys wee wee and says . NANNY, WHATS THAT. NAYY SAYS OH THATS MY POSSUM . little johny lokks for a moment and finally says oh , ok . and finishes the shower .

the next day little johny is in the garden with mum. and says to his mum . MUM . NANNY'S LITTLE POSSUM IS DEAD. inspired by little johny's comment his mother replies . WHAT ?? little johny says ; IT'S DEAD, IT'S TONGUES HANGING OUT . !!!!!

now that just mabe me fall of me chair rotflmho

[Hitman]

Originally Posted by D1XR2C

He got rorted lol, Bill Clinton was meant to leave...

Geez, I'm glad you explained it to me.
:voldar02:

[poolkeeper]

Originally Posted by Hitman

Geez, I'm glad you explained it to me.
:voldar02:

No worries :

[Psycho Chicken]

Originally Posted by D1XR2C

He got rorted lol, Bill Clinton was meant to leave...

Oh I get it now.

[bob 351]

so whats the difference between a pigs bum and a lemon












suck it and see

[poolkeeper]

Originally Posted by Psycho Chicken

Oh I get it now.

maybe I should of added, hahahahahbwahahaha out: out: :hihi: : :nutsycuck :nutsycuck : :

[tankclare]

one day a guy walks into his local pub and sees a pot of cash sitting on the counter..he asks the bar tender "how can i win this money?". The bar tender replies "go out the back and make the donkey laugh". OK...The bloke walks out to the donkey and then returns with the donkey in fit laughter..he wins the money..

The bloke returns the next day and sees more money sitting in the pot. the bar tender says "now you must make the donkey cry". The bloke says "ok i'll be back in a sec" and walks outside and soon returns with the donkey crying.. The bar tender is shocked and asks "how did you manage to make him cry?'' .. The bloke replies "well yesterday i said i had a bigger c ock then him and today i showed him!"

[DJM83]

Hahaha the George Dubya ones a ****a

[TUF_302]

Every joke ive read in here so far has been great!

[FORDNUTS90]

keep it up hey moderators can we make a joke thread if not all good all in favor say aye

[FORDNUTS90]

A stranger was seated next to Little Tommy on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Tommy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know *sht*?"

[gamera]

Go little tommy FTW

[gtfpv]

3 newly wedded mates met up at the pub for a drink . talking about there new wives and relationships . the 1st man says : i married a lebonese girl. beutiful , on the 1st day i just explained that all she has to do is cook 3 meals a day, wash the clothes, do the housework, and all will be good . on the 1st day i saw nothing , on the 2nd day i saw the clothes washed , and on the 3rd day , i got 3 hot meals, and she done all the housework while i sunk a few beers and watched the footy. i soughted her out very early in the marraige and all is rosy he said.

the 2nd guy also agreed saying he sorted his out straight up,he married a lovely philipino girl, all he said she had to do was , cook 3 meals a day, do the housework, wash the clothes, mow the lawn, wash the car,and serve him beers everyday, while he watches cricket , and all will be good .on the 1st day he saw nothing , on the 2nd day he saw nothing , on the 3rd day the lawn was mowed, and on the 4th dayshe' d done all the housework cooked 3 meals done all the washing and ironing and had beers chilled in the fridge , which she served him whilst he watched the cricket, and it is all well says the guy.

the 3rd guy married an aussie girl and hasn't actuaaly laid the law down as yet , so he listened to the other 2 , and agreed to lay the law down early , as to avoid having problems later in the marriage, and meet up in a couple of weeks for another beer .

so he goes home to his lovely aussie newlywed bride . and tells her that to keep him happy all she needs to do is cook 3 meals a day and do the washing and ironing and all will be well.




on thew 1st day , he saw nothing ,

on the 2nd day he saw nothing,


on the 3rd day, he saw nothing ,



and on the 4th day, the swelling went down in one eye allowing him to get up and cook himself a pie, and go out to mow the lawn.

[Outbackjack]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

3 newly wedded mates met up at the pub for a drink . talking about there new wives and relationships . the 1st man says : i married a lebonese girl. beutiful , on the 1st day i just explained that all she has to do is cook 3 meals a day, wash the clothes, do the housework, and all will be good . on the 1st day i saw nothing , on the 2nd day i saw the clothes washed , and on the 3rd day , i got 3 hot meals, and she done all the housework while i sunk a few beers and watched the footy. i soughted her out very early in the marraige and all is rosy he said.

the 2nd guy also agreed saying he sorted his out straight up,he married a lovely philipino girl, all he said she had to do was , cook 3 meals a day, do the housework, wash the clothes, mow the lawn, wash the car,and serve him beers everyday, while he watches cricket , and all will be good .on the 1st day he saw nothing , on the 2nd day he saw nothing , on the 3rd day the lawn was mowed, and on the 4th dayshe' d done all the housework cooked 3 meals done all the washing and ironing and had beers chilled in the fridge , which she served him whilst he watched the cricket, and it is all well says the guy.

the 3rd guy married an aussie girl and hasn't actuaaly laid the law down as yet , so he listened to the other 2 , and agreed to lay the law down early , as to avoid having problems later in the marriage, and meet up in a couple of weeks for another beer .

so he goes home to his lovely aussie newlywed bride . and tells her that to keep him happy all she needs to do is cook 3 meals a day and do the washing and ironing and all will be well.




on thew 1st day , he saw nothing ,

on the 2nd day he saw nothing,


on the 3rd day, he saw nothing ,



and on the 4th day, the swelling went down in one eye allowing him to get up and cook himself a pie, and go out to mow the lawn.

Thats why I married a non Aussie

[gtfpv]

:(

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

Thats why I married a non Aussie

: i married an aussie .

[bob 351]

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