Country and Western Songtitles

[Feathers]

Found these while looking at Al Lowe's site, and had to share.
(Al Lowe was the evil genius behind Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards)

80 Proof Bottle Of Tear Stopper

Am I Double Parked By The Curbstone Of Your Heart?

At The Gas Station Of Love, I Got The Self Service Pump

Did I Shave My Legs For This? (By Deana Carter)

Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' With Lovin' On Yo-Mind (By Tammy Wynette)

Don't Squeeze My Sharmon

Don't Strike A Match To The Book Of Love

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Get The Hammer Mama, There's A Head On Papa's Fly (Now That's The Best One Yet)

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

Her Only Bad Habit Is Me

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

Hold On To Your Men, 'Cause She's Single Again

How Can I Get Over You If You Won't Get Out From Under Me?

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Don't Do Floors

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.

I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade

I Gave Her The Ring, And She Gave Me The Finger

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You

I Got The Hungries For Your Love, And I'm Waitin' In Your Welfare Line

I Got Through Everything But The Door

I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming

I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine.

I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal.

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up

I Sat Down On A Bear Trap (Just This Morning)

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin Better

I Wanna Whip Your Cow

I Want A Beer As Cold As My Ex-Wife's Heart

I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me

I Was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back To See If I Was Looking Back To See If You Were Looking Back At Me

I Went Back To My Fourth Wife For The Third Time And Gave Her A Second Chance To Make A First Class Fool Out Of Me (By Rev. Billy C. Wirtz)

I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Would Kiss You Through The Screen Door But It'd Strain Our Love

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here.

I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Thru You

I'd Like You A Whole Lot Better If We Slept Together

I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing

I'd Rather Pass A Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I'd Be Out By Now.

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen The Train

If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure

If You Can't Feel It, It Ain't There

If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will

If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave

If You See Me Gettin' Smaller, It's Cause I'm Leavin' You

I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him

I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail

I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey

I'm Under The Table Over You

It Ain't Love, But It Ain't Bad

It Ain't Easy Being Easy

It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)

It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long

It's Not The High Cost Of Living, It's The Cost Of Living High

I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night

I've Got The Cob, If You've Got The Corn

Jim, I Wore A Tie Today

Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket

Make Me Late For Work Today

Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?

My Every Day Silver Is Plastic

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

My Phone Ain't Been Ringing, So I Guess It Wasn't You

My Red Neck, My White Socks, And My Blue Ribbon Beer

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Our Love Is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain't The Same

Overlonely And Underkissed

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill

Phantom Of The Opry

Pick Me Up On Your Way Down

Please Bypass This Heart.

Queen Of My Doublewide Trailer

She Feels Like A New Man Tonight

She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas

She's Actin' Single... I'm Drinkin' Doubles

She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty

She's Got The Rhythm (And I Got The Blues)

Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You

The Bridge Washed Out, I Can't Swim And My Baby's On The Other Side

The Last Word In 'Lonesome' Is 'Me'

The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)

The Pint Of No Return

There's A Tear In My Beer

They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out

Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In

Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?

Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?

Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?

Why Did You Leave The One You Left Me For?

Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw?

You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

You Stuck My Heart In An Old Tin Can And Shot It Off A Log

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life

You're A Cross I Can't Bear

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns

You're A Hangnail On My Heart And I'm Gonna Cut You Off

You're A Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch

You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation

You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?

[smciner1]

ROFLMAO (tm)!

Gotta love Country Bumpkins and Red Necks!

:the_finge

[Peuty]

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehawwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

[Danny]

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrnation!!

[Road Games]

*Bump* Her daddy made my Brown eyes Black and Blue...

[The Yeti]

my personal favorit is

I Spent My Last Ten Dollars, by two nice girls

When I was a young girl like normal girls do
I looked to a woman's love to help get me through
I never needed any more than a feminine touch
I hated the thought of kissing a man it really was too much
I did not drink, I did not smoke I did not say "goddamn"
I was polite I was sensitive before I loved a man
My family, they were proud of me were proud of what I am
But then along came Lester and my tell of woe began
(Chorus)
I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer
My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me spend my last ten bucks on birth control and beer
It was June 1983 when Mary Lou and I did part
She said she loved another dyke my god, it broke my heart
I was bitter and disillusioned to lose another girlfriend
Lester came to work at Papa's store and decided to ease on in
Before my last heartbreak nothing made me more sick
Than a hairy-chested, cheap double-breasted suited man with a hard dick
I guess that I was courios I guess that I was young
I guess it was that rum and coke I guess that I was dumb
(Chorus)
For of course, for a woman to love a man she must also love to booze
If a woman don't drink beside her man then she will surely lose him
As I sit in this hetero honky-tonk and reflect upon my past
I think about those girlfriends and why they didn't last
For there's certain thrills that lesbian love simply cannot supply
Like paying for abortions from sperm gone awry
And so I say to you my friends without this man I'd die
So listen to my tell of woe and hang your head and cry
(Chorus)

[atec77]

Originally Posted by Feathers

Found these while looking at Al Lowe's site, and had to share.
(Al Lowe was the evil genius behind Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards)

I


You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation

You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?

You forgot "shes gone taken ma pickup ma house and ma dog , n dang I miss that mutt"

[Feathers]

Wow, I don't even remember starting this thread!!

[trippytaka]

Bahaha! Thank you for this thread. I have never been into c&w but reading these made me lose it.

[SEZ213]

Two words - comic gold...

Still favour 'The biggest disappointment in the family was me' - and still living up to it!