Domestic violence

[SEZ213]

When you look back at history, men aren't supposed to get emotional or show their feelings...unfortunately, it's been bred into males still that they shouldn't tell anyone how they feel as that somehow makes them a 'sissy'...and it's bull****

Fortunately, we have an eclectic group of people mature enough to understand that they're allowed to have feelings and emotions, and from the comments above, it's very clear to see that whilst this might be a car forum, it's also a place for people to discuss other things, and in some cases the anonymity of the net allows them to say what they need to say, and get things off their chest.

Thanks for sharing those links 84xespac, I was very nearly reduced to tears (I know, again). It's nice to know there's people out there looking out for the dad's.

[Jim Goose]

When you look back at history, men aren't supposed to get emotional or show their feelings...unfortunately, it's been bred into males still that they shouldn't tell anyone how they feel as that somehow makes them a 'sissy'...and it's bull****

Couldnt agree with you more Sezz...

Many yrs ago (musta been prior to 2000) the son of a freind of the family had taken his own life just 4months after his wife left him and took their 3kids away. She had told him he wouldnt see them ever again (as she left town basically overnight).

I never asked the full story, but I had met him a few times and he did seem normal in every sence a caring dad.

This sort of thing seems to occur a lot more these days.
We all need to pay more attension to our mates (yes be caring and sharing if they are having dramas involving their partner/wife, especially if kids involved.

Women usually have a bigger network of shoulders to lean on, while us guys most of the time just seem to suffer in silence?

[MO]

Originally Posted by XR6menace

Seriously this discussion is not for the Ford Forum.. i come here to relax and discuss cars and forget my troubles !!

For those who aren't on my Facebook, Tanya and i used to sing karaoke at Robina Tavern on a wed night where she used to work ..

Well freak me if they arent talking about it all over the bloody news ...its on here as well ?!!

You know you don't have to read it.
I suspect you've got a fair insight to what happens in divorces.

[ltd]

Sorry to say it, but I think peoples attitudes are entirely to blame for this. For the last few decades, we've all been told marijuana was harmless; that is until they found it directly caused and triggered psychological problems/conditions. That's not a matter of debate either, as all researchers into neurological sciences agree (unlike climate change etc, there's no doubt amongst scientists). What we're seeing now, is an ever increasing epidemic in Bipolar disorders type 1 and 2; with evidence relating many to use of stimulants. The phukwit who threw his daughter off the bridge had a history with cannibus, the bastards who murdered keisha abrahams have had possession charges against them, and this low life scumbag who murdered his daughter most likely played with drugs too, as he fits the age bracket of harm minimisation and softkok judicial decisions.
The galling thing is that these kinds of people who are typically from the lower socio-economic group are ticking time bombs of rage which are just waiting to go off, and instead of being able to decipher problems one at a time indulge in one last fatal, and final decision. That's why suicides have been on the steady increase, and why we're reading many a story about some loser who takes his children with him.
As a society we've allowed ourselves to become too tolerant of behaviour of which we don't know the consequences, only to realise all too late that it was a mistake. When it comes time to rectify it, we've become so afraid of tackling it and just gloss over the problem. This is especially true of our politicians who are only interested in staying in office as opposed to doing the right thing by the people. The cuts to mental health funding have been detrimental to us all, and we're now directly reaping what we've sewn.
For those of you with loved ones who take drugs like the so called harmless "pot", you might want to get them to stop.

This does seem like a rant but frankly, I've seen the affects of this personally and I've heard all of the clinical and coronial evidence of what drugs do; my older sister who smoked it once a week for a year developed bipolar type 2, and when life got too much early last year she threw herself off a cliff. Thank God she didn't have children, because I'm sure she would have taken them with her.

So as for this bloke who killed his daughter, a solemn and hearty rot in hell you son of a *****, hopefully you become one of Osama's 72 virgins.

[ebxr8240]

Originally Posted by ltd

Sorry to say it, but I think peoples attitudes are entirely to blame for this. For the last few decades, we've all been told marijuana was harmless; that is until they found it directly caused and triggered psychological problems/conditions. That's not a matter of debate either, as all researchers into neurological sciences agree (unlike climate change etc, there's no doubt amongst scientists). What we're seeing now, is an ever increasing epidemic in Bipolar disorders type 1 and 2; with evidence relating many to use of stimulants. The phukwit who threw his daughter off the bridge had a history with cannibus, the bastards who murdered keisha abrahams have had possession charges against them, and this low life scumbag who murdered his daughter most likely played with drugs too, as he fits the age bracket of harm minimisation and softkok judicial decisions.
The galling thing is that these kinds of people who are typically from the lower socio-economic group are ticking time bombs of rage which are just waiting to go off, and instead of being able to decipher problems one at a time indulge in one last fatal, and final decision. That's why suicides have been on the steady increase, and why we're reading many a story about some loser who takes his children with him.

I agree with dope aspect..1000 %...

But you cannot put people in the ONE bucket...

[SEZ213]

Originally Posted by ltd

Sorry to say it, but I think peoples attitudes are entirely to blame for this. For the last few decades, we've all been told marijuana was harmless; that is until they found it directly caused and triggered psychological problems/conditions. That's not a matter of debate either, as all researchers into neurological sciences agree (unlike climate change etc, there's no doubt amongst scientists). What we're seeing now, is an ever increasing epidemic in Bipolar disorders type 1 and 2; with evidence relating many to use of stimulants. The phukwit who threw his daughter off the bridge had a history with cannibus, the bastards who murdered keisha abrahams have had possession charges against them, and this low life scumbag who murdered his daughter most likely played with drugs too, as he fits the age bracket of harm minimisation and softkok judicial decisions.
The galling thing is that these kinds of people who are typically from the lower socio-economic group are ticking time bombs of rage which are just waiting to go off, and instead of being able to decipher problems one at a time indulge in one last fatal, and final decision. That's why suicides have been on the steady increase, and why we're reading many a story about some loser who takes his children with him.
As a society we've allowed ourselves to become too tolerant of behaviour of which we don't know the consequences, only to realise all too late that it was a mistake. When it comes time to rectify it, we've become so afraid of tackling it and just gloss over the problem. This is especially true of our politicians who are only interested in staying in office as opposed to doing the right thing by the people. The cuts to mental health funding have been detrimental to us all, and we're now directly reaping what we've sewn.
For those of you with loved ones who take drugs like the so called harmless "pot", you might want to get them to stop.

This does seem like a rant but frankly, I've seen the affects of this personally and I've heard all of the clinical and coronial evidence of what drugs do; my older sister who smoked it once a week for a year developed bipolar type 2, and when life got too much early last year she threw herself off a cliff. Thank God she didn't have children, because I'm sure she would have taken them with her.

So as for this bloke who killed his daughter, a solemn and hearty rot in hell you son of a *****, hopefully you become one of Osama's 72 virgins.

I agree wholeheartedly with some of your points, particularly with regard to drugs and their impact on a person's mental health. The problem with that is also that those who are let down by a system that is designed to help, are often left feeling so isolated and vulnerable, that even intelligent people start making stupid decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

I'm in no way excusing the actions of this man, or any other's that have followed similar suit, but we have a serious problem if this kind of act is the 'last resort' and 'no one saw it coming'. Are we really that caught up with our own lives that we don't notice (or care) that someone is in trouble? And why is a system that's designed to help people, not helping? Father's have just as much right as mother's to be part of their children's lives, it would appear that in the courts of law, father's are often forgotten.

Men can be cut off from their families simply by a case of 'he said, she said' - the law is balanced towards a woman, and it's sad as it's usually the children that suffer from this in the end, or the father who ends up at his whit's end. You only have to step into the 'moments that make you step back' and you can see that for men, the birth of their children is one of those moments that has a big impact on their lives, and then instead of allowing the father's to be part of their children's lives, the mother's decide to think only of themselves and leave a child without a father and a father without a heart. This is not characteristic of all cases, and in some instances the father should not have any contact with their children, simply for the child's wellbeing, but it appears that there are some great dad's out there who don't get to see their children simply because their mother is selfish and takes pleasure in seeing the man hurt...

[84xespac]

Originally Posted by Sezzy

I agree wholeheartedly with some of your points, particularly with regard to drugs and their impact on a person's mental health. The problem with that is also that those who are let down by a system that is designed to help, are often left feeling so isolated and vulnerable, that even intelligent people start making stupid decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

I'm in no way excusing the actions of this man, or any other's that have followed similar suit, but we have a serious problem if this kind of act is the 'last resort' and 'no one saw it coming'. Are we really that caught up with our own lives that we don't notice (or care) that someone is in trouble? And why is a system that's designed to help people, not helping? Father's have just as much right as mother's to be part of their children's lives, it would appear that in the courts of law, father's are often forgotten.

Men can be cut off from their families simply by a case of 'he said, she said' - the law is balanced towards a woman, and it's sad as it's usually the children that suffer from this in the end, or the father who ends up at his whit's end. You only have to step into the 'moments that make you step back' and you can see that for men, the birth of their children is one of those moments that has a big impact on their lives, and then instead of allowing the father's to be part of their children's lives, the mother's decide to think only of themselves and leave a child without a father and a father without a heart. This is not characteristic of all cases, and in some instances the father should not have any contact with their children, simply for the child's wellbeing, but it appears that there are some great dad's out there who don't get to see their children simply because their mother is selfish and takes pleasure in seeing the man hurt...

Beautifully written Sez, I tend to blame the system a lot for my own situation but it isn't the system thta is keyly the problem. My ex has a tendency to just full off the face of the earth and I then have to relocate her.

Doing this through the courts takes about 8 weeks and then a further court case to get me access again which can take a further 4-6 months at best. So I hire a PI to find her which only takes days to do and lodge straight through court. Between the court cost, Pi fees and solicitor charges each time she does this costs me around 7-8k. So fair I have spent over 60k with family court proceedings over the last 8 years not including the 12k p\year in child support.

Now I walked away from my kids and the battle around 3 yrs ago as I simply mentally and emotionally couldn't deal with it any longer. Financially my life is completely destroyed due to it and here lies the problem. The finacial costs that a father has to face due to seperation are astronomical. The rate of child support we pay on top of legal fees is enough to force men to tie a rope around a rafter and hang yourself from it, and for those out there reading this saying to themselves they are your kids so you should pay for them have never been in this situation themselves. Yes you should have to pay for your kids but again it isnt black and white and it should be payable in food vouchers or clothing vouchers so the money is spent directly on the kids.

Sorry I know I got a little carried away then but it needs to be said.

[MO]

@84XEspac,know exactly what your saying stay strong it will sort itself one day.

[ltd]

Originally Posted by Sezzy

I agree wholeheartedly with some of your points, particularly with regard to drugs and their impact on a person's mental health. The problem with that is also that those who are let down by a system that is designed to help, are often left feeling so isolated and vulnerable, that even intelligent people start making stupid decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

I'm in no way excusing the actions of this man, or any other's that have followed similar suit, but we have a serious problem if this kind of act is the 'last resort' and 'no one saw it coming'. Are we really that caught up with our own lives that we don't notice (or care) that someone is in trouble? And why is a system that's designed to help people, not helping? Father's have just as much right as mother's to be part of their children's lives, it would appear that in the courts of law, father's are often forgotten.

Men can be cut off from their families simply by a case of 'he said, she said' - the law is balanced towards a woman, and it's sad as it's usually the children that suffer from this in the end, or the father who ends up at his whit's end. You only have to step into the 'moments that make you step back' and you can see that for men, the birth of their children is one of those moments that has a big impact on their lives, and then instead of allowing the father's to be part of their children's lives, the mother's decide to think only of themselves and leave a child without a father and a father without a heart. This is not characteristic of all cases, and in some instances the father should not have any contact with their children, simply for the child's wellbeing, but it appears that there are some great dad's out there who don't get to see their children simply because their mother is selfish and takes pleasure in seeing the man hurt...

I agree with all of your points 100%.
I should add that I wrote that comment after reading about this guy stalking his ex and having explosive behavioural problems.

As for fathers and access to their kids, it's criminal how in 98% of the cases in NSW custody is automatically given to the mother. Many cases highlighted in recent times include a loving father and a substance abusing mother where the mother gets custody. Is that in the best interest of the kids; to grow up in a house where the kids will be nurtured by the father or neglected by the mother when she's drunk/high etc? The courts seem to think so and I will never understand why, save for perversion or laziness of the judiciary.
When I worked as a compo solicitor over 15 years ago we used to tell a joke amongst colleagues; "What's sick, perverted or disgusting in a court of law? What ever gives his honour a chubby". In recent cases such as child abuse where offenders get a 2 year good behaviour bond, I fear this is undoubtedly true.

[SEZ213]

Originally Posted by ltd

I should add that I wrote that comment after reading about this guy stalking his ex and having explosive behavioural problems.

This is truly the bit that gets me.

The media turn a tragedy into a circus, lining their pockets on the misery of others.

If all this information is just coming to light now, I really have to wonder if there's any truth in it, no mention of any previous incidents. So did this man just 'flip out' or was he just a narcissist who had everyone fooled?

The real answers can't and won't be established, it's all just heresay.

And again, I'm not saying what he did was right, but it's not anywhere near as cut and dry as the public might be led to believe by the media.

[ebxr8240]

We are dealing with humans here ..
In no way can a piece of paper prevent this or the law!!!
Emotions and mental illness [people loosing it] cannot be controlled by law...

[xr6turbo2005]

Some good advice and insight to the mind of men in these situations from some posters in here. As for others who don't like that subject, look away and bury you head under the sand if you like, but these problems will not go away.

No one will know what was in this guy's mind at the time, but he must had been in a very dark place for him to do this. It's not the first time this has happened, and i hate to say, not going to be the last.

84xespac has posted some good links and hopefully through the support of such organisations the plight of the dad's in these case can be highlighted and some much needed change in access rights for all concerned.

I just read a story on the site from someone who is about to have 18th birthday. All they want is closure, so the access rights and the bias to favour the mother, is not always the best option. I'm sure all the dad's want in these situations and to be treated fairly, something that's not happening.

[84xespac]

While this topic is still around I would just also like to add that for those out there that are in my situation where you haven't seen your kids in a while and are waiting for that knock on the door that it does happen.

I have a friend of mine (mother in this case) who hadn't seen her daughter in 11 years. Anyway a few weeks ago out of nowhere I get this message from a 16 y\o girl named "Michelle" telling me she had found someone on face book she believed to be her "real" mother. She had sent her a message but had no response and if it was possible for me to contact her and if infact I knew if she was her mother. I was flattened. So I rang my friend straight away to pass on the details.

Now I have had Michelle tell me so many times since how thankful she was for me putting her in contact with her mother. Each time all I could do was give her the teary reply of "no it's me that should be thanking you, you have given me hope that one day my kids will come and find me".

So I guess what I am saying here guys is hang in there, there is hope at the end of the tunnel and the above story is living proof of it.

[WaxEm]

I was an extremely violent person when i was 13-17 to the point i would hit my own mum and sister which im not proud of. I dont even feel like the same person these days but i was just an angry angry angry insane kid. I was arrested several times on domestic violence....Lucky my parents still loved me and i grew up to be a buisness owner and have a great life thanks to my parents. I still have no idea why i was a mental kid though. Im fine these days apart from if someone hurts a friend or family. But killing your own family and stuff i think is a serious serious crazyness or mental illness IMO.....

[jaydee]

Blokes that do this make me see red, and I'm trying so hard not to say a whole lot of expletives and swear words.
Some guys just cant handle rejection.
Having said that, some women need to learn that they can't use their kids as bargaining chips and prevent Dads from seeing their own flesh and blood.
I couldnt imagine what it would be like not seeing your little ones for months or years, missing birthdays, fathers day etc.
There has to be a better way.