Dating 2006 - A girls view

[aimzes]

the best one is when you have a friend who happens to be female and pretty much what you are looking for in a woman and so you ask her out and she says nah cause id rather stay friends but then it gets weird and your friendship dies in the grass... so wouldnt it have been worth seeing if a relationship would have worked? if so great! if not your no worse off.

argh. lol...

i recently had an absolute barry of a date. teh re bull. i was well presented but not over the top, everything i suggested to do that night was shot down and she couldnt think of anything so i decided that itd be a good idea to decide what we could do over a nice meal. still couldnt decide, payed the bill (which i didnt mind doing) i joked about a tip and she rolled her eyes. so politly i asked if i could drop her home. she said that would be a great idea. i was p*****g myself on the inside.

i had no idea what id done. so we get to the car and drive off. i stick in my 80s pop cd. she turns to me and says "i cant believe you listen to this crap". this is where i get mad. and chuck in my 80s pop mix #2. she had to endure "safety dance" muahahaha.

might have to hook up with the ex... this is getting ridiculous.at least she liked the 80s mix cd.

[LTDHO]

I though the 80's mix would get you in for sure?

[eb2fairmont]

Originally Posted by XRQTOR

If throwing a sausage in a bucket is your thing go for it, besides STD's are a great way to earn flyby's with the regular visit's to the doctor and all.

But I think ef 4.9 has it down pat as to why chivary is dead. Bite that you femmo nazis.

[Bobman]

What a great thread this is

From my own experience, there is an increasing number of girls who do not want commitment and enjoy being promiscuis.

It's so true that behind most girls is history and sometimes if you like a girl and you see her for a short while the history will come back and bite you ending any hopes of making something with her.

When your in a relationship girls seem to come out of everywhere, but when your single it's a rough trot. Clubs etc are not really a great place to meet someone either, I still stand by the library chick saying.. although sometimes if you meet a girl that is really nice etc us guys can sometimes take it for granted and lose it realising later just how perfect that girl really was.

It's an easy world for girls to get guys, which sadly brings big heads & attitude - which drives most level-headed nice blokes away.

[Faker]

I think both men and women are equally confused.
Nobody knows exactly what is expected of them but in reality that is how it should be as we are all different. Trying to act how you think your date expects you to act is a big mistake. It comes across as fake and raises doubts as to who you really are.
Be yourself and if that doesn't suit your date then so be it, it wasn't meant to progress any further.

In one of my past occupations I got to witness many interactions. Some were hilarious others quite sad.
Chivalry is not dead and is appreciated by some, others can look at it as a ploy to get them in the sack based on a previous experiences.

There are plenty of nice guys and girls out there, finding them can be a challenge.
Respect is very important thing so guys if a girl says no to your request for a date, don't call her a sl*t and girls don't ridicule a guy who asks you for a date. Word travels fast.

Also guys, being crude, swearing or talking about fights you have had or are going to have with the guy at the bar generally don't endear you to the women. May do in some instances but not many.

If a women wants to be only friends with me, that's great. I then have another friend with no doubt as to where I stand.

Respect, honesty and integrity are very important when dating. To show respect etc you have to ask the person out first which is the hard bit.
I have no advice for it as I was so shy I just couldn't do it for a very long time.

No girl ever asked me out but a few tried to get me to ask them out but I ignored the signals most times because of shyness or lack of confidence in my reading of the signals.

The only proposition I have ever got was from a gay guy. I politely told him I wasn't gay. Uncomfortable situation for me but I was still flattered.

[bessxg]

The way I see it, the guys on this forum have the adavantage that they love their cars, right? And, IMO if you can't (a) look after your car, or (b) know how your car works, then what in gods name are you supposed to do with a woman?

[vztrt]

Originally Posted by bessxg

The way I see it, the guys on this forum have the adavantage that they love their cars, right? And, IMO if you can't (a) look after your car, or (b) know how your car works, then what in gods name are you supposed to do with a woman?

There is so a lube joke you could make right now!!

WOW!

this is actually a great thread to read through!
I seem to pick a bad bunch of guys! I mean god! Im only 19 I know, but before you start saying - your only young, go have fun, blah blah...... i havnt had a relationship last any longer than 2 months!....
I know not all guys are horrible, but ive certainly never had a great guy!
stalkers, normal guy turned suicidal emo/goth, a thieve (he tried stealing 8000 worth of stuff off of me!) cheaters liars the package! HA!

Im in total agreeance with poison ivy! Its so hard to find a good guy, im fed up with having to wait for a good guy to come along! you think that you find one and then that screws up on ya!

Im not high maintenance..... im not asking for a black suit and tie guy..... but just a guy with manners and great presence and personality.....
its the small things that matter.
for example, this guy, i had started to see.... it only took him the 2nd visit to feel comfortable to fart infront of me! in all seriousness, it is a natural thing for people to flatulate, but for god sake! do it sumwhere else, that isnt impressive at all!...
all of the above as poison ivy has explained and a nice smellin breath (chew on sum extra if you must!)
Great conversation and showing interest and care for a girl is fantastic! And ideally the first thing that shud be done without the obvious thoughts of gettin into our pants - mate if you go well wit conversation and little detail, ull be wanted and in pants in no time :P -
and unexpectedly youve impressed her that much and she wants to lean in for a good ol schmacka on the lips........ please have nice breathe! first kiss isss sooo important, it tells alot of things!

But keeping in mind, that girls shud also be just as courteous..... we can all relax and have a good time....... but what i cant stand is those girls in supre 'belt' lookin skirts showing wats been for breakfast and acting trashy! ha!

everybody knows what its like to go out clubbing and pubbin - apart from you underagers.... ( dont tell me if u got fake id, ill hand you to the cops! :P) hehe! jks

but as we all know, a guy/girl, will have already sussed ur appearance and features out before they even get to know ur personality, so really.... as people say 'looks dont matter'......... harsh truth, they do - but some people arent as picky with whom they have! and will still end with personality is first, but yet you still need a physical attraction to a certain person!

[Bobman]

Originally Posted by chanbags

everybody knows what its like to go out clubbing and pubbin - apart from you underagers.... ( dont tell me if u got fake id, ill hand you to the cops! :P) hehe! jks

but as we all know, a guy/girl, will have already sussed ur appearance and features out before they even get to know ur personality, so really.... as people say 'looks dont matter'......... harsh truth, they do - but some people arent as picky with whom they have! and will still end with personality is first, but yet you still need a physical attraction to a certain person!

I don't go clubbing but I have been once or twice before and it's all the same, girls have so much choice they pick out the best in looks, body and style.

You don't meet people at clubs, it's that simple!

However girls in general can find guys anywhere, it's a sea of opportunity but your right chanbags, long lasting relationships are not too easy to come by these days, although some girls I know have been in relationships for years since they were 15 or 16, and 4 years on they still are, I think that usually ends in disaster as the girl has not "lived" her life and only realises later.

Finding a girl who actually wants commitment and is into you is a long journey as there is always competition.

[Poison Ivy]

Originally Posted by Bobman

I don't go clubbing but I have been once or twice before and it's all the same, girls have so much choice they pick out the best in looks, body and style.

You don't meet people at clubs, it's that simple!

However girls in general can find guys anywhere, it's a sea of opportunity but your right chanbags, long lasting relationships are not too easy to come by these days, although some girls I know have been in relationships for years since they were 15 or 16, and 4 years on they still are, I think that usually ends in disaster as the girl has not "lived" her life and only realises later.

Finding a girl who actually wants commitment and is into you is a long journey as there is always competition.

I think that depends on where you live as to how much easier it is for one sex than it is for the other. I know in Brisbane for instance there are at least 3 single females to every single male.

[4.9 EF Futura]

Originally Posted by Poison Ivy

I think that depends on where you live as to how much easier it is for one sex than it is for the other. I know in Brisbane for instance there are at least 3 single females to every single male.

"Hello, Qantas? One way ticket for the next flight to Brisbane please!"

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by Poison Ivy

I think that depends on where you live as to how much easier it is for one sex than it is for the other. I know in Brisbane for instance there are at least 3 single females to every single male.

Yep, I've heard this too.

Sadly though, and this will open a can of worms, but I find that most women my age don't know they've got a nice guy staring them in the face until it's too late.

Case in point, the last girl I asked out, got to know her first over several conversations, then asked her out on a date. I get "You're a nice guy and all, but..."

Well, she had a chance, blew it as far as I'm concerned, and I don't give second chances to anyone, so she misses out.

There are people on this forum who can back me up when I say I'm a nice bloke. It's just a shame that you don't know what you got until it's gone...

[bessxg]

Then the women get upset when they realize this. "My god i always lose everything good in my life!!!"

[dan.76]

im a nice guy , and i think that we must all end up in long term relationships , i met my wife about 12 yrs ago when i was 18 and she was 16 , we didnt rush in got to be friends and started going out. also if you have a fight or whatever dont give up keep talking about the problem even if the problem doesnt get fixed at least you understand the others point of view . 90% of the fights we have are about money anyway and the only way to fix that is to work more lol



cheeers dan

[#Russ#Es#]

Originally Posted by AUII_SE_Ute

Yep, I've heard this too.


Sadly though, and this will open a can of worms, but I find that most women my age don't know they've got a nice guy staring them in the face until it's too late.

Case in point, the last girl I asked out, got to know her first over several conversations, then asked her out on a date. I get "You're a nice guy and all, but..."

Well, she had a chance, blew it as far as I'm concerned, and I don't give second chances to anyone, so she misses out.

There are people on this forum who can back me up when I say I'm a nice bloke. It's just a shame that you don't know what you got until it's gone...

Know the feeling...

I think a part of the problem these days is that people are just impatient when it comes to relationships (before you start saying you've waited long enough, keep reading!)...they will be involved in a relationship for the sake of it, and know that things will probably not work in the long term...then if/when the relationship finishes they feel insecure and instead of choosing a genuine, honest person they go for the next guy/girl that comes along (who aren't happy themselves because they have had a bad experience in the past and just want to be with someone again). Then if that relationship doesn't work out the cycle continues...then you have genuine/honest/loving/etc people who are there waiting for that right person to come along whilst they are being hurt by insecure, impatient people.

Alot of the problem has alot to do with the divorce rate as well. I assume most people date to find the right person to eventually marry one day (obviously there are plenty of people out there just to please their own short-term needs), and marriage is not seen as a long term, sacred thing. You can just end it if things don't work out, its a relatively easy thing to do. So why think about the long term if, for example, you eventually get married and you can just end it quickly if that person wasn't what you were looking for??

3 Main problems I believe cause the most problems in dating:

1. Impatience
2. People not knowing what they are looking for
3. People's view on marriage

Just some of my thoughts anyway...

[4.9 EF Futura]

Originally Posted by AUII_SE_Ute

Well, she had a chance, blew it as far as I'm concerned, and I don't give second chances to anyone, so she misses out.

Good on you. All too easy to get hung up on the whys/wheres/whens. Her loss.

Unfortunately a lot of people... men and women... always focus on what's next... what "better offer" is around the corner. I wonder how many opportunities someone like that has passed up on? I couldnt live like that.

[FordFan86]

Dedicated to this thread.
http://media.putfile.com/ahlamour

[XRchic]

Originally Posted by AUII_SE_Ute

Case in point, the last girl I asked out, got to know her first over several conversations, then asked her out on a date. I get "You're a nice guy and all, but..."

What if her comment was: "You are a nice guy and all, but.... Im just not attracted to you, sorry." ?????

Ive been knocked back and had similar things said to me in my life and I dont think there was much more to it than the fact that the fellas didnt feel the chemistry, the attraction that they felt they needed to start a relationship. For the most part, I dont think it is more complex than that (although Im sure there are situation where it is).

Can you blame people for not being attracted to you? Its not normally something that someone can change. Do you want a relationship with someone you know is not attracted to you? Or with someone who feels no chemistry for you? Do you blame them if they dont have chemistry or attraction? Who's fault is it? Is it anyone's fault?

What that person is probably saying is "You ARE a really nice guy, and and I DO like you as a person and I WOULD like to be your friend but I am not attracted to you in the way that a girlfriend should be."

What is wrong with that? Thats just life.

[fairmont1998]

Originally Posted by 4.9 EF Futura

Poison Ivy (and ladies across the land)... you need to encourage chivalrous behaviour, as most guys are just confused beyond all comprehension in this day and age. Having been in and around the dating traps over recent years (with little success might i add lol), the message coming collectively from females is very confusing.

You finally get a foot in the door, get the courage up, gain the opportunity... whatever... to ask a girl out. Assuming you get a positive response... and assuming you've timed the phonecall perfectly. Not "too soon" (too eager) and not "too late" (a bastard).

You ask what time they would like to be picked up. An offer of convinience, an offer to make the lady's life a little bit easier.

Only to find out that it is a faux-pas. Apparently the lady wants to drive herself, wants some independence, doesnt want to rely on the guy for a lift home if the date goes poorly. I've had dates cancel for this very reason.

Open the door for your date? Apparently trying too hard. No good.

Pay for dinner? Apparently trying to show off $$$. No good.

Wear a shirt and a tie? Again - apparently trying too hard. No good.

Oh... that's if you're allowed the opportunity to take said lady to dinner. Apparently "dinner and a movie" is outdated now? Apparently makes for a crap date? Dinner is "too personal" and movies dont allow sufficient interaction.

Right.

Out for a drink? Oh... must just be trying to get her p***ed so I can have my way with her. Try coffee instead.

Saturday night? Aparently this is another faux-pas. I believe we're expected to pick a less-hectic night for the young lady's scheduling. God forbid we disturb any other potential social outings. Give thursday night a shot hey?

There is a consistent theme where behaving in a chilvalrous manner is "trying too hard", there is an implication there that its seen as dishonest behavious "oh, guys will do anything to get inside our pants"

So here i am. Thursday afternoon, for coffee (which we pay for seperately), after she catches the bus into town, opening her own doors the entire time. I'm searching for ways to demonstrate gentleman-like behaviour, but need to be careful i dont come across as too needy/desperate/sleasy/etc.

A slight deviation from the original plan of picking said girl up at 8, taking to a nice resteraunt for a good meal and a nice glass of wine followed by a short stroll or... god forbid... late screening at the movies.

Confused? Doesnt begin to describe it. Old fashioned? Probably. But when did that become a "bad thing"?

Maybe the girls i date all watch too much 'sex in the city'??? lol

I assure you that chivalry is not dead. But its too often confused with being a slease, surely it comes as no suprise that we are cautious about such displays?

I couldn't agree more Martin.

[Poison Ivy]

Originally Posted by XRchic

What if her comment was: "You are a nice guy and all, but.... Im just not attracted to you, sorry." ?????

Ive been knocked back and had similar things said to me in my life and I dont think there was much more to it than the fact that the fellas didnt feel the chemistry, the attraction that they felt they needed to start a relationship. For the most part, I dont think it is more complex than that (although Im sure there are situation where it is).

Can you blame people for not being attracted to you? Its not normally something that someone can change. Do you want a relationship with someone you know is not attracted to you? Or with someone who feels no chemistry for you? Do you blame them if they dont have chemistry or attraction? Who's fault is it? Is it anyone's fault?

What that person is probably saying is "You ARE a really nice guy, and and I DO like you as a person and I WOULD like to be your friend but I am not attracted to you in the way that a girlfriend should be."

What is wrong with that? Thats just life.

I agree with you here XRchic, 100%! It goes both ways, if there's no attraction then really it would be just wasting each others time to go on a date. Its not saying they don't want to be friends its just there's no chemistry other than just friendship.

[XRchic]

Originally Posted by stera

With the risk of getting bashed and abused... Verbally (!!).. I'd like to add my two cents...

Where to start...

You need to be honest and true to yourself... You can look in the mirror and see exactly whats there. If your smoking hot, half your luck... But you need to be far more careful when approaching women than, 'average' looking men. Thats the trick tho, approaching women.

'Hot' women get approached 10, 20, 30 times a day, by all types that have already been covered in this thread (ferals, I think you were refering to). The problem is, you need to look at the attitude these guys are taking... They are saying, right, this women is attractive, I can approach her, say a few things and if things go well, good... If not... Learn from the mistake and try again. Everybody is too scared by fear.

Whats the worse that can happen? They will reject you? SO WHAT? Their loss. If you approach someone and have a really good conversation (keep it short) and you ask for their number or email and they say, Oh, I have a partner... Say thats ok, give me a call when your ready to upgrade.

Go into shops where people of the opposite sex are PAID to talk to you. Go into a department store to the perfume section and ask the women to help you choose. Spray two different sprays on yourself and ask the women which they prefer... After they reply, u say, Hmm, I knew you would say that one... Then tell them to give you and honest opinion, as you wana be a chick magnet... Play it... Think of a person, say James Bond, Mr Cool... If you look daggy, you act daggy... If you look and feel good, people get the vibe...

I dont know... Im not very emotional... I think that if people are too scared to do something, thats their fault... Get out there... Do things... Each day you live is one less day you have.

Know what your going to say... and say it... Approach 50 people a day in the mall and make mistakes, but like everything, the more u do it, the better you will get!

Clean your house, clean your car... FIRE UP !!

Adopt NIKE... JUST DO IT !!

I like that approach but I dont think everyone has the personality to do it that way, at least, not without a lot of build up and practice... some just never will. I never used to be like that, but I think I am more these days. I think as you get older and go through more ****, you worry much less about what people think of you and do more of what YOU want to do - and less for the purposes of image building (for others).

Often when you get to that stage, and you are truly yourself, you become attractive to people BECAUSE you are not working so hard to get the attention. There is such a thing as trying too hard. Its almost like the harder you try, the further out of reach things are.

I was single for 8 years. In the end I gave up trying to impress people, guys etc... I just thought "stuff it, Im just going to do my own thing, do what I like, dress in what I like to wear and live MY life".... and I did that for a while. I found a lot more friends that way, I found the forums and then I found my fella!

Martin is right though, females can sometimes just be too difficult (sorry girls). Some are just expecting too much, some just want too much attention, some like playing games and some are just plain mean. I know a few. They feel powerful by playing guys like that. But Martin and other guys, be assured that girls who are like that are probably quite lonely, probably dont have heaps of good friends (rather just acquaintances) and will find themselves old and outdated - and when the newer generation take over the scene, she will be alone and past it, with all those opportunities gone. Girls like that dont realise how fast time goes by.

I think just be yourself, truly. Dont expect too much. Be patient. Dont waste time on worthless people. Spend more time with friends/family than looking for a partner. Learn to enjoy life as a single and you will find that more people are attracted to you. Dont whine and complain about being single all the time, or about how many times you have been shafted - potential mates dont like that. Be positive. Happy people always attract more attention than sad ones.

I guess there is no magical solution for everyone though.

Jac

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by XRchic

I think just be yourself, truly. Dont expect too much. Be patient. Dont waste time on worthless people. Spend more time with friends/family than looking for a partner. Learn to enjoy life as a single and you will find that more people are attracted to you. Dont whine and complain about being single all the time, or about how many times you have been shafted - potential mates dont like that. Be positive. Happy people always attract more attention than sad ones.

I guess there is no magical solution for everyone though.

*takes on board*

Good advice.

[orsomxc]

Originally Posted by Poison Ivy

I think that depends on where you live as to how much easier it is for one sex than it is for the other. I know in Brisbane for instance there are at least 3 single females to every single male.

Where are all these single females? I'm in Brisneyland and I really don't seem to see them. I'm young (24) and came out of a long term serious relationship last year... I was married for almost 2 years.

Now, technically I am not out trying to find that special someone again, but if that happened that would be great. At the same time though, I do enjoy being single. It's just me and my dog and my cars.

The biggest thing I think for me was the loss of a companion. I thought my ex was really the one for life but she thought otherwise obviously. The big problem seems to be, as someone else has said, marriages are just too easy to end.

I think however that chivilry is not dead. It's just that less and less women appreciate that it is possible for a man to be curtious without looking for anything in return.

So anyway, Poison Ivy, I don't suppose your idea of a great date is standing at a muffler shop on a Saturday morning trying out different exhausts on a newly rebuilt x-flow?

[GK]

Attraction is good, as it's what gives you the motivation to investigate someone further, but pure attraction and chemistry wears out eventually. Just look at hollywood relationships all chemistry and no substance, they die off once the chemistry does.

Taking the time to get to know someone, their interests, their character, their dreams and life goals, is in my opinion, a far better base to build a relationship on than the chemistry.

There is far too much emphasis on the sex and chemistry these days (thanks for nothing Hollywood) when in fact people of the opposite sex can enjoy healthy sexual unions quite easily, it's a matter of well designed compatable body parts! LOL!

The mutual understanding, respect and care however, is IMO much harder to find. When you have that, all the other nice stuff is the wonderful icing on a terriffic cake!

Just my few thoughts!

GK

[XRchic]

Originally Posted by GK

Attraction is good, as it's what gives you the motivation to investigate someone further, but pure attraction and chemistry wears out eventually. Just look at hollywood relationships all chemistry and no substance, they die off once the chemistry does.

Taking the time to get to know someone, their interests, their character, their dreams and life goals, is in my opinion, a far better base to build a relationship on than the chemistry.

There is far too much emphasis on the sex and chemistry these days (thanks for nothing Hollywood) when in fact people of the opposite sex can enjoy healthy sexual unions quite easily, it's a matter of well designed compatable body parts! LOL!

The mutual understanding, respect and care however, is IMO much harder to find. When you have that, all the other nice stuff is the wonderful icing on a terriffic cake!

Just my few thoughts!

GK

I partially agree with you. You need attraction AND all the rest. Of course you cannot build a relationship on ONLY chemistry and attraction.

Its not just Hollywood though. Being attracted to someone physically is a psychological human reaction and we are programmed that way. We are programmed to be attracted to certain kinds of people and we have always been that way before Hollywood was around.

First impressions always count and no relationship can be built on more unless there is some intial attraction on some physical level. Looking at it another way, a relationship cannot build on other important things if one party finds the other party UNattractive for whatever reason. It just wont work.

The difference between really good friends and really good friends who are in a relationship IS the physical attraction and chemistry.

I am not saying you have to be hot (either gender) to be attractive to someone else either. Different things appeal to different people. But something has to be there for BOTH parties.

Obviously it goes without saying that if the physicall attraction is ALL there is and there is no real substance to the relationship, then it will also end quickly. You need a degree of both for a long lasting relationship.

There are heaps of other elements too, to a good relationship - but those two are the main ones and we are basically just programmed that way.

It is not an excuse for girls (or men) to treat the opposite gender like toys and treat them badly.

[GK]

Originally Posted by XRchic

Its not just Hollywood though.

I was making the point that the focus is nearly always on the sexual attraction ala Hollywood. My point about well designed body parts was emphasising that sexual intimacy is possible with almost any partner because of this compatability.

I don't deny people find some attractive and others not, we are programmed that way for sure! We all have our preferences. But love is not really love at all, if our focus is only in the physical realm. People are much more than sexual beings! That's the point I was making!

Cheers,

GK

[XRchic]

Originally Posted by GK

I was making the point that the focus is nearly always on the sexual attraction ala Hollywood. My point about well designed body parts was emphasising that sexual intimacy is possible with almost any partner because of this compatability.

I don't deny people find some attractive and others not, we are programmed that way for sure! We all have our preferences. But love is not really love at all, if our focus is only in the physical realm. People are much more than sexual beings! That's the point I was making!

Cheers,

GK

Yep, I see where you are going and its a good point too. I 100% agree with you!

[FRDGAL]

Originally Posted by XRchic

I am not saying you have to be hot (either gender) to be attractive to someone else either. Different things appeal to different people.

I agree with that. You don't need to be "hot" to be attractive. Yeah it helps lol but I don't think it should be the most important thing.

I personally have always been attracted to a persons personality. It's what I see first. Ofcourse I see other things lol ;), I am human after all :P but the right personality will hook me and it really is what I look for and see before anything else. Looks don't mean anything to me. If he has the right personality then that's what matters the most, to me. And who am I to judge another person anyway. I'm no beauty queen myself nor am I perfect.

Far too many people are missing out on wonderful friendships or relationships because of being judged on the outside...

[fiery]

Originally Posted by FRDGAL_AU6

Far too many people are missing out on wonderful friendships or relationships because of being judged on the outside...

That has to be THE best statement of the month if not year... it is so so true......

The way I see it though is, if someone judges me by the way I look then that is their massive loss....

I am a sucker for nice eyes.... :