Dad-ism's...We all have one!

[Kingsley]

'Thats illegal and I'm not talking about a sick bird'....

On butch lesbians 'Look, another bulldyke'. Had no idea what he meant at the time!!!

[5LXHR8]

Originally Posted by prydey

no offense, but the fact that you mentioned 'nan', that just puts a horrible picture in my head

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[Trevor 57]

my dad, when watching movies where someone gets killed would say "that will stop him him farting in church", it still make me grin now and I am 58

[Yellow_Festiva]

I tell my kids to date their work then remind them it doesn't mean taking your work book out for dinner and a movie.

Got a few laughs.

[QLD-Bluey]

Back to the restaurant and steak scenario - whenever I go out for dinner with my daughter (15) and at the end of the meal the waitress comes up and says..... "How'd you find your steak"?
I answer back " I just pushed the chips aside and there it was"!! This always gets a confused frown from the waitress and a massive eye roll from the daughter and me laughing hilariously at my own joke!! Ahhh its good to be a Dad!!

[naddis01]

When the kids ask if they can watch tv you say 'sure just don't turn it on.'

[marty351]

'You smelt it, you dealt it', blaming someone else for a fart,
"droppin' the kids of at the pool"
Usually gets a laugh from young ones.
Usually.

[Yellow_Festiva]

I'm very much going to borrow many of these ;-)

[Mechan1k]

Same here ... some good ones I haven't heard of ... and oldie goldies that I remember from my childhood

[marty351]

Who's been doing burnouts in the toilet bowl?

[MR REKLAW]

Ask my dad how he is? same answer every time,Im all right it's the rest of them.

[LG17]

This is sort of a Dadism. When I was much younger I asked my father what he got the medals for (WW2 medals). His reply was, "Duck shooting."

[maat1985]

two peanuts were walking down the street..... one was a salted.....

are you all right???? no i'm half left......

[maat1985]

i once made a car out of wood.... it also had a wooden motor... when i tried to start it it wooden go.....

[Revolver]

Originally Posted by JC

If a question they ask results in answer that happen to be the words of a song - I sing the answer....

So if they say "What do you want, dad", I might answer "You got nothin' I want" as sung by Cold Chisel....I do it a lot.

I just realised I do the same thing.

My 4 yo Says "What about me?"

And I go full Shannon Noll "It isn't Fair, I've had enough now I want my share!"

One day I said "what about me"and she pulled it on me.

I stood there with a constipated look only face trying to figure out whether to Laugh, or yell "DAMMIT!"

[prydey]

Originally Posted by QLD-Bluey

Back to the restaurant and steak scenario - whenever I go out for dinner with my daughter (15) and at the end of the meal the waitress comes up and says..... "How'd you find your steak"?
I answer back " I just pushed the chips aside and there it was"!! This always gets a confused frown from the waitress and a massive eye roll from the daughter and me laughing hilariously at my own joke!! Ahhh its good to be a Dad!!

just curious, do you have to be a dad to find these funny?? i know i just about sprayed my coffee all over my keyboard then, but pretty sure my mrs would just roll her eyes as well.

i might use that when i next get the opportunity. thats awesome.

[Burnout]

My old man when asked how he liked his steak, he would say, "Rare" when asked how rare, he responded, "Just knock its horns off, wipe its a*s* and throw it on a plate".
I still use that one from time to time....

[Vincenzo]

BURP

Pardon me for being so rude
It was not me it was my food
And if it was below my heart
it would have been a deadly fart!


Cheers Vincenzo

[PALE ALE]

A couple of sayings I learnt from my dad- " if I wanted to hear from an a...hole, I would have farted!" "never been to bed with an ugly woman, but i've woken up with a few!"

[Franco Cozzo]

When someone asks me "what would you know" or something like that I reply with:

Eggs don't bounce, **** smells like **** and you can't buy generals at a general store.

I got it from someone here on AFF, got some lols out of the oldies.

[Burnout]

When dad dropped his gutz, he responded with, "Better an empty house, than a bad tenant".

[monzie]

The more mature members will remember when it cost a penny to use public loo's [spend a penny] and this little ditty was one my dad always trotted out.

Here I sit brokenhearted, paid a penny and only farted
Here I sit very thankfull. paid a penny and did a tankfull.

As a youngster I had some very close calls with no money in my pocket.

[Vincenzo]

Not a Dadism but a Grand Dad ism

When you travel with a woman always make sure she arrives first - This was my Granddad's sex education for me. I was always stumped as to who was going to open the door for her if she arrives first.


Cheers Vincenzo

[thefargo]

Originally Posted by monzie

The more mature members will remember when it cost a penny to use public loo's [spend a penny] and this little ditty was one my dad always trotted out.

Here I sit brokenhearted, paid a penny and only farted
Here I sit very thankfull. paid a penny and did a tankfull.

As a youngster I had some very close calls with no money in my pocket.

here I sit, sly and artful,
got in free, and left a cartfull

[buggerlugs]

Over the lips, past the gums, watch out stomach, here it comes................
We used to ply the old man's plate with tough old steak and peas we didn't like. 3 of us. The old boy would struggle to eat it all but that way we didn't get in trouble with "Mother".........

[XR.1967]

Dad would let a fart go..
Someone would say something..
His reply was "Sorry it slipped out while I wasn't looking"..

His other one he used heaps was "Don't bull**** a bull**** artist"

[Beastie]

When my kids get upset about something, I would say "Would you like a tissue for your issue"

[DBourne]

Originally Posted by QLD-Bluey

Back to the restaurant and steak scenario - whenever I go out for dinner with my daughter (15) and at the end of the meal the waitress comes up and says..... "How'd you find your steak"?
I answer back " I just pushed the chips aside and there it was"!! This always gets a confused frown from the waitress and a massive eye roll from the daughter and me laughing hilariously at my own joke!! Ahhh its good to be a Dad!!

That actually made me laugh out loud haha

[simo23]

There once was a man from gallosham
Who pulled out his balls to wash em
His mother said jack if you don't put em back
I'll jump on the buggers and squash em

[BOSS 540]

If we ever told Dad his fly was undone he'd say
"Advertising gets business"