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Old 24-07-2015, 09:31 PM   #31
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

'Thats illegal and I'm not talking about a sick bird'....

On butch lesbians 'Look, another bulldyke'. Had no idea what he meant at the time!!!
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Old 24-07-2015, 10:20 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by prydey View Post
no offense, but the fact that you mentioned 'nan', that just puts a horrible picture in my head

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Old 25-07-2015, 02:05 AM   #33
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

my dad, when watching movies where someone gets killed would say "that will stop him him farting in church", it still make me grin now and I am 58
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Old 25-07-2015, 08:27 AM   #34
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

I tell my kids to date their work then remind them it doesn't mean taking your work book out for dinner and a movie.

Got a few laughs.
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Old 25-07-2015, 09:30 AM   #35
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Back to the restaurant and steak scenario - whenever I go out for dinner with my daughter (15) and at the end of the meal the waitress comes up and says..... "How'd you find your steak"?
I answer back " I just pushed the chips aside and there it was"!! This always gets a confused frown from the waitress and a massive eye roll from the daughter and me laughing hilariously at my own joke!! Ahhh its good to be a Dad!!
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Old 25-07-2015, 10:50 AM   #36
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

When the kids ask if they can watch tv you say 'sure just don't turn it on.'
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Old 25-07-2015, 04:14 PM   #37
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

'You smelt it, you dealt it', blaming someone else for a fart,
"droppin' the kids of at the pool"
Usually gets a laugh from young ones.
Usually.
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Old 25-07-2015, 05:08 PM   #38
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

I'm very much going to borrow many of these ;-)
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Old 25-07-2015, 05:31 PM   #39
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Same here ... some good ones I haven't heard of ... and oldie goldies that I remember from my childhood
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Old 25-07-2015, 08:11 PM   #40
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Who's been doing burnouts in the toilet bowl?
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Old 25-07-2015, 08:46 PM   #41
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Ask my dad how he is? same answer every time,Im all right it's the rest of them.
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Old 25-07-2015, 09:12 PM   #42
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

This is sort of a Dadism. When I was much younger I asked my father what he got the medals for (WW2 medals). His reply was, "Duck shooting."
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Old 25-07-2015, 10:32 PM   #43
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

two peanuts were walking down the street..... one was a salted.....

are you all right???? no i'm half left......
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Old 25-07-2015, 10:37 PM   #44
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

i once made a car out of wood.... it also had a wooden motor... when i tried to start it it wooden go.....
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Old 26-07-2015, 07:40 AM   #45
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Quote:
Originally Posted by JC View Post
If a question they ask results in answer that happen to be the words of a song - I sing the answer....

So if they say "What do you want, dad", I might answer "You got nothin' I want" as sung by Cold Chisel....I do it a lot.

I just realised I do the same thing.

My 4 yo Says "What about me?"

And I go full Shannon Noll "It isn't Fair, I've had enough now I want my share!"

One day I said "what about me"and she pulled it on me.

I stood there with a constipated look only face trying to figure out whether to Laugh, or yell "DAMMIT!"
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Old 26-07-2015, 09:44 AM   #46
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Quote:
Originally Posted by QLD-Bluey View Post
Back to the restaurant and steak scenario - whenever I go out for dinner with my daughter (15) and at the end of the meal the waitress comes up and says..... "How'd you find your steak"?
I answer back " I just pushed the chips aside and there it was"!! This always gets a confused frown from the waitress and a massive eye roll from the daughter and me laughing hilariously at my own joke!! Ahhh its good to be a Dad!!
just curious, do you have to be a dad to find these funny?? i know i just about sprayed my coffee all over my keyboard then, but pretty sure my mrs would just roll her eyes as well.

i might use that when i next get the opportunity. thats awesome.
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Old 26-07-2015, 06:15 PM   #47
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

My old man when asked how he liked his steak, he would say, "Rare" when asked how rare, he responded, "Just knock its horns off, wipe its a*s* and throw it on a plate".
I still use that one from time to time....
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“Actually it was just call “Gull”, because I named it that. Because we knew it was going to poo on everything”.
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Old 26-07-2015, 07:41 PM   #48
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

BURP

Pardon me for being so rude
It was not me it was my food
And if it was below my heart
it would have been a deadly fart!


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Old 26-07-2015, 10:43 PM   #49
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

A couple of sayings I learnt from my dad- " if I wanted to hear from an a...hole, I would have farted!" "never been to bed with an ugly woman, but i've woken up with a few!"
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Old 26-07-2015, 11:18 PM   #50
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

When someone asks me "what would you know" or something like that I reply with:

Eggs don't bounce, **** smells like **** and you can't buy generals at a general store.

I got it from someone here on AFF, got some lols out of the oldies.
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Old 27-07-2015, 09:43 AM   #51
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

When dad dropped his gutz, he responded with, "Better an empty house, than a bad tenant".
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“Actually it was just call “Gull”, because I named it that. Because we knew it was going to poo on everything”.
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Old 29-07-2015, 12:04 PM   #52
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

The more mature members will remember when it cost a penny to use public loo's [spend a penny] and this little ditty was one my dad always trotted out.

Here I sit brokenhearted, paid a penny and only farted
Here I sit very thankfull. paid a penny and did a tankfull.

As a youngster I had some very close calls with no money in my pocket.
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Old 29-07-2015, 02:33 PM   #53
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Not a Dadism but a Grand Dad ism

When you travel with a woman always make sure she arrives first - This was my Granddad's sex education for me. I was always stumped as to who was going to open the door for her if she arrives first.


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Old 29-07-2015, 05:22 PM   #54
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Quote:
Originally Posted by monzie View Post
The more mature members will remember when it cost a penny to use public loo's [spend a penny] and this little ditty was one my dad always trotted out.

Here I sit brokenhearted, paid a penny and only farted
Here I sit very thankfull. paid a penny and did a tankfull.

As a youngster I had some very close calls with no money in my pocket.

here I sit, sly and artful,
got in free, and left a cartfull
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Old 31-07-2015, 07:06 AM   #55
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Over the lips, past the gums, watch out stomach, here it comes................
We used to ply the old man's plate with tough old steak and peas we didn't like. 3 of us. The old boy would struggle to eat it all but that way we didn't get in trouble with "Mother".........
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Old 31-07-2015, 08:41 AM   #56
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Dad would let a fart go..
Someone would say something..
His reply was "Sorry it slipped out while I wasn't looking"..

His other one he used heaps was "Don't bull**** a bull**** artist"
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Old 31-07-2015, 09:08 AM   #57
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

When my kids get upset about something, I would say "Would you like a tissue for your issue"
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Old 31-07-2015, 09:15 AM   #58
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

Quote:
Originally Posted by QLD-Bluey View Post
Back to the restaurant and steak scenario - whenever I go out for dinner with my daughter (15) and at the end of the meal the waitress comes up and says..... "How'd you find your steak"?
I answer back " I just pushed the chips aside and there it was"!! This always gets a confused frown from the waitress and a massive eye roll from the daughter and me laughing hilariously at my own joke!! Ahhh its good to be a Dad!!
That actually made me laugh out loud haha
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Old 01-08-2015, 07:13 AM   #59
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

There once was a man from gallosham
Who pulled out his balls to wash em
His mother said jack if you don't put em back
I'll jump on the buggers and squash em
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Old 01-08-2015, 07:46 AM   #60
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Default Re: Dad-ism's...We all have one!

If we ever told Dad his fly was undone he'd say
"Advertising gets business"
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