One of the saddest moments in my Life Occured last night.

[ebxr8240]

Stick it out ... But do what you are doing... COMUNICATE !!!!

[old_phoon]

Parenting is a tough gig sometimes......has its ups and downs etc.
My family and I have moved a couple of times (Canada, China, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide). The last time, 4yrs ago was when my boys were 9 & 11 respectively. If we'd given in to everyones initial feeling after several months we'd have moved back to Brisbane. Maybe in future we will, but not in the 1st couple of years. My lads now really enjoy living in SA, they are adament they will return to Brissy but it took ~18mnths before they really felt "accepted". We went through very similar exeriences you/family are experiencing...it is normal.
I agree with a lot of people have said, stick it out and encourage your boy to continue to communicate with friends, family. Tell him to e-mail, send photos, letters(yes lsnail mail) discuss differences in lifestyles etc and not to worry if not everyone imeadiately replies.
Do not let him do this every day though....
Good luck, enjoy the variety of life
Cheers
Frank

[XTGTinterceptor]

The answer lies in the last parragraph buddy, you can sort of agree with him. But if you diddnt, I never liked moving ,period leaving new friends behind and a long way from family. As a child I had no choice open or not.Funny thogh I still dont adapt well to the thought of change but no one can tell apparently it goes un seen and then i get used to it. I have known kookaburras that never live in adifferent tree and are so scared of the unknown and fear change that they never grow as a person and stick to the same old and become a pawn in society. I have such a wide field of knowledge that I can live defensively without too much saccrifice and adapt to different cultures and types of people talk on all subject matters and hold convisations at all levels. but as noticed with my neice when my sister was taken and she moved in with her dad and he moved to QLD we are having trouble with the preciouse time that was lost at her young age, it seems to be the foundational time for bonding, thats the key. up to you in the end whats more important to you for him to miss nonna or dadda.

[Falc'man]

Originally Posted by Bucknaked

The first part of the opening paragraph had me thinking the worst.

By Chirstmas time, he may change his mind. He will be home sick and to him it's a big thing. .For any 8 year old, its a huge thing to be away from the people he's grown up with Nan and pop are very important people in his life. It's a new surround, and it's hard for him to adjust. All he has is mum and dad. But he is used to having more family around him. Maybe he is a little scared and feels a little isolated.

Boy does that bring back childhood memories... Its very difficult. I can see exactly what he's going through and nothing will replace what he's missing. Plus, do you really want him to pick up that accent lol?

[GK]

The hardest thing is to try and decide what's best for your whole family.

Often we suspect that means stacks of dough, but that's not it. He's very attached to his grandparents which is a lovely thing.

I wouldn't be rushing home though, as others have said, he'll start getting used to it, when he gets a few mates he'll be right, plus you could also get him the BB gun! LOL!

The advice about spending lots of time with them is also very good. Money means not much really, family is the central focus of a man's life, at least it should be.

All the best with it.

GK

[schnoods]

Stick it out mate, You have worked hard your entire life to get where you are where as your son still has a long way to go, a little bit of sacrifice goes along way. By the time you can move back to Aus, he probably wouldnt want to leave!

[BadMac]

You are on the right track. Come Xmas it will be easy to decide, Family is always first, you can get a job anywhere. I mean how much money is enough (although as you say, if you decide to come home, send the family and work out the time, I hate throwing money away). And thats from somebody who has tossed in very well paid jobs to be with my Family (somehow it always works out, 4 years back tossed in a $150k job, decided to do some commercial development, cleared over a million that year). By the way, we having been looking for SAP staff for ages, just no one around (especially not for the money we pay compared to those contract implementation jobs). I have a mate who made $280k last year flying from NZ to Aus weekly (Sydney) and doing SAP work (hes good at the intergration/interfaces area).

[JAJH]

Kids are incredibly resilient, given time it might be your son who has trouble leaving the USA because HE has found a new life and friends. I presume you only have one child? If I can make a suggestion...being a father of 6 myself, if you nurture his instability and cater to his demands, you will end up being subconsciously manipulated by him because he will get what HE wants by playing on his emotions with you. I am not trying to sound harsh towards your son, but unfortunately, kids do play on their parents emotions to get what they want. No doubt your son misses Australia and his friends and family, but believe me, he will adapt, quicker than you might think. You & your wife must be united, stable in thought and sound in resolve. If your son sees this in his parents, he will follow suit. As a child, I was in a very similar position when my parents moved from the UK to Australia with no friends or family here to rely on. Now to this day I have never once wanted to go back where I came from, this IS my home.

[GCFordChic]

I love Australia, but I would have loved to have grown up in the UK. Since I was 2 and a half the only family I have had around me were my parents and brothers and sister. What I would give to have had my grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins living down the road...

Even now I am considering who to invite to our wedding, I will invite the family and hope a few make a holiday out of it, but in the end I don't really know them.

Phone calls and letters only convey so much. The envy I felt when I was younger upon hearing my friends stories of their time spent with their grandparents/extended family was sometimes hard to bear.

But on the plus side, I don't hold any grudges towards my parents because we are not poor and we are a very close family of 6.

If it is only for a short while, stick it out, he will adapt and look forward to coming back with millions of stories and experiences to share. If it is a long term thing, think about the kind of family you want.

[nobbystang]

Originally Posted by shane3

he is an 8 year old child and has no concept of how things work in the world, besides you have the net, go and get a web cam and he can talk to and see ALL of the people that he wants to, problem solved.

Pretty sure he wrote he already has the webcam setup to speak to his grandparents??

I'd give him more time, its always hard moving and while he knows no-one now, I'm sure he'll make alot of friends in no time. Looking back he'll only regret missing this opportunity, and if its only short term like you state he probably will be keen to stay by the time its ready to move.

If it were me, I'd be waiting til after xmas, he is able to communicate with you guys which is proof that he trusts you. Hope the little man cheers up, it's a good experience that will benefit him later in life. Good Luck

[NatashaED]

It is very likely that he will make some nice friends while he is over there, and he may like to go stay with his grandparents for a few weeks during holidays and things. My dad was in the Navy while i was growing up, and we did a lot of moving around, i thingk i went to 5 primary schools and 4 high schools, i turned out a bit weird an all but all up it didn't damage me much, i used to hate moving, and i hated it when i had to move away from one of my grandmothers [the one i still like today] and i am 21 now and i still go stay with her and i cry when i leave, but i've always had my dad spend time with me no matter where we were, or where he was he would always call me, or make time for me when i was little [still does now] and that made all the difference, i was happy most of the time because even though i was far away from carol, i had my dad to talk about everything with. Also my mum's friend just came back from USA with her daughter, they went over there coz her partner [now ex] got a good job over there, and jasmine hated it at first,but by the end didn't even want to leave...
i would say smother him with your attention when you can, not spoil him, but make heaps of effort and do heaps of things with him, even if it is Lara or you just sitting there watching TV with him with ur arm around him, nd in the add breaks muck around, dad used to do that with my sister and myself, we would watch TV and then in the adds he would tickle us and we would all stop when the show cameback on otherwise mum would yell. and it really did make the difference, coz iknew i missed people, but i knew i could never live in another country from my dad coz he loved me so much and enjoyed his time with me.
So my advice is make him happy withbeing with you not where he lives, coz living somewhere doesn't matter if he is with parents he can't bare to be away from.

[Den.]

Ironically. my wife and I have had that discussion as to how it will affect the kids because WE want to move to AUS to GET AWAY from the States!! LOL. (As far away as bloody possible!!!!!! But that's another subject!! And yes there are many other reasons but getting away from "them" is a BIG swaying point!)

Anyways. You're just being a good parent. Many people don't give a S*** what the "kids think". We've had many a conversation about this. About how it will affect our three girls. (They're 7 1/2, 6 and 4). Now as far as My wife's Mom, well, her dying is what'll finance the move. Not to be morbid, just the truth.

The one we worry about is MY Mom. As for anyone else, WE don't care but the kids are going to miss their friends, etc. It would be a HUGE change on them and especially on our 6 year old as she HATES "change".

So, yes. It's normal to put the kids first for us. After all, anything we do is basically for THEM!! Truth is, moving to Tas (where we been planning) would really destabilize US but we feel our kids would be SAFER (from the U.S.) there.

But still. Bottom line is, how will it affect them? Good or bad? We been trying to find the answer and I guess we won't know until we are ready to make the move. maybe by then, they might feel differently.

Even moving a few hours away, we think about the effect on them.

Just part of being parents. All you can do is explain things to him best you can and make the decision over time.

[zigzagnt]

I don't really know if you guys want to hear this but i have some thoughts having gone through a similar thing a few years ago.Anyway i always struggled at school due to my disability,My Dad was asked by his (then) boss to go down to brisbane (from darwin) so anyway we went even though i was in first term of year 10 and as i said had always struggled at school,anyhow when my parents were considering the move i told them i was still struggling,However a few weeks later (after they decided to move) i started doing better at school.So going from darwin to brisbane(which i hated btw) things for me went backwards!!! anyway after we had been there about 9 months we came back to darwin as both my grandfathers were still here and had both gotten ill.So we got back in the december and i returned to my old school,but i struggled again (this time due to an undetected medical problem) so i did year 11 and a term of 12 back here and am not doing now due to all the upheavals.So as i said i realise its not quite the same but similar.

[Van D]

One thing i'll ask, if you don't mind.. Do you really want your son growing up in the USA culture? I mean, everything from social, to food, to schooling (being taught US history from their viewpoint etc) will be going into his system.

Just a thought...

[bingoTE50]

Get your kids settled by their teens , thats my advice. I moved my kids from Sydney to Brisbane when my eldest was 11 . We have not looked back. He will adjust for sure.

[uranium_death]

I don't think there is an easy solution, as there never is when dealing with people, let alone our own family, especially when emotion is involved.

I think that the fact that your son is prepared to openly share his problems with you is really encouraging. How you deal with it depends on what you really want to do.
Staying may be a good idea, but you need to explain to your son that when people move, sometimes it is hard at first but given time, things will get better.

U.S education is superior to Australian education and although he may learn U.S history, he may not exactly swallow it with as much enthusiasm. He will benefit from their education system. How he eats (re: food) is up to you as a parent (these points in response to popinfresh).

But I think he needs to stick it out and really give it a go. It's common to be homesick so early in the process. Even encourage his resilience should he decide to battle through and make sure you let him know how much you appreciate it.

[gngtho]

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

So I was putting Lachlan (my 8 yr old) to bed last night, and all of a sudden he hugged me so so tight, as always he told me he loves me and I told him that I love him as well, I asked him what was the matter and he told me.

"Daddy I miss my friends, I miss my Nanna and Poppy, I miss my Nonna and Nonno (Lara's Parents), I miss Zio and Zia, I miss Alex and Claudia, and I miss Ted and Alby, he then burst into tears like only a small child could, and sobbed his heart out whilst hugging me tightly, he then told me in his own words " I like America, but I want to go back to Australia" I was shattered and heartbroken, firstly cause its my fault my little man is so upset, and secondly cause I felt I failed him cause I never seen any of this. I was so proud he had the courage to tell me, but also its one of the best things as a parent, having your child truely and openly communicate with you.

Lara and I spent a while talking thru things with him, and have agreed we will stick it out over here at least until Christmas, and if at such time he still isnt happy over here, Lara and him will head back to Australia and I will try to see out the remander of the minimum time I have to be here (cant remember if its 12 or 18 months) and then may return.

I guess in all my question is...

if your Child was unhappy cause of a choice you made, would you sacrifice your career and money for the simple happiness of them. I love my boy and I know my parents are heartbroken at him not being there every weekend. I also know I would be able to get work back in Australia simply.

Strange thing is I am not all that upset at the prospect of leaving the USA and heading home. At the end of the day its only money. And I think the relationship mine and Lara's parents have with Lachlan is more important than a hand full of dollars. Maybe this move to the USA has taught all of us more about who we are and whats important to us, more than making some $$$ and a adventure.


What would you do?

Im not a pearent but ive worked with children as a social worker, and generaly the best way to hear the facts is through your child wich alot of pearents tend to ignor.

in some cases a child will say something and a while later this will be in the past, but if the child is realy distressed by a move or a relatives loss of life or some other expiriance they have had wich has affected them in a big way they can either get stronger from it or it can lead into more stress for the child, if your child is sad about leaving his family in australia you should talk to him about it and try to comfort him. If it gets worse for him as time goes on well the one best thing you can do is come back, after all money can be made anywere your childs mind is fragile and should not be taken forgranted.

[JC]

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

So I was putting Lachlan (my 8 yr old) to bed last night, and all of a sudden he hugged me so so tight, as always he told me he loves me and I told him that I love him as well, I asked him what was the matter and he told me.

"Daddy I miss my friends, I miss my Nanna and Poppy, I miss my Nonna and Nonno (Lara's Parents), I miss Zio and Zia, I miss Alex and Claudia, and I miss Ted and Alby, he then burst into tears like only a small child could, and sobbed his heart out whilst hugging me tightly, he then told me in his own words " I like America, but I want to go back to Australia" I was shattered and heartbroken, firstly cause its my fault my little man is so upset, and secondly cause I felt I failed him cause I never seen any of this. I was so proud he had the courage to tell me, but also its one of the best things as a parent, having your child truely and openly communicate with you.

Lara and I spent a while talking thru things with him, and have agreed we will stick it out over here at least until Christmas, and if at such time he still isnt happy over here, Lara and him will head back to Australia and I will try to see out the remander of the minimum time I have to be here (cant remember if its 12 or 18 months) and then may return.

I guess in all my question is...

if your Child was unhappy cause of a choice you made, would you sacrifice your career and money for the simple happiness of them. I love my boy and I know my parents are heartbroken at him not being there every weekend. I also know I would be able to get work back in Australia simply.

Strange thing is I am not all that upset at the prospect of leaving the USA and heading home. At the end of the day its only money. And I think the relationship mine and Lara's parents have with Lachlan is more important than a hand full of dollars. Maybe this move to the USA has taught all of us more about who we are and whats important to us, more than making some $$$ and a adventure.


What would you do?

I moved around a bit as a kid, and made friends everywhere we went, but didn't really miss one place or another, any more than the previous place. I think it makes a person adaptable.

I have 3 boys, and if any one their reactions was like your son's, then I would be moving back "home" as fast as humanly possible. The Christmas compromise is a good one, IMO - it gives him something to look forward to, but you have to keep your word.

I initially thought he was going to tell you he likes Fords!

[gngtho]

Originally Posted by uranium_death

I don't think there is an easy solution, as there never is when dealing with people, let alone our own family, especially when emotion is involved.

I think that the fact that your son is prepared to openly share his problems with you is really encouraging. How you deal with it depends on what you really want to do.
Staying may be a good idea, but you need to explain to your son that when people move, sometimes it is hard at first but given time, things will get better.

U.S education is superior to Australian education and although he may learn U.S history, he may not exactly swallow it with as much enthusiasm. He will benefit from their education system. How he eats (re: food) is up to you as a parent (these points in response to popinfresh).

But I think he needs to stick it out and really give it a go. It's common to be homesick so early in the process. Even encourage his resilience should he decide to battle through and make sure you let him know how much you appreciate it.

Im sorry mate but i dissagry with the educaton thing.

No ones education is better than anywere but the pearents education.

Its not the teachers fault either, its how you teach your kids to react to education.

if you sit there saying education and teachers in australia or were ever are sh#t and bag teachers in front of your kids they will in turn have the same ideas as you and will not take to education very well, thus rebelling against it all together.

If you encourage them and help and support them through school they will take to it abit better and hopefully the other influences ( friends, other parents wont be a prob to manage).

How many doctors and good ones have we got, and lawyers, and engeniers ect ect.....

Think about it its what you teach your children that reflect on thier idias, and thoughts.

[uranium_death]

I have known a lot of Yanks and they look at what I was learning back in year 10 and say, "We were doing this back in year 7".

That's what I was amounting to. Your statement has a lot of merit though as yes, parents have a supreme responsibility to create a learning culture at home and help in their children's education, as well as teaching personal and social skills along the way.

[Van D]

Originally Posted by uranium_death

I have known a lot of Yanks and they look at what I was learning back in year 10 and say, "We were doing this back in year 7".

That's what I was amounting to. Your statement has a lot of merit though as yes, parents have a supreme responsibility to create a learning culture at home and help in their children's education, as well as teaching personal and social skills along the way.

Hmm, maybe college is different then? A fair few people who went to my school in my year or a a few above went to the states after high school instead of going to uni over here. Said it was the easiest thing in the world?

Oh well, that's another topic..

[uranium_death]

Originally Posted by popinfresh

Hmm, maybe college is different then? A fair few people who went to my school in my year or a a few above went to the states after high school instead of going to uni over here. Said it was the easiest thing in the world?

Oh well, that's another topic..

I guess there is no easy answer

[MYVYSS]

Originally Posted by JC

I initially thought he was going to tell you he likes Fords!

LOL he does...But thats never been an issue for me, Well I do bleed Red, but thats cause we all do, Yes I am a Holden fan, but its not something I would let consume me, he is his own person and if he choses to support the blue oval, I will as his dad, support that and buy him all the ford gear he wants. I havent had the SS since Feb now when I sold it to move over here, And our only car purchase here so far is a VW Passat wagon (must say I am impressed with it). He is the best kid, and I would do anything to ensure he is as happy as I can make it (being reasonable of course). I know the love i got from my parents, so thats something I want to also share with my child. I just want to make sure, he understands that I am here to listen and support him as much as possible, you see so many parents that when or if something goes wrong, are like I never seen that, I never heard him speak like that, I want to be as big a part of his life that i can be, I not only want to be his dad, but also to some extent his best friend. I never want to find something out second hand about him (I am sure I will, but if I can limit this, I might be onto something right). The last couple of weeks I have watched him go thru the highs and lows of being away. Just Friday night he was running around the house with the webcam and laptop showing his friends and our families around the house, this is that, this is the office, this is my room/bathroom, this our BIG telly (oh look top gear is on)...and really having fun.

I thank everyone for the replies and insights into there experiences, and hope that at some stage in the future, I can update this thread with either a "we are coming home, or we just brought a house" until then, I guess we have the forthcoming trip to Vegas to look forward to (4 Days) and then a long weekend in LA...

Then there is still bloody Thanksgiving...I still dont even know, nor want to know what that one is about, all I care about is I get 5 days off...lol