Hard Lesson

[deesun]

I reckon theres a few on here that don't or haven't had an 18 year old female in the house. I have. Make her pay the lot. She didn't respect your property by parking it where she shouldn't. Typical of an 18yr old. You allow her to live FOC and she hasn't saved a cent,typical. Shortly she will want you to buy her a new car FOC. Then you will be paying all the extras,ins,rego,tunes,anything and everything. She will have learnt nothing and will expect everything. I know they aren't ALL the same and I'll be flamed by some but unless you have had the experience then suck it up.

[calais]

I have been in a very similar situation to this.

When I was 17 and had only had my P's for three weeks, I had a 15km/h or thereabouts fenderbender in heavy traffic, It wrecked the front end of my car (or so I thought, what would I know I was 17?) and stuffed this other poor blokes lantra. I was lucky that I was able to pay for Third Party Property Damage insurance when Dad gave me the keys the day I got my licence. As I was still in high school, and earning just enough to keep juice in the tank, I asked my parents to help bail me out with the excess, and they did.

As my old man always said when I was younger, theres no such thing as a free lunch, so I had to pay them back somehow, and as a fit and able 17y/o male, I did.... with chores, mowing lawns, washing cars, mending things, driving my sister to lessons and grocery shopping and the like.... and paying my way to repair to my own car. Mum and Dad never actually asked for any cash back, but only recently said that what I gave back to them in company and effort and to see how I had grown from the accident was repayment enough.

Needless to say, I havent had an accident since (6 years now) and the way I was helped by my parents has brought me closer to them (dad helped me to source new parts from wreckers without getting ripped off and taught me how to spray and use panel tools), and made growing up and learning the value of money and the need to use it wisely all the more important.

Its something I am actually looking forward to imparting to my children should I ever convince my partner to have any.......

[RG]

Last time I checked car parks were there to be parked in.

Had she of parked in the middle of the road or somewhere else inappropriate then fair enough, but having a car hit in a car park through no fault of her own is something you really can't blame her for. It's not as if she has deliberately gone out and done this is it. She would already have been feeling like crap about it and then comes home, tells you and cops your wrath.

Be careful is all I am going to say, she might start not telling you anything if this is how you react over something relatively minor.

[xtremerus]

Originally Posted by B mobile

Iwould tell her she is up for the $750 excess and that will affect her NCB ect. She will have a hissy fit ect at that suggestion. Then when it all cools down a little let her know you wont put it through the insurance but you want her to pay half the repair costs {approx $500 she wont like it but when she sees you are paying half and she gets out of it cheaper then she will agree. You got to teach her a life lesson, that Daddy will not allways be there to bail her out. Oh and let her pay the $500 off over 2 months or something like that.

I would go with that idea.

[GK]

It's your car, she was told that if she damaged it, she'd have to pay for it. It got damaged on her watch, therefore she's responsible. You explained this clearly to her. I don't see an issue if you make her pay, either with or without the insurance claim. Up to you.

She's living at home FOC and spends all her money as she sees fit. She's not saved for a car of her own and is freely being allowed to use one of yours. Now she needs to take responsibility for that.

This is what you said, so perhaps that's what you should do.

IF HOWEVER

You said if you damage the car, you'll have to chip in to have it fixed, and then have tried to make her pay the lot, then I'd reckon you're being too harsh. You could (in this instance) also have decided yourself just how much she should chip in, a lot a little, it'd be up to you. But that wasn't what you both agreed to.

If you totally let her off, you have another dilemna IMO, you've gone back on what you said. Why should she then take what you say next time seriously?

Hard lesson for her, but life's lessons are sometimes exactly that!

THEN OF COURSE

You may truly wish to show her total unmerited grace at your expence, saying that you've changed your mind and that next time she'll have to pay. If doing this though, you are pretty sure she won't understand the grace shown, then the harder action is probably more preferred.

She's your daughter, the car is yours, so it's all up to you. You know what she needs to help her become the more mature person.

All the best with your deliberations.

GK

[Green X]

Bit harsh mate considering it was just parked in a car park, when i was younger i borrowed my dad's new car (3 Months old) and scratched the hell out of it on a car park boom gate (was P-off obout something at work and was just not concentrating) , I came clean with him about how it happened told him i would pay for it.

Dad told me not to worry about it and he would take car of it, this was his first new car in 10 years!

$350 isn't that much Now, even when your living at home, at best she would save $100 a week and being a 18 year old girl she would be saving zip!!

I'm no a Farther but my feeling is why punish ya kids for something that's not really that bad, if they take the car without asking or do something irresponsible that is when you blow up at em

[BA_GTR]

Another 18 year old's perspective here..

It may simply be her impression that "it's just a car". When I park my BF Ghia anywhere, I try and either find a corner slot so I can park right on the edge or I find an area with lots of empty slots and park it. I don't work at all and my parents pay for everything, but I care for my car more than my mum (probably due to the rationality above). My dad is too busy working, and as a result I am the primary care taker of the cars. He is the one who showed me that it is important to take care of cars (The AU was bought under the condition that I clean it and maintain it). I spend a lot of time cleaning the car and I also spend money trying to take care of it as well (eg. "my" money investing in car care products)

Because I drive to uni, I intentionally take the AUII which has been used and abused so that the BF doesn't rack up K's quickly and any dents that it gets wouldn't : me off. It is seen as purely an A to B car. One day a guy opened his door onto my passenger side mirror in the BF, and I swear to god if I had a bat there...

Making her pay for a portion of it would be the most appropriate thing to do, she needs to value it as something that should be taken care of. If she doesn't seem to share that opinion, she probably shouldn't be driving a nice car. She actually works for her "stuff", so she is much better than many teenagers who leech off their parents (ie me :P)

My 2 cents.

Good luck with your decision

[peaandham]

OK well being a 17 year old lad myself i believe you were being too soft on her living at home Free of charge, no responsibilities but a Full time job, well it seems to me that she has been given no sense of what a dollar is worth, and i believe it is up to the parents to teach an understanding of a dollar and further more every bad action has a consequence, but i still dont see this as being her fault if you believe so and you have told her in the past not to park near other cars then sure make her pay, otherwise just like others said Chaulk it upto a life lesson scenario !

In Summary: Living at home FOC seems soft/easy, so when something that isnt her fault happens dont come out all guns blazing

[kyro_02]

my gf shops every weekend, even attempts it on her thursday pay day, and is left with nothing. and she comes to me, but most the times i wont have a bar of it

she gets $750 a week, and its gone in a blink of an eye

teach her a lesson and have some money control (even if its $350) i don't really have a job, and im working in between jobs each week -- the last 2 months i've only been doing 1 day a week jobs, and only get like $250 for the week, i have a loan and credit card, and im managing!

[red_hotxr6]

Oh come on, how many people park, 500 metres away from an entrance. Its not her fault that some moron decided to rearrange the car.I really hope you were a bit more supportive towards your daughter. Ever stop to think, what if she was in the car and got hit....you would be ropeable..calm down...

[Nikked]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

Thats over harsh, someone crashed into the car and buggered off, as you say. Why proclaim such things when in reality she did nothing wrong?

If some one crashes into your car when your driving does that mean that you don't know the value of things? Or that you should drive the car?

Why don't you charge board? As soon as i started earning money, bam, board.

:

[Bucknaked]

I don't think it's harsh at all. There are consequences to the choices we make. Teaching his daughter to take responsibility. She knew before she took the car that if something happens, then it's on her head. She choose to take the car. Therefore, she has agreed to the conditions.

In the 12 months she has been working, she has been getting a good deal at home. She's not saved a cent, and buys stuff when she wants. She's not learn't the value of a dollar, and the fact of getting a good deal at home, maybe she is of the opinion that mum and dad will foot the bill, because that is what mum and dad have been doing. Also maybe the cost of repairs to her is wasted money, because it's not going towards something she wants.

$350 a week is not much, but as she's doesn't have to worry about food, board or bills, she should have at least proved she can save something. They arn't asking her to put away every cent. Just demonstrate she can manage her own finances.

In the real world, if she had her car damaged, she would have to pay the excess to get it fixed. So because she lives at home, mum and dad taking the hard line seems a little unfair? How so? She's working, she's got her own money. She can pay for it. After all, that was the terms she agreed to by taking the car.

My mum and dad bought me my first car. They put it in my name and made me take out 3rd party. Within 1 day of ownership, I put a dent in it when i hit a tree. I didn't have the money to fix it. Mum and dad said she was my car, my damage, my repair cost. All they did was to give me the money to buy that car.

I wonder whether some of you guys would say the same thing if this happened to you and your child?

[peaandham]

+1 for what red_hotxr6 said

just be thankful you daughter didnt get hurt !

[1LOUDXFUTE]

Originally Posted by B mobile

Iwould tell her she is up for the $750 excess and that will affect her NCB ect. She will have a hissy fit ect at that suggestion. Then when it all cools down a little let her know you wont put it through the insurance but you want her to pay half the repair costs {approx $500 she wont like it but when she sees you are paying half and she gets out of it cheaper then she will agree. You got to teach her a life lesson, that Daddy will not allways be there to bail her out. Oh and let her pay the $500 off over 2 months or something like that.

I agree. If she crashed it, well thats another story. This wasnt her fault. Be easy on her
As for not parking it in the otherside of the carpark? :

As for her living at home FOC.. well thats another issue altogether. I paid board as soon as i started earning money.

[GS608]

Originally Posted by peaandham

+1 for what red_hotxr6 said

just be thankful you daughter didnt get hurt !

its just a carpark prang, she wasn't in a car crash.

sometimes you need tough love, obviously she needs to learn the value of a $, it may not be her fault but thats life, the car was in her possession when it happened, if it was your car and it was dinged while a brother or sister or mate was borrowing it would you just say oh well it happens, don't worry about it i'll pay for it.

What happens if you do cover it? What happens when she gets her own car, same thing happens and comes to you expecting that you'd cover it?

As for the board thing, i know a girl who was forced to pay $50 a week board to her rents when she was only 15, i start paying board when i leave high school

[Green X]

Originally Posted by XR-CHIEF

sometimes you need tough love, obviously she needs to learn the value of a $, it may not be her fault but thats life, the car was in her possession when it happened, if it was your car and it was dinged while a brother or sister or mate was borrowing it would you just say oh well it happens, don't worry about it i'll pay for it.

What happens if you do cover it? What happens when she gets her own car, same thing happens and comes to you expecting that you'd cover it?

As for the board thing, i know a girl who was forced to pay $50 a week board to her rents when she was only 15, i start paying board when i leave high school

If it was my brother he would pay for it cause well he's my brother LOL.
If it was my daughter or son and they were a good kid i would cut em some slack cause that's what my parents did from me when i was younger.

15 and paying Board Harsh! Hell I'm 24 and work as a mechanical contractor in Mining and Earn well allot, I drift in and out of my parents place as i please Just moved back in 6 weeks ago, Don't pay board or for food and my folks are cool with that cause they know I do the Right thing by them and the rest of the family. Right or wrong this is my relationship with my folks and we get on allot better than allot of my friends do who's parents busted there a## over evrything!

[cant]

I would want to know EXACTLY where the car was parked, then go to the shopping centre and request their video footage and chase down the REAL culprit in this matter !!

After all we are so monitored these days, this only works if she is being honest with you thou..

Tough lesson, but she needs to learn the true $$ value, and how to save for such unplanned/forseen costs and problems........

.
.

[FPV+fteT3]

I am enjoying reading the responses obviously some of you have kids and have had to make decisions before and some well hmmm. I have not made a definate decision yet what to do however this may come as a suprise to you but my daughter wants the car back to how it used to look and is willing to pay for it. I actually bought the subie because I consider the awd,traction control, antilock brakes, air bags etc make it a very safe car and an easy car for my 2 girls to drive. I bought the best car I could afford for them to use and reliable low k's something I hope if they get into real trouble in they are safe. (Like a Fully maintained fleet vehicle incl rego and ins,) add the fuel and off ya go. Rules #just look after it no one else drives it and dont bend it#
Sooner or later as a parent you have to stop wrapping your kids in cotton wool and if this is the worst that happens to her how lucky is she.
How long do you have to keep picking up the tab? She has a full time job I am single and bringing up 2 daughters since they were 4 & 6 they are now 16 & 18 and what you do for 1 you have to be able to do for the other IMO. I am going to let her read all of the posts in this thread and let her respond to it.
All my cars come with manuals the hardest job being a parent is seat of the pants flying blind stuff no instruction book and I am really interested in what you all would do.

[Trendseeker]

Comment withdrawn.

[Jack91]

If she wants to pay for it then good. Unbelievable the amount of people saying pay half, well instead of paying half, why wouldnt he just buy her a new car, new house and pay her wage so she doesnt have to work. Makes no difference whether she was at fault or not, the car is in her posession thats that. If it WASNT in her posession it would have been at home or somewhere else, so the incident would not have happened. Im 18 too, and its about time your daughter learned that life sucks sometimes.

[schnoods]

Although i reckon its a tad harsh getting her to foot the bill, She does have to pay for usage of the car and the liabilities that come with it (IE damage, etc).


Half of the cost/excess seems like a fair trade off, although i don't believe that someone had pranged the car in a carpark and done a runner, i would give her the benefit of the doubt, but still has to pay.

350 a week for an 18 year old isnt the world in terms of dollars, but enough to warrant some sort of board or responsibility. I know when i just got my licence, even though i went out and bought my own car from my own savings from working, i was hinting to my old man about a car for an 18th birthday present.

He (being the German he is) replied " I gave you life, i gave you an education, what more do you Fking want?"

[Yellow_Festiva]

I would keep it out of the hands of insurance all together.

If she can blow 350 a week on stuff, she can put 100 of that a week towards the repairs.

Cast your mind back.... remember what you got up to when you were 18 with a car?? I don't think you are being harsh with her at all.

Come to an agreement with her. Whatever she saves for a car, you match it dollar for dollar. Do not allow her to drive your car again. This will get her to start to watch where she blows her money. If she really wanted a set of wheels she could put together 2 grand and you throw in 2 grand and that will buy a very decent first car in todays market.

Does she work weekends? If not, why not?

[gocruzin]

I live at home myself and work. But I don't blow my weeks earnings on "stuff" I put at least half my wages away in a savings account for a house deposit. I think it is time for your daughter to start learning to save for a rainy day so stick to your guns, better she learns from you than a loan officer or worse.
I personaly would pay for the damage or at least try. If she does try help her out but if she doesn't let her pay the lot. It's only fair

[Rodp]

Sounds like potentially one of those moments that can dictate behavior for years to come.

If it were my daughter, she'd be ponying up the dough - probably by installments after I paid for the damage but she would pay back every single cent. May not have been her fault but it certainly wasn't yours, so why should you be the one out of pocket?

If you pay half or even all, what she has learned is - I can make a booboo, still spend all my dough on what I want and someone will clean up after me. I don't think I'd want my daughter with that mindset - it rarely ends well.

[needaXYGT]

Now let's see.
Number 1 daughter in the old XF, took the roundabout in the wet like Ayrton Senna on a hot lap, swapped ends on the exit and clouted the kerb bigtime folding the right front wheel up under the car. I won't mention the ticket I got for having the car parked illegally. Sent the cops a photo and they withdrew the fine.
Number 2 daughter shortly after getting her licence, went through the giveway sign (" I didn't see it, it was hiding behind the tree!") and cleaned up a car load of unfortunate looking individuals who'd just purchased the car that day (a $900 Mazda if I remember correctly). The XF was written off.
Number 2 daughter again, just recently reversed into the G6ET whilst it was minding it's own business sitting quietly in the driveway. WTF!!!
Number 3 son (the one with a head like a bucket of smashed crabs, you know who you are!) took the bend in the dirt a bit quick and speared the AUII Ghia through the cyclone wire fencing ("I was only doing 20kph. Honest!" f%#&@* Bullsh!t!!!). He "Currently does not have a car!!" Gee, I wonder who that might be?
Number 4 son is fortunately at Uni and doesn't have his L's yet, thank God.
I won't mention all the little scrapes, bumps and the gouging of alloy rims up against the kerbing and the accidents they've all had in their own vehicles.
Kids. 20 seconds of pleasure swapped for 20 years of misery!

Now enlighten everyone on your 'Accidents'!

[naddis01]

Get her to pay board. Nothing for the damage. It wasnt her fault for gods sake. A carpark is exactly that. If it was her fault then yes get her to pay for it.

$18200pa is ALOT of disposable income. I wish I had that much! I think she can afford to pay board.

[pauljh74]

Split the bill if you want to be generous
As for helping her save - require her to make a $100/week payment into a compulsory saving fund. Put it in a higher interest savings account. Then when there's enough for a car and insurance, give it back. Continue it afterwards - take the cash from her and bank it if she can't curb her spending habits enough to put money away.

While $350/week isn't much, for someone living at home with no living costs, to have saved nothing is woeful. No cash and no car after a full year is not good.

First job I had was casual - 25 hours/week. Parents loaned me some money towards my first car at 20 years old and it was paid off at $100/week without fail. Used the credit card some weeks to get through - usually from fixing the car, but I recovered quickly.

[EVL BOS]

im 21 now but the same thing happened to me when i was 19, i parked my old car were no one else had parked so it wouldn't get hit but still ended up with a lady hitting another car then spearing off into mine, in other words doesn't matter were u park, you will still get hit, as for the other party driving off happens far to often the other week my sister saw a lady back into a commodore then drive off, and she noticed she hit it cause she hit it hard at least my sister got her rego and put it on the windscreen of the car she hit. at the time of my accident i was at tafe paying my parents $200 a month for the loan they gave me for my first car and plus the thousands i was spending on it just to keep it on the road and i was only working 9 hours a week so she can save she just doesn't want to, as for the insurance issue get a quote first then talk to your insurance cause even though she wasn't in the car the age excess still applies. but from the sounds of it she's willing to pay to get the car fixed then tell her that you will go halves in the cost of the repairs, explain to her that if she doesn't start saving towards a car of her own that she loses the privilege of driving yours cause if she likes it that much she can buy her own, if she doesn't already pay her own phone bill make her, cause it sounds like she needs to learn the value of money. thats just my thoughts.

[dandandandan]

Originally Posted by Barry_v

be nice to your kids. they decide which old folks home you go to.

Hahaha. Well said.

On the topic, the car was in her care so she should defs have a hand in repair bills. Does she chip in for the insurance as well seeing that you mentioned she was a listed driver?
It's a bit of tough love but hopefully it shapes her into a responsible adult.

Also the second any of your vehicles leave your home/work, you are pretty much asking for trouble with the amount of terrible drivers out there :S

[Tucool]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago has not managed to save anything of her pay in a year when asked where the money is spent "I buy stuff with it " well i said you can use the subaru dont bend it or you will fix it (02impreza).

Last thurs night she went to glendale shopping centre to buy more stuff and someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

I thought it was just me,the only difference is mines a know it all son!!!