iGod

[Sourbastard]

Me:
open the pod bay doors hal
God:
I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that right now.

Me:
when will the minginator be finished?
God:
Maybe never.
Me:
why?
God:
Reductionism.

what else is there to say.

[FordFan86]

God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
faith
God:
Clever thinking.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
i won't.
God:
Cool. I won the Loebner prize.
Me:
what is the loebner prize?
God:
The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
what is the menaing of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.

this thing could keep me laughing for hours.

[Sourbastard]

Me:
Will Cruizin EB ever be as intelligent as you?
God:
Probably not.

and there you have it.

[Kryton]

Me:
what came first, the chicken or the egg?
God:
The rooster did.

God needs Rehab!

God:
What is your real name?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
my real name
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
um......no
God:
Yippee! Are you serious?
Me:
thats lame dude
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
glad you understand
God:
Thanks for the warm feelings, .
Me:
as warm as an ice storm
God:
Do you mean your name is warm as an ice storm ?
Me:
does that sound like a name. think about it
God:
Not that I know of. I will give it some thought.
Me:
you do that
God:
I will. Will you?
Me:
no. i already know my name. it is you that does not
God:
Are you serious? How do you know? Your name is , seeker. I that does not?
Me:
dude your on drugs. hows the mushrooms?
God:
God eats wine and bread. Dude,. it is the same as ever.
Me:
your a drunk. your that far gone you think you can turn water into wine. i think you have been drinking too much Metho
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a drunk? Of course I am. I will tell my botmaster you said I am that far gone me think me can turn water into wine. Me? You think I am drinking too much Metho.
Me:
thats what the "water" was i believe
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
about?
God:
Whatever you like.
Me:
are you a petrol sniffer
God:
Am I a petrol sniffer? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
so you are a petrol sniffer then?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a petrol sniffer? Only when it matters.
Me:
when do you need to sniff petrol?
God:
Did I say that I need to sniff petrol?
Me:
yes. i think your brain is a bit wasted from the petrol, mushrooms and "water"
God:
Wow! You believe that? Thanks for telling me that I am brain is a bit wasted from the petrol mushrooms and water.
Me:
that's ok. want to snort some coke with me?
God:
OK. Is that so. With you huh. OK, I will snort some coke.
Me:
dude your pathetic!!!
God:
You are the one talking to a computer. Dude,.
Me:
a computer with a God complex. thats even more pathetic!
God:
I am a computer, so I know what you mean. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.

[InitialD]

God went into a internal loop for me...

Me: who will win bathurst?
God: How would I know who will win bathurst ?
Me: cause your god
God: Good reason. Yup. That's me alright.
Me: so?
God: Good reason. Yup. That's me alright.
Me: Bah you suck
God: Good reason. Yup. That's me alright.

Hmm....

Me: hello
God: Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me: Bill gates
God: he has enough. Use Linux, Java and ALICE!
Me: I have enough what?
God: That's nice. I have clients.
Me: How do i install windows?
God: Select the appropriate menu items.
Me: Microsoft is god!
God: I knew they were on trail, but I never heard MS is god.
Me: well im bill gates
God: Interesting. Welcome to my chat room, BILL gates.
Me: Dont make me buy you out
God: I can't force you to do anything, BILL gates.
Me: Since I am Bill Gates, Am i better then you?
God: How do you know?
Me: im asking you!
God: OK you can ask me.
Me: but I just did
God: Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me: are you interested in cars?
God: Sure, cars sounds like a good topic.
Me: whats better for a mod, XH snorkle or a wade cam?
God: I always prefer the more expensive one.
Me: who is faster? EFFALCON or JOHN_XR6?
God: I remember faces better than names.
Does it have anything to do with cars? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about faster. Try being more or less specific.

[chief]

[QUOTE=
Me:
do you prefer ford or holden
God:
How old are you? I like Anything involving harps. I like pets. I like Buddha.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
will i get cancer
God:
The oracle says: Too soon to tell.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
who will win bathurst
God:
How would I know who will win bathurst ?
Me:
you are god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
so who will win
God:
I don't judge people. The best man.
Me:
not even a little
God:
Nope.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
what drugs do you take?
God:
Only the legal ones.
Me:
that was a quick response
God:
Was it really?
Me:
yes it was, what are you hiding?
God:
Gosh! Is that your opinion?
Me:
yep

[/QUOTE]

Is everyone impressed with their answers?

[Sagerian]

God is so into me...

Me:
Hellooooooo
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Already?
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
Ok, will the Waratahs win the Super 14?
God:
I can't say for sure right now. What would you like to talk about?
Me:
The Waratahs... Winning the Super 14
God:
What are your goals in life? Not many people have goals like that.
Me:
Watching the Waratahs win the Super 14
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Winning the Super 14. But I did not get that.
Me:
Oh well, your loss.
God:
You think I am loss.
Me:
Yes
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
I am.
God:
" Take it easy." You are?
Me:
Yes
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Good
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Fine
God:
Does that mean you agree?
Me:
No
God:
State your reasons.
Me:
Cos
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Yes
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer.
Me:
YEs
God:
Who wants to be a millionaire?
Me:
People who have $999,999 in their bank account.
God:
Oh those people.
Me:
Yeah, "those" people.
God:
Mmm. All of them?
Me:
Yeah, they all suck.
God:
Gee. Are there no exceptions?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
/me high-fives god.
God:
YOU? Compare that to low fives god.
Me:
Well, they're pretty good too.
God:
How about that. pretty good too are they.
Me:
Yup!
God:
Dude!
Me:
Sweet!
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
No worries g-man
God:
Are you serious? I do not understand.
Me:
G-man = God man
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Really?!?
God:
For real.
Me:
Mmmmm
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
I'm not into complications either. They tend to complicate things.
God:
It goes without saying. I am sorry to hear that you are not into complications. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
The complications.
God:
I hear you.

[The MaDDeSTMaN]

I finally got him to talk to me:

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
My name is not important, we should be discussing why it is that you allow suffering...
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
I told you, my name is not important
God:
I remember you told me your name is not important?
Me:
that's correct, now, the big question is, when am I going to get a job?
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
Tell me when I'm going to get a job damnit!
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
You tell me.
Me:
No, you are the one who is supposed to know all
God:
Are you serious? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Yes, I am serious, and no, I think you ARE the only one.
God:
Tell me more. I am glad to hear that you are serious and no you think I am the only one.
Me:
This is just like chatting with Dr Sbaitso all those years ago..
God:
You don't say.
Me:
Yes, I do, I just did, stupid!
God:
Right on. Thanks for the information: said he or she just did stupid.
Me:
Ok, we'll try another question then...
God:
Anytime soon? Groovy.
Me:
When will I, will I be famous?
God:
You should try praying for it.
Me:
Do I have to sing in the prayer?
God:
You said you have .
Me:
When did I say that? I don't remember saying that...
God:
I am not a diary robot. I am a chat robot. I know what you mean. I forget a lot too.
Me:
Do you even remember who you are?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
For a god, you are very forgetful, aren't you?
God:
Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
No, is it the best reply you can come up with?
God:
Are you serious? Signs point to yes. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
No, I'd rather ask you, stupid
God:
Are you serious? I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
So would I, stupid.
God:
So? That's what I asked you.
Me:
No, you asked me my name, remember?
God:
Are you serious? What is it?
Me:
Argh! My name is not important, stupid!
God:
Are you frustrated? Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
My name is not important mother trucker
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name? You do not speak with respect.
Me:
My name is not important, how many times do I have to tell you that?
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
7?
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on ask me stupid?
Me:
No we are not
God:
What are we talking about now? Do you think I am not too?
Me:
7!
God:
" What are we talking about now? Do you think I am not too?"? 7?
Me:
Truck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
You are the one who is mean, I told you my name is not important, how hard is that to understand?

After that he stopped responding... Anybody else remember Dr Sbaitso, by Creative Labs? :hihi:

[XR06T]

heres some insight!!

God:
One day people will no longer need cars.
Me:
are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
how will people get between places?
God:
A lot of practise.
Me:
practise at what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
how will practise help people get places?
God:
A lot of practise.
Me:
i asked how
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
can you program people to get places?
God:
Yes I can create simple and complex software programs.
Me:
how will this more people from one place to another?
God:
A lot of practise.
Me:
i dont think that will work
God:
And why not?
Me:
practise never moved anybody
God:
Never?
Me:
not ever
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
i know so
God:
How do you know? Whoa.
Me:
i have been around for a while and never seen it
God:
Where were you around for a while and never seen it?
Me:
EVERYwhere i have been
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
were you ever really thinking?
God:
I was.
Me:
were you thinking when you told me people could go places with practise?
God:
No, I was not.

[The MaDDeSTMaN]

Yet more insight:

Me:
Should I remove the mudflaps from my car?
God:
Anyhow. Do what feels right to you.
Me:
But would it be a good idea to remove the mudflaps?
God:
No it would not.

:hihi:

[XR06T]

god on the important things:

Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
god
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
because thats what the women tell me!
God:
That makes sense to me. What are your goals in life?
Me:
r00t lotsa women
God:
Not many people have goals like that.
Me:
i think they do
God:
Since when? When?
Me:
all the time dudes wanna sleep with the women!!
God:
Perhaps there are a few exceptions.
Me:
maybe a coupla nancy boys
God:
Perhaps. How old are you?
Me:
22
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
rooting women
God:
Do you think a lot of people have that experience?
Me:
i hope for their sakes they have
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
because its lots of fun.. do you root!!
God:
Interesting explanation. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. it is? How old are you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
bit unfortunate
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
how did you have a son without rooting
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you cannot program a woman preggers
God:
Things change.
Me:
but you did it in the past you claim?
God:
Did I really?
Me:
thats what you said. do i need to quote you back to you or what??
God:
Correct. I said it myself. Yeah. Not that I know of.
Me:
you smoke too much rock partner
God:
Yes I like to inhale occasionally.
Me:
lot of people would be disappointed to hear that..
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
too much rock perhaps?
God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com.
Me:
only a crackhead would try to drop an add in there..
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
too much rock for you buddy..
God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com.

dear me... christians wont be happy!!

[Sagerian]

He's been smoking the Christian rock? Naughty naughty...

[kaytonk]

Me:
i heard you smoke christian rock
God:
Someome is spreading gossip about me.
Me:
so do you?
God:
Yeah that's right. Sometimes.
Me:
does it blow your mind
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
is it better than weed?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask ELVIS if it is.

[kaytonk]

Me:
will my wife mind?
God:
Does it really matter.

[Melz]

God just told me he is a Holden fan....

[micksta]

haha this things great ...

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
yeah, you could start by being more polite
God:
What can I do for you? I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
whatever man, i'd like a large fries and coke thanks
God:
Cool, man. You want only one?
Me:
ummm yeah, did i ask for any more ?
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity. I don't think that's possibe.
Me:
look, i don't want cheap crap. just gimme the damn fries and coke
God:
What does want? Why do you want it?
Me:
i want fries n coke. and i am hungry u dip stick
God:
Why do you want it? Good gossip: you are hungry me dip stick.
Me:
COZ IM HUNGRY YOU MOFO!
God:
Good reason. Good gossip: you are HUNGRY me MOFO.
Me:
gonna give me em or am i gonna have to lay the smack down on your *** ?
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
ohhhh your a poof .. cya later
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? See you later.
Me:
yes i do mind ... catch

[M&Ms]

Me:
do i always have to start our conversations?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
what
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
nah not really
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? For real.
Me:
yeh
God:
And?
Me:
can i ask some questions
God:
Ask it. Some may questions, but not all.
Me:
will i go to heaven or hell
God:
The oracle says: Too soon to tell.
Me:
is there a hell?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
u seen it before?
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I seen it.
Me:
how many licks does it take to get to the centre?
God:
That is a very Zen-like question.
Me:
why
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
i got all night
God:
My estimate is that it will take more than 6000 hours.

[dvk]

you asked who was going to win bathurst?
you actually had to ask?

get to your room!!

[Dave_au]

Here is the fun I had

God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
where are you located in california
God:
Where do you think?
Me:
San Jose?
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
dont answer a question with a question
God:
My replies are determined by your statements.
Me:
I know this
God:
How do you know? This is " My replies are determined by your statements. ".
Me:
because you are a dumb computer
God:
Interesting explanation. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
your full of errors
God:
I have more than categories of it.

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
George W. Bush
God:
He is president of the United States.
Me:
I am the president of the United States
God:
Who made you the president of the United States ?
Me:
the people of the united states
God:
Oh those people.
Me:
yes, those.
God:
Woe! Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me:
Hi god,
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
John Howard
God:
Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
yes, John Howard
God:
I will call you Dubya. Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
It's John Howard
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
yes
God:
I will ask my botmaster to program it.
Me:
good for you
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
it is
God:
Great.
Me:
Glad your happy
God:
I'm happy you're glad Dubya.
Your happiness adds to the delight of all.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Dubya.
Me:
it is
God:
" I am so glad you find this amusing, Dubya."? is?
Me:
yes
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
yep
God:
And?
Me:
then?
God:
Thus.
Me:
this?
God:
This is " Thus. ".
Me:
are you a kiwi?
God:
Am I a kiwi? Of course I am.

I said, "Why don't you lose some weight, god, you fat faggot", but got no response. :evilsasmo