Depression, Anxiety

[danzvtil]

Well done on the campfire thread fellas.
I was close to hitting a wall, the last few months my second job had me working all weekend which was tiring me out (unusually), my day job took me to a work conference interstate which meant for 3 whole days and nights I had no alone time, so I told the boss I was taking 2 days annual leave and hopped in my car. Drove 300 kays stayed in a motel, tore up some dirt roads, saw some sights alone. Came back with a smile and a muddy car, the work mates think im strange, but it put some credit back in the mental bank....

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

This is gonna sound crazy, and sort of contradicts what i said in my last post, but, i honestly feel like if there was a campfire in the middle of the country and everyone who contributes to this thread was able to be there, despite all of our inner deamons, it would be a wonderfully peaceful and supportive experience.
I guess for now, this thread is that campfire.

woooo i just felt that, eerie Bent8, I'm in! not good at planning campfire-mentalhealth-camp-group-therapy events, But I'M IN!

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by danzvtil

Well done on the campfire thread fellas.
I was close to hitting a wall, the last few months my second job had me working all weekend which was tiring me out (unusually), my day job took me to a work conference interstate which meant for 3 whole days and nights I had no alone time, so I told the boss I was taking 2 days annual leave and hopped in my car. Drove 300 kays stayed in a motel, tore up some dirt roads, saw some sights alone. Came back with a smile and a muddy car, the work mates think im strange, but it put some credit back in the mental bank....

yes THAT IS the way, the answer, but grabbing hold of the notion when it comes past, can be blinded so easily when depressed, so we all should have at least one person we agree to go get and help them out the door to join the conga line on our way to what is a really good idea that only needs the strong to lead and the wills to follow, I'm exited and that in it's self is an achievement plus worthy of a good star on my next psych report (just hair envy)

[Beastie]

FWIW Guys, I just read this article and thought, hmmm this is something that can effect all of us...including role models or public figures who we may or may not respect...

http://www.speedcafe.com/2016/06/04/315160/

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by The Beast

FWIW Guys, I just read this article and thought, hmmm this is something that can effect all of us...including role models or public figures who we may or may not respect...

http://www.speedcafe.com/2016/06/04/315160/

excellent! you are an eerie Guy Totally, (in a good way, meaning..) out of the blue, pardon the pun, you post that, during my good fight on this downer of a month personally, giving me the strength to keep my head up for final leg to Tuesday's psychiatric appointment. To put context to my babble, if you go back and read my comment after the article, you'll see what i now have just had my eyes opened to, from one of my meets with Mr Bowe arund 20 years ago? excuse me but i must go digging underneath the house now to find poster and if ts still visable/visual/ IF IT HASN'T BEEN RUINED,

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by The Beast

FWIW Guys, I just read this article and thought, hmmm this is something that can effect all of us...including role models or public figures who we may or may not respect...

http://www.speedcafe.com/2016/06/04/315160/

Always been a fan of JB since I met him in Surfers one year and it just shows everyone how well hidden this can be.

Fade to Black by Metallica seems to be a theme for me at the moment.

[Tui2]

Hi all.. I go for my assessment interview on Tuesday for the Dialectal Behavioural Therapy course, that I've been awaiting so long to do (obviously all my life) as this is a fairly new concept designed for specifically my disorder, an extension of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Excited I'd be
Keep well all

[Tui2]

Can't cop a break, got to the community health hall where my assessment interview was and the clinical psychologist, who was to conduct the interviea, called in sick eith the flu ( his colleague stating that she tred to ring me 2 hours prior but couldn't get thru..no record of anything on my phon...) anyway I've waited this long to get help, a week or two extra won't kill me. te ood man is close now.. black tar stools and dark bile vomits along with very dehydrated brown/dark-amber coloured urine, are all end notes.. the real pain killers start today you know ...l the.... ones(ownz) and the ines (eenz)? [endone,morphine] type meds.
OH HOW'S THIS!? MY SISTER RANG THIS MORNING " where's mum?, im going to take her out for the day and give her a break from..." that's as far as her statement got.. before she copped a Tired,Stressed,Anxious and somewhat stretche thin Trejo Tantrum and was doing so well
keep well all

[TheSneakiness]

Just takes one thing to set you back off again. Doesn't matter how big or small.

Had a bit of an eye opener with the ex the start of this week and put into perspective how much of a c-bomb I have been the last 6 years. Been doing a bit of reading and I am ready to make these changes.

Just wish she would let me show her that I am wanting to make these changes not only for our friendship but for our son as well. I know she is hurting a bit too cause her friendship base she is trying to build isn't working and she's frustrated, when that happens trying to break it down for her to open up is like trying to raid a gold reserve with a spoon.

Two things I try to think of each day

1. If you feel tempers flaring just think of a stop sign and take a deep breath.
2. If someone is important to you don't give up on them if they are doing it tough.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Just takes one thing to set you back off again. Doesn't matter how big or small.

Had a bit of an eye opener with the ex the start of this week and put into perspective how much of a c-bomb I have been the last 6 years. Been doing a bit of reading and I am ready to make these changes.

Just wish she would let me show her that I am wanting to make these changes not only for our friendship but for our son as well. I know she is hurting a bit too cause her friendship base she is trying to build isn't working and she's frustrated, when that happens trying to break it down for her to open up is like trying to raid a gold reserve with a spoon.

Two things I try to think of each day

1. If you feel tempers flaring just think of a stop sign and take a deep breath.
2. If someone is important to you don't give up on them if they are doing it tough.

good on ya mate,, i feel ya, 1. went through same thing ..be it near 20 years ago now, and 2. your last paragraph. .. i am trying to get my ex..fiancé of 2007-2015 (not ex wife of 1994-1998) to understand that i am working on cognitive behaviour (dialectical ) by going through the proper channels to do so.

so you KEEP UP THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE and remember when it comes down to brass tacks, you are doing it for yourself and not everyone can understand just how much of fight this is, therefore we can't expect them too, and if that type of person won't support us or attempt to understand us,,then we must let them go and move on. thoughts are with you.

[Junkyard-Dog]

Rapid Axe you seem like a very reasonable person. I totally get where you are coming from but you need to stop beating yourself up if you want to move forwards. It's not all about self-improvement, self-acceptance is crucial as well.

[Tui2]

depressed over the lack of respect for customers and careless business owners whom seem to work on the fact that they don't need your business as someone will buy anyway. can't get passed this STILL , a big anxiety factor in preventing me from shopping centres and having to take the price offered at the ON LY store I'm comfortable at (especially because i can take my dog in with me which eleviates one of the my MAJOR anxiety issues... blablabla just tired ad worn thin and trying many coping strategies to get through this DYING PARENT situation on top off my everyday- eratic- thought- patterns, (which now being aware of HELPS I may add) just to survive a day at a time.
keep well all

[Tui2]

an odd feeling pressure was lifted yesterday morning around 8am when my oldman drew his last breath on this rock to which he returns to on Wednesday, my mother....well lets keep this short n sweet, thankyou to all for your kind words of support.,keep well

[Madaya]

Mates. I may have mentioned it before, but let me lay down a few facts...
Alcohol was not the cause of the demise of my marriage.
I gave up the grog, with out temptation or anxiety, for the year before my marriage ended. I never drank no more than our friends but always copped the hammer, so felt relieved that I didn't drink.
Marriage ended several years ago, and I started to drink again.
In a phone call with the dragon on an unrelated subject - her still yelling at me - aggressive, I asked "****, I wish things where better between us".
Don't forget, this was several years after divorce...
She said, "You where always drunk".
I said, "**** If you remember, I was sober for the last year for our marriage".
She said "Bull****".
Well, there you go. All my mates will back me up on this, sick and tired of putting up with Mr Soda Water Man.
I like people pointing out my sins or failures, it gives me something to work on and fix. But my ex accused me of (fill in the blank) just because she could.
Hence, now, grog is easy. But AA is my friend.
They are brilliant.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Madaya

Mates. I may have mentioned it before, but let me lay down a few facts...
Alcohol was not the cause of the demise of my marriage.
I gave up the grog, with out temptation or anxiety, for the year before my marriage ended. I never drank no more than our friends but always copped the hammer, so felt relieved that I didn't drink.
Marriage ended several years ago, and I started to drink again.
In a phone call with the dragon on an unrelated subject - her still yelling at me - aggressive, I asked "****, I wish things where better between us".
Don't forget, this was several years after divorce...
She said, "You where always drunk".
I said, "**** If you remember, I was sober for the last year for our marriage".
She said "Bull****".
Well, there you go. All my mates will back me up on this, sick and tired of putting up with Mr Soda Water Man.
I like people pointing out my sins or failures, it gives me something to work on and fix. But my ex accused me of (fill in the blank) just because she could.
Hence, now, grog is easy. But AA is my friend.
They are brilliant.

it never stops from bemusing me, how i (we) try so hard to prove we can better ourselves, that it makes people blind. the more i suggest a better way of living for my mother... ie Bpa, online grocery shopping, sliding wardrobe doors for easier wheelchair access, new carpet and bedroom suit to lift the what life she has mostly spent in bed, i get called a spendthrift or she denies me evervsuggesting, as she wants to die with the $20,000 she has saved (from tax payers mind you, not hard earned cash) , in the bank. this gets my anxieties roaring so much that i am prepared to put her in a home and move on, terrible that loved ones can cause you to abandon all morals, all that is good in a person because theyvare blind to your cause, you are fighting a good fight and I FOR ONE, SUPPORT YOUR EFFORTS, 'EAR 'EAR 'ERES TO YOU MATE

[Tui2]

she, hitler(dictator) aka my mother, has just broken my spirit once again and i feel like I've just had all the last 10 months of therapy and progress snatched away by her once again. she knows and tells everyone that im not well minded, yet she continues to manipulate my being, this time i went down hard. all i said was that some people i grew up with who drank with the oldman at the local RSL or were in the fishing/golf club with him, may show up to show up at the funeral to show their respects,( small town and word gets around quick) to which she demanded NO and definitely NO to them coming to the wake afterwards, believe me when i tell you there is nothing bar her nasty vindictive way of thinking to warrant such a response, i am down for the count

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by Madaya

Mates. I may have mentioned it before, but let me lay down a few facts...
Alcohol was not the cause of the demise of my marriage.
I gave up the grog, with out temptation or anxiety, for the year before my marriage ended. I never drank no more than our friends but always copped the hammer, so felt relieved that I didn't drink.
Marriage ended several years ago, and I started to drink again.
In a phone call with the dragon on an unrelated subject - her still yelling at me - aggressive, I asked "****, I wish things where better between us".
Don't forget, this was several years after divorce...
She said, "You where always drunk".
I said, "**** If you remember, I was sober for the last year for our marriage".
She said "Bull****".
Well, there you go. All my mates will back me up on this, sick and tired of putting up with Mr Soda Water Man.
I like people pointing out my sins or failures, it gives me something to work on and fix. But my ex accused me of (fill in the blank) just because she could.
Hence, now, grog is easy. But AA is my friend.
They are brilliant.

I can only remember twice where I had gotten really angry with my ex but other than that I do know what caused the turn in my thoughts and I am fixing that now since my last post. Things are good between us again however she did have counselling today so who knows the thought processes currently.

As long as I'm not thinking black I'm good.

[Tui2]

you tell yyrself you are doing alright, you've got at least a couple of these anxiety issues under control now so get out there and thrive, i wrote an eulogy for the oldman's funeral, had a shave, got hair trimmed and bought a shirt for me and my dog, a productive and positive sunday. yesterday i collapsed, from the last 2 months (plus) pressure and lack of sibling support..?? Today is wet and cold, miserably apt to suit my demeanour as i won't be leaving the house and i definitely can't do the funeral publuc contact/speach thing, yep those anti anxiety meds are worth every penny

[BLUEYBA]

Just hang in there whatever your situation is. Struggling abit at the moment myself after a long long time of no issues and feeling great. But I'm nowhere is as low as I use to be which is a positive and it shows me that I still have to work on some issues that I thought I could deal with. Just a speed hump in my journey in overcoming this illness. I am determined to get there and no go backwards. It doesn't control me I am going to control it

[Tui2]

yes you are right, but it gives me a run for my bloody money, as you said blueyba, not giving in this time,, this time round I'm looking at the bouts of depression as an old friend come to visit but unfortunately i can't let him stay long or I'll slip Back into our old ways when we used to throw caution to the wind, but these days its more ahout keeping the missus-aka my mind happy in a healthy relationship. thanks Blue good timing and appreciate all who do give constructive reminders. keep well all

[Tui2]

she is still doing/getting what she wants at the expense of others.

1.my #3 father was not religious

(#1=biological father, #2=adopter father, #3=step father)

2. mum arranged and held the funeral at the church in the ex orphanage that my #2 father was an orphaned and grew up in, where she met #2 and where they got married, where they baptised me, where my confirmation was held, where i baptised my son at, where my #3 father had nothing to do with except biannually whipper snip around my #2fathers grave stone as deman...ah....requested by mum.

3.family were not included in any of the funeral decissions

4.mum used 3500 of his 8000 to pay for his departure

5.she held the wake at pub that he never drank at (my sisters taking over and requested that everyone relocate to the RSL he WAS a lifetime member at and then allowing the chance for his step daughter & granddaughter to display this video photo album they worked so hard on off what photos i could find of him as mum hid all of his albums when she first heard of their idea. i found these late yesterday.

6. how did i find them.? because for the first time ever i was home alone, why? because i was so depressed/ashamed/disgusted/embarrassed/nauseated/F'N ANGRY at her, that i could not go to my step fathers funeral out of respect for what dignity he wokd of had left knowing what a selfishly arranged funeral mum had given him, because i knew that, in no way, i would of been able to prevent an I.E.D event from ruining the day (re why i avoid xmas post).

7. from here on she will not be getting her way, i will not be resonsible fir her care, and i definitely do not give one iota what happens to her from her on, as i write i her crying poor mouth to herself as she crashes around the kitchen in her electric chair getting her own breakfast.. this is the saddest thing , that any mother could make her children despise her so much that it comes down to this in the end. my sisters have agreed to cone and check on her fr lunch, dinner,meds and put her to bed, i will continue to wash clothes , cook and clean house as this i do for myself anyway. but i will not stay in the same room as her one more day. thankyou for allwing me to vent this as i dont see psychiatrist fo 2weeks but have my rescheduled Dialectical Behavioural Therapy course acceptance interview next Wednesday. .. be needing THAT now. keep well all

so depressed now. over being angry that just kept me awake all night,

[Junkyard-Dog]

Well I don't know if this is the right place for this but atm nowhere seems like the right place.

Last night my ex hanged herself and apparently I was in her "final letter." The only way I can describe my feelings is: a rollercoaster of emotions. When people came to my front door and I first heard, I smashed my door off the hinges so now I have a broken front door too. Wasn't thinking just did it out of raw emotion.

FML.

[Junkyard-Dog]

I don't know what to do. I know that as bad as I feel atm, other people feel worse and times will get worse for everybody. I just don't know what to do.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Junkyard-Dog

I don't know what to do. I know that as bad as I feel atm, other people feel worse and times will get worse for everybody. I just don't know what to do.

mate you sure copped a smack in gob with that visit, i would like to send you a pm if you are comfortable with sharing more info about this? either way i can tell you this, one thing you have done here in this thread, is highten my awarness of how my actions of (twice my attempts were intervened) suicide can so unpredictably affect others. so theres a tic in ya Pro column.

keep talking it out mate, because no matter how screwy we may seem in this thread, one thing we all have in common is compassion and support for each other, no need to go it alone
if you dont want,

[Junkyard-Dog]

Trejo, I really appreciate your offer mate but atm I think it would be like pouring salt into the wound. The time will come to talk it out but I am not there yet.

I'm not very well right now, have been feeling absolutely terrible since Saturday night. Not only psychologically but physically. Now I've decided to take a break and go camping/fishing by myself.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by Junkyard-Dog

Trejo, I really appreciate your offer mate but atm I think it would be like pouring salt into the wound. The time will come to talk it out but I am not there yet.

I'm not very well right now, have been feeling absolutely terrible since Saturday night. Not only psychologically but physically. Now I've decided to take a break and go camping/fishing by myself.

tis why i asked first, in this field you absolutely do not asume anyone is feeling, handling, wanting, needing or relying on what you feel or say, ask with respect and asure the circumstances do not influence the support that will always be waiting. good fighting, and good fishing, catch some serenity for me too.

[Tui2]

a page from Trials N Tribulations of Trejo the Over Sharing Sensitively Erratic Revelator
aka the Dynamic (TNT) ******

Chapter 20; HEAT EXCHANGE
mum and her latest attempt at manipulating her plaything, me, with a virus and playing? it to full sympathy and broadway ethos, so i would lose it and leave, hence at least the eldest of siblings will have to come see her to feed and nappy change, (to comfort would be a stretch of even her imagination).
act 1 ) ☆moaning and incoherent response to medication or sustenance requirement questions. × phone call for her.. has to be coherent enough 9to answer her Soap Opera Love Sharing Pen/Phone Pal, the lady next door.(yes even living next door to mother can not give a person reason to visit her)

act 2) ☆when i come into her room, pretend you didn't get time enough to hide something under the bed sheets without me noticing (hiding money is a good way of saying i dont trust you son, that will definitely push one of the buttons i installed in him)
× he didn't take the bait so I'll have to explain the actions falsified excuse i.e" what? i was scratching myself" oh hell! i said that to coherently. xx i still didn't bite ( the money i discovered the next day when after a laxative powder (her regular morning ritual that she had been refusing to support the meal and med refusals) which forced her to be got out of bed so i could change her linen.
3 50 dollar notes.

3rd and final act) the feverish temerature but ambulance refusal plead, ☆she did seem very hot, but the thermometer was oddly missing. x didn't count on her son calling the after hours house doctor service on a Sunday, nor expect to have a Thermo Gun
fired at her head when the doc did arrive, revelation of the climax. (PLEASE I AM IN NO WAY RACIST . STEREO TYPICALLY RACIAL IN SETTING THE SCENE FOR COMEDIC EFFECT, yes)

ME: "so doc I'll call the ambulance now as she is definitely burning up?
The Indian born aussie DOC: (coming from under her sheets/nightie)" well my mate, i be saying that if the possibility of Heat Pads number of 5 on the behind and also much blankets over her did not factor, then yes hurry call ambulance!
though a temperature of 37.5° is never concerning me."

yes ladies and gentlemen , as in stage theatricsa, a plot and climax is often displayed brilliantly by the props department, therefor the oscar for original
ity in prop production goes to Gwen with special acknowledgement to the productivity of Heetteze Heat Pads

to be continued...

[redxm]

Been reading this thread from the start. Time to step up and have a bit of a vent.
Ive had the hamburger with the works for at least the last 15 years. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, bit of OCD, panic attacks. What has topped me off lately is the Old Man lost his short battle with lung cancer on the 1st of June. Funny how things like this bring the **** out in relatives. Me and the bride, brother and his witch and Mum all sat around the table and decided we wouldnt put anything on twitbook as I think its too un-personal.
Didnt even get to the end of the street on the way home, the witch sends me a text saying she has posted about the old man. followed by 100 of her friends posting, oh you poor dear' and so on. none of who went to the funeral anyways
Funeral day comes around and the brother turns up with Dads medals on his suit. I get the replicas. Mind you Im the oldest. No I wont say anything, will only upset mother.
When the dust settles I mention to Mum about the medals, she agrees that I should have them and will mention to brother. That was 6 weeks ago. nothing, nada, zip
off to see the shrink tomorrow. at least the new tablets are helping with the anxiety

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by redxm

Been reading this thread from the start. Time to step up and have a bit of a vent.
Ive had the hamburger with the works for at least the last 15 years. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, bit of OCD, panic attacks. What has topped me off lately is the Old Man lost his short battle with lung cancer on the 1st of June. Funny how things like this bring the **** out in relatives. Me and the bride, brother and his witch and Mum all sat around the table and decided we wouldnt put anything on twitbook as I think its too un-personal.
Didnt even get to the end of the street on the way home, the witch sends me a text saying she has posted about the old man. followed by 100 of her friends posting, oh you poor dear' and so on. none of who went to the funeral anyways
Funeral day comes around and the brother turns up with Dads medals on his suit. I get the replicas. Mind you Im the oldest. No I wont say anything, will only upset mother.
When the dust settles I mention to Mum about the medals, she agrees that I should have them and will mention to brother. That was 6 weeks ago. nothing, nada, zip
off to see the shrink tomorrow. at least the new tablets are helping with the anxiety

i like Tamworth 😢 i don't think I'd like your sibling as i can't see much difference in him or mine. COME ON PEOPLE CUT THE SELFISHNESS AND GET SELFLESS starting with family, why we can't communicate/compromise when it comes to our loved ones feelings is sending us back into the dark ages. keep ya head high knowing your dad will be proud of you respecting his funeral as i dont know if you read my funeral post but due to my disorders unpredictability, to resect my fathers funeral i had to avoid going because of selfishness.
keep up the good fight

[Tui2]

well it's official, i have my life back and are feeling a bit lost, sad but happy, glad but sorry that the ICAC team concluded mums health assessment with the fact she now needs 24hr care and have placed her in respite until we siblings decide on the nursing home which we narrowed down to just one, so far, that we were all satisfied with.
im still in the dining room-turned my bedroom, under the table as I'm a bit overwhelmed with a whole house to myself. weird. thought I'd be happier, i think once i sell mum's hospital bed with electric pump adjusted air/inner foam matrress and rip up carpet, polish floor boards and buy a tall boy etc I'll feel better about taking over , in fact i recieved my first COUNCIL RATES bill today, that was the first bill in 50 years that made me feel human/proud, bloody emotionally worn though and was very depressed a few days ago, had to call for support , my faultvas I've been forgetting my meds, have alarms everywhere around house but by the time i make it to the sink, ive forgotten why i was there, so much so i found my meds on floor in front of sink this morning when i woke, brain seems to be deteriorating or maybe its just been too much responsibility and stress tye last few months?
keep well all