Depression, Anxiety

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by Trejo

I tried to give my son. . Now 20.. a chance to stand up for himself.. to not be bullied.. fight your own battles.. to accept that what others may say and do.. is not your only option... turns out he didn't like standing up for himself as his angry damaged loud dad only scared him.. and his quiet pacifist expoliceman stepfather and the 'just dob them in' attitude suited his temperament. And because im built old school i have to leave them to it. So what is right and what is wrong how do we know what is the correct input for a child to cope with.?

I think you have to go with how your son wants to deal with it. Reporting bullies to authorities is actually standing up for yourself. Doing something about it is standing up to it, its his way of doing it and many others as well.
Probably doesn't want things to get physical as well, which I'm the same, so its better to go to the authorities as sometime it can cause yourself more issues

[Spudz27]

Saw my therapist today. He wants me to up my meds to 20mg in the hooe I get back some motivation to do things etc.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by Spudz27

Saw my therapist today. He wants me to up my meds to 20mg in the hooe I get back some motivation to do things etc.

20mg seems to be low when I compare it to what I take although they are different medications

[Spudz27]

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

20mg seems to be low when I compare it to what I take although they are different medications

20mg I think is max dose or maybe 40 is not sure. I said to him I won't start 20 till after my wedding as a. I would like to drink (I don't normally on a daily basis) b. Given 10 has dropped my desire for sex, I hate to see what 20 does. He was fine with that. See him again in 6-8wks for a follow up on meds and then move to phsycologist.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by fordomatic

Mate as someone who was bullied up until year 8 the way you went about it is not the good way. The best thing that hapenned to me was when Mum stopped taking Dads advice of me standing up for myself and marched me up to the school and made me see the principle. I had the moral courage to dob the 3 offenders in and I was never bullied again. It's easily the best thing my Mum EVER did for me in my life. After that my grades went up and I had a strong friendship group all the way through high school.

Oh and for the record, i did take Dads advice and stood up for myself, I copped some of the biggest beatdowns ever, kids don't fight singularly, if ones copping a flogging their mates jump in and help, it never ended well for me.

It's funny I am a totally different person now than I was then. I find myself diffusing any situation that comes up with violence simply because it's just not worth it. I don't want to go home thinking about something I did for the next two weeks, I want to go home and forget about the situation. Diffusing violent situations always means i go home happy. Beside work I have only been in two fights since i left high school, and both of those were from a man beating a women, which i don't stand for.

Luckily for me my disorder's emotional irregularities at times allowed me to shrug off intense physical pain (but over dramatise poisonous verbal lashings) and with that... are now numb to getting beat up or hurt (that's the result of .being bullied and bashed upto 19-20yo too) .I am apathetic when it comes to others in that situation. What I'm saying is there's you and there's me... totalk opposite results in same schooling issues and same Mothering skills as far as going to school and making me dob . All through primary and early high school this was her way. My old man was a pussy alcoholic and got beat up at club often so he was no good for teaching any life lessons. Yet when I snapped and stood up for myself I couldn't believe the damage that I caused. But who gives a flying rats arm.. they asked for it they got it. And will continue to if I ever leave the house. Can't avoid if I don't stay home.
So there you have it ..doesn't matter why what when when ya broken ya broken

[fordomatic]

Originally Posted by Trejo

Luckily for me my disorder's emotional irregularities at times allowed me to shrug off intense physical pain (but over dramatise poisonous verbal lashings) and with that... are now numb to getting beat up or hurt (that's the result of .being bullied and bashed upto 19-20yo too) .I am apathetic when it comes to others in that situation. What I'm saying is there's you and there's me... totalk opposite results in same schooling issues and same Mothering skills as far as going to school and making me dob . All through primary and early high school this was her way. My old man was a pussy alcoholic and got beat up at club often so he was no good for teaching any life lessons. Yet when I snapped and stood up for myself I couldn't believe the damage that I caused. But who gives a flying rats arm.. they asked for it they got it. And will continue to if I ever leave the house. Can't avoid if I don't stay home.
So there you have it ..doesn't matter why what when when ya broken ya broken

No worries mate, you asked and I gave you my experience. Many others seem to have my opinion as well. You can be as tough as you want but everyone's personalities are different. Just something to think about.

[Tui2]

Originally Posted by fordomatic

No worries mate, you asked and I gave you my experience. Many others seem to have my opinion as well. You can be as tough as you want but everyone's personalities are different. Just something to think about.

What huh? Didn't I. .. you said..I said that...no. you no...what?
Umm that's why ?.to you wasn't it?? Hey you know what we all from this thread could do... we meet in a say..?? community hall to block outside noise and then record an hour of conversations and take a copy home and edit our hearts until one of us comes up with the half hour special on mental health awareness that the abc will accept televising

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Thinking I need a change up. #cuttherest

About to embark on phase one of this sentence.

[imike1]

Originally Posted by LemmeAbbot

I suppose that is the definition of "walking on eggshells". People in general do seem to be so fickle these days. However, if I want to ensure my face is not rearranged I better practice the eggshell walk. Cheers.

Its not an easy thing when people are down, and often for good reasons. (e.g., job loss, leading to other losses) Also, I think time is a major factor in people changing their attitudes and coming right. That said, its not good when a brother might deck you. I found a 3 video youtube series on depression and problems of life in general that gave me a different perspective on problems like depression and breakdowns. The main speaker has written a book called "Breakdowns are good for you", and has a web site that has all kinds of interesting info on the book and dealing with such problems. Below is a link to a video lecture that gives a flavour for it. The old guy who is the main lecturer is ex army, and very direct. One has to be accomodating and patient when people are going through difficult problems, but people do need to recognize when their behaviour is out of hand too. This guy has a totally different approach (very traditional and direct) to dealing with such problems of life, and helping people get going again. I found it very interesting. Essentially he is saying that an excessive focus on self, and not dealing with ones own behaviour, or failings in dealing with a situation or problem, can drive a person to display some pretty bad behaviour, and of course make them very down. A key point is, depression is a reaction to the problems of life we face, many of which are created by ourselves, which is hard to face up too. Pushing people away, or generally acting "crazy" can be one way of avoiding dealing with it. These days it can be a cop out. "Gee doc if you don't cure me, I'm finished, can't help myself. It's a disease." or "Gee bro, if you don't tip toe around me...". People need patience and help. Sometimes they just need some time to recover from a big knock. But sometimes they also need some frank advice and pointers on what's wrong, and how to start fixing it. It can make a huge difference. If anyone can help, surely a brother can. Obviously if you've posted here, your looking for answers. This old guy who wrote the book on breakdowns has a radically different approach to the bizarre stuff one gets through the media and pop psych. (e.g. standard talk therapy from a "professional" is something research psychologists say is unscientific, and of no more value than talking to a friend, at best. When put to the test, the professionals are no better (in fact worse) than the general public.). This guy explains that, with practical, biblical, and proven to be helpful advice. It made sense to me. None of this is easy, but to help a brother, that's ok. Maybe even ok if you get decked!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLBV46lYric

[Tui2]

Re: imike 1... yoi are correct in alot upu say there..but i did notice whilst reading your movie... that i was getting my back up and weren't even directonh it at me.. my point being that truth hurts even more when you've already known it for years and have been constantly told it gor years... and grown weary of the abundant failed attempts of reprogramming a damage mind. Not everyone well most of us don't have militaty disciplinary strength to do so. But yes it is the ONLY WAY to move on in life and iwish all that are uoungband fot enough to do so

[Gypzy]

Hi all, been about 6 months since i last visited. Hope everyone is going well.
I'm a bit peed off tonight. Sibling rivalry?
There are 5 of us, 2 girls, 3 boys. All range between 40 and 55 year oldies. Us boys just sorted it out years ago, but the girls FFS, why can't they sort their **** out! Big day planned this Sunday for Mum. A family lunch with friends for her 80th. Dads not well, my wife is not well, but the girls are at it. They haven't spoken since their Faceless book blow up with their kids fully involved and that was kin years ago. Two of the most important people in my life have a terminal illness that will end their life. The next few years for me are going to be pretty effin stressfull and no doubt depressing. So what WTF can any one suggest apart from locking those two in a room for a week. I have already stepped down from my position at work to try lower the stress level and don't want to go up on the meds, (which are only mild at this stage!)
At the end of each day after work, the only thing that makes me happy is coming home to my lovely wife, and playing with our kids (4 legged variety).
Surely it has to get better than this!

[nuthin' fancy]

Originally Posted by Gypzy

Hi all, been about 6 months since i last visited. Hope everyone is going well.
I'm a bit peed off tonight. Sibling rivalry?
There are 5 of us, 2 girls, 3 boys. All range between 40 and 55 year oldies. Us boys just sorted it out years ago, but the girls FFS, why can't they sort their **** out! Big day planned this Sunday for Mum. A family lunch with friends for her 80th. Dads not well, my wife is not well, but the girls are at it. They haven't spoken since their Faceless book blow up with their kids fully involved and that was kin years ago. Two of the most important people in my life have a terminal illness that will end their life. The next few years for me are going to be pretty effin stressfull and no doubt depressing. So what WTF can any one suggest apart from locking those two in a room for a week. I have already stepped down from my position at work to try lower the stress level and don't want to go up on the meds, (which are only mild at this stage!)
At the end of each day after work, the only thing that makes me happy is coming home to my lovely wife, and playing with our kids (4 legged variety).
Surely it has to get better than this!

Families, eh?

There is no shame in taking yourself out of the stressful situation. A quiet word to mum about why may be best for you.

[Tui2]

It doesn't get THAT GOOD for me.. having someone to love and support you and for you to be able to return it... that's a lot for me to even ask of someone.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by nuthin' fancy

Families, eh?

There is no shame in taking yourself out of the stressful situation. A quiet word to mum about why may be best for you.

Have agree. take yourself away from the stress. you don't need it

[BENT_8]

So i went to the doctor last week, he prescribed me an antidepressant called Martazapine in 15mg form, i've taken 3 so far.

Its smashed me for six i gotta say.
Sleeping for 10hrs, when i wake im like a zombie for another 3 or 4.
Burning sore throat, splitting headache, slow, slurred speach, cant stop eating.
The most vivid dreams i've ever had in my life and multiple topics every night.
Dreaming of things i'd never do in real life or have ever dreamt of before in such detail.

I feel worse now than i did when i went to see the doctor, if i had to live like this im not sure i'd go on to be honest.

Anyone else take this stuff?

[Spudz27]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

So i went to the doctor last week, he prescribed me an antidepressant called Martazapine in 15mg form, i've taken 3 so far.

Its smashed me for six i gotta say.
Sleeping for 10hrs, when i wake im like a zombie for another 3 or 4.
Burning sore throat, splitting headache, slow, slurred speach, cant stop eating.
The most vivid dreams i've ever had in my life and multiple topics every night.
Dreaming of things i'd never do in real life or have ever dreamt of before in such detail.

I feel worse now than i did when i went to see the doctor, if i had to live like this im not sure i'd go on to be honest.

Anyone else take this stuff?

That sounds horrible. I am still getting very real dreams on my lexam, everything else has eased. I am to go up to 20mg starting today so let's see what happens.

[BENT_8]

Going back to see the doctor this afternoon, no way im taking thses any longer.
Prior to taking them i felt flat, lack of energy but got on with it anyway, not sure i can even stand and walk a straight line at present, feeling dizzy, cant focus, nauseas, blood pressure through the roof.

Thankfully the Wife has an rdo and kids have the day off so i havent had to prepare them for school or consider driving anywhere.
That will be tomorrows challenge.

[bingoTE50]

Been on Effexor 17.5mg for ages . Takes the edge off my anxiety. No real side effects. I went up to 37.5 mg , but they made me tired of a morning .

[BENT_8]

Doctor says to take half a tablet every second day, will give it a try and see if things improve.
Not really happy to be taking them to be honest, not if they leave me feeling emotionless altogether.

Organised a care plan for a visit with another psychologist, 6 to 8 week wait apparently...sort of defeats the purpose really.

All of this because my 16yo Daughter couldnt accept no for an answer.
I'd been contacted by her school regarding her sudden increase in absence, i told them i would rectify the problem.
Told my Wife about the call, agreed to limit her absence from then on.
Next day my Daughter changes her hair appointment from after school to during school hours and then my Wife lies to me to cover it up and take her.
I discovered it before they got back and it was on.
Yes i know its trivial but its the principal of it as she has allowed my Daughter to see that lying is ok if you get what you want.

Since that day its been a downward spiral, cant even stand to be around my Daughter as she just continually baits me for an argument.

Last fortnight i went away for the weekend to clear my head, only back an hour when she approaches me with 'i know you'll be angry, but i've got an 18yr old boyfriend who drives and i want to go driving with him'
Those who have followed my posts in this thread will know of her near death experience in a car last year and how my sister was killed by a careless driver.
Sent the daughter to live with grandparents for a while.

Thats what triggered this last episode and has resulted in me turning to anti depressants and now im paying the price again.

Not sure how much longer i can tolerate this.

I'd leave if i thought it would help, but my other 3 children will pay the price then.

So confused, so angry.

[xr8cam]

GPs are the last people who should be writing prescriptions for depression. GP stands for general practice. I dont take my stuffed auto trans to a mechanic, I go to a trans specialist.
When my life was in pieces I went to a professional in that area. Medication has its place but establish what is the problem first and maybe a good talk to work out what is really the problem before you start taking meds. After all, professionals know next to nothing about the brain so pumping it full of meds is a pretty risky practice imo. Drugs work differently on everyone. THOSE ON MEDS TAKE NOTE: i was taking efexor 150 for a few years and everytime I drank alcohol I was very easily upset-turns out the grog was reacting badly with the meds which the doctor said would not happen. I am only talking about a few drinks too, not rolling drunk. So be very careful taking meds and do not stop taking them or only take them when you feel down-they do not work like that. So often, a change of scene or a neutral opinion is all thats needed. Ask yourself what you want people you care about to think of you and ask yourself what you want your kids to think of you and be that person.
Like someone here has in their description-''Be the person your dog thinks you are" It is not that hard to do, just treat people like you want to be treated. Everytime I think something negative about something I know it is all my own BS that is causing that negative view, so I try be a man, be responsible and admit that I am wrong knowing I will be a better person for it, everytime.

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by bingoTE50

Been on Effexor 17.5mg for ages . Takes the edge off my anxiety. No real side effects. I went up to 37.5 mg , but they made me tired of a morning .

Hi

I'm on the same my self and haven't had any real problems. Has really helped me

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Doctor says to take half a tablet every second day, will give it a try and see if things improve.
Not really happy to be taking them to be honest, not if they leave me feeling emotionless altogether.

Organised a care plan for a visit with another psychologist, 6 to 8 week wait apparently...sort of defeats the purpose really.

All of this because my 16yo Daughter couldnt accept no for an answer.
I'd been contacted by her school regarding her sudden increase in absence, i told them i would rectify the problem.
Told my Wife about the call, agreed to limit her absence from then on.
Next day my Daughter changes her hair appointment from after school to during school hours and then my Wife lies to me to cover it up and take her.
I discovered it before they got back and it was on.
Yes i know its trivial but its the principal of it as she has allowed my Daughter to see that lying is ok if you get what you want.

Since that day its been a downward spiral, cant even stand to be around my Daughter as she just continually baits me for an argument.

Last fortnight i went away for the weekend to clear my head, only back an hour when she approaches me with 'i know you'll be angry, but i've got an 18yr old boyfriend who drives and i want to go driving with him'
Those who have followed my posts in this thread will know of her near death experience in a car last year and how my sister was killed by a careless driver.
Sent the daughter to live with grandparents for a while.

Thats what triggered this last episode and has resulted in me turning to anti depressants and now im paying the price again.

Not sure how much longer i can tolerate this.

I'd leave if i thought it would help, but my other 3 children will pay the price then.

So confused, so angry.

Hang in there. Give the medication sometime. We all react differently so it might take time to find the right one at the right dosage. The GP starts things off so you are able to see the psychologist. The psychologist will start to really get things going and set the ground work. they will look at what your taking and what you are going through and assess you needs clinically. So I would be writing down everything you've feeling/side effects since taking the medication that way they can make better decision.

[bingoTE50]

I would ask to meet the boyfriend and at least get to know the kid and his car . Let him know of the accident and your loss and raise your concern with him about being careful with your daughter in the car. You dont have to be heavy handed at all, just give him the rundown on the danger and the fear you have of a further accident. This will also let you check out the car . I met my wife when she just turned 17 in a club. Its not the end of the world that she is 16 going with a 18 yr old. Unfortunately this is common , particularly at schools. Yr10 girl likes YR 12 boys. Dont meet him at the door with a shotty though ! lol.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by bingoTE50

I would ask to meet the boyfriend and at least get to know the kid and his car . Let him know of the accident and your loss and raise your concern with him about being careful with your daughter in the car. You dont have to be heavy handed at all, just give him the rundown on the danger and the fear you have of a further accident. This will also let you check out the car . I met my wife when she just turned 17 in a club. Its not the end of the world that she is 16 going with a 18 yr old. Unfortunately this is common , particularly at schools. Yr10 girl likes YR 12 boys. Dont meet him at the door with a shotty though ! lol.

Thanks mate, my Daughter has explained my feelings to him and he understands which is a good start, im not so much worried about what may happen as i know that at some stage she will have to make her own decisions, what got me going was the way in which she approached the situation.
She knew it is a sensitive issue and so when she opened the conversation with knowing i would get angry followed by the age bit and topped off with the car it immediately put me off.
Especially with whats been going on lately.

I took her out for breakfast last week and asked her to tell me more about him once i'd calmed down and from what she tells me he is a really decent young man, finishing yr12 and about to embark on an apprenticeship as a mechanic in the airforce.
I havent met him yet, he was supposed to come and watch her play sport last weekend but bailed at the last minute because he said he'd feel uncomfortable sitting with me whilst she played, and thats fair enough, but she took that as a negative and it created conflict between her and i when i took his side.

As for the car, well he drives an CE Lancer..but he's in the process of restoring what looks like a fairly tidy UC Torana and is right into cars even if he does support the dark side.

[bingoTE50]

Credit wheres credits due sounds like she picked a decent fellar. You must be doing something right !

[BLUEYBA]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Thanks mate, my Daughter has explained my feelings to him and he understands which is a good start, im not so much worried about what may happen as i know that at some stage she will have to make her own decisions, what got me going was the way in which she approached the situation.
She knew it is a sensitive issue and so when she opened the conversation with knowing i would get angry followed by the age bit and topped off with the car it immediately put me off.
Especially with whats been going on lately.

I took her out for breakfast last week and asked her to tell me more about him once i'd calmed down and from what she tells me he is a really decent young man, finishing yr12 and about to embark on an apprenticeship as a mechanic in the airforce.
I havent met him yet, he was supposed to come and watch her play sport last weekend but bailed at the last minute because he said he'd feel uncomfortable sitting with me whilst she played, and thats fair enough, but she took that as a negative and it created conflict between her and i when i took his side.

As for the car, well he drives an CE Lancer..but he's in the process of restoring what looks like a fairly tidy UC Torana and is right into cars even if he does support the dark side.

sounds like a good start. I guess you have to keep the communication open with her and even if something upsets you not to show it and calmly explain. that way she won't feel that you always get angry. it will take time to build up that trust as teenagers only tell you the minimum especially if they aren't comfortable

[xr8cam]

Originally Posted by BLUEYBA

Hang in there. Give the medication sometime. We all react differently so it might take time to find the right one at the right dosage. The GP starts things off so you are able to see the psychologist. The psychologist will start to really get things going and set the ground work. they will look at what your taking and what you are going through and assess you needs clinically. So I would be writing down everything you've feeling/side effects since taking the medication that way they can make better decision.

Great advice. Writing feelings down is a really positive thing to do. It will help you to cope with your feelings, just like writing them here. So sorry to read what your going through. Always tough if parents undermine one another. Stay strong & good luck.

[buggerlugs]

http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au...osure/3110898/

Makes you wonder how much computers/mobile phones/social media has contributed to this.................

[xr8cam]

Good point buggerlugs, social media is responsible for much of todays anxietys & addictions. Gaming, gambling & porn just three of the nastier sides and then there's the spineless cowards who attack others from the safety the laptop provides. As a young bloke, I had a lot of trouble at school because my folks drinking & fighting was out of control. At least when I was being picked on I knew who my attackers were and I knew how to talk to my friend because actually talking with our mouth and eyes was the way we communicated back then. Big problems ahead for these generations dependent on tech media & it's only just begun. Last month a boy stabbed his father to death over a fight about screentime, now sons got life & mums on her own. Crazy world. Take a few steps back & think first.

[Tui2]

I've been through years of med trials and never gave up on finding the correct combo that suited me.... however the hardest part was finding the correct way to exist without harming others or myself (not physically. ..
i mean causing undue stress in their world knowing my stress will) and realising that i can't have what others might. Then the meds did their job correctly