Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by Tassie f100

So what did you do to get her offside

I'm a male so it must have been something I did?

And there lies the problem.

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[Tassie f100]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

I'm a male so it must have been something I did?

And there lies the problem.

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Most stories have 2 sides

[Franco Cozzo]

The whole family court system sucks, it'll take everything and even the shirt off your back.

Childhood mate of mine is going through the process, 80-20 split her way, $500K gone.

I remember him telling me he'd never pay for sex, my rebuttal was everyone pays for sex.

I just pay less

[Franco Cozzo]

Originally Posted by marty351

never get married.

Hello Dad! Since when were you a member of AFF?

(The old man always preaches this to anyone who'll listen)

Customers of sex workers are an interesting group, I'd put it at 75% of them are married/in relationships, tend to be Gen X or Boomers - older crowd.

Generally dudes not getting anything at home, can be in loving relationships, happily married with kids but none of the fun stuff happens anymore so they've taken to ladies of the night.

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by Tassie f100

Most stories have 2 sides

All do, but you were quick to assume it was my fault.

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[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

Just remember a few things.

Around half marriages / relationships end in divorce / separation. We live in a disposable, selfish society so that figure is not a surprise.

As a male, you have no rights to fairness whatsoever if things go sour.

The system is currently set up in such a way that an evil and vindictive female can totally destroy her partner with the full support of the legal system, police and child support.

Assets you had will now be hers, kids you have will be hers, etc.

She can lie, manipulate the situation, cheat, steal, have affairs, stop you from seeing your kids, kick you out of your own house, get help and support from countless community agencies and all the while if she has ulterior motives or mental illness she will get away with it with a smile and full support.

Should you complain, object, tell her friends or... do the same to her you will be torn apart by anyone and everyone. In fact, it will be used against you as proof of how bad a person you are. Yet, a blind eye is turned had the roles been reversed.

Just let that sink in before you make any decisions.

I'll say that again. If you are a bloke and your Mrs wakes up one morning and decides she wants to totally destroy you she can and there is not a thing you can do about it.

Having an affair, cleaning out bank accounts, lying (to anyone, including Police and courts), withholding children etc isn't against the law, and has no bearing on court cases. In actual fact it's endorsed in some of the above circles.

So, as a female, what have you to lose?

If you have kids - even better for her. If you had assets and she had none, she has just won the jackpot.

And remember - your only recourse is to hope she cares enough to cut you some slack.

Other than that - spend around $200k in court spread over 5 years and you may hopefully get 1/3rd of what ever you thought was 'fair and reasonable'.

Don't ask me how I know...

That is so right and concise.

I went through it only 2 years ago.

The system is so completely biased it's not just unfair - it's blatantly ridiculous.

I haven't seen my daughter who i had 6 days a fortnight since a random Email (just after she remarried a millionaire)

No-one would listen to me at all. My daughter head of class but I neglected her etc etc. 30K later in legal bills and.....I won.

My time to see my daughter yet "apparently new claims are made" so my Ex didn't comply, and I didn't see my daughter anyway.

Just an absolute joke.

[Tassie f100]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

All do, but you were quick to assume it was my fault.

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No I dd not assume it was your fault!But I have seen both sides of marriage break ups. Some seem to be quite one sided until the facts come out,whether it is financial tension,too much work time by either party or sometimes the mistaken illusions of the other party being unfaithfull.

[Franco Cozzo]

The monogamous relationship expectation from our society is another thing that can cause issues in relationships - you know the traditional relationship, the fun stuff dries up and one or both goes off on affairs or ladies (or men) of the night, gets caught then the court shenanigans start.

Maybe humans aren't designed to be monogamous, there's a term called ethical non-monogamy I see doing the rounds these days and maybe for good reason?

I find people interesting, I should have done psychology at school

[Citroënbender]

Like DFB FGXR6, I’ve witnessed this wrought upon a couple of people I know. And if the blokes were genuinely “in the wrong” they made a darned good fist of always hiding it from everyone! Both fellows were fortunate that their (late teens and young adult) children stood by them in the maelström of bilious lies and protracted attacks - it quite possibly prevented suicides.

[prydey]

i feel sorry for some of you guys.

axes to grind and chips on shoulders and so much blame

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

That is so right and concise.

I went through it only 2 years ago.

The system is so completely biased it's not just unfair - it's blatantly ridiculous.

I haven't seen my daughter who i had 6 days a fortnight since a random Email (just after she remarried a millionaire)

No-one would listen to me at all. My daughter head of class but I neglected her etc etc. 30K later in legal bills and.....I won.

My time to see my daughter yet "apparently new claims are made" so my Ex didn't comply, and I didn't see my daughter anyway.

Just an absolute joke.

Only people who have been through it personally or helped someone through it will ever understand what happens in the 'Family' court...

[marty351]

As I said before, DON'T GET MARRIED!

[ford71V8]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I have watched a work colleague go through mostly what you have just described. It makes me both sad and angry, this person is one of the most docile and kind people you would ever meet.

Me too.
How someone could be so evil.
Had her pegged for a psycho on first meeting.
Turns out this was not her first rodeo and had, incredibly, done almost the exact same thing with the father of her first child. You think she doesn't know how to play the system now? Disgusting she managed to get away with the lies and manipulation twice.

[asagaai]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

The monogamous relationship expectation from our society is another thing that can cause issues in relationships - you know the traditional relationship, the fun stuff dries up and one or both goes off on affairs or ladies (or men) of the night, gets caught then the court shenanigans start.

Maybe humans aren't designed to be monogamous, there's a term called ethical non-monogamy I see doing the rounds these days and maybe for good reason?

I find people interesting, I should have done psychology at school

People are people, there are lousy humans who are men and lousy humans who are women.

Then there are people who are decent but life is hard and complex.

Franco- seems to me "Anglo Saxon" Aussies follow the "British" model-as do the Yanks- monogomy- 1 strike and you are out.

Very simplistic and perhaps if you are religious that has some bearing.

But seem to me a lot of European cultures are more mature and wise about this stuff.

[asagaai]

I have a colleague next to me who is a family law barrister.

He calls the Family court the "Temple of shattered dreams". Although he is married- he is against marriage totally. Says its a ridiculous institution.

Sad to see all the shattered people dragging themselves in to his chambers- and it seems from talking to him you get nutjob blokes and nutjob ladies in equal proportions.

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by asagaai

But seem to me a lot of European cultures are more mature and wise about this stuff.

?? Doesnt matter what your culture is, I think most seem to go along with the lines that cheating is not great for a relationship were you swear to be truthful to each other.

Life is short, do what is right at the time and if you have a love for something grab it. Dont see why it needs to be more complicated than that.

Be more worried about having kids than the act of getting married.

[KobiXR6T]

Originally Posted by marty351

As I said before, DON'T GET MARRIED!

Doesn't really make much difference. If you're a parent and in a defacto relationship you can end up in just about the same place.

Like the OP said, the legal system is heavily favoured towards the mother.

You can see how it happens. Even the best relationships can end on bad terms. A bit of contempt, hurt, some emotional immaturity and they can really make you pay. Put some lawyers, friends, or even possibly a new lover into their ear and things can spiral out of control quickly.

Bad ju ju catches up with these types sooner or later.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by prydey

i feel sorry for some of you guys.

axes to grind and chips on shoulders and so much blame

With good bloody reason.

Consider yourself lucky if you haven't been completely screwed over by the system.

[prydey]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

With good bloody reason.

Consider yourself lucky if you haven't been completely screwed over by the system.

Luck has nothing to do with it

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by prydey

Luck has nothing to do with it

OK Mr Perfect.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by Tassie f100

Most stories have 2 sides

Of course.

The problem is only one side is prioritised by the Family Court. My rights and relationship with my daughter weren't seen as near important compared to "the Mother's"

Men are automatically guilty unless proven otherwise at the starting point.

Fact.

[GT0132]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

Of course.

The problem is only one side is prioritised by the Family Court. My rights and relationship with my daughter weren't seen as near important compared to "the Mother's"

Men are automatically guilty unless proven otherwise at the starting point.

Fact.

A mother has to be either a prostitute or drug user to not win custody of the kids.

[guzzis3]

I never married. My parents divorced when I was 8. I have long thought a quota imposed on teh court would solve a lot of problems. Half of all contested custody the children are given to the father. That would make the judges think really hard in each case if they knew they needed to make their "quota" down the line. It'd also make the women think twice if they had a 50/50 chance of losing the kids.

Lefties came up with no fault divorce and like pretty much every other lefty idea it was a catastrophe. The problem isn't marriage, it's some people's attitude to marriage.

[GT0132]

Originally Posted by guzzis3

I never married. My parents divorced when I was 8. I have long thought a quota imposed on teh court would solve a lot of problems. Half of all contested custody the children are given to the father. That would make the judges think really hard in each case if they knew they needed to make their "quota" down the line. It'd also make the women think twice if they had a 50/50 chance of losing the kids.

Lefties came up with no fault divorce and like pretty much every other lefty idea it was a catastrophe. The problem isn't marriage, it's some people's attitude to marriage.

There's a big thrust in the boardrooms across the country at the moment for gender equality when it comes to positions and pay. Some are even setting targets for example, 50% of senior management positions be filled by females by the year 20xx. Needs to be the same thinking in the courts for awarding child custody and financial settlements in favour of men

[asagaai]

The fundamental question is "children's best interests".

For whatever reason there is a bias towards the assumption that the best interests of the child are prima facie best served by the child being with the mother as the primary custodian.

The onus then shifts to the father to prove that this assumption is not in the best interests of the child in that particular subjective case.

As to whether that initial bias assumption is correct is another matter that I would not even attempt to engage with.

[BENT_8]

Will never happen, would only take a judge to be under pressure to award custody to a Father in the name of equality and that father to then do something stupid and the axe would fall, no ones putting their reputation or career on the line for that where kids are involved.
It would be naïve to think the majority of cases are settled in favour of the Mother because she's the better option, i'd say its more a case of err on the side of caution.

Unfortunately I've seen the other side of the coin where an ex partner made some serious allegations against my Sister who then had 4 of her children taken away and put into Foster care which by all accounts was a nightmare for them, the irony being that the ex partner was a monster who used to beat them with a fishing rod if them played up, yet he walked away with his Son and the Courts said nothing.
My Sister wasn't an angel, she made some mistakes in life, but she loved her kids and never lay a hand on them yet she and them paid a price because of Family Court.

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by asagaai

The fundamental question is "children's best interests".

For whatever reason there is a bias towards the assumption that the best interests of the child are prima facie best served by the child being with the mother as the primary custodian.

The onus then shifts to the father to prove that this assumption is not in the best interests of the child in that particular subjective case.

As to whether that initial bias assumption is correct is another matter that I would not even attempt to engage with.

Anyone involved in the system knows that decisions are mostly the very opposite of whats in the best interests of the children.

Courts and judges do all they can to turn a blind eye to fathers while giving almost anything and everything to mothers.

I would know.

Been before 3 different judges in 2 family court matters.

I was the applicant in both cases.

I didn't get even close to half of what I requested each and every time.

Yet, the mother was freely offered near double by the judge, or the judge openly asked what she wanted - and what was asked for was instantly granted.

No looking at the documents, no asking me my opinion, nothing.

Can you imagine that for just a second?

I can say a lot more but there is a pending matter before the courts that also involves a high level police investigation.

Just pray that for once justice prevails.

There is an innocent 12 month old that desperately needs justice to prevail - because it's in her bests interests.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

Anyone involved in the system knows that decisions are mostly the very opposite of whats in the best interests of the children.

Courts and judges do all they can to turn a blind eye to fathers while giving almost anything and everything to mothers.

I would know.

Been before 3 different judges in 2 family court matters.

I was the applicant in both cases.

I didn't get even close to half of what I requested each and every time.

Yet, the mother was freely offered near double by the judge, or the judge openly asked what she wanted - and what was asked for was instantly granted.

No looking at the documents, no asking me my opinion, nothing.

Can you imagine that for just a second?

I can say a lot more but there is a pending matter before the courts that also involves a high level police investigation.

Just pray that for once justice prevails.

There is an innocent 12 month old that desperately needs justice to prevail - because it's in her bests interests.

I was the Applicant in my case also due to Ex flying around the world with my daughter without my consent.

My honesty was tested heavily, not proven to do anything wrong, yet amazingly my daughter changed school during legal proceedings with "no father" written on school application form.

So basically my Ex wife blatantly lying as per previously, but DURING PROCEEDINGS and Court said the Mother can do that to ensure my daughter's development as they moved houses with new husband.

The clear arrogance to do that (whilst i argued she's a liar, and clearly lied during proceedings) says it all as she knew I was screwed completely.

Just so stupid and unfair beyond words.

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Will never happen, would only take a judge to be under pressure to award custody to a Father in the name of equality and that father to then do something stupid and the axe would fall, no ones putting their reputation or career on the line for that where kids are involved.
It would be naïve to think the majority of cases are settled in favour of the Mother because she's the better option, i'd say its more a case of err on the side of caution.

There was a case last year where a judge was made to apologise to a mother for ordering the removal of the children from her care and placing them in the care of the estranged father.

Yet, thousands of mothers forcibly remove the children from their fathers and the courts turn a blind eye. Where are their apologies?

Then there was my case late last year:

Judge: "I could award you more time with your child but your partner will have grounds to object and she will win. You see, not a lot of other judges like my rulings, they say God, what is (Last name of judge) up to now? and over rule my decisions"

Then he continued.. "There is an opinion amongst some that children are best with the mother, certainly your child is more attached with the mother so I will suggest XXX days / nights a fortnight and I want you to return in March".

The other side objected - they saw the judge was easily swayed so suggested half of his low ball offer again.

Judge snapped back - he is obviously a capable father who is very able to care for the child in question, so I'll stick to my suggestion (that was 1/3 of my request in my application).

So, they were made into 'consent orders'. Interesting term seeing I had no option to agree or they would have been made if I liked it or not.

On the way out the judge saw the look on my face and said "You are lucky you had me as a judge, anyone else would have given you FAR LESS" (and he is right).

Fast forward 2 months. I stop work, partner goes to work full time. I'm full time carer of the child in question. I take her (partner) back in because I'm concerned for my daughter and it's the only way I can keep an eye on her and care for her.

(Something I'm apparently not able to do due to my gender and the age of our child)...

Orders not followed for 3 months. The abuse continues, threats against me continue. Mistreatment of our daughter continues.

She has taken off with our child once because I didn't put my plate in the sink.

I took my other daughter out last week to watch a show so my punishment was that she moved back in with the ex and stayed there a few nights.

And there is not a thing I can do to stop her - in fact, she proudly boasts that the judge lets her do what she wants and waves the 'consent orders' in my face if I ever protest or object to this behavior.

As I said - courts and judges are so against good fathers its beyond a joke.

And I'm considered 'lucky'...

Lets just hope for once justice prevails in the coming weeks and months because there is only so much one can take.

[BA-XT]

Erectile Dysfunction.

Thank god I have that because I could have ended up like so many people here!

I got married when I was 26. I bought a BA Falcon and long story short, we had zero luck. Both of us had health issues.... many days off work and at the time I blamed her. We separated in 2008.

I met someone.... with my issues we spent $15,000+ on IVF after we got married in 2011. To be fair she indometriosous, and polosystic ovaries as well. (I can't spell that lol) Then she decided she didn't want to work anymore.... just quit her job so when I was working she was having affairs with multiple men. Divorced start of 2016.

By a fluke my first wife came up as a suggested friend.... I said hi and we started chatting..... found out we still had feelings for each other.... I've been apologising ever since for screwing us up but 4 years later we have just purchased our first house.

I'm now 38 and she's 37.... we won't have kids. We both have issues but we laugh at each other and make our own fun. We only really have each other.... Her dad accepted me and her siblings too. I still feel guilty for the car, but we have built a rock solid relationship which should have been in 2006.