A Parents worst fear

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by STEALTHY

Yes, one car missed a turn, and got seperated. But this was on a freeway with 4 or so exits in a row, which can be difficult to navigate if you dont know the roads, completely different to sleepy old SA (where theres only 1 road in and out). Theres still no explination as to why the car left the road in the first place...

Just keep in mind, you're basically painting all young people with the same brush, based on the experience of one moron! There are other ways to approach the situation without having to flatly say NO (like i suggested before, meet the friends and see how they drive), but also, listen to your kid. Ask him about his friends driving. If he's learnt about the responsibilities of driving like i assume, he'll be honest with you about it (such as if his friends cant drive for ****, or they use their phones while driving etc). I know of many 16/17/18yo's who are much better drivers than people with 20years experience on them!

Personally i'd be more worried about other drivers on the road than the 4 friends, and if you start playing bubblewrap, well you've already lost ;)

Agreed, and prior to my daughters experience it was he who told me the driver involved on that occasion was indeed an idiot and not someone he would drive with again, however, ask my daughter and she was an angel. In there lies the problem, in their eyes, their own friends can do no wrong.
My son too claims his friends to be mature and not likely,but he's only been with one or two of them and at below 80k's in an outer suburban environment.

Were talking 100+ zones with big gumtree's a metre from the road edge.
Apples and oranges.
Add to it that the area is foreign to them and they are inexperienced drivers in multiple cars.

It just doesnt sit well with me, too many possible contributing factors to ignore.
Hey, it may be perfectly fine, but i just dont see the point in putting yourself in such a situation and when i explained it fully to him he agreed.

[STEALTHY]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Agreed, and prior to my daughters experience it was he who told me the driver involved on that occasion was indeed an idiot and not someone he would drive with again, however, ask my daughter and she was an angel. In there lies the problem, in their eyes, their own friends can do no wrong.
My son too claims his friends to be mature and not likely,but he's only been with one or two of them and at below 80k's in an outer suburban environment.

Were talking 100+ zones with big gumtree's a metre from the road edge.
Apples and oranges.
Add to it that the area is foreign to them and they are inexperienced drivers in multiple cars.

It just doesnt sit well with me, too many possible contributing factors to ignore.
Hey, it may be perfectly fine, but i just dont see the point in putting yourself in such a situation and when i explained it fully to him he agreed.

You answered your own statement there. Get the sister to let you know about his friends, for an honest answer!

I'm assuming based on your comments, you have now spoken to the drivers and know they have no experience in driving to the barossa?

If you bubblewrap your kids to the point they never go out, then they're basically dead anyway (except it is you who killed them, not one of their friends in a car) ;)

Ever since i was 16.5 (the age when we got our P's) my parents were completely fine with me going out driving (as driver and passenger), as they trusted my judgement that i wouldnt get in the car with a moron, and it worked perfectly (yes, there were a few bad eggs who i flatly refused to go in their cars, and sometimes refused to even go on a cruise if they were there)

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by STEALTHY

You answered your own statement there. Get the sister to let you know about his friends, for an honest answer!

I'm assuming based on your comments, you have now spoken to the drivers and know they have no experience in driving to the barossa?

If you bubblewrap your kids to the point they never go out, then they're basically dead anyway (except it is you who killed them, not one of their friends in a car) ;)

Ever since i was 16.5 (the age when we got our P's) my parents were completely fine with me going out driving (as driver and passenger), as they trusted my judgement that i wouldnt get in the car with a moron, and it worked perfectly (yes, there were a few bad eggs who i flatly refused to go in their cars, and sometimes refused to even go on a cruise if they were there)

His sister doesnt know how they drive, she isnt part of their group. My son only knew of her friends driving style because he got a lift home from work with her one night.
When i explained the environment around that area he said he had no idea what to expect, thats why they were heading out there, for a look.

You're missing the point, its not that i think his friends are irresponsible, i just believe that the chances of something going wrong are multiplied by the factors surrounding the proposed plans.
The kid my son would be with only got his licence a few months ago, he couldnt possibly be overly familiar with driving in a convoy of cars on those roads, how often do you need to travel on them in those conditions to be competent, would once or twice in 3 months suffice, maybe 4 or 5 times, i dont know, im not prepared to chance my son on it.

Do you have kids, teenage kids, a boy, who hangs out with boys who does boys things?
Just wondering where you draw your opinion from?

[STEALTHY]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

His sister doesnt know how they drive, she isnt part of their group. My son only knew of her friends driving style because he got a lift home from work with her one night.
When i explained the environment around that area he said he had no idea what to expect, thats why they were heading out there, for a look.

You're missing the point, its not that i think his friends are irresponsible, i just believe that the chances of something going wrong are multiplied by the factors surrounding the proposed plans.
The kid my son would be with only got his licence a few months ago, he couldnt possibly be overly familiar with driving in a convoy of cars on those roads, how often do you need to travel on them in those conditions to be competent, would once or twice in 3 months suffice, maybe 4 or 5 times, i dont know, im not prepared to chance my son on it.

Do you have kids, teenage kids, a boy, who hangs out with boys who does boys things?
Just wondering where you draw your opinion from?

I was that boy, who hung out with boys, who did boy things, alot more recently than you ;)

I'm just offering you a view from the other side (because the responses in here were very one sided). After reading your post, it just screamed like one of those job advertisments, Wanted - Junior/School leaver, must have 10 years experience. Of course they're inexperienced in such situations, but theres only one way they get that experience.

[TUF_302]

Did the driver get charged with anything??

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by STEALTHY

I was that boy, who hung out with boys, who did boy things, alot more recently than you ;)

I'm just offering you a view from the other side (because the responses in here were very one sided). After reading your post, it just screamed like one of those job advertisments, Wanted - Junior/School leaver, must have 10 years experience. Of course they're inexperienced in such situations, but theres only one way they get that experience.

Fair enough, i was that kid too, and with that knowledge comes a responsibility to make sure i pass on what i learnt.

I appreciate your thoughts, dont get me wrong, however, i believe having experienced losing a sister in her teens to a dangerous driver and then coming within feet of losing a daughter recently, i can fully understand the thought process that drives a desire to protect at all expense.
Im not saying im right, which is why i posed the question, but its all i have to work with.
I think John Fogarty said it best... 'Someday you'll understand'

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by TUF_302

Did the driver get charged with anything??

a few things, she harassed my daughter for a while because she thought she had pressed charges when she recieved her summonds, but my daughter hadnt persued it at all, hadnt even been called as a witness.
I think she got a fine and a licence suspension, not sure.

I guess i should provide some feedback on where my daughter is at after the experience.
She's struggling, it has had an enormous impact on her, not through physical disability, but from a psychological standpoint.

Prior to the accident she was the rising star in her sport in SA, was the current state junior champion, crowned junior player of the year and had been earmarked for international duties.
She was playing for one of the top clubs in the state and representing SA at
State level at 12yo.

Now she trembles when she gets into a car, wont travel with anyone other than my wife and i which has impacted her when travelling to games and has lost all interest in the sport. She declined an offer to train with the National development squad and gave up the blue ribbon singles spot at State level.

The driver may have been inconvenienced, my daughter is paying the greatest price.

[b0son]

BENT_8, get her to a GP for a psychologist referral (should be covered by medicare). She may have anxiety, PTSD, etc.

As for your son, a reasonable rule is no being passenger while unlicensed. By the time he is licensed, he wont want to be passenger with a bit of luck.

[Boosted8]

I would have thought the driver would be facing reckless driving charges.

Based on the OP.

[Beastie]

Bent_8, show your son the photo of the XR6T that split in half (posted today).

I showed my son as a reminder of how quickly things can go horribly wrong (hope the guy survives).

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by The Beast

Bent_8, show your son the photo of the XR6T that split in half (posted today).

I showed my son as a reminder of how quickly things can go horribly wrong (hope the guy survives).

Done, i always show them the bad accidents that appear in the news etc.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by b0son

BENT_8, get her to a GP for a psychologist referral (should be covered by medicare). She may have anxiety, PTSD, etc.

As for your son, a reasonable rule is no being passenger while unlicensed. By the time he is licensed, he wont want to be passenger with a bit of luck.

Cheers, i wish it was that easy, i put that to her a month after it happened when i first noticed the change, she wont have a bar of it, it seems to have given her real anxiety problems and she refuses to speak about it.

I wish she would, she definately needs it.

We had to come back through the hills from a tournament recently and when i looked over at her she was white as a ghost with the exception of her finger tips which were bright red as a result of gripping the edge of the seat so tightly.
I was barely moving but she was petrified.

As for the son, ironically, had he got off his **** and sat his 'L' test when he was first able to, he would have had his 'P's and his own car this weekend.
As it is he has only done 30 odd hours of the required 75 with only 3 months until he can sit his 'P's.
All of a sudden he's hassling me to get more hours in...kids.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by Boosted8

I would have thought the driver would be facing reckless driving charges.

Based on the OP.

Just spoke to my daughter about what happened to the driver, she isnt 100% sure as she doesnt speak to her anymore and my daughter has changed jobs so she doesnt see her much, but she said when she has seen her she has been getting picked up or dropped off places so she assumes she lost her licence.
It would make sense as she was apparently under the influence and on her 'P's with 2 kids aged 14 with her. I dont think thats allowed.

[BENT_8]

I want to ask a question with regards to compensation and wether my daughter would be entitled to it.
Now before anyone rolls their eyes and trotts out the litigation lines, let it be known that my wife and 4 kids got cleaned up by 'p' plater 3 years ago and we never persued it because we are not the type of people to take advantage of such a situation, however, considering the impact this recent event has had on my daughter i cant see why she wouldnt entitled to some form of compensation.
She was taken on wild ride against her will and within minutes came close to losing her life.

Any thoughts.

[b0son]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Any thoughts.

Given that she refuses to go to a psychologist or even talk about it, it's going to be difficult to produce objective evidence of the impact it has had on her. If she's still working, it will be difficult to demonstrate a financial impact caused by the accident. Further, even if you win a judgement, then what? The driver presumably has only a few dollars to their name. Meanwhile, you have legal cost to pay (there's no guarantee that if you win you will be awarded costs).

Of course, IANAL. It's just my opinion.

[b0son]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

Cheers, i wish it was that easy, i put that to her a month after it happened when i first noticed the change, she wont have a bar of it, it seems to have given her real anxiety problems and she refuses to speak about it.

If she won't see anyone, maybe give her this book:

Crash Course - A self-healing guide to auto accident trauma and recovery - Diane Poole Heller

I don't know if its any good, but my wife suggested it having got it when our niece was involved in an accident.

[98TLS]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

I want to ask a question with regards to compensation and wether my daughter would be entitled to it.
Now before anyone rolls their eyes and trotts out the litigation lines, let it be known that my wife and 4 kids got cleaned up by 'p' plater 3 years ago and we never persued it because we are not the type of people to take advantage of such a situation, however, considering the impact this recent event has had on my daughter i cant see why she wouldnt entitled to some form of compensation.
She was taken on wild ride against her will and within minutes came close to losing her life.

Any thoughts.

Dont get it...you and family got cleaned up etc but not the type to take advantage etc.3 years later this post oh and if indeed your daughter is suffering from the event things like showing her the aftermath of every motor vehicle accident posted on the internet wont aid any recovery both physically or emotionally.No offence intended or meant but there comes a point when a parent can become over bearing/caring etc.Will add i wish her well and have no doubt time will see her right,give her time to heal mate both inside and out.

[damo76]

You have a right to be protective.
3 months after getting my license i got my XW falcon brought up to laverton for me and not having my license long I was very excited and as a young bloke does thinks there indestructable.

I went for a drive the next day down a gravel mining road, doing 80mph going around a gentle bend the back slid out and i went sideways rolling it 7 times.
I managed to climb out of the passenger side in very bad pain because i didn't have my seat belt on either.
And started stumbling back to town, a trucky stopped and picked me up.. Never thanked him for that.
Spent 4 days in hospital with broken ribs and my abdomem was black.
Took me weeks to come good but still remember it as if it was yesturday.

I had to go to court and got charged with dangerous driving, lot my license for 3 months and got fined $30.

The police said if I was wearing a seatbelt i wouldn't be here today, the old xw saved my life with her solid roof.

Anyway got back to Perth with my friends and did more stupid stuff.
I think it's part of growing up learning from your mistakes and doing stupid things but when young blokes are in the car together well there is bound to be mischief.


I have all this too look forward to when my boy gets to that age.

[damo76]

I feel like i'm making matters worse now...soz don't mean too but my parents were all stressed and panicked, had to race up to laverton while i was in hospital.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by b0son

Given that she refuses to go to a psychologist or even talk about it, it's going to be difficult to produce objective evidence of the impact it has had on her. If she's still working, it will be difficult to demonstrate a financial impact caused by the accident. Further, even if you win a judgement, then what? The driver presumably has only a few dollars to their name. Meanwhile, you have legal cost to pay (there's no guarantee that if you win you will be awarded costs).

Of course, IANAL. It's just my opinion.

Yeah, frair enough, just thought i'd ask the question.

And youre certainly right, getting her to talk to anyone about it would be a hurdle unless we got her some initial treatment.

I'll look into that book you mentioned, might be enough to get her talking about it with us, she does say some stuff, like if were travelling anywhere out of the metro area she'll talk about how she hates travelling in the country etc, but she wont talk about how she has changed as a result.

I dont know, she's a 15yo girl, its a trying time for any teenager as they find themselves, perhaps it was always going to happen and the accident was just the catalyst or poor timing if thats possible, theres never an ideal time.

If anything its got me thinking about it again, as with life things get reordered and reshuffled and i guess due to her relative silence it went off the radar.

I'll make that appointment tomorrow.

[xisled]

If you are looking at compensation, speak to a CTP solicitor.

May not get any money out of it, but you maybe be able to get psychologist paid for etc. maybe in time your daughter will want to talk about it.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by 98TLS

Dont get it...you and family got cleaned up etc but not the type to take advantage etc.3 years later this post oh and if indeed your daughter is suffering from the event things like showing her the aftermath of every motor vehicle accident posted on the internet wont aid any recovery both physically or emotionally.No offence intended or meant but there comes a point when a parent can become over bearing/caring etc.Will add i wish her well and have no doubt time will see her right,give her time to heal mate both inside and out.

Let me help you.

In February 2012 my wife and 4 children, the youngest only 2 months old, were rear ended by a 'P' plater on his first morning after getting his licence. He was clowning around and looking at some mates walking along the footpath and didnt see the traffic in front stop.
He hit her TH Magna doing 60+km/hr the coppers said, didnt get a chance to react, she saw him coming and took her foot off the brake to lessen the impact, caused minor damage to car in front.
Pushed her bumper into the 'C' pillar, cant remember what he was driving, didnt give a **** to be honest, both written off.

The kids all had whiplash, as did the wife.

We were told that we could persue compensation in court but its not something that we even considered.
Some people will go as far as to create an injury to sue someone, its not my thing, thats all.

Fast forward to now and my daughter has been through a shocking experience and is lucky to be alive, this has had a real impact on her, she did nothing wrong and was basically a hostage as she had no real opportunity to escape the situation.
I just thought i'd ask the question because its not something i've bothered to consider before and figured someone on here would have some insight.
If i was really interested i could ring one of the numerous accident lawyers that appear on the box.

As for the rest, i dont ram the images down her throat, she's seen enough, if she wants a look she looks, if she doesnt we move on.
I was showing my son the footage of the Melbourne crash and she had a quick glance, its not about the visual impact necessarily, i just like to highlight how easily mistakes can be made and how devastating the consequences can be.
It really is that simple.

I've always been a strong advocate for better driver education starting with dedicated driver education at school, to eliminate the bad habits and poor attitude that becomes evident in many new drivers, before it takes root.
I spent more time learning my times tables than it took me to get a licence to drive, which one has a greater likelyhood of killing me?

[devilcv8]

Originally Posted by xisled

If you are looking at compensation, speak to a CTP solicitor.

May not get any money out of it, but you maybe be able to get psychologist paid for etc. maybe in time your daughter will want to talk about it.

exactly. Doesn't matter a damn what money the driver has or doesnt have. it all gets covered under the ctp insurance.

[JAJH]

BENT 8, you mentioned in an earlier post your relationship of 24 years but married 12 years. Can I ask, are the kids yours or step kids? The reason for the question is as a father of 4 and step father to another 2, the bond is never quite the same as your own blood, so I am just curious?. Please don't read any hidden agenda into my question.

[commodorenutt]

Regarding the compensation - I'm like you - it's not something I'd go after, but I do believe in covering your expenses (and in your case, that would include the time & travel costs to ferry your daughter around now she's not confident to get in the car with anyone else).

Not sure if SA works the same as NSW, but I was involved in an accident (P-plater just 1 week after his 17th birthday, racing his mate, and ran a red light). It was pretty severe - it put me off work for 3 months with multiple broken bones, and it was over 4 months before I could use my right hand again - a further 5-6 months before I could use a cordless drill peoperly.

Almost 12 months after the accident, I was contacted by the other party's CTP insurer, and offered a small settlement.

I never asked for it, they simply rang up out of the blue & offered it. The condition was that I sign a waiver that I wouldn't be able to sue them for more money down the track.

When I worked out the cost of my (unpaid - after I burned all my sick & annual leave) time off work, and the out-of-pocket expenses I paid for medical & rehab, the offer was almost to the dollar of what that all added up to. I accepted, as it was only right that I be reimbursed for it (I was actually working out how to go about it after the last rehab session only a few days prior).

I know your daughter doesn't want to see anyone, but if she could be persuaded to give it a try (even just 1 session) then you should be able to have the cost of any therapy reimbursed from the driver's CTP insurer.

[pottery beige]

youre winding yourself and your childrens up to much

stop over thinking it all

it will do your head in

[STEALTHY]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

I've always been a strong advocate for better driver education starting with dedicated driver education at school, to eliminate the bad habits and poor attitude that becomes evident in many new drivers, before it takes root.
I spent more time learning my times tables than it took me to get a licence to drive, which one has a greater likelyhood of killing me?

Ironically, parents are the worst influence on their kids driving, as they teach all their bad habits to the new driver ;)

[razbarb]

This has been a great thread for the conversation and thought that has been generated.
It's such a touchy subject, especially as both sides of the fence are fence are conntributing to this, which is great.
I'm teaching my 16 year old to drive and he's going to learn my bad habits as I can't afford 120 hours (we live in Vic) of driving lessons.
I would suggest to stealthy that he won't learn "all" of my bad habits and he may learn some good ones too.
I'm a strong advocate of the 120 hour requirement as a learner driver here in Victoria. It's a great way to spend time with my son as between homework, sport, his part time job and social media he's more time poor than me! There's also a lot of satisfaction for me in teaching him an important skill.
I've helped out a couple of nieces with their driving as well and it was a privilege to be involived. One of them stands out as a very competent driver. She's a natural and just got it from the beginning
I agree with stealthy that we can't wrap our children in cotton wool, however as a parent I want to have an influence on what happens in the early days and be involved in any decision making.
Thanks for sharing bent8, I really hope your daughter's anxiety improves. Hopefully she can draw comparisons from her sport. We all make poor decisions and we learn and bounce back and train harder or more importantly, we train better.
I assume she plays tennis or hockey and she would know that some players use their racquet or stick better than others, just like people use their cars.

[Mulga]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

I want to ask a question with regards to compensation and wether my daughter would be entitled to it.
Now before anyone rolls their eyes and trotts out the litigation lines, let it be known that my wife and 4 kids got cleaned up by 'p' plater 3 years ago and we never persued it because we are not the type of people to take advantage of such a situation, however, considering the impact this recent event has had on my daughter i cant see why she wouldnt entitled to some form of compensation.
She was taken on wild ride against her will and within minutes came close to losing her life.

Any thoughts.

Can i just add that events such as these impact on everyone in the family. You yourself have felt some responsibility for what happened. Many will tell you to forget and move on, I don't agree, you need to have some form of closure. If your daughter is still at school, most will have a counsellor and that may be a good starting point. It's amazing how just talking about events such as these can help people cope. I know your daughter is your priority, but don't forget about yourself and your wife.

[STEALTHY]

Originally Posted by razbarb

This has been a great thread for the conversation and thought that has been generated.
It's such a touchy subject, especially as both sides of the fence are fence are conntributing to this, which is great.
I'm teaching my 16 year old to drive and he's going to learn my bad habits as I can't afford 120 hours (we live in Vic) of driving lessons.
I would suggest to stealthy that he won't learn "all" of my bad habits and he may learn some good ones too.
I'm a strong advocate of the 120 hour requirement as a learner driver here in Victoria. It's a great way to spend time with my son as between homework, sport, his part time job and social media he's more time poor than me! There's also a lot of satisfaction for me in teaching him an important skill.
I've helped out a couple of nieces with their driving as well and it was a privilege to be involived. One of them stands out as a very competent driver. She's a natural and just got it from the beginning
I agree with stealthy that we can't wrap our children in cotton wool, however as a parent I want to have an influence on what happens in the early days and be involved in any decision making.
Thanks for sharing bent8, I really hope your daughter's anxiety improves. Hopefully she can draw comparisons from her sport. We all make poor decisions and we learn and bounce back and train harder or more importantly, we train better.
I assume she plays tennis or hockey and she would know that some players use their racquet or stick better than others, just like people use their cars.

Dont get me wrong, teaching your kid has pro's and con's. Pro's being YOU learn current road rules (assuming that 99% of people are the opposite of me, and havn't read the rule book since they got their license 20 years ago), but they also learn your bad habits. I've seen far too many L platers sailing along in the right lane without a care in the world, when its the full licensed drivers job to be telling them what the correct rule is, not 'they can go around'.

If theres one thing you (the OP, and you, and anyone teaching a new driver) should drum into their heads, its that your phone stays away when driving (i recommend telling them to leave it out of reach, so they're not tempted to even look at it)