Depression, Anxiety

[FTE217]

condolense's much blueoval.
I'd say everyone is dealing with challengers more than usual today due to covid.
Its really put extra strain on all especially going through things as you've posted.
Great you did for at least your putting it out there and a little off your chest.
My father inlaw passed away just a few weeks ago and my wife's brothers and sisters are struggling big time.
All we can do is cherish the precious moments locked in our hearts and keep going for thats what they would wish for as well.
Look after the Mrs's and she'll look after you I'm sure.
Cheers bud.

[buggerlugs]

Originally Posted by blueoval

First time posting here.

Been suffering from Depression for probably 10yrs on and off but over the past 2 years its gotten worse and most recently in last 6months.

In a nutshell, my dad passed away from Cancer after a 5yr battle in April. Its been real tough on the family. My wifes Aunt passed away from Cancer only 3 weeks ago. My dads twin brother is in hospital at the moment dealing with shingles in his eye but is on 24hr oxygen and probably wont last out the rest of this year.

Im not writing here to look for sympathy. Its actually the first time Ive spoken about it. The wife knows I go through dark days. But I say nothing about it as I dont want to burden her already busy schedule with additional issues.

My Anxiety has tripled in the past 5yrs. I am finding it difficult to want to hang with friends. Also, I am finding I am arranging things with others only to pull out last minute due to the anxiety getting to me. I find I feel safer being at home and doing my own thing. I live with other members of my family. They know times have been hard and tend to cut me some slack when I tend to come out with outbursts or anger or scathing sarcasm and occasional aggressive tones. I am working on my attitude and taking some natural medications to help with my mood swings.

Anyway, I thought Id share as I know it helps to discuss things with others openly before it really becomes something more sinister.

Good on you for sharing. Anxiety and depression is in our community everywhere. I come from a family of Psych Nurses and my oldest daughter works at Headspace and Kids Help line. Add to that, my wife has suffered very bad Bi Polar for 25 years. I see it from both sides. Worse thing you can do is keep it to your self................

[whitelion65]

Hang in there BlueOval.
Depression seems to be cumulative. You go along absorbing sh!t for a long time, then suddenly, you are on the side of the road wondering how you got there.
Have a look at my previous posts here for the back story, but getting straight to the point, get to your GP, ask for a mental health plan, and speak with a psychologist.
It can be a bit hit and miss getting the right person, but give it a go.
Pm me if you ever want to talk to someone.
All the best brother, you have a lot of people at your back here, good to shar the load.

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi Guys,
It helps when us guys talk about things and get them off our chest. We think were tough and we keeping things bottled up, but its not tough its good to talk about it.

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting any of the guys on this forum and may never get the chance but when I am writing something on here I feel I know all the guys on here, and I know that we all read what each of us talk about because after all it is a forum.

There's all ways somebody on here to listen too, your not along by any means and your not the only one who has Depression or Anxiety. I don't pretend to know everything (wish I did) and I am not a Doctor but after my first wife and I divorced years ago now ( 19 years ago) i didn't want to tell anybody i got divorced at first.

It was a good mate of mine who i have known now for 40 years since i was 19 years old that phoned me up at work because his wife saw my now ex wife shopping and they got talking.

He met me after work we went out for meal and we had a long chat and after it was all over i felt so much better for talking to him.

[Full Noise]

Blueoval, I know that this sounds like a bit of a cliché, but keep your thoughts positive and more importantly, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Posting here is a great idea. Having a like minded bunch of blokes to chat with can really help. Many of us have been through the ringer and in my circumstances, I’ve been to low points that I never thought that I could ever end up in, but with the help of many people, I’ve managed to get out of that place and concentrate on the future.

One thing’s for sure is if you’re chatting with blokes here, you know that when we say that we know how you feel, we really do know how you feel.

If anyone here feels the need to have a chat or even if you just need to vent about your day, send me a PM with your number and I will call you back.

Like Mondeomatureguy, I’m not a doctor or psychologist (but I’ve parked in a few of their parking spaces) but I can at least pass on some of the advice that I’ve been given over the years. I’ve had some incredible people help me, one was a member here and part of the deal is that I have to pay it forward.

Stick with it mate.

[blueoval]

You blokes are a bunch of legends. I know we have never met or probably never will, but it gives me comfort to know I can relate to you guys on a level other than just cars.

My biggest hurdle was actually saying something. My fear was sounding like a wimp or cry baby in doing so. But I knew not saying something was hurting more.

Thankfully my wife of 21years is a great partner and listening ear. But there are times I cant share some things for fear of over burdening her. I know I need to lean on her more. But having this avenue on this thread is helping even in a small way.

[Full Noise]

I see this thread’s been a bit quiet. Hope everyone’s alright. If anyone here’s in a dark place, just yell out.

[BA-XT]

I can unfortunately relate to quite a few people on this thread. I've had episodes at 9, horriblemone at 14, 17, 19 and 21. Min appeared for no reason..... simple chemical embalance causing me to stay awake for days feeling nauseous and unable to eat practically anything. Horrible, horrible experience.

But the last few years have got me. I'm with the love of my life again - we were seperated for 8 years - and just bought our first house. I'm fortunate that I have a job. One week on, one week on stand by still fully paid.

We moved over to the west of Melbourne, and my mum won't talk to me. She thinks I've abandoned her. So haven't seen her since January. But that's a different issue.

I've been on these Cipramil tablets for 20'years with annoying side effects. No sex drive, drowsy a lot of the time, and I get periods of not being able to sleep with then makes me feel sick and exhausted throughout the day.

I have no kids. I wanted one but my ex decided to leave her job, and between my problem of not being able to have sex properly and her low egg count it didn't happen. We spent about $10k on IVF and injections for her. I'm nearly 39 now and my current partner has polysistic ovaries so we talked about it but never tried. TBH with how tired I can get, I don't think I'd be able to handle a child. So that ship has sailed.

I'm an only child. Dad died of cancer when mum was pregnant. So if I lost my partner I'm totally alone. I have a few "lose" friends that I occasionally see. On the outside I seem like a quiet friendly person. I love a laugh but deep down I'm done. Like really done. I love my partner but if something happened to her what would I do?

I've stop caring about most things. Recently got a hair cut and beard trim but don't car about my appearance . Used to be a gym but lifting some decent weight. Not can barely even think about going back. The only things that give me any joy is my partner and my car - I'll never sell it because of the memories I've made with it.

But most days are dark. Negative thoughts about being alone. Because of my lack off sex drive who's going to want to be with someone like me? As I've got older the though of being alone is very real.

Someone before said they try things and fail. This is me. Nearly everything I attempt ends in failure. One of the only big things I've bought / done right is my car. It's been brilliant. Last week I tried to dig a yukka plant out. FAIL. Now I have a dirty big hole in my back yard. I can't even screw a bolt in. No skills in wood working / fixing things. Nearly everything I try ends in failure.

Land Cruiser I bought had a bad engine, transmission and hidden roof rust. Just everything I try ends in failure. After 20'years it's starting to get to me. I'm in Security. Day shift job but not great pay. It's an ok job but my partner earns a lot more. My medication also makes my head foggy at times, so I'm not a very quick learner.

Sometimes it gets too much and has been especially bad recently. The thought of having nobody is terrifying. The worst part is knowing that the depression is getting deeper but it's hard to stop. Always having the thought that at some stage I could be completely alone. My next stop will be my Drs to try another medication. Apparently once you've had 3 or more episodes of depression, you're on antidepressants for life. I've tried multiple times to get off them, but it ends up the same. No sleeping, dry reaching, days off work until I get back on them. If it wasn't for my partner who is very understanding, I think I'm done.

[MercuryT]

Unfortunately back at Drs today.

My medication increased. (again)

It sucks as it takes away the pain sure, but renders me useless as so tired etc.

Battle goes on.

Those struggling be sure to speak up asap.

[MercuryT]

I don't have a partner BA-XT but you will never be fully "alone".

But yeah I know the terrifying part.

[FTE217]

BA-XT good on you for posting, thats good medicine I hope.
Good to see your with the love of your life as well, lets her know that daily mate.
The car for all of us is a great outlet, me/you and our car, its a great relationship and medicine as well.
Don't ever think your done, for your not.

[BA-XT]

So many people are worse off than me, but the black cloud has been overhead for a few years now. Mid 2018 I ended up caught in a work place issue where I told a guy what people were saying about him, then got a please explain letter with HR. Never had this before.

Went back into the floor and vented to a friend. Got into the meeting and they played footage of me venting to a friend when I shouldn't have. I lied but they kept asking what I was talking about.... should have said "I've answered your question... move on" . Threatened me with the sack but ended up with a first and final.

I had never done anything wrong with that company in the 6 years I'd been there to that point. The HR women was fired Ironically a year later. I could tell my boss was almost ashamed with the way the meeting was held. We still have a good relationship but I haven't been the same since since. Security is all shift work, so hard to get a day job.

My anxiety flares up all the time at work. Last year 5 people were fired. So until recently I've always been a bit on edge at work as well.

[BA-XT]

Originally Posted by FTE217

BA-XT good on you for posting, thats good medicine I hope.
Good to see your with the love of your life as well, lets her know that daily mate.
The car for all of us is a great outlet, me/you and our car, its a great relationship and medicine as well.
Don't ever think your done, for your not.

With this corona thing, I have one week on and one week on rostered standby. So we get called in if needed other wise stay home. It sounds great, but sitting alone with your own thoughts isn't good. Today I'm going to finish off the last detailing section of th car to keep busy.

My car and detailing it do provide a break from life. I can't wood work or mak anything so basic car detailing is a thing I can do and with the chances of breaking something is fairly low - although I have wet th engine bay in degreaser and shorted out my coils and plugs in th past

[FTE217]

haha, I'm sure alot of us have been guilty not being careful over the electronics when hosing down. Your normal.
You always jack up the BA and clean underneath I know some do and have.
I always hose down the Sprint underneath to keep it cleaner than usual.

[BA-XT]

Originally Posted by FTE217

haha, I'm sure alot of us have been guilty not being careful over the electronics when hosing down. Your normal.
You always jack up the BA and clean underneath I know some do and have.
I always hose down the Sprint underneath to keep it cleaner than usual.

I do enjoy keeping the underside clean usually twice a year ill hit it with a good dose of ct-18 and spray everything to within an inch of its life

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by BA-XT

So we get called in if needed other wise stay home. It sounds great, but sitting alone with your own thoughts isn't good.

I was off work for nearly a year when my daughter stolen.

Like you said it sounds good, but those suffering anxiety and/or depression it can make it far worse as I became detached, used alcohol and medications to fill the gap, and became even more upset (and lacked motivation to do anything even though so much time......)

Day at a time mate. I sold my house and that has helped me so far (not suggesting you do that)

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

Day at a time mate. I sold my house and that has helped me so far (not suggesting you do that)

Releasing yourself from burdens of any kind including financial ones will help with anxiety. Not having the thought of a big mortgage on top of your existing family issues can sometimes be the extra freedom you need.

[BA-XT]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

I was off work for nearly a year when my daughter stolen.

Like you said it sounds good, but those suffering anxiety and/or depression it can make it far worse as I became detached, used alcohol and medications to fill the gap, and became even more upset (and lacked motivation to do anything even though so much time......)

Day at a time mate. I sold my house and that has helped me so far (not suggesting you do that)

Nail on the head there mate. Luckily I don't drink. Bloats me and makes feel unwell. My weakness I'd chocolate. I'll go a block without even blinking so I do understand how people can get addicted to alcohol. I've never heard that one beer is too many and a hundred isn't enough.

I spent this arvo finishing off detailing my car. It's one of the few things that I can do without breaking or damaging anything

I got called in to work tomorrow. Evacuation training. Heard it all before and will be boring but at least out of the house and surrounded by people.

I think anxiety can lead into depression. Today has been ok but some days get really dark.

You have kids involved as well? That just adds another layer Ontop as well. Even though I'd have loved just one child, somektimes greatful imdidnt with my ex because I'd be in a world of hurt.

[BA-XT]

Originally Posted by blueoval

Releasing yourself from burdens of any kind including financial ones will help with anxiety. Not having the thought of a big mortgage on top of your existing family issues can sometimes be the extra freedom you need.

Our mortgage is only $100 more than rent, and my partners car is paid off in a few months which is about $110 a week so we should be almost better off

We do have to pay $150 for insurance we took out, and the standard $1500 land rates but we didn't stretch ourselves which was important I've rented for 16 years all up so just happy to have this place.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by BA-XT

I think anxiety can lead into depression. Today has been ok but some days get really dark.

You have kids involved as well? That just adds another layer Ontop as well. Even though I'd have loved just one child, somektimes greatful imdidnt with my ex because I'd be in a world of hurt.

I'm not sure if anxiety leads to depression or depression leads to anxiety. Either way yes, it's very hard I know.

Yeah I had my Daughter near 50/50 for near a decade then Ex remarried and suddenly I was accused of sorts of claims etc.......all the vulgar lies Family Lawyers enjoy helping their clients with.

None proven of course. As it's blatantly untrue. Yet no contact allowed and maintenance very high.

My daughter was all I really had mate (my Ex knew this of course). So marry a millionaire with no kids and well, 30K later, goodbye MercuryT.

Everyone has issues so all I can say is you'll get there (trust me I'm not there either) and I find being around people much better than alone. (whether in person, webs or whatever)

[BA-XT]

Originally Posted by MercuryT

I'm not sure if anxiety leads to depression or depression leads to anxiety. Either way yes, it's very hard I know.

Yeah I had my Daughter near 50/50 for near a decade then Ex remarried and suddenly I was accused of sorts of claims etc.......all the vulgar lies Family Lawyers enjoy helping their clients with.

None proven of course. As it's blatantly untrue. Yet no contact allowed and maintenance very high.

My daughter was all I really had mate (my Ex knew this of course). So marry a millionaire with no kids and well, 30K later, goodbye MercuryT.

Everyone has issues so all I can say is you'll get there (trust me I'm not there either) and I find being around people much better than alone. (whether in person, webs or whatever)

Bloody hell. That's some heavy stuff. I really don't know what to say.... but I work in the courts and have seen it where some poor bugger has lost thousands of dollars trying to see their child. Men have been getting screwed in the courts for years. How old is your daughter now" will you get to see her soon

[sneaky]

well after maybe 3 or 4 years off the meds I am back on zoloft again, lets hope general mood improves and I don't have many (major) side effects.

I have had a dodgy start to 2020 - dodgy appendix and complications after surgery meant I was stuck at home for the two months pre covid restrictions.. my return to work was a quick trip to the office to collect everything i needed to work from home and I've only been in to see work mates a few times since.

very little social contact for 5 months has had an effect on me. I did the DASS21 test last week and scored pretty highly for depression (no anxiety signs). I've found it hard to concentrate on work or much of anything for months. Hard to get motivated and interested in life outside of work. I have 50/50 custody of my kids and feel like the week I have them is just a holding pattern until they go 'home' to their mother.

I need to find a hobby that gets me out of the house and socialising - I've been trying to get out and go for walks when weather permits and have also started back at yoga now that restrictions are easing. The local karting place runs a mid week racing league so I'm waiting for it to kick off again so I can have a whirl (covid cancelled the recent series).

apparently some of my symptoms and frustrations can also be attributed to 'mid-life' (I'm 38).... it might be time to find a red convertible sports car..

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by sneaky

well after maybe 3 or 4 years off the meds I am back on zoloft again, lets hope general mood improves and I don't have many (major) side effects.

I have had a dodgy start to 2020 - dodgy appendix and complications after surgery meant I was stuck at home for the two months pre covid restrictions.. my return to work was a quick trip to the office to collect everything i needed to work from home and I've only been in to see work mates a few times since.

very little social contact for 5 months has had an effect on me. I did the DASS21 test last week and scored pretty highly for depression (no anxiety signs). I've found it hard to concentrate on work or much of anything for months. Hard to get motivated and interested in life outside of work. I have 50/50 custody of my kids and feel like the week I have them is just a holding pattern until they go 'home' to their mother.

I need to find a hobby that gets me out of the house and socialising - I've been trying to get out and go for walks when weather permits and have also started back at yoga now that restrictions are easing. The local karting place runs a mid week racing league so I'm waiting for it to kick off again so I can have a whirl (covid cancelled the recent series).

apparently some of my symptoms and frustrations can also be attributed to 'mid-life' (I'm 38).... it might be time to find a red convertible sports car..

hang in there mate.

Looking for activities revolving around interaction is vital for mental health. Cycling has helped me in the regard in the past. Whether its road or MTB riding, it doesnt matter, but riding with like minded people helps and the endorphins from the exercise just adds to better your mood after.

GoKarting is heaps of fun too. Smash that as much as you can.

Keeping the mind active and having plans booked in week after week just keeps your mind off the monotony of life more.

[DFB FGXR6]

Hmmm, well this was my DASS 21 result -

■ Depression Score = 13. This is a Severe level.

■ Anxiety Score = 6. This is a Moderate level.

■ Stress Score = 15. This is a Severe level.

[sneaky]

DFB FGXR6 - I just checked my DASS score (paperwork is in the kitchen waiting for psych appt)
Depression = 16
stress/anxiety were only 1 or 2.. so that's a good sign for me I guess.

Blueoval - funny you mention MTB riding. I was on the phone to my brother today asking about the local tracks (he is president of the MTB club).. there is a half formed plan to go riding one day when it is warm enough for me.

I think the lack of planning also contributes.. no plans for holidays as such and nothing to look forward to, I have leave from work planned but no destinations or plans to look forward to.

[sneaky]

a few observations now that I have told a few close people that I'm trying to sort my issues..
pro - feels like some weight has been lifted as I don't have to smile and pretend to be good all the time. I don't feel as guilty for what I see as wasting time at work, my boss is happy with my output even when working from home (I will go to the office a few times a fortnight to have face to face chat and feel less isolated)

con - my parents are probably more concerned than they need to be. I have had deeper/more acute depression in the past with the dark thoughts and plans associated with that. This time I feel like I just need to get out of a rut and I've finally decided maybe life should be more positive and enjoyable rather than just going through the motions.



as an aside, my workplace offers counselling, EAP services, mental health training and information available - all this is a phone call, email, web search away, and the info is included in everything published by the company. It is pretty in your face. For some reason I completely missed/ignored/glossed over all these options and went to the GP for a psych referral. Hoping the psych the GP pointed me to is a good fit for me, I've seen a few in the past that weren't a good match.

[MercuryT]

Hi Tim.
I've spoken to a range of people in different areas (from support people to psychologists).

I have personally found little benefit, but I'd encourage you to keep going as everyone is different.

To be honest my best support networks are people of any background who've been in my situation.

They seem to really assist my mindset as I've found professionals in the field seem caught up with strategies etc but are detached (not in a bad way).

Either way all the best and brighter times are ahead.

Chris

[sneaky]

Thanks Chris.

I have tried psychologists in the past with no success. Figure I'll give this new dude a chance and see how I go, although the biggest change will probably come from the zoloft.

[MercuryT]

Mum and Dad had a few too many.

Said then I was "worst thing that happened to them". (I was an accident baby as much younger 3rd child)

Sometimes i don't understand life, as moving home was supposed to be a positive.

Usually I'd hit the bottle but I'll try not to.

[Full Noise]

Try your best to put it out of your mind, mate. Sometimes words are said in ways that may not come out right. You're here now and that's what matters.