Depression, Anxiety

[sneaky]

This week has been ok - maybe it was the bike ride with my son, or going to work and seeing people for a change, or maybe the zoloft is kicking in.

I'm on leave next week for the school holidays with the kids. We don't have any exciting plans at this stage, toying with the idea of hitting the go karts for a bit of a play.

[whitelion65]

Feeling pretty much the same, Blueoval.
I’m getting by on hopes and prayers.
On a background of depression, I’m having to deal with a vindictive campaign by A-holes.
One more day....one more day....

[blueoval]

One thing I keep reminding myself is "One day at a time". Im trying not to think of what is going to happen tomorrow.

I appreciate all who have reached out to me. You guys are truly gems and I am feeling a little better today. Just going to concentrate on what I can do today.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

Originally Posted by blueoval

One thing I keep reminding myself is "One day at a time". Im trying not to think of what is going to happen tomorrow.

I appreciate all who have reached out to me. You guys are truly gems and I am feeling a little better today. Just going to concentrate on what I can do today.

This quote from Jim Carrey came to mind, Shav:

“If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.”

It's a great way to be able to get back into a reasonable headspace such that you can then start to look forward to certainty.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0

This quote from Jim Carrey came to mind, Shav:

“If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.”

It's a great way to be able to get back into a reasonable headspace such that you can then start to look forward to certainty.

Thanks mate, Ive never heard of that but it's true. I have to stop thinking about things I cannot control and start thinking about the things I can even if they are smaller things.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

I also recall in one of the mental first aid courses I did, that they were saying that depression is (partly) about focusing (too much) on the past, and that anxiety is about focusing (too much) on the future.

If you are experiencing any of these, then focusing on the now will help reduce the depression/anxiety.

That's also the basis of mindfulness: being in the now and appreciating the now for what it is. Youtube mindfulness and I'm sure you'll find heaps of resources that can help you out.

Even simple things like finding a nice spot in the sun to sit and enjoy the moment can help pick up you spirits.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0

I also recall in one of the mental first aid courses I did, that they were saying that depression is (partly) about focusing (too much) on the past, and that anxiety is about focusing (too much) on the future.

If you are experiencing any of these, then focusing on the now will help reduce the depression/anxiety.

That's also the basis of mindfulness: being in the now and appreciating the now for what it is. Youtube mindfulness and I'm sure you'll find heaps of resources that can help you out.

Even simple things like finding a nice spot in the sun to sit and enjoy the moment can help pick up you spirits.

Thanks for those tips. It looks like I suffer from both Anxiety and Depression. But I will be focusing more on the now to try and control things. See how that goes.

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi Boys,
I think asking for help be it from a family member, your family Doctor , or just have a big long chat with a mate is a big step forward.

I have lost my job due to the covid -19 and at 61 my chances are slim to find work again but I am traveling ok at the moment and I guess I am lucky because I don't have a mortgage and there's plenty more in the same boat.

Don't bottle it up if you need to say something come on the forum here if your worried about it and get it off your chest

have a good day!

[FTE217]

Originally Posted by blueoval

Thanks for those tips. It looks like I suffer from both Anxiety and Depression. But I will be focusing more on the now to try and control things. See how that goes.

My wife suffers from both as well not that she can admit it TBH.
I try to openly discuss things with her hoping I can get through for some help to trigger her brain but I'm stuffed why I can't get through.
She worries too much about what hasn't happenned yet, if it happens at all.
Just as you quote up there, I say I can only worry what I can control, if I can't I won't look at it like its the end of the world, it was just an error to learn from.
The energy she has spent worrying about what hasn't happened is hurting her head/neck shoulders.
I try to relax her and discuss why worry what hasn't happenned but she doesn't have the answers or comprehend, I'm no shrink but I try, last thing I said the other, only you can help yourself, go to the GP, talk to others but this is up to you.
blueoval, think back to the times long before being married etc, we all lived day to day, thats where you need to go mentally by your post.
Good stuff hope your going to feel better in the future.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by blueoval

Thanks for those tips. It looks like I suffer from both Anxiety and Depression. But I will be focusing more on the now to try and control things. See how that goes.

As we've chatted I think (may be wrong) but the two are clearly closely linked and everyone is different.

It's brilliant to read all the different views and advice. Whilst not all positive and a few here (myself included) are struggling, it's certainly been of huge benefit of importance to me even I know I'm climbing a ladder and I certainly have many rungs to go.

A few comments;
FTE - really sorry about your wife. Reason I raise this (in addition to being sorry obviously as it must be very hard/frustrating at times) is my Dad is better now but struggled with depression no doubt and Mum tried to speak to him and just wasn't accepting - like not at all.

What's upsetting is Dad is better but due to massive strain on marriage Mum now is depressed when always been a very happy lady. My issues aren't helping her at all so we are thinking of group counselling or something as speaking openly just ends up in one of us snapping and makes it worse......

FoxTrot - that depression past and anxiety future is something I've never heard and I've seen plenty of pros (No, not that kind, the mental help ones : ) (Sorry if bad taste joke, just trying to lighten up)
That is definely me - when I think of not seeing my Daughter etc I don't get scared etc but certainly upset. Yet when I think of the future I don't get upset bit I near hyperventilate as it scares the **** out of me - two very different feelings and I hate both.

For those struggling sorry I haven't individually written in this post (Tim and Steve) but I'll try and keep up best I can but please know I understand, have taken it in not ignoring in the slightest and PM anytime.

We'll all get there One way or Another. Well that's what I hope for at least. Don't think timelines are important, more about moving forward positively at whatever pace that takes.

Chris

[T3rminator]

Hi guys/gals. I have been lurking this thread from time to time but not contributed, but I think nows the time. First of all just want to declare that I am a Malaysian born with Chinese heritage. I have been here for 32 years. In the last 8 or so years I have been battling anxiety.

A brief background on how it started. I experienced work place bullying in the past. Its freaken terrible. When you get bullied at school or outside of work, you have some "options" on how you react. But at work, when its from your boss, it feels like a prison trap, you have the fear of losing your job. To cut a long story short, I went to the UK in 2008 for a working holiday. Was lucky to find an employer that decided to sponsor me, so I stayed longer than the permitted 2 years. Made some awesome friends, found a nice gf, was loving the way of life, and was basically prepared to settle there for good. Then one day the director that gave me the sponsorship went on paternity leave, and a replacement director stepped it. I don't know what it is, but she decided to target a number of people in the team, and I happened to be one of them. I have a feeling it may have been because I was a foriegner, and at around that time, there was a big hoo hah with foreigners taking local jobs (UK was just recovering from the GFC). Anyhow I had 12 months to go before I could apply for citizenship, so I tried to put up with the bullying. In hindsight I shouldn't have as its now done irreversiable damage. Eventually I gave up my life there, packed up and came home, with a lot of resentment. I did it so quickly that I didn't even tell some of my close friends there that I was leaving until I arrived back home.

I was lucky enough to find work when I got back. But soon I found myself taking sickies because I would get anxious about going to work, for no good reason. I was (and still am) treated well at work here, but some days I was just scared to go to work. I would wake up and freeze. I took so many days off and gave so many excuses, I don't know how I still have a job to be honest. I tried a WHOLE bunch of treatments, many different counsellors and physcologists, but wasn't making any in roads. One day I walked pass a "Hypnotherapy" clinic. It offered a free 1hr consultation, so I decided "what the heck, nothing to lose". 5 sessions later my anxiety with going to work had completely disappeared. So I'd recommend some of you look into it if you haven't already. It's not cheap, and there are good and bad ones.

Fast foward to the present, I'm finding that my anxiety has returned, but for a different reason. This might sound really strange, but I am actually scared and anxious for when CV19 restrictions are lifted. The anti asian sentiment is intense and it is growing daily. It feels worse than what I experienced growing up in the 80s and 90s. I must say, Australia has come a LONG way, and I can honestly say I have not felt threatened in any way since I came back from the UK....until now. My folks are aging and in the vulnerable category, and I'm worried for the abuse they might cop. I don't know if my dad can take it, I know he won't handle it well, and I always worry for him. Whilst I'm also anxious about the abuse I might cop myself, I am more anxious about how I might react. I might do something I might regret. I play this scenario in my head over and over again, which triggers the anxiety. Some might say "its all in your head", but today the scenario nearly played out. I took a break from work at lunch time and went for a walk. Two blokes walking towards me were chatting, and as we passed, one of them made a racist remark under his breath to his mate, but loud enough for me to hear it (with social distancing, so I am certain he wanted me to hear it). I reacted. His friend ran to the car, but he stayed put. A few nasty words were exchanged. We were close to exchanging plesantaries, but at the last minute he pulled out his phone and threathened to record me. I'm glad he did because that is what stopped me from going further. I have been playing this scenario over and over in my head again, thinking what I would do if someone did it again. Its building resentment and anxiety. What do I do if it happens again? I can't just walk by and let it go.....I just can't. I want to go back and see the Hypnotherapist but unfortunately he has moved on and I can't locate him. I can definitely back up the notion that anxiety is fear of the future. Is there anyone else here in the same shoes and how are you handling it? I have tried chatting on helplines, like lifeline, but honestly they aren't much help, they just say they empathise with you but not much else.

Thanks for reading. I don't know what I'm looking for specifically, but writing it down (ranting) actually helps somewhat. And I apologise if some of my other posts in other threads come across as a bit antagonistic. When I see something that I disagree with (even though I might actually be wrong...and often am), I just feel like i have to say something. I have now disabled notifications on some threads to limit my time reading.

[Full Noise]

Originally Posted by T3rminator

Hi guys/gals. I have been lurking this thread from time to time but not contributed, but I think nows the time. Snip.

G’day Mate,
I will say that I typed out a long reply to your post but deleted it. I’m a little surprised with the things you’ve said and am aware that if I can’t say anything constructive, it’s best not to say anything at all.

I will say a few things though.

Put the blinkers on, look straight ahead, not sideways and change your attitude.
Stop trying to look for racism, its not there in this country. Stop listening to clowns like the race discrimination commissioner and the knobs on The Project. If all you look for is racism, that’s all you’ll see.

YOU are fortunate enough to live in one of the most peaceful countries on earth.

So two blokes muttered something under their breath as you walked past and you were ready to start a blue over it... Really? That’s not anxiety mate, that’s an anger management issue. Tell me something. If those two blokes were 6’11, four foot across the shoulders and covered in tattoos, would you still want to start a blue with them or would you just walk away?
Forget about being a tough guy, that only works in the movies. Play the tough guy and there’s one place that you’ll end up and if you think that it’s hard on the outside, wait till you see what happens inside.

I have a few suggestions, it’s up to you whether you act on them.

1. Don’t worry about your parents, they are safe here. Just comfort them and be sure not to alarm them with what’s going on at the moment. Don’t allow them to watch the mainstream news if you’re able.
2. Talk to someone who deals with anger management. I did a course a few years back even though I didn’t need to do it, it was ordered by the court and was still beneficial.
3. Don’t listen to left-wing mainstream media with their fake news. Leave the race card and the victim card behind and concentrate on being strong.
4. Seek out another Hypnotherapist. If it worked for you in the past, go with what worked.
5. Get up in the morning and go to work. It will do wonders for your mental health.

Sorry to sound harsh.

[T3rminator]

Thanks. I was actually just whatsapping with a friend last night and it occurred to me it might be an anger issue. The problem is that I play various scenarios over and over again in my mind. Small things have happened in the past, I ignore it because they were small, but when I get home, I stew on it for days. And thats when the anxiety builds. There was a period of about 3 weeks during the start of the pandemic where I spent all day thinking "what ifs". What if someone says something directly at me out in public? What if someone vandalises my house? What if someone vandalises my car? What if someone abuses my family? What if someone does something to my dog? etc etc. I know it sounds stupid to play "what ifs". I can be having a great day and these thoughts will just pop in from no where. I can't explain it. I would then go sleep it off, this can be 10am, 1pm, 3pm, and people get suspicious. I don't tell my folks because I don't think they could handle it, and its not in our culture to talk about these sorts of things.



I don't watch the project or those type of shows. Before the incident yesterday, there had been no real incident to justify those thoughts, but I still have them, if you get what I mean.

[blueoval]

Hey T3rminator,

Just to fill you in on a little of my back ground, I am Thai born, adopted at 3 months old and lived in Australia ever since. I am definitely not unfamiliar with racism growing up. I have been called all sorts and yeah it affected me too. Coming from another asian born person and living in Australia, I know how you feel.

I too have these anger issues and I sometimes playout revenge scenarios in my head but I find all that does for me is generate unnecessary adrenaline so I have to teach myself to be more peaceful. It's not an easy thing to learn and the first step is always to accept that you have the issue and you WILL do something about it. Be it hypnotherapy, yoga, religion, sport or something as long as its non self sabotaging. i.e. alcohol, drugs etc.

I also recommend having someone close to you that you can openly talk to face to face or at least over the phone. I find they can give a cold hard dose of reality and often getting something off your chest is a way of therapy too. But as Full Noise said, go with what has worked for you in the past. Yes your regular hypnotherapy has moved on, but you can find another one. Its about the techniques they use rather than the individual themselves at the end of the day.

If you ever need to talk though man, feel free and PM me. Happy to chat.

Shav

[creative]

Tried to reply to this thread a few times.... but always deleted it.

I'm still kicking.

On meds now which have helped and they have started to help me be a lot more rational. I have been like a YoYo... high, low, high, low all in the blink of an eye and anything and everything set me off. I couldn't cope so made the call to the docs. First set he put me on I lasted a week, the side effects were not worth it. This latest one is much better and is allowing me to be rational again.

I have done alot of reflection during this time and I am starting to see the root of the issues I have.. and its hard. I am exhuasted from it tbh... constantly thinking about it all, trying to understand it, how do I fix it.... many times I try to switch off but my brain just doesnt allow it.

Im still doing things to occupy my mind and it helps.

I am also assessing my health. During this time I have become acutely aware of how I have been feeling physically. Whilst my lifestyle isnt particularly bad i am officially a "fat man in a skinny body" I have diabetes in the family so that's a factor and I also have extremely high Cholesteral ( again runs in the family). Normal is 3 - 5, potentially severe health issues is anything over 7.5.... I'm 11!

Am I happy?... not really but at the same time I'm not sad. Its a strange feeling.

[T3rminator]

Originally Posted by creative

Tried to reply to this thread a few times.... but always deleted it.

I'm still kicking.

On meds now which have helped and they have started to help me be a lot more rational. I have been like a YoYo... high, low, high, low all in the blink of an eye and anything and everything set me off. I couldn't cope so made the call to the docs. First set he put me on I lasted a week, the side effects were not worth it. This latest one is much better and is allowing me to be rational again.

I have done alot of reflection during this time and I am starting to see the root of the issues I have.. and its hard. I am exhuasted from it tbh... constantly thinking about it all, trying to understand it, how do I fix it.... many times I try to switch off but my brain just doesnt allow it.

Im still doing things to occupy my mind and it helps.

I am also assessing my health. During this time I have become acutely aware of how I have been feeling physically. Whilst my lifestyle isnt particularly bad i am officially a "fat man in a skinny body" I have diabetes in the family so that's a factor and I also have extremely high Cholesteral ( again runs in the family). Normal is 3 - 5, potentially severe health issues is anything over 7.5.... I'm 11!

Am I happy?... not really but at the same time I'm not sad. Its a strange feeling.

I think I know how you feel. I deleted my first post several times. I wasn't sure how people would receive it. I'm always thinking what someone else would think. But after pressing the send button it felt better. I know some people will always disagree, but that's fine. So if you think it will make you feel better just send it.

I haven't had a lot of experience with meds. I was put on meds when I first arrived back to Australia, it was to deal with my anxiety. It was a med that I can't even pronounce. I hated it. Whilst it subdued the negative effects of my feelings, it also subdued the positive effects. I was neither happy nor sad....just nothing. I was on it for a couple of months then I threw it away. I understand that is not an option for some people.



Last night I downloaded an audio book by Mark Manson...The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fk. I let it play in the background whilst I went to bed. Took some valuable thoughts away. One being - work out what you really care and value in life, then treat everything else as just noise. He didn't exactly say it that way, but that is what I interpreted. Its a nice philosophy.

[whitelion65]

That's an unfortunate thing about the meds, especially in the short term.
I guess you start to adjust to them longer term,, and need to understand teh role that they play in your bodies' "signal chemistry".
I have to stay on mine for the time being, so that I "stay around". But I certainly don't see them as an answer to my problems, just something to keep me going while I learn (with professional help) how to deal with the past.
Good luck brothers (and sisters), and continue to fight the good fight.

ps as for racism......F@#k them!!!

[creative]

I dont do medication... at all. The strongest thing I have ever taken in my life is a Lemsip and paracetamol.

I tried to beat this without the aid of medication but I got to the point I couldnt function and it was affect my everything in my life. It was controlling me and the decision to go onto the medication was frankly, my last resort.

They certainly arent the answer as you say, but it has allowed me to function again whilst I understand what is happening to me and why.

[blueoval]

I dont take 'medication' either. Well not pharmaceutical medication that is prescribed from medical professionals. But I do take a natural form of mental health treatment that I have found helps me without the side effects.

[sneaky]

I have had to cancel my a psych appointment for today. They are fully booked until my next appointment in two weeks and I was looking forward to the treatment he had planned for me. First time I have cancelled so I don't have to pay the penalty price.

the ex had a blow up with our daughter this morning apparently over some trivial matter, she called in tears to ask if i could get the kids... of course school pick up time clashes with my appointment time but kids will always come first.

I tried calling the kids, neither answered the call but I got them both on text message to see if they are ok and if my daughter is ok to attend school. I'm working from home and would have been more than happy to ditch work meetings for my daughter.

I thought about getting a family member to collect the kids, but then figured it would be best for them if I'm there.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by blueoval

I dont take 'medication' either. Well not pharmaceutical medication that is prescribed from medical professionals. But I do take a natural form of mental health treatment that I have found helps me without the side effects.

$25 a bag..?

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

$25 a bag..?

Shhh

[T3rminator]

Originally Posted by sneaky

I have had to cancel my a psych appointment for today. They are fully booked until my next appointment in two weeks and I was looking forward to the treatment he had planned for me. First time I have cancelled so I don't have to pay the penalty price.

the ex had a blow up with our daughter this morning apparently over some trivial matter, she called in tears to ask if i could get the kids... of course school pick up time clashes with my appointment time but kids will always come first.

I tried calling the kids, neither answered the call but I got them both on text message to see if they are ok and if my daughter is ok to attend school. I'm working from home and would have been more than happy to ditch work meetings for my daughter.

I thought about getting a family member to collect the kids, but then figured it would be best for them if I'm there.

Do you mind if I ask whether you are still doing face to face therapy or are you doing it through skype / zoom? If doing it through skype / zoom are you finding it as effective as face to face?

[sneaky]

Originally Posted by T3rminator

Do you mind if I ask whether you are still doing face to face therapy or are you doing it through skype / zoom? If doing it through skype / zoom are you finding it as effective as face to face?

T3rminator - I'm doing face to face therapy. I have done a few random phone sessions years ago but they were 'once-offs' with which ever phone support person was available. I prefer face to face but at a crisis point I took whatever was available. I'm in NSW so we aren't restricted to phone only (yet)

In good news, I managed to make it to my appointment. There was a misunderstanding with the ex, I thought she wanted me to take the kids for a few hours, she thought I would have my daughter for a few days. I had a work commitment today so I wouldn't have been able to do the school duties. I think it has worked for the better as they had to sort out their issues rather than my daughter having an easy out of running to me after every disagreement and the ex having an easy out of sending the kids to me when they have a falling out.

I had a go at EMDR with the therapist - no idea how it supposedly works, but he claims to have results. I don't have major trauma, just a few lingering issues that I would rather not think/dream about so I can get on with things.

[whitelion65]

I had two Zoom sessions early on in lock-down.
For me, they were next to useless, and I let my psych know that. She agreed.
We got back to face to face pretty soon. They still offer Zoom, but not for me.
See my Dr this afternoon to see about continuing symptoms following brain surgery, and the phsyc tomorrow.

Never a dull day.....

Take care people, look out for your mates.

If you're interested in rural men's health, check out "Are you bogged mate", a great initiative of a good woman!

[T3rminator]

Recently I've been made to realise that maybe I still haven't come to terms with the circumstances of how I left the UK. Apparently still lots of resentment that's in my subconscious, and it might be making me look for, and anticipating, things that might not be there or might not come, triggering and building anxiousness. Actually come to think of it, I have been told how it gets annoying that I keep comparing everything to what it used to be like. Not helped when friends randomly put up old photos for a laugh. Whenever I see these photos my heart rate jumps and sometimes even get the sweats. It's like an automatic reaction from my body.

This morning I was sent the following, funnily from a mate in the UK Made me realise how much time and my life I have wasted thinking about the past that can't be changed. Time I'll never get back. All those hours needlessly "sleeping it off" or mulling over "what might happen " . Time I should have spent focusing on other things like my family.

[Syndrome]

A couple of colleagues at work are suffering from mental issues. One hasn't been at work for months and the other guy is in a foul mood.

Punched out a digger operator.

He was ranting about something i did but in a very aggressive tone and i asked him to get the phuck away from me many times while i was trying to have smoko and then he got in my face spitting and shaking and trust me that never ends well (forget all about Covid)

We both lost our jobs after an investigation that took 72hr's and i still cannot work out for the life of me how it escalated to the level that it did.

I am never walking away from a fight again, no matter the cost... it's taken me 50yrs to have pride and believe in myself and no roid injected ****ant is gonna ever deflate me !

You guys are doing great by the way, you got this

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by TrVrPhiLpsiNdstrys

Punched out a digger operator.

He was ranting about something i did but in a very aggressive tone and i asked him to get the phuck away from me many times while i was trying to have smoko and then he got in my face spitting and shaking and trust me that never ends well (forget all about Covid)

We both lost our jobs after an investigation that took 72hr's and i still cannot work out for the life of me how it escalated to the level that it did.

I am never walking away from a fight again, no matter the cost... it's taken me 50yrs to have pride and believe in myself and no roid injected ****ant is gonna ever deflate me !

You guys are doing great by the way, you got this

Sorry to hear mate. Im gathering the pressure of jobs, covid, family and other aspects of current life can get to people. He had no right to get in your face about it though and should have walked away. But in the end, whats done is done and I hope you find another job soon.

[T3rminator]

Originally Posted by TrVrPhiLpsiNdstrys

Punched out a digger operator.

He was ranting about something i did but in a very aggressive tone and i asked him to get the phuck away from me many times while i was trying to have smoko and then he got in my face spitting and shaking and trust me that never ends well (forget all about Covid)

We both lost our jobs after an investigation that took 72hr's and i still cannot work out for the life of me how it escalated to the level that it did.

I am never walking away from a fight again, no matter the cost... it's taken me 50yrs to have pride and believe in myself and no roid injected ****ant is gonna ever deflate me !

You guys are doing great by the way, you got this

Never regret standing up for yourself. Don't know what the subject was, but if you both got the **** then I assume he did something inappropriate to start it.