Depression, Anxiety

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by Cav

I've started helping war veterans in their dealings with DVA something I did for 10 years about 8 years ago and I have recently started to help veterans again here in Yeppon.

My how DVA has changed. They are concerned about Veterans now. I got two calls today from DVA staff concerned about blokes I am assisting. Years ago it was very adversarial. I mentioned this to one of the staff and she said that was until 5 years ago when they brought in a new unit to care for veterans.

I have a Navy guy who is suicidal, his wife died a couple of years ago and he has moved to Yeppoon because his son lives here.

I see him about 3 days a week at the table of knowledge - a coffee shop where us veterans hurl abuse at each other.

He is still a work in progress and we have him seeking help now, but a psych visit is still a couple of months away due to demand and supply.

Over the years I've realised that you can try and support people, but unless they are willing to address their problems, it is a waiting game until they say, "I need help."

Life is a gift, live it

I have never met you Cav, but I can say with confidence that you are a true gentleman and a wonderful human being.

[Interceptor]

Whats got me at the moment is how some people, that you'd normally consider to be more tactful can be so damn insensitive and uncaring.

[Citroënbender]

I read the NSW Police media updates most days, partly to see what they’re thinking (per official comments) and partly to get an idea of what is actually going on in their sphere of activity.

Since late December, there appears to have been an uptick in the number of men going missing, most aged between early forties and later fifties, followed by a body being found with “no suspicious circumstances”. It’s quite sad in a way.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

I read the NSW Police media updates most days, partly to see what they’re thinking (per official comments) and partly to get an idea of what is actually going on in their sphere of activity.

Since late December, there appears to have been an uptick in the number of men going missing, most aged between early forties and later fifties, followed by a body being found with “no suspicious circumstances”. It’s quite sad in a way.

Heart breaking to hear. To think some of us here could have added to that number if it wasn't for this thread.

I thank everyone here who has shared and been able to talk about stuff, whether to get it off their chest, rant, or just feel as though they need to speak to someone. Some of us guys don't get the opportunity to talk to people IRL or are too afraid to for fear of repercussions or rejections. As someone in their late 40's, I have found this thread just to read and share feelings to be helpful.

I hope we can continue to upbuild each other to continue on and make others guys aware that they are not alone.

Keep checking in on one another even in message form.

[b0son]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

Since late December, there appears to have been an uptick in the number of men going missing, most aged between early forties and later fifties, followed by a body being found with “no suspicious circumstances”. It’s quite sad in a way.

Not surprising.... xmas is a stressful time, especially if you're alone due to a family breakup.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by b0son

Not surprising.... xmas is a stressful time, especially if you're alone due to a family breakup.

It's especially stressful when you see so many people getting ready and excited about that time of the year, but know the reality is completely different for you.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by blueoval

I thank everyone here who has shared and been able to talk about stuff, whether to get it off their chest, rant, or just feel as though they need to speak to someone. Some of us guys don't get the opportunity to talk to people IRL or are too afraid to for fear of repercussions or rejections. As someone in their late 40's, I have found this thread just to read and share feelings to be helpful.

I hope we can continue to upbuild each other to continue on and make others guys aware that they are not alone.

I'm surrounded by men who hide every emotion rather than let it out. For men, it's the fear of being seen as weak or a whinger. If a man is speaking out about mental health, its just something most men don't want to listen to, in other words suck it up, paint on a smile and suffer in silence so you don't ruin my day too.

Just my observations.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I'm surrounded by men who hide every emotion rather than let it out. For men, it's the fear of being seen as weak or a whinger. If a man is speaking out about mental health, its just something most men don't want to listen to, in other words suck it up, paint on a smile and suffer in silence so you don't ruin my day too.

Just my observations.

You're right Deyon. This attitude could be the downfall for some. While I understand the whole 'suck it up' approach can be useful for a lot of things in a man's life. It shouldn't be for men who are struggling with battles much bigger than them. It's funny how even a listening ear can even make a difference to a guy who just needs someone to be a sound board.

[Interceptor]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

I read the NSW Police media updates most days, partly to see what they’re thinking (per official comments)

In Queensland, the very unofficial line is that if they're called to any kind of event where someone is showing any kind of mental instability whatsoever (even if its caused by the sheer presence of the police) they will either take you to the local hospital for evaluation by the "mental health professionals" voluntarily, or you go in cuffs. Simply put, if you're not all sunshine and rainbows, you're screwed.

Why? "Because we're not qualified to make that call, and if we dont take you to the professionals and something happens later, then it makes us look bad."

I wish it was a joke, but it isnt.

[DFB FGXR6]

I'm reading a novel at the moment that is dragging up some extremely painful memories. One that I really should stop reading for the sake of my own self, but I need to ride it out.

While the author listed trigger warnings at the beginning, I didn't put much thought into it. In particular, a car accident and subsequent death of a close friend, then quite graphic descriptions of suicidal depression and self-destruction that followed that event.

In the first months of high school, I had a feud going with this guy in my home group. For whatever reason, he and I butted heads. But................we ended up best friends. Even the teachers couldn't figure that one out.

We were each other's shadow, both of us hardly popular, so we had each other's back. Both of us had heath struggles, me with diabetes and he with ADHD. We were both in the school theater production, not me on stage though as I was into the technical side. We would spend weekends at each other's house, camping, learning to drive a car and motorbike.

One day, he and his mother surprised me by announcing that he was leaving school to work for his uncle as an apprentice diesel mechanic. That had always been the plan for him, I guess he wanted to waste no time getting started, while I was happy to go to the end of year 12. We then began living in different worlds and drifted apart. Working 9 to 5 under a truck and covered in oil was miles apart from studying, writing English essays and the horticulture and woodworking I was pursuing. After that, and after I finished school, we would cross paths, but only here and there.

I will never forget the random Saturday afternoon when one of my other mates turned up unannounced. I was chirpy, but he was solum and insisted I sit down. I asked why, only to be told of the horrible car accident that claimed my former best friend's life. I can't remember the details though, other than the car rolled and claimed him instantly, his immaculate and hard-earned green VS Commodore a write off. The funeral came and went, I can barely remember it. We would have been 19 or 20 at the time, I'm 37 now.

I have never really spoken about this since. The nightmares and dreams continue to haunt me though, causing me to relive what I lost over and over. Likewise reading this bloody book. If there is a positive, I guess the book prompted me to finally vent this from my system.

[ford71V8]

May ask what the title of the novel is DFB?
The written word can be powerful eh, stirring up the emotions.
Sounds like you had formed a bond with the mother too - ever thought of reaching out?


One of my best friends in high school passed away young. We had already drifted apart like the way you wrote, however I attended his funeral in the background and spoke to his younger brother who remembered me. Their mum was one of those bubbly happy people. She lost her husband and then oldest son yet somehow continued to have that positive happy outlook.

A few weeks ago my mother told me she bumped into Mary while out shopping. Reports are she is still the same after decades have past. My mum couldn't recall her name but Mary remembered her and me. Some mums are amazing.

[prktkljokr]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I'm reading a novel at the moment that is dragging up some extremely painful memories. One that I really should stop reading for the sake of my own self, but I need to ride it out.

While the author listed trigger warnings at the beginning, I didn't put much thought into it. In particular, a car accident and subsequent death of a close friend, then quite graphic descriptions of suicidal depression and self-destruction that followed that event.

In the first months of high school, I had a feud going with this guy in my home group. For whatever reason, he and I butted heads. But................we ended up best friends. Even the teachers couldn't figure that one out.

We were each other's shadow, both of us hardly popular, so we had each other's back. Both of us had heath struggles, me with diabetes and he with ADHD. We were both in the school theater production, not me on stage though as I was into the technical side. We would spend weekends at each other's house, camping, learning to drive a car and motorbike.

One day, he and his mother surprised me by announcing that he was leaving school to work for his uncle as an apprentice diesel mechanic. That had always been the plan for him, I guess he wanted to waste no time getting started, while I was happy to go to the end of year 12. We then began living in different worlds and drifted apart. Working 9 to 5 under a truck and covered in oil was miles apart from studying, writing English essays and the horticulture and woodworking I was pursuing. After that, and after I finished school, we would cross paths, but only here and there.

I will never forget the random Saturday afternoon when one of my other mates turned up unannounced. I was chirpy, but he was solum and insisted I sit down. I asked why, only to be told of the horrible car accident that claimed my former best friend's life. I can't remember the details though, other than the car rolled and claimed him instantly, his immaculate and hard-earned green VS Commodore a write off. The funeral came and went, I can barely remember it. We would have been 19 or 20 at the time, I'm 37 now.

I have never really spoken about this since. The nightmares and dreams continue to haunt me though, causing me to relive what I lost over and over. Likewise reading this bloody book. If there is a positive, I guess the book prompted me to finally vent this from my system.

I can understand what you are going throug, I hope this doesnt bring up any unwanted thoughts.

I think you will find that most people have similar experiences, I think if you can make it through your teenage years without burying a freind you are lucky.

I lost 4 really good freinds when I was 18 all in seperate accidents over a 6 month period, 3 were passengers all in seperate car accidents, it was hard to come to terms with then and even though I am now 56 its still hits me as a unnessisary waste of life, hearing about the death of a freind or going to a funeral is still hard and brings up memories of freinds past.

Im now 56, I would say I have lost about 30 friends since, it does not get any easier and the memories of each 1 of them is brought up every time, I cant tell you how to cope as I dont even know, but I do have a drink for all of them at each wake, I know they all live on in the memories of all the people that had the pleasure to get to know them.

[DFB FGXR6]

As fate would have it, I had my monthly therapy session today, no prizes for guessing the topic discussed.

Other than yesterday's post, this would be the first time I have actually spoken about the loss of my mate in over 18 years. Not sure how helpful this has been, but it has lifted me out of the hole by venting the pressure.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

There is a saying: a problem shared is a problem halved.

I'm not sure I agree on the half bit, but at least sharing how you're feeling can be a release. It can feel like a weight off your shoulders.

The advantage with sharing on a forum like this is that it's difficult for anyone to reply, or offer advice or suggestions. It's like blurting it all out without ramifications. Plus there's also the fact that you need to write your post out in the first place. That gives you an opportunity to consider your words and how it makes you feel. Some can find that very therapeutic.

[blueoval]

I have read some therapies involve writing out things about yourself and situations. Kind of like a journal. The articles below are worth a read if you have the time. Talks about the benefits of writing therapy and positive effects it has on the brain and heart.

https://positivepsychology.com/writing-therapy/
https://thehumancondition.com/writing-therapy/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/4-wri...b0c50640cd5fdd

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by blueoval

I have read some therapies involve writing out things about yourself and situations. Kind of like a journal. The articles below are worth a read if you have the time. Talks about the benefits of writing therapy and positive effects it has on the brain and heart.

https://positivepsychology.com/writing-therapy/
https://thehumancondition.com/writing-therapy/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/4-wri...b0c50640cd5fdd

Even though I sometimes have to push myself, I can say for certain writing is very helpful for me.

Many years ago, I gave myself the new-years challenge of writing a diary for a whole year, which entailed a notebook and one entry every day. The idea being that it was a way of venting my day onto paper before getting into bed. Sometimes it would be a sentence or paragraph for the day, sometimes it would be pages. For the most part, it was about describing my day, good or bad, getting it out of my head and letting it rest somewhere else. And yes, indeed keep this up for a whole year. I still have those notebooks, but I dare not read them back. I probably should set them on fire and be done with it. But the point was never to read them back, rather a strategy of decompressing each day.

Writing about my interests is extremely helpful too. I probably have more pressing things to do than typing a 3000-word review on a tyre dressing or lawn mower, but it keeps my mind active and focused on something other than chronic pain, diabetes, work, family troubles or whatever else is eating at me. And if someone finds those words valuable or interesting, then that's good too.

[FTE217]

Above all no matter what you read or do its the power of the mind.
Keep positive more than anything else, there is always people in far worse situations than yours/ours.....

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by FTE217

Above all no matter what you read or do its the power of the mind.
Keep positive more than anything else, there is always people in far worse situations than yours/ours.....

Very true, and an important thing to consider when trying to regroup. Having said that, I find that statement tends to raise an element of shame within my head, that somehow, I have no right to be depressed over my "little problems" compared to what others less fortunate are going through.

[FTE217]

Yes that’s a valid feeling DFB but don’t make it out that you can’t feel as such.
All of us have challenges and sure nothing like others may have but still challenges we see fit to us.
I sometimes feel so much is a challenge be it a husband father leader as such incl running a business that is always flat out sometimes I just want to switch off from the whole world and hide for a month let alone 2wks.
I have tradie issues re a problem bathroom that have been ongoing on since late Nov.
Insurance denied and the Plummer bathroom reno guy is playing smokes and mirrors - haven’t slept in my main bedroom since Nov ffs.
I’m dealing with probs every single bloody day But as I tell the wife - it could be worse haha famous line look at the bright side of life.


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[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by FTE217

Yes that’s a valid feeling DFB but don’t make it out that you can’t feel as such.
All of us have challenges and sure nothing like others may have but still challenges we see fit to us.
I sometimes feel so much is a challenge be it a husband father leader as such incl running a business that is always flat out sometimes I just want to switch off from the whole world and hide for a month let alone 2wks.
I have tradie issues re a problem bathroom that have been ongoing on since late Nov.
Insurance denied and the Plummer bathroom reno guy is playing smokes and mirrors - haven’t slept in my main bedroom since Nov ffs.
I’m dealing with probs every single bloody day But as I tell the wife - it could be worse haha famous line look at the bright side of life.


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I often have a strong desire to go missing, just get in the car and drive away without telling anyone. No time constraints, not phones, no social media, no forums, just anonymous me. But I also know how hurtful that could be, maybe that's the point?

"Always look on the bright side of life..............."

My father had a trick when I was a kid, which would snap me out of whatever melodrama I was playing at. He would start singing that bloody song, knowing full well I hated it, knowing full well it would stop the Primadona act. Funny what we remember.

[FTE217]

haha I can hear your ol man now singing the Monty song, funnily I think I annoy my family with similar trait - for I'm one of those early morn persons bright eyed and bushy tailed - Mum always said its a new happy day.
So I sing at times annoys the crap out of my wife and daughter lol - they'll remember and miss me when I'm gone.

DFB, I thought about jumping in the Sprint and just drive and drive only the other week, I just wanted to F off away from all the demands/hassles etc, I thought I would drive till I decide to book in a motel, now that can be quite far being I luv driving in my own space, so a 10/14hr stint but for fuel I'm Syd to Qld or Melb or how far west.
Yer not a thing to do to the fam having them worry and all but next time, I should just tell the wife, listen I'm going for a long drive, I'll be in touch all is ok I just want to be in a mental space peace zone for a while just the car and me.

[Citroënbender]

If you’re going to drive that far, come and grab the ute - you might as well run some errands. ;-)

[FTE217]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

If you’re going to drive that far, come and grab the ute - you might as well run some errands. ;-)

haha maybe I'll keep you in mind lol

[FTE217]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

If you’re going to drive that far, come and grab the ute - you might as well run some errands. ;-)

haha maybe I'll keep you in mind lol
Your yoot just won't feel the same as the sprint but in Falcon name

[buggerlugs]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-04-...sues/103645322
What a great idea...................

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi Guys,
just an update to tell you how my wifes going. she has now lost 27 kilos in weight.
Now rideing her excerise bike twice a day has had to take some of her dress up because they dont fit her.

Shes like a different women not just to look at but also her attitude towards everything.
before the weight loss she hated going out and being seen in public. Now we go to the Local Club for lunch when we both have time.

So it does help chatting to guys on the forum when your not sure what to do and to get some ideas.

thanks again everybody.

[DFB FGXR6]

"Therapy is what works for you. Therapy is listening to music and running on the treadmill, therapy is going to dinner with your friends—it's something that distracts you, that helps you heal and so it just depends on what you think therapy is. I made a conscious effort to be more connected to the people in my life. I found I was closing myself off from everybody, thinking that would help me battle it then realizing the only way I was going to battle it was completely opening up and letting people in."

- Shawn Mendes

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi Guys,
to those guys that were on here when i talked about my wife suffering from Anxiety due to her weight.
She started to lose weight a year ago and is still going strong. I brought her an exercise Bike to start with and she rode it for 15 minutes twice a day.

she dropped 20kilos doing that but the bike started to hurt he knees. Now she goes for a walk with me in the morning and when i cant make it she goes by her self.

At the moment shes lost 30kilos in weight, had to take some of her old dress in so they fit her. iam very proud of her its very hard to lose weight when your in your 60s but shes still going strong.

thanks guys for your support.

[FTE217]

Congrats to your wife and your devoted support well done.


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[Itsme]

Originally Posted by mondeomatureguy

Hi Guys,
to those guys that were on here when i talked about my wife suffering from Anxiety due to her weight.
She started to lose weight a year ago and is still going strong. I brought her an exercise Bike to start with and she rode it for 15 minutes twice a day.

she dropped 20kilos doing that but the bike started to hurt he knees. Now she goes for a walk with me in the morning and when i cant make it she goes by her self.

At the moment shes lost 30kilos in weight, had to take some of her old dress in so they fit her. iam very proud of her its very hard to lose weight when your in your 60s but shes still going strong.

thanks guys for your support.

To lose 30 kilos in 12 months is an excellent result, your wife should be proud of her achievements.
Cheers