What would Tiger Woods do?

[The MaDDeSTMaN]

A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

"That's no big thing in this day and age," her husband replies.

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" he asks.

"Tiger Woods." replies his wife.

"Tiger Woods the golfer?" the husband asks. "Yeah. Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to go to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food," her husband replies.

"Tiger wouldn't do that," she says.

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"What are you doing?" she asks again.

"I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food," her husband responds.

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" he asks.

"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time," his wife replies.

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"


"No," he responds. "I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what the par is on this hole!"

[Charliewool]

Love It!!!
Here's another...
Guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's
drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats
them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls,
sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow he swallows it
whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool
table... Whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats
everything in sight, the little pig". Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and
stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey
ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the
man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the
monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and
eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
He asks. "No, what?" replies the guy."Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and
a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. Yeah,
that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in
sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything
first."

[andrew_smith_84]

Originally Posted by charliewool

ever since he had to pass that cue ball

still laughing, thats a great one

[Melz]

: haha..heres my fav at the moment

A young boy is sitting at the top of a set of stairs in his parents house. His mother is watching him.

The boy eats a jelly bean, bites the family cat and then moves down a step. The mother is starting to become concerned.

He does it again. Eats a jelly bean, bites the cat again and moves down another step.

The mother can't wait any longer, she goes up to her son and asks, "What are you doing?"

The boy replies "I'm being a truckie. Im popping pills, eating pussy and moving on!"

[The Mighty Red]

ahahahahahahahaha! Nice one Troy