Has anyone here lost a baby?

lance · 08-12-2011, 11:32 AM

I am writing to see if anyone here has experienced the death of their baby.
My wife and I lost our little girl on Friday night, she was stillborn and couldnt be resuscitated.. Funeral is tomorrow and I wanted to get other peoples perspectives on this whole situation.

LTDHO · 08-12-2011, 12:05 PM

I haven't, but very sorry to hear of your loss.

ute83 · 08-12-2011, 12:11 PM

So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain.

prydey · 08-12-2011, 12:17 PM

i have 2 daughters, 11 and 3. the reason there is an 8 yr gap is not through lack of trying. my wife had 6 or 7 miscarraiges in the meantime. obviously she really wanted a 2nd child otherwise we would have given up.

miscarraiges are probably not as traumatic as a stillborn but it was still very tough, esp the first one.

sorry for your loss. one thing people used to say to us was its natures way of saying something wasn't quite right. probably doesn't make you feel any better though.

Uwish · 08-12-2011, 12:28 PM

Really sad news mate.
Sorry for your loss. I lost a sister as my mum fell down the steps in the house back in teh day. Very very sad :(

The Yeti · 08-12-2011, 12:36 PM

Mate, the only kids Ive lost were at the shops (but dont tell my wife)

man I can only imagian what you and your wife are going through right now and I wouldnt wish that on any one.

I'm not sure whats available in NZ but in NSW there is a help group spacificaly designed for greiving parrents in this situation, dont be to tuff to look into it man

Falcman0o7 · 08-12-2011, 12:45 PM

We were only talking about this today at work and how i couldn't handle it if it happened to me.
So so sorry to here mate i have 4 kids and couldn't imagine going through what you guys are.
That's horrible. i really hope you guy's are ok and manage to get through it. ( easier i mean )

Road_Warrior · 08-12-2011, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lance

I am writing to see if anyone here has experienced the death of their baby.
My wife and I lost our little girl on Friday night, she was stillborn and couldnt be resuscitated.. Funeral is tomorrow and I wanted to get other peoples perspectives on this whole situation.

That is truly heartbreaking, condolences for your loss from me and my better half.

I couldn't begin to imagine how I would feel if I lost my little man (5 months) let alone be in your shoes. We're all parents now and we can talk to each other about these things whatever they are, we might not be psychologists but we're willing to listen.

Keep your chin up.

Road Games · 08-12-2011, 01:40 PM

Yes Lance i have ...he suffered a Dyafragmatic Hernia... many years ago now , i occasionaly think about getting his name tattooed on my heart... My thought's are with you and your family.

XYGTHO · 08-12-2011, 02:01 PM

Makes me sick to think about and also teary. My condolances to you and your family, would be the hardest thing to go through in life. My wife has 9weeks of pregancy left and as exciting as it is I am also trying not to get hopes up to high. To many people go through this heart breaking experience. All the best mate and stick together.

**redxm** · 08-12-2011, 03:33 PM

Very sad news mate. Hopefully you and the bride can go on, and dont be afraid to ask for help. We lost our first child through miscarriage. I often wonder what might have been
Make sure you keep a lock of hair to remember her by
again, very sorry for your loss

Corzza · 08-12-2011, 03:38 PM

Very sorry to hear about your loss Lance.

Stay strong mate no matter how difficult it may seem.

vanman_75 · 08-12-2011, 10:13 PM

Lance , a lot of people on these forums helped me grieve , when I lost my little girl 3 years ago , its a thing you will have to deal with for the rest of your life . Not a day goes by that she's not on. my mind ...my condolences to you and your wife .pm meif you need to talk to a stranger .
Held my little girl for 4 hours before she became my little angel ... hardest thing I have ever done ...your not alone ...big family right here mate .

JC · 08-12-2011, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lance

I am writing to see if anyone here has experienced the death of their baby.
My wife and I lost our little girl on Friday night, she was stillborn and couldnt be resuscitated.. Funeral is tomorrow and I wanted to get other peoples perspectives on this whole situation.

Sorry to hear - hope the funeral helps in the healing.....

To answer your question - Yep. 1993. Little boy stillborn at 17 weeks. Small, red, opaque, but looked perfectly formed. We lost him 3 weeks after a car accident - Ultrasound at the time showed no damage with healthy heartbeat etc, but seems the placenta bled and died, taking baby with it. That was our first child - I still remember him; got to hold him in my palm, name him, and say good bye to him. Was very hard at the time, but we got through it eventually. We then tried for 10 years "naturally" (with an ectopic in there as well), and finally had twins via IVF 10 years later, and then a natural 20 months after that. Not that the kids we have now replace the first - nothing can; but it makes you appreciate them more when you've had adversity getting them in the first place.

The thing we learned is that whatever your partner is feeling is what he/she is feeling - don't be angry at it, or belittle it, or feel like they shouldn't be feeling like that; it takes time to heal, and each person heals in their own time. The most important thing you can do is support each other, hold each other, and cry with each other..........

Windsor342ci · 08-12-2011, 10:29 PM

Brother Im sorry. As a man of God I will pray for you and your wife to have the strength to get through this time. I really believe, your tiny one is now in a place better then you or I can ever imagine.
God bless you and your wife friend.

atec77 · 08-12-2011, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lance

I am writing to see if anyone here has experienced the death of their baby.
My wife and I lost our little girl on Friday night, she was stillborn and couldnt be resuscitated.. Funeral is tomorrow and I wanted to get other peoples perspectives on this whole situation.

My condolences , take the offer of seeing a councelor , the effects may be delayed and the grieving can sneak up on you and your wife

grandpa_spec_F6 · 08-12-2011, 10:57 PM

Not personally but a friend at work lost her baby only a month ago.

I've never seen her look like that, normally she's firing commands left right and centre and keeping the place ship shape, not after losing the bub.

I can only imagine what that must feel like so all I can offer is condolences mate.

Smoke Pursuit · 08-12-2011, 11:23 PM

To all of you who have lost a baby... my sincere condolences.

dylby1 · 08-12-2011, 11:39 PM

Sorry for your loss mate, I've never been through a still born but my now ex had a miscarriage with my daughter when she was 3 months preg.
The most important thing is to be there for each other no matter what, unfortunately it caused some fights between us and we don't speak anymore.
She was named and all, I still wonder what might have been but have to keep moving forward.
It's very difficult but it can be done, a counselor would be a great idea to look into, I've found great help there in previous years

fat4D · 08-12-2011, 11:47 PM

sorry to hear mate, wish i could offer some words of comfort or anything constructive, i am stil young(ish) but would wish this on nobody, Be strong. As a family ford forums is here for ya mate

Geez Louise · 09-12-2011, 12:18 AM

My condolences on the lost of your little angel Lance.

**Captain Stubing** · 09-12-2011, 12:34 AM

Mate, I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you can be strong tomorrow. Nature can be cruel, but has it's own ways. Take care of your wife's hurt, too.

EATHSV · 09-12-2011, 01:06 AM

So sorry to hear mate, we have also suffered through a miscarrage.

My advice... Keep talking to your wife, every minute of the day if need be you need each other now more than ever.
Also don't let that deep, dark place in your mind take control! There's nothing more you or wife could have done, don't second guess your actions or try and search for someone to blame. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! (I fell into this trap and it neally killed me)

And another thing don't be afraid to ask for help, Its a big deal and help is always at hand. Family, friends or even people on here. We're all here to help. Let out the emotions. Cry, break things, whatever. DON'T TRY AND HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow mate, all the best.

Falc'man · 09-12-2011, 01:22 AM

This makes me wonder about the little/petty things in life that I worry about; I need to readjust and focus my attention to what I take for granted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EATHSV

So sorry to hear mate, we have also suffered through a miscarrage.

My advice... Keep talking to your wife, every minute of the day if need be you need each other now more than ever.
Also don't let that deep, dark place in your mind take control! There's nothing more you or wife could have done, don't second guess your actions or try and search for someone to blame. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! (I fell into this trap and it neally killed me)

And another thing don't be afraid to ask for help, Its a big deal and help is always at hand. Family, friends or even people on here. We're all here to help. Let out the emotions. Cry, break things, whatever. DON'T TRY AND HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow mate, all the best.

Well said.

Very sorry to hear for you loss, Lance. A friend of my brother in law lost 3 toddlers, one after the other, all less than a year old - Patience is something he and his wife would know all about. I pray that no one is tested with such a calamity.

mondo_broady · 09-12-2011, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falc'man

Well said.

Agreed.

In the space of just over 12 months i saw my brother lose his 3yo (car accident), my cousin lose her 12yo (leukemia) and a good friend lose her 15yo (bacterial meningitis). i know how devastating it was for each of them, so my thoughts are with Lance and his wife...

MR.BA.GT.332 · 09-12-2011, 01:59 AM

so sorry to hear of your loss lance, condolences to you and your wife during this hard time.

Fled74 · 09-12-2011, 01:31 PM

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Stories like these hit me very close to home - my youngest daughter is 1 1/2 years old and has been on chemotherapy this past month for leukaemia.

My prayers go out to you.

Bridgette01 · 09-12-2011, 05:06 PM

Whats going on with all the deleted posts in this thread?! Had a read through the responses last night which was tough ( I cried ) My mum lost her 1st baby due to a car accident. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The nurses dressed her in a cute outfit complete with a beanie/hat then my mum had to say good bye to her forever.

Even today, I often think about the sister I never had. I asked my mum about what happened once and she was able to tell me, even though there was great sadness in her voice. I suspect she thinks about it every day.

On the other hand, after that she raised 3 boys who she is very proud of. She has been the best mum anyone could ask for. She has moved on, as a person and as a parent. It may sound strange but I think after her experience (and my dads) over time, they have become better, more caring people.

I will ask my mum how she dealt with her tragedy and will post any info I think might you Lance. Our thoughts are with you and your family (and friends)

SEZ213 · 09-12-2011, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EATHSV

My advice... Keep talking to your wife, every minute of the day if need be you need each other now more than ever.

This is probably the best advice you could ever get...from a woman's perspective (as was in my case), the first thing I did was blame myself, the second thing I did was shut my partner at the time out...it did neither of us any favours in the long run. I miscarried at three months, traumatic enough in itself, but I can't even imagine what you and you're wife are going through, and I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

I wish you both all the best, and my thoughts are with you today.

Spanrz · 09-12-2011, 06:42 PM

I'm glad this has been brought up.
8 years ago, we found out that a little one was on the way, when we found at the 8th week, the baby wasn't where it was supposed to be.
Medical intervention had to happen. I had no say or choice in the matter, but just had to agree with what the doctors said. I had just finished work and found out 2 hours later that surgery was going to happen. It's been a very long hard 8 years without success. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it.
Had to learn to live with the fact that there wasn't anything I could do to help, it was the way it was.
Had to go through the emotions in the last week as we thought it may have happened again. But it was a false alarm. But the emotions weren't.
It really tests you and puts you in a position "to find yourself".
I also have a friend that also lost a child whilst being born. It is very tragic.
I can only offer my condolences, from a person that knows the pain.
We can only group together and offer our support.

Will never give up hope though.