My 14 year old daughter is out of control

jonbays · 17-09-2005, 11:58 AM

My 14 year old daughter is out of control.

Got the call last night pick up your daughter from some house where shes para drunk and chucking everywhere.

Happened before but now looking really bad. banning her going out taking her mobile and talking to her isn't working.

Is it time for a backhander or two? I got to say its more than hard to keep my hands off her some time the cheek I get. What next will she get up to.

This was funny when I was sixteen but as a Dad now this is just getting too hard.

Anyone got any good ideas? I'm just banning her from going out again for two months this time but its hard to lock her up in the house.

Casper · 17-09-2005, 12:01 PM

This is a killer position to be in.
My thinking would be a reality check. Somehow get her to see how a 16yo single mum is living and how screwed up her life could become? Bit of shock treatment.

Your living something that I have nightmares about mate, I can really feel for you.

**Charliewool** · 17-09-2005, 12:01 PM

Oh my!

BJ · 17-09-2005, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonbays

My 14 year old daughter is a drunken slut who makes me feel sorry for the scaf brothers.

Got the call last night pick up your daughter from some house where shes para drunk and chucking everywhere.

Happened before but now looking really bad. banning her going out taking her mobile and talking to her isn't working.

Is it time for a backhander or two? I got to say its more than hard to keep my hands off her some time the cheek I get. What next will she get up to.

This was funny when I was sixteen but as a Dad now this is just getting too hard.

Anyone got any good ideas? I'm just banning her from going out again for two months this time but its hard to lock her up in the house.

Sorry dude this is a hard one. May be she need some positive people around her. Try the local youth group, it has done wonders for my daughter. Or see you local church you would be suprised what they can do for you. No i am not a born again just like you a concerned father.

CAMS290 · 17-09-2005, 12:08 PM

Jonbays, i would be treading very carefully with this one, as the last thing you probably want to do is lose her.
I agree with Casper, you should try the shock treatment with her, explain to her the path she is taking in life, and where she could end up.
good luck with a very difficult situation

Laminge · 17-09-2005, 12:10 PM

You need help from someone professionaly to show her that she needs to take ownership of her life.

but its not just her, time to talk to some of the parents of her friends

vino3o2 · 17-09-2005, 12:11 PM

Yeah I think banning her from going out would be the right way to go untill she can show that she can be responsible.....It's a tuff one, good luck with it

crispy · 17-09-2005, 12:12 PM

show her this thread

Melz · 17-09-2005, 12:14 PM

Probably for starters dont be saying she's a 'drunken _ _ _ _', i can understand where you a coming from but i don't think there is a need for demeaning names. If this is only more recent (say in the past 6 months) check if she's had any trouble with friends at school (or boys!). She may be looking for attention, someone to help her. I'm guessing somethings happened to make her resort to her current state. A female role model, and someone on her level is needed

Edited by myself.. couldn't stand leaving that word on here

MNM96 · 17-09-2005, 12:19 PM

I think anything with a title like this should be deleted!
If anybody called my daughter a name like that, they would be answering to me, pretty poor form to be doing it yourself!!!

**Charliewool** · 17-09-2005, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MNM96

I think anything with a title like this should be deleted!
If anybody called my daughter a name like that, they would be answering to me, pretty poor form to be doing it yourself!!!

Here Here!.... The absolute most demeaning word.. AND to be used for your own daughter... OMG

Mark^^ · 17-09-2005, 12:29 PM

Hmmm I am a social work who has worked with this type of young person for the last 8 years, and I am in the process of being recruited by DoCS.

Both the parents’ description of this problem and the daughter’s behaviour are a concern to me, and should not be used on this site I think.

The way this post was worded worries me about the person who posted it. I am not saying the 14 year old girls behaviour is not a concern, in fact is very worrying and her safety is at risk.

Perhaps the whole family needs some assistance an there are good services that help families like this.

If you are in Sydney I can put you on to services that can help.

Mark

CrankR · 17-09-2005, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CH7472

Sorry dude this is a hard one. May be she need some positive people around her. Try the local youth group, it has done wonders for my daughter. Or see you local church you would be suprised what they can do for you. No i am not a born again just like you a concerned father.

Totally agree with your advice on this, positive influence is a big thing at their age. A good invironment in a youth group sure helped me out and i met a lot of good friends as well.

Giving 'Kids Helpline' a ring (1800 55 1800) is a great way to finding out good information about dealing with your circumstance. They will be able to give u contact numbers.

On a delicate note........
Not trying to attack your views or anything and as a concerned father i can feel your frustration.......the name of the thread is a bit on the harsh side.
(Hope i don't offend)

GraveDilute · 17-09-2005, 12:50 PM

Agree with the points about the thread title.
Going overboard with drinking on a number of occassions is more than just learning limits, it also seems to indicate lack of slef respect. The "no one gives a F&^k about me, so why should I" kind of thought pattern. This is terribly self destructing.
If you're thinking this about your daughter, then she may feel this, even if you're not saying this to her face.
You do need to discipline, but you can also consider a way to fast track her grounding by giving her the chance to reduce her "sentence" through more positive behaviour.

Also, if you want to give her a mental slap to wake her up, show her the movie, KIDS, about 13-16 yr old kids who screw their lives up through poor choices.

loxxr6 · 17-09-2005, 12:51 PM

Quote:

This is a killer position to be in.
My thinking would be a reality check. Somehow get her to see how a 16yo single mum is living and how screwed up her life could become? Bit of shock treatment.

My g/f's parents did this to her. She still turned out to be a horror. I reckon when you take so much away from a person they're more likely to resent you more and rebel further.

FPVWEPN · 17-09-2005, 12:55 PM

so a thread about hitting ones daughter and calling her demeaning names doesn't get banned but a thread on burnouts on public roads does ????

CrankR · 17-09-2005, 12:56 PM

Good call on the renaming of the thread

first sentence of your original post needs a bit of work as well. Cool.

Go easy on him fellas, he's is just looking 4 advice............

'Jonbays' this is an uneasy subject which will probably get blown out (hope not) by alot of people that are trying to help, but in the end will just be there opinions (will probably be good advice but in the end will end up confusing u due to your circumstance differing to theirs)

Best way is to get private, one on one advice from councilers who deal wit these problems everyday.
Hope this helps

Casper · 17-09-2005, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FPVWEPN

so a thread about hitting ones daughter and calling her demeaning names doesn't get banned but a thread on burnouts on public roads does ????

Firstly, he didnt hit her. Secondly, the thread title was modified to be more appropriate. Thirdly, there is nothing in this thread that goes against the site rules....yet. Unlike doing burnouts in public places.

This thread is contraversial yes, and it is being watched very cloesly... but at this point it will not be deleted.

Cheahman · 17-09-2005, 01:09 PM

Sounds like a typical teenager to me. If you think your daughters the only one like that well most of you are in for a shock, the majority of them are like that! Our family has already been through this crap with my sister, shes 16 and nothing ever worked on her and still doesnt. It hard to get through to them when all their friends are just as bad. Their all like little sheep, what one does the rest all follow.

xr8 007 · 17-09-2005, 01:11 PM

Only if we had military school or boot camp!! That will streighten any teenage out!

Laminge · 17-09-2005, 01:11 PM

Wouldnt worry too much Casper, his maturity to post a statement like that in this thread just goes to shows what a waste of time it is to justify it to him.

The Mighty Red · 17-09-2005, 01:12 PM

The only advice I can give you is : Go and get proffessional help ,see a counsellor, they deal with these problems everyday, speak to people who deal with these problems all the time.
A counsellor may be able to find an inner problem if there is one.

I guess it something we all dread , I know i do , I have 2 boys and I will only be able to advice them not live there life for them ,

17-09-2005, 01:14 PM

take some time to educate yourself about your daughter...who she hangs around with? what she likes to do? the more you know about her the better you can approach this. I think your next step should be to go to her school, and have a sit down with school counsellors...i know this hurts the pride...for others to think your daughter is "bad" or give them a chance to question ur parenting skills...but if u dont sort this out now...it might be too late in a few years.

Having said all that...remember most kids get into a bit of trouble in their teens.

Lastly dont be afraid to discipline your own daughter....sometimes you have to be the bad guy...but u still gotta do it as a parent.

There are a million ppl who can write posts in this thread such as myself...but thats all they are words...in the end you as a dad...and a family need to sort this out.

MNM96 · 17-09-2005, 01:15 PM

Good Job Johnbays on the changes made to title and thread etal.

I feel for you. This would have to be a parents worst nightmare!
All I can offer is to contact Mark for the help he has offered, and as heffo said ask Kids Helpline for help.

There would be a huge amount of help available for people in your situation, just finding it, and accepting it will be the drama.

Is your Girl aware she has a problem??

davocol · 17-09-2005, 01:18 PM

And forthly, a thread like this would not come under scrutiny from the public eye like the other thread would on a CAR focused site.

As far as your 14 year old daughter goes, dont lock her up it will only make her want to go out more, encourage her if she is going to drink anyway to be responsible about it and if that does not work find a male friend of hers and give him a stern talking to, that your daughter is his responsibility when they go out and if she is not looked after you will tell his parents what they get up to and if he touches her you will kill him. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casper

Firstly, he didnt hit her. Secondly, the thread title was modified to be more appropriate. Thirdly, there is nothing in this thread that goes against the site rules....yet. Unlike doing burnouts in public places.

This thread is contraversial yes, and it is being watched very cloesly... but at this point it will not be deleted.

Casper · 17-09-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laminge

Wouldnt worry too much Casper, his maturity to post a statement like that in this thread just goes to shows what a waste of time it is to justify it to him.

Sorry Gary, as a father of 4 young children I'm used to explaining out thing is very simple terms so even young minds with only a minimal grasp of reality can understand it.

CrankR · 17-09-2005, 01:27 PM

and this post has been heave-hoed!

Sorry guys

BJ · 17-09-2005, 01:28 PM

Heya guys, I'm John's daughter .. I'm 15 and i can see what a bad place that is for you to be in. I see it happen all the time at my school (all girls) and those girls have no respect for anything, especially themselves and those around them. I was having trouble at school and feeling like I didn't fit in anywhere and although I didn't do anything like your daughter has, I was a real pain. BUT, I found myself somewhere to go. I rocked up at the local youth group one night with my best friend because it sounded fun and crazy, and I though that just maybe I might be able to make some friends there, and if I didn't, well, it wasn't like I had to go back there was it? And i'll be buggered, it is the BEST place I've ever been to! It's held at our local church but it's NOT I repeat NOT religious or churchy or related to god in any way. (The youth group that is, not the church, lol) The people there are the best people I have ever met and they are the kindest people you will ever come across. They have the most fun I have ever seen anyone have and, suprise suprise, it's all without the use of drugs or alcohol. Funny how you can have fun without that kind of stuff. You'd never convince the girls at my school that. I cannot imagine not going to youth group! I miss it when it's not on and I am always so excited when it comes to a Friday night! It's great - you can have a night out, have a lot of fun and make heaps of new friends; much better friends than your daughter would find out getting drunk. So, I suggest you 'punish' her by making her go to the local youth group, and trust me, she WILL thank you for it when she gets settled into it and makes some friends!!

Steph

Casper: I'm going highlight this post because it is probably one of the best, most useful and helpful posts in the entire thread and I dont want it to get missed. Steph, thank you for your insight and advice. From a girl of similar age it probably means more and has more real use then any other piece of advice here.

Casper · 17-09-2005, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heef101

Bagging people out for what they said is in no way helping the situation.
Didn't u notice the thread name was changed when he realised how negative it was.
I'm damn sure he has learnt from using phrases such as "the original name of the thread". That phrases could well of been through the frustration from what has happened. (I'm sure u don't know the full story) Surely u don't believe that he actully thinks his daughter is a drunken '_____'.
Give the guy a break and help him with some positive advice to help him with his situation.
Don't crucify him for a badly worded thread name.

Laminge was referring to my explination to this post:

Quote:

Originally Posted by FPVWEPN

so a thread about hitting ones daughter and calling her demeaning names doesn't get banned but a thread on burnouts on public roads does ????

17-09-2005, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heef101

Bagging people out for what they said is in no way helping the situation.
Didn't u notice the thread name was changed when he realised how negative it was.
I'm damn sure he has learnt from using phrases such as "the original name of the thread". That phrases could well of been through the frustration from what has happened. (I'm sure u don't know the full story) Surely u don't believe that he actully thinks his daughter is a drunken '_____'.
Give the guy a break and help him with some positive advice to help him with his situation.
Don't crucify him for a badly worded thread name.

i think you misunderstood...his comments were aimed at someone else

EDIT: beaten to it...mods feel free to delete.