How do you deal with suicide?

Ryan · 03-11-2008, 10:06 AM

Before I start I would like to appologise if I make anyone upset, and a bring negative tone to their day.

Some of you may remember a few months ago I made a thread in regards to my uncle dieing of cancer (He was in his 40s). Well yesterday afternoon I got a sad, and very unexpected phone call that my cousin hung himself. Who was actually the son of my uncle who died in February

I still cannot believe it, but what makes me so upset is that he was only a couple of years older than me (24), and he was engaged. He also had a little girl.

He had a rough personal life, but he was always good to me.

The last 3 years have been a nightmare for me, and my family. :(

**Peuty** · 03-11-2008, 10:13 AM

Mate, sorry for your loss.

I have had a few mates commit suicide over the last few years and as far as I am concerned, it is a bloody cop out. I will always grieve the loss of my mates, but I will always know that what they did was a selfish act.

Rob · 03-11-2008, 10:17 AM

A mate of mine hung himself a few years ago.. I still can't think of him as having died. He's just not around anymore..

Sorry to hear mate :(

**Charliewool** · 03-11-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peuty

Mate, sorry for your loss.

I have had a few mates commit suicide over the last few years and as far as I am concerned, it is a bloody cop out. I will always grieve the loss of my mates, but I will always know that what they did was a selfish act.

That maybe your opinion but sorry. I disagree... And I also think it's a bit harsh for you to generalise on such a delicate subject.
People that get this low consider what they're doing as an act of not only freeing themselves of the torment but also as freeing everyone else close to them from further pain and burden..
And that is NOT selfish... The complete opposite actually!
I'm sure this has been covered in a previous thread.
Which ever way we look at it.. It IS an utter tragedy, and occuring way too often amongst our young... Condolences for your loss Ryan.. Chin up mate!

V3RSAC3 · 03-11-2008, 11:32 AM

Lets not get into a fight over this boys. I'm sorry for your loss! ... Unfortunatly there is no real way to deal with it :( ... Febuary 07' my Girlfriend hung herself, was a big blow in the face! Blammed myself for it, as we had a huge fight that night. But you never really get over the loss of a loved one! ... The best thing you can do is talk about your feelings with people and not get depressed and to that stage yourself, and let your family know that they can always turn to you to talk about anything so that this doesnt happen agian!

Regards,

**Peuty** · 03-11-2008, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charliewool

That maybe your opinion but sorry. I disagree... And I also think it's a bit harsh for you to generalise on such a delicate subject.
People that get this low consider what they're doing as an act of not only freeing themselves of the torment but also as freeing everyone else close to them from further pain and burden..
And that is NOT selfish... The complete opposite actually!
I'm sure this has been covered in a previous thread.
Which ever way we look at it.. It IS an utter tragedy, and occuring way too often amongst our young... Condolences for your loss Ryan.. Chin up mate!

Fair point mate, however, I still think if someone believes that the only way out is suicide, then they are kidding themselves. "No-one was there for me"...words from a suicide note written by one of my friends. We weren't there for him!!!! We tried and tried and tried to support him and help him etc. And for what? For him to basically say "Stuff you guys"?

Yeah, I see it as selfish. Flame if all you want, but it's how I feel.

**TUF_302** · 03-11-2008, 11:34 AM

i agree, lets not worry about wether its selfish or not, its a sad day for ryan!, condolances mate!

Ryan · 03-11-2008, 11:34 AM

Thankyou for your kind comments guys.

I had a friend who commited suicide a few years ago, but I wasn't close to him (Ever since primary school), but it was still sad.

This is the first family member that I know of that's killed themselves.

I don't know how I'm going to handle the funeral. My pop's, and grandad's funerals were hard enough, but this one is going to be very tough, because he was so young.

V3RSAC3 · 03-11-2008, 11:37 AM

You both make points guys. I mean yeah it is selfish. But at the time they're not thinking about anyone else. They don't see you as being there becasue they don't want too! They've already got their heart set on what they wanna do, and once your in that stage, it's almost impossible for anyone to get you out of! ... You can talk them out of it, but as soon as you leave them alone with their thoughts, their gonna do it.

Ryan · 03-11-2008, 11:40 AM

Also guys I would really appreciate it if you could leave the debate whether suicide is selfish or not for another time, or thread.

Last thing I want is for people to argue over such a very delicate issue.

**Charliewool** · 03-11-2008, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peuty

Fair point mate, however, I still think if someone believes that the only way out is suicide, then they are kidding themselves. "No-one was there for me"...words from a suicide note written by one of my friends. We weren't there for him!!!! We tried and tried and tried to support him and help him etc. And for what? For him to basically say "Stuff you guys"?

Yeah, I see it as selfish. Flame if all you want, but it's how I feel.

Definately NOT flaming mate... I don't think there IS any simple answer to these tragic acts... selfish?.. unselfish?... and it's pretty hard to delve into the mind of someone no longer with us?... I do think however society in general with all the modern pressures of living in the fast lane has heaps to answer for though!...

**Peuty** · 03-11-2008, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charliewool

Definately NOT flaming mate... I don't think there IS any simple answer to these tragic acts... selfish?.. unselfish?... and it's pretty hard to delve into the mind of someone no longer with us?... I do think however society in general with all the modern pressures of living in the fast lane has heaps to answer for though!...

Agreed. Lets leave it there.

As I said in my first post Ryan, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Dezza · 03-11-2008, 11:46 AM

My brother-in-law's mother committed suicide a couple of years ago. She had a mental illness for quite a few years, and this made her very suicidal. In the end she achieved her goal. I didn't really know her, but their whole family (and extended family) have always been very close. Probably my advice is to be there for the family. Lend the closest relatives plenty of support, and just help them out in any way you can.

Bearman · 03-11-2008, 11:50 AM

It's something that can never be understood. When a person has arrived at the conclusion that ending their life is their best option then they must be in a really desperate state of mind. God knows how they get to that terrible place.

Sorry for your loss.

GORDZ · 03-11-2008, 11:52 AM

the best way to deal with it is offline, for sure. it's a sad thing no doubt, and wether you feel anger or sympathy for the person, it's still called grief. There are all the usual methods of handling grief like help lines, support groups etc, but IMO the best method is talking to family at the funeral and just being surrounded by loved ones.

outback_chick · 03-11-2008, 11:56 AM

Ryan sorry to hear your loss...
As some of you may know I had a guy attempt suicide on my ute.... and yes it made me angry and I thought about how "selfish" etc....

BUT then I realised.....

If you are in that state of mind... You don't think about who it affects... you don't think about why... you don't think about if you had asked for help of someone you wouldn't being committing this act.

YOU JUST DONT THINK.... so its not selfish and its not unselfish...

Its just not normal...

For those of you who have experienced these tragedies its awful... one of my close friends had two younger sisters... a few years ago the middle sister committed suicide by jumping off a cliff WHILE on the phone to the younger sister... both aged 12 and 15

I dont think it was very fair to the younger sister to hold that guilt thinking she may have been able to talk her out of it.. or for the fact that it was selfish to leave her younger sister with that memory... for the rest of her life!..... The middle one just wasnt in the right frame of mind...

NO ONE IS EVER TO BLAME for suicides - People are responsible for their own actions.!!!

Ryan · 03-11-2008, 12:10 PM

I don't feel any anger. It's just so unfortunate that he chose to end his life this way.

No one in my family seems to know what may have triggered him. My guess is depression, as he did go to jail earlier this year for some time.

fiery · 03-11-2008, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryan

I don't feel any anger. It's just so unfortunate that he chose to end his life this way.

No one in my family seems to know what may have triggered him. My guess is depression, as he did go to jail earlier this year for some time.

Very sorry for you loss Ryan and sincerest condolences to your family and friends involved.

I guess (well this sort of worked for me over time anyway) was to not try to work out why etc but to allow yourself grieving time.
My thoughts are with you at this really sad time, just try to remember any happy times and the good parts about your cousin.

Jason[98.EL] · 03-11-2008, 12:40 PM

sorry to hear ryan my condolences to you and your family

keep your head high mate

if there are other siblings in the family try to be a crying shoulder for them and dont hesitate to get help

Jason

Rob · 03-11-2008, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grimus

sorry to hear ryan my condolences to you and your family

keep your head high mate

if there are other siblings in the family try to be a crying shoulder for them and dont hesitate to get help

Jason

Jason makes a good point - make sure you get help if you think you need it! Your GP can refer you to specialists.. don't leave it too late, don't dwell on it.

slow driver · 03-11-2008, 01:12 PM

http://www.beyondblue.org/

uranium_death · 03-11-2008, 03:51 PM

One of my friends took his life almost three years ago.
Time certainly helps, as short term, there is the shock and immediate sense of loss.

I found that the support of friends and family was a huge help and some were going through the same thing.

I found it helpful to talk about it, rather than treat it as taboo.
Yes, what happens sucks, but pretending it didn't happen wasn't good for me, so I had to talk about it and over time, you accept it and move on, but you never forget.

Once the grieving is over, just remember the good times and cherish them.
I often reminisce over the times I shared with my friend, and I tell you what, growing up as a misfit teenager, some of our misdeeds still bring a smile to my face now.

azaxr8 · 03-11-2008, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryan

I don't feel any anger. It's just so unfortunate that he chose to end his life this way.

No one in my family seems to know what may have triggered him. My guess is depression, as he did go to jail earlier this year for some time.

Quite normal reactions seems, People that are regarded to as suicidal start distancing themself from everyone and everything. They are very good at hiding problems and most times it's to late when you realise.

It's reality and it is very hard for someone to inflict such pain to themself without thinking of the consequences of there actions.

vztrt · 03-11-2008, 04:20 PM

Unfortunately this is happening and is quite high over here (and Singapore also). I remember being up at Bathurst this year and we were listening to the police radio (they aren't digital yet) and the amount of suicide calls that went out was surprising.

Unfortunately this sorta thing is hard to detect on some people and the family's have to live with this their entire life. The parents will keep thinking if I had of done this or that it would have stopped it happening. Unfortunately it wont, you can give people everything and some will still be depressed. Unless it can be detected and these people can get help there really isn't anything you can do.

Also if the person that does it thinks they will make everyone else's life easier, then they really are only caring about themselves. Parents will never get over it and will never fell better and will have to endure the rest of their lives with that pain in their heart.

Hillbilly F Truck · 03-11-2008, 04:25 PM

And to the poor little girl who has to grow up without a father. How very, very sad for all concerned.

Steve · 03-11-2008, 04:27 PM

I'm sorry for your loss as well. It's tragic but when depression sets in and you're at your lowest it's very dark and your thinking is very clouded. I know this because I've been there myself and struggled with depression for quite a long time. You don't think like a rational person who looks forward to what tomorrow will bring, who has plans that he or she is working on bringing to fruition. All you think about is the weight of your burden and unfortunately, too many people come to the conclusion that suicide is the only way out AND carry it through. At that point you're not thinking about others, the love for them is still there but you feel kinda left behind by the world. Selfish? Maybe, but like I said, the thought process is very very clouded at that point.

Chin up, keep looking at tomorrow and talk to people if it helps. You'll get through this.

fiery · 03-11-2008, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobRoy

And to the poor little girl who has to grow up without a father. How very, very sad for all concerned.

This is probably the saddest part of all in reality.

Jason[98.EL] · 03-11-2008, 07:26 PM

yeh fiery thats about the worst part of it

we need not forget about the rest of the family in this as well

i was not going to post this but i will now

when i was 16 my brother took his life by hanging himself he was 13 at the time i am not looking for simpathy here but i do want to be here to help others that may be going through this part of their life..

ryan if you need to chat anytime send me a pm and ill take your call

Grimus

V3RSAC3 · 03-11-2008, 07:32 PM

I think maybe a thread could be started up for people to talk about these greeving experiences, that allows others to get it out and to talk to other people who have experienced it... ... As, it's unfair to turn this thread into it as It's Ryans

Jason[98.EL] · 03-11-2008, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by V3RSAC3

I think maybe a thread could be started up for people to talk about these greeving experiences, that allows others to get it out and to talk to other people who have experienced it... ... As, it's unfair to turn this thread into it as It's Ryans

i agree

sorry Ryan but as i posted send me a pm and ill respond with my contact details and help out as much as i can

Jason