Amusing E-mail

[Mike Gayner]

Here's an email a mate just sent to me, I thought it was pretty funny.

>> Some allegedly true stories. If so, the last ones a corker.
>>
>>
>>
>> A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a
>> space for his car during a
>> blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
>> find a woman had taken the space.
>>
>> Understandably, he shot her.
>>
>> ********
>>
>> After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
>> Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
>> mental patients he was supposed to be
>> transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had
>> escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
>> the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered
>> everyone waiting there a free ride.
>>
>> He then delivered the passengers to the mental
>> hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
>> very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
>> The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
>>
>> ********
>>
>> An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday
>> recovering from serious head wounds received from
>> an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
>> injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
>> to see how close he could get his head to a moving
>> train before he was hit.
>>
>> ********
>>
>> A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked
>> him to give her an examination to determine the
>> cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It
>> only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your
>> daughter is pregnant."
>>
>> The mother turned red with fury and she argued with
>> the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would
>> never compromise her reputation by having
>> sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and
>> silently watched the horizon.
>>
>> The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit
>> looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
>>
>> "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's
>> just that the last time this happened, a star appeared
>> in the East, and three wise men came. And I
>> was hoping that they would show up again."
>>
>> *******
>> When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its
>> intended victim during a hold- up in Long Beach,
>> California, would be robber James Elliot did something
>> that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel
>> and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
>>
>> ********
>>
>> The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
>> cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted
>> a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting
>> negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
>> He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's
>> claim was approved.
>>
>> ********
>>
>> Bonus extra ...... this is a classic
>>
>> A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask
>> Him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab,
>> nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches
>> from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything
>> was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do
>> that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
>> The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said
>> he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so
>> much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your
>> fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving
>> a hearse for the last 25 years."

[Steffo]

Originally Posted by Mike Gayner

>> Bonus extra ...... this is a classic
>>
>> A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask
>> Him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab,
>> nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches
>> from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything
>> was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do
>> that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
>> The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said
>> he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so
>> much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your
>> fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving
>> a hearse for the last 25 years."

: : : : :

LMAO That's funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!