Time to stand up

**Ross 1** · 24-09-2015, 10:48 AM

Enough is enough
I have been horrified with the recent statistic, as I sure you all are, on domestic violence. Police are dealing with a domestic violence situation in one form or another every 2 minutes. At what point as a society and men do we say enough is enough. I see yesterday that the government is allocating $40 million to help change the status quo, but unless the attitudes of people is changed it will only be a band aid solution. If a stranger were to lay a finger on my wife or daughters the absolute horror and rage I would feel is immeasurable, therefore how would the victim feel if the violence is perpetrated by someone who is meant to love and protect them.
Is this behaviour a result of people not knowing how to control their rage issues? Road rage is increasing, alcohol fuelled violence in bars and at home. I’m know it has been happening for decades but with more forms of media than ever before the incidents are being reported more. I know men are not the only offenders when it comes to violence in the home, but they are the higher percentage of the equation. As men I believe we have to start standing up to violence against women, I have in the past and will continue to step in and see if a woman is okay if I feel the situation is not acceptable, if you are worried for your safety call the police and let them deal with it. Most times the couple are both annoyed at me for intervening but it would stay with me if the one time I don’t speak up is the time something serious happens. I’m lucky with my group of friends that this is not an issue but working on building sites for the last 20 odd years there is always one or two men that feel the need to speak in a very disrespectful way about women, my theory is they are the ones who cannot attract women and are bitter, they seem to stumble for words if you ask them if that is how they speak about their mothers or sisters. Every women is someones mother, daughter or partner and should be spoken to accordingly. I have drummed into my daughters from a young age what is acceptable behaviour in society and how they should not be a victim or offender of these acts. Is it how the culprits are raised? Ingrained attitudes from their childhood? The need for better mental health facilities to control their impulses? I don't know the long term solution and would be interested for input from others, male and female members of the forum.
What are your thoughts on the problem?
I will preface this with the fact that I am not affiliated with any of the charities below and am not looking for donations, they are there solely as reference points.
http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/whatmencando
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help...#Cor_article_2
http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au/

FGX335 · 24-09-2015, 11:41 AM

I would be interested to see statistics on this. Is it that the media are focusing more on this now, or is there an increase? Either way, any attack is one too many, and the mindset needs to change.

It's one thing to point out mental health, alcohol, drugs, etc, but the vast majority of these cases seem to stem from someone being violent, unable to control their anger, as a source of power/make themselves feel big, or unrequited love/fixation. Most of these cases involve people who are known to each other, and the offending is done willingly and usually in private. I don't know how you can tackle that, other than speak up when you see it, and offer advice to victims.

This is a tricky subject, and I think you might not get many responses because most guys will be sitting there thinking, "I hate this situation, but I can't control what someone does in the privacy of their own home". There is a feeling of helplessness, and the victims often are well skilled at hiding physical and mental abuse (for their own survival). It's great we are talking about it, but what is the solution? There are many things that we can do, but it is such a mammoth task and much of it is beyond our control.

All I can suggest is that we do what you've done OP with your family, be vigilant, look out for the signs, offer help where you can, and if we all chip in, it'll make a difference.

TheSneakiness · 24-09-2015, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FGX335

I would be interested to see statistics on this. Is it that the media are focusing more on this now, or is there an increase? Either way, any attack is one too many, and the mindset needs to change.

It's one thing to point out mental health, alcohol, drugs, etc, but the vast majority of these cases seem to stem from someone being violent, unable to control their anger, as a source of power/make themselves feel big, or unrequited love/fixation. Most of these cases involve people who are known to each other, and the offending is done willingly and usually in private. I don't know how you can tackle that, other than speak up when you see it, and offer advice to victims.

Your second sentence realistically sums up the entire situation, because the media has focused on the subject it has now blown out to epic proportions. For the four women that were attacked last fortnight in QLD alone it has turned into a media circus.

How many more women out there are hurt physically from men everyday that we don't hear about?
How many more women are verbally abused everyday we don't hear about?
How many more women commit suicide cause they think they have no way out?
How many are too scared to say something in fear of retribution?

The other point I'd like to draw attention to is the mental health aspect of it. As someone who does have a professionally diagnosed mental issue it's easy for those to say people who suffer from that its a easy cop out to get out of a it as it comes across.

Until you have walked in that person's shoes I suggest it's left out of the situation. It may not be because of alcohol or drugs, but from years and years of torment and hurt and hate and exclusion.

I'm not going to say anymore on the subject except that if a man hurts a woman physically it's weak.

FGX335 · 24-09-2015, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Your second sentence realistically sums up the entire situation, because the media has focused on the subject it has now blown out to epic proportions. For the four women that were attacked last fortnight in QLD alone it has turned into a media circus.

How many more women out there are hurt physically from men everyday that we don't hear about?
How many more women are verbally abused everyday we don't hear about?
How many more women commit suicide cause they think they have no way out?
How many are too scared to say something in fear of retribution?

The other point I'd like to draw attention to is the mental health aspect of it. As someone who does have a professionally diagnosed mental issue it's easy for those to say people who suffer from that its a easy cop out to get out of a it as it comes across.

Until you have walked in that person's shoes I suggest it's left out of the situation. It may not be because of alcohol or drugs, but from years and years of torment and hurt and hate and exclusion.

I'm not going to say anymore on the subject except that if a man hurts a woman physically it's weak.

Even then, they only focus on the 'newsworthy' incidents. Have a listen to the police radio for a few hours, many domestic calls come through. Quite often, they say that he is known to police, to approach with caution, etc. So they are attending the same homes for the same offences with the same people involved.

We don't even hear about every woman killed, only the ones where it was a shock, or some twist to the story. It's sickening to know this is happening in our own backyard, and yet it does.

LG17 · 24-09-2015, 03:28 PM

I believe that 63 or 64 women have been murdered in domestc violence incidents this year.

b0son · 24-09-2015, 04:53 PM

I don't know that the problem is getting worse, but its certainly being reported (in the media, and by victims) far more than ever. Can we fix it? Not if we do what we're doing now .... campaigns to tell guys not to be violent. Band aid at best.

If we want to tackle it, we need to get serious about the triggers that drive men to make their anger physical. Granted, for many its about power, but for many more, its about stress, depression, relationship breakdowns, custody issues, etc. None of that is getting any attention. Telling guys with anger issues to not be angry is as helpful as telling alcoholics to drink tea.

vztrt · 24-09-2015, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FGX335

I would be interested to see statistics on this. Is it that the media are focusing more on this now, or is there an increase? Either way, any attack is one too many, and the mindset needs to change.

It has increased but it's more on reporting to the police. So I'd say like most crimes that its about the same %. But reporting it is on the increase. Which makes sense considering beating up on your wife was ignored but friends/family.

damo76 · 24-09-2015, 05:27 PM

I know it's not good but what about the blokes who are abused, constantly shouted at belittled ect. They can't really go out and say i'm being abused. They just have to shut up and take it while they're abusive misses goes of to all her friends and tells them what an *** hole the husband is. Come on swings both ways.

Adamz Ghia · 24-09-2015, 05:38 PM

Having experienced domestic violence first hand I'm all for any kind of crackdown. But I don't like how it's defined to either sex. It's never ok for either partner to hit the other, but it's not always the physical acts that get you, it's the mental acts that will finish you off and that's where it really swings both ways.

There's a reason why in 2013 nearly 3 times as many men than women killed themselves. Playing with the mind is worse than giving someone a whack in my experience.

NAK302 · 25-09-2015, 07:35 AM

it's a shame the media/government/society only see it from one angle. domestic violence is a two way street and should be seen that way.

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/malevictims

LG17 · 25-09-2015, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adamz Ghia

Having experienced domestic violence first hand I'm all for any kind of crackdown. But I don't like how it's defined to either sex. It's never ok for either partner to hit the other, but it's not always the physical acts that get you, it's the mental acts that will finish you off and that's where it really swings both ways.

There's a reason why in 2013 nearly 3 times as many men than women killed themselves. Playing with the mind is worse than giving someone a whack in my experience.

Neither are acceptable.

Franco Cozzo · 25-09-2015, 12:07 PM

What about the male victims of domestic violence? Seems to be when we start touching on domestic violence its all women, women, women, women focus, have a look at this site:

http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/index.php

Seems to be a focus on women being the victims, what if you're male and the victim of domestic violence? There is just about no support out there for male victims of domestic violence, even bias against males in the family court.

I don't condone violence against anyone, but women aren't pretty little innocent flowers who fart sunshine and kittens like they're made out to be, if a woman came up to you and threw the first punch with the intention of leaving you black and blue would you not defend yourself?

Don't underestimate someone based on gender, women can throw down and go toe to toe if they want to.

TheSneakiness · 25-09-2015, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Damo

What about the male victims of domestic violence? Seems to be when we start touching on domestic violence its all women, women, women, women focus, have a look at this site:

http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/index.php

Seems to be a focus on women being the victims, what if you're male and the victim of domestic violence? There is just about no support out there for male victims of domestic violence, even bias against males in the family court.

I don't condone violence against anyone, but women aren't pretty little innocent flowers who fart sunshine and kittens like they're made out to be, if a woman came up to you and threw the first punch with the intention of leaving you black and blue would you not defend yourself?

Don't underestimate someone based on gender, women can throw down and go toe to toe if they want to.

This. I completely agree with this.

Adamz Ghia · 25-09-2015, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LG17

Neither are acceptable.

Fully agree. The point I was trying to make is there is far too much focus on one sex in this issue and almost non existent support for the other. And until this changes and stops being viewed through the prism of gender nothing will change.

JC · 25-09-2015, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LG17

I believe that 63 or 64 women have been murdered in domestc violence incidents this year.

in NSW....350+ nationwide.

It is disgraceful - I tell my boys that hitting girls/women is so wrong it's not funny, despite girls their age (10 & 12) hitting them, so hopefully they will grow up to respect women and not lay a hand on one.

superyob · 25-09-2015, 12:32 PM

Sorry, but gender still rules in my world and that of many others. The 21st century attempts to eradicate concepts of gender is spurious at best. If you beat up a woman, you are not a man. If a woman beats you up, you are not a man...

jpblue1000 · 25-09-2015, 12:37 PM

What is a man Super yob?

XG_Falcon · 25-09-2015, 12:49 PM

A friend of mine used to get physically destroyed by his girlfriend. He was brought up with the (common) value that men do not hit women so when she got drunk, she would lash out at him and he would just take it. I remember rocking up to his house on many a Saturday morning and seeing him with black eyes and swollen lips. He is a big solid bloke - unfortunately this issue goes both ways.

STEALTHY · 25-09-2015, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

How many more women out there are hurt physically from men everyday that we don't hear about?
How many more women are verbally abused everyday we don't hear about?
How many more women commit suicide cause they think they have no way out?
How many are too scared to say something in fear of retribution?

To violence against women, Australia says no.
To violence against men, Australia doesn't care.

People dont realise that the vicmins of domestic abuse are alot close to 50/50 than you'd think, its not like its only 1% of victims that are male. How about some equal opportunity for women who think violence is ok ;)

mik · 25-09-2015, 02:31 PM

Mental health is the gorilla in the china shop imo, a lot of things go into the human brain to make us function in a social way that is morally acceptable and to get it right is a big task with so many avenues to deal with.
Ignorance/poverty/religion/booze/drugs/mental health/ peer pressure, and plain old luck having getting good parents to bring you up.

LG17 · 25-09-2015, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JC

in NSW....350+ nationwide.

It is disgraceful - I tell my boys that hitting girls/women is so wrong it's not funny, despite girls their age (10 & 12) hitting them, so hopefully they will grow up to respect women and not lay a hand on one.

Most 10-12yo girls only hit boys to show they like them.

...and that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

superyob · 25-09-2015, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by STEALTHY

To violence against women, Australia says no.
To violence against men, Australia doesn't care.

People dont realise that the vicmins of domestic abuse are alot close to 50/50 than you'd think, its not like its only 1% of victims that are male. How about some equal opportunity for women who think violence is ok ;)

Evidence please...

Franco Cozzo · 25-09-2015, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superyob

Evidence please...

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/malevictims

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/overview/

https://www.mgtow.com/forums/topic/just-out-of-jail/

superyob · 25-09-2015, 10:31 PM

Thanks. That is indeed surprising Big Damo, but nowhere did I see where women beat their men to death over some misguided sense of 'ownership'. This scenario is a shameful rampant plague owned by so called 'men' ...

vztrt · 25-09-2015, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superyob

Thanks. That is indeed surprising Big Damo, but nowhere did I see where women beat their men to death over some misguided sense of 'ownership'. This scenario is a shameful rampant plague owned by so called 'men' ...

You missed the bit were they kill their own children to get back at the women.

Franco Cozzo · 25-09-2015, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vztrt

You missed the bit were they kill their own children to get back at the women.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/quee...21-12bn54.html

MITCHAY · 25-09-2015, 10:46 PM

Men are not usually getting beaten to an inch of their life or killed by women. Men can and are subjected to domestic violence but to suggest that it is to the same degree as women is absurd.

superyob · 25-09-2015, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superyob

Thanks. That is indeed surprising Big Damo, but nowhere did I see where women beat their men to death over some misguided sense of 'ownership'. This scenario is a shameful rampant plague owned by so called 'men' ...

My mistake, I missed the second link you posted:

'75 males were killed in domestic homicide incidents between 2010-12. This equates to one death every 10 days'.

vztrt · 25-09-2015, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Damo

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/quee...21-12bn54.html

And???

NAK302 · 26-09-2015, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MITCHAY

Men are not usually getting beaten to an inch of their life or killed by women. Men can and are subjected to domestic violence but to suggest that it is to the same degree as women is absurd.

so that makes it ok?
the suggestion here is no domestic violence should be tolerated but there seems to be a very discriminatory view by many, including yours.