Stay at home dad's. is the public opinion changing?

[fat4D]

was at a friends place the other night with about 5 other couples to celebrate my good friends engagement, we ended up on the topic of stay at home dads.

a few days ago i heard an atricle saying that its becoming more and more common that women are starting to be the bread winner of a family. then we got on the topic where we (as a majority of the group) believed that a large problem with some of the kids around the canberra area is that they are not parented at a younger age to get basic life skills and learning what is an appropriate way to behave/ treat others, and this is because both parents work fulltime jobs and the kids are in day care 5 days a week and they dont raise their kids.

now i understand the reasoning behind this as i understand end of the day if you need money to survive you need it.

and in the group there was two of us that it will be likely that the female will earn a bit more but also an amount that you could raise a family on the single wage. myself being one of these my partner has just finished her IT degree and has got a job as a IT advisor for one of the big4 accounting companies and the other has just finished an engineering.

so whats your opinion is 'stay at home dad' still a dirty thing to say?

[GTpilot]

My Servicedesk manager just resigned to become a stay at home dad. If you can do it then why not.

[Rambunctious]

What does public opinion have to do with it, it's your business if you want to do something in this world.
If my wife had the better income and future prospects I would be all for it, after all being together is about making sacrifices on both sides.

[cs123]

Stay at home Dads are no big deal and probably expected in this day when more women are studying and landing good paying jobs.

[302 XC]

Originally Posted by fat4D

a few days ago i heard an atricle saying that its becoming more and more common that women are starting to be the bread winner of a family. then we got on the topic where we (as a majority of the group) believed that a large problem with some of the kids around the canberra area is that they are not parented at a younger age to get basic life skills and learning what is an appropriate way to behave/ treat others, and this is because both parents work fulltime jobs and the kids are in day care 5 days a week and they dont raise their kids.

now i understand the reasoning behind this as i understand end of the day if you need money to survive you need it.

Its people perception that you need to earn alot to keep up with the "Joneses"
You dont need to you want to,but with that comes other things in life that suffer
People dont NEED that huge mansion on the water, 2 brand spankin SUVs in the drive , the big boat,the sliding door sized TV,they want it
Its not really that 2 parents work that cause the issue with younger people,there are many other factors and issues
Split families,single parents, all contribute with the issue,its not just due to both parents working
To me i couldnt care if a bloke or a woman is the main bread winner, its whatever works for the individual couple
I know a bloke who gave up his job just to build his own house
Working on his yearly wage vs the builder charge rate, he could afford to stay unpaid for over 3 years
Whatever works

[Dr Jekkyl]

Originally Posted by fat4D

we (as a majority of the group) believed that a large problem with some of the kids around the canberra area is that they are not parented at a younger age to get basic life skills and learning what is an appropriate way to behave/ treat others, and this is because both parents work fulltime jobs and the kids are in day care 5 days a week and they dont raise their kids.

now i understand the reasoning behind this as i understand end of the day if you need money to survive you need it.

I think you have hit the nail on the head there. There has been a major shift in how families live in the last 20 years. Unfortunately it is to the detriment of the family unit itself - in some cases we become strangers passing in the night.

I believe that central to it all is the the Australian housing ponzi scheme and the 2 psychological states (fear and greed) that drive it.

[Franco Cozzo]

Personally, I don't like the idea of two parents working full time, then really it isn't your kid is it? Because the staff at day care are raising them, I don't like that.

I don't see why there is a negative vibe with "stay at home dad", maybe his wife pulls in more cash than he does? It makes sense to do it that way. Just as long there is a stay at home parent, doesn't matter what they have between their legs.

[fat4D]

Yeah Thats what i think. The way me and my partner are looking at it is and this Ive just started a new job Thats putting me through a degree when i finish that she will have been working for 4 years and wants to be consulting by that point and on good money so I'll stay at home. And do a masters then return to work and after that

[Bucknaked]

Stay at home vs work and provide a stable financial lifestyle. Hard one because there's benefits of both. But I prefer to look to the future and once the kids leave home, what future is there. Stay at home grandparents?

[Scott]

At my place, I get paid to work and my wife is a full time Mum. It's a strain on the budget and therefore us but I believe that kids are best raised by their parents. It's a pity that not everyone can afford the [now] luxury.

Ideally, kids would be cared for primarily by Mum, Dad is a great alternative, Grand Parents fantastic and so it goes.

Ultimately we just need to get them to the other end in one piece and ready to achieve their own goals and the best way to do that is with a solid and stable family unit. Having your best financial situation as the one you live is ideal to support that.

Go for it, I'd love to be a stay at home Dad!

[Matty4]

Originally Posted by Scott

I'd love to be a stay at home Dad!

+1 from me too.....
My wife is also raising our 3, but with all of them in school now she has started making noises about re-joining the workforce. Financially we don't need her too but she is now feeling like she needs to contribute to the budget even more so without the kids at home.

[Burnout]

This is old news; I was a stay at home dad to my two kids 20 years ago.
Got me stuffed what women complain about, I had a great time for the two years I did it.

[FPV8U]

We have planned our future around either myself or my GF staying at home when we have kids, at this stage it looks as though it will be her over me.

I don't see anything wrong with stay at home dads, as has been said i think it would be a great thing.

[Spudz27]

I was forced into being a stay at home dad. I enjoy it, my kids are old enough that they can come to the flying club with me, so it doesn't stop me doing things I like. My son still goes with mum to day care 2 days a week (fiance is a childcare worker) to have social interaction. Makes attending class days with mums awkward.

1 downside is what it does to my relationship with my partner. There is often some tension about her being the only worker, but I like to remind her she got 2yrs maternity leave, so I am just having some manternity leave.

[onfire]

I think if the mother can earn a significant income, why not.

Lets be honest, there's still a stigma that women don't earn as much and in a lot of cases, they sadly dont. If she can support a growing family, it's fine.

[Pub247]

i wish i was the stay at home dad unfortunetly im the one working at least if i was at home there'd be food on table and a cold beer ready for her when she walked in the door....

[El Venom]

Nothing wrong with stay at home dads or single fathers. The problem in society is still that the day to day raising of a child falls on the shoulders of the mother and support is very much geared that way.

I was a single father for 3 years until I met my now wife almost 3 years ago and we now have another 2 kids and I am the main care giver. It works for us as she had a job already and a understanding boss so it has been great but she still does stuff around the house as well and try share the parental irresponsibility as much as possible.

As for planning for the future there are plenty of options out there now for both men and women to study part time and increase there chances of getting work when the time comes.

But in saying that I think at least one parent should be around to raise a child until they go to school as the period from when a child is 2yrs old until they start school is the time where a child learns the large amount of there total knowledge

[302 XC]

Originally Posted by Matty4

+1 from me too.....
My wife is also raising our 3, but with all of them in school now she has started making noises about re-joining the workforce. Financially we don't need her too but she is now feeling like she needs to contribute to the budget even more so without the kids at home.

How bout an online selling job ???
Gives major flexiblity for your lifestyle
Not chained to the post 8 hours a day.....
Many do it , and wouldnt have it any other way

[tex]

I have resigned from my job effective mid July.

i will be take over from my wife for a period of around 5 months to stay at home with my (then) 7 month old son.

I hope to return to work next year on a 50% load, but this has yet to be finalised. My employer is being very accomodating to my new lifestyle committments I have to say.

I have received mixed reactions from friends, colleagues and family. Been some congratulations, and also obvious horror at our decision. Some have been rude enough to be outwardly negative and object to the notion.

I see it a bit like this;

I have the opportunity to spend a reasonable chunk of time with my little bloke, in the early part of his life and avoid placing him in child care at such an early age, which was never an option for me and my wife.

My wife is a professional, she is very career focussed and it is the least I can do to help her find the difficult balance between being a modern mother, and a successful career women. She returns from 6 months mat leave to take on a senior executive role in a demanding business environment.

Her earning capacity is significantly greater than mine.

A couple of points to finish this post;

I am actually quite scared about my ability to do as good a job with my young bloke as what I have seen my wife do. Anyone says that they (infants) are not hardwork have no idea. I had no idea! our little fella doesn't sleep during the day! So it is a pretty damn intensive day keeping him entertained and occupied.

My wife is already feeling very torn about her decision to return to work - feelings of guilt, of seperation anxiety, feelings of 'abandoning her baby. I completely undertsand those feelings, and have no doubt will end up meeting her at lunhc, or for a coffee or whatever with young Sam to help her through the early part of her return to work.

To those fathers that have been placed on home duty - more power to you. It aint no cake walk, and you are reflecting a modern, open and balanced view on parenthood in my opinion.

texas

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by fat4D

a few days ago i heard an atricle saying that its becoming more and more common that women are starting to be the bread winner of a family. then we got on the topic where we (as a majority of the group) believed that a large problem with some of the kids around the canberra area is that they are not parented at a younger age to get basic life skills and learning what is an appropriate way to behave/ treat others, and this is because both parents work fulltime jobs and the kids are in day care 5 days a week and they dont raise their kids.

If you knew the astronomical cost of daycare coupled with the cost of living, debts, bills, rent/mortgage, there is more often than not no choice in the matter. My wife and I are in this situation where we both need to work to get by and let's not mention that we have to budget monthly to be able to do this because we get paid monthly.

Do I wish it were different? Of course I bloody do. If I wasn't in debt and only had rent and cost of living expenses I would stay at home as well. My wife can't sit still so she could work and advance herself while I could advance my son.

In saying that my son is quite bright and is doing very well development wise so we can't complain there.

[Polyal]

Well for the past three years I stopped working and went back to uni to finish my degree, this meant that my wife has effectively been the income earner for that period. I chose to quit all forms of work to concentrate on uni.

So there have been times when I have been home looking after the kids, its no picnic thats for sure and the grass is always greener. I can imagine doing it for 10+ years would be hard so full respect to the women that do it.

All my mates basically have full time jobs/careers and its always been one ting that gets to me, they have toys etc and I know my time will come but every now and then, very rarely, I can sense something. They dont look down on me, not at all, but its similar and hard to define it exactly.

Kids grow up fast, so while its been hard to study and juggle kids I have seen my son who is now almost 4 grow up a bit, my daughter who is 2 and another one who is due in 3 weeks Ill be home for.

I finish uni in June, and I will probably hold off working for atleast a month so spend time with them. Because I know as soon as I start working I wont see much of them and the wife wants to take two years off.

Damo while I can see your POV with childcare, for me its been essential as when I was working we had a mortgage etc, so I really had little choice with no family support around me. Plus even when my wife is home, the kids will go to childcare atleast one day a week. Its very good for picking up bugs and IMO strengthening their immune system, but more importantly just interaction with other kids..and lastly giving Mum a break once a week.

[kaniSS]

My Mrs makes more than me (council director) to a point were if I stayed home we would get by comfortably. I don't mind that she makes more but I would never stay at home. For me personally it doesn't feel right not bringing in money to support my family.

[Mr Hardware]

I believe it is far better to have a parent at home - doesn't matter which one, just so long as they are a sound parent.

[flappist]

Alright guys, drop the insults.

Keep it civil and on topic or it will go away and so will you......

[sneaky]

congrats to the guys staying at home with the kids.

my pair are 3 and 4 now, and i had them all to myself for a week or two when they were 2&3. it was the longest week of my life.. 12 hours a day of full on kidness with no breaks. i was happy to hand the mum duties back when my wife came home (she was holidaying).

they were up at 6 or 7am and didn't stop until bed time at 7pm, my pair stopped day sleeps at a young age and the hour 'rest' in the day wasn't long enough for me

i love my kids, but i'd rather spend 10 hours a day at work dealing with idiots, because you can at least tell them to shut up or walk away from them

currently my wife is running her own small business so she spends all day dealing with the kids and then stays up until 1 or 2am working, i work from 6am til 4pm, then usually fall asleep on the lounge at 7:30pm when the kids are in bed and our kids are well behaved so it makes it a bit easier for us.

so once again, congrats the the guys making the decision to stay home and look after your kids.

[superyob]

I would be ashamed to let my wife provide for me.

[FreddyDUZ747]

Originally Posted by superyob

I would be ashamed to let my wife provide for me.

Providing is more than bringing home money bloke...

As you have used the word me,do you even have kids?

[Auslandau]

Originally Posted by superyob

I would be ashamed to let my wife provide for me.

Ashamed????? I would be wrapped! More money to spend on toys ....... I think she needs to get another job actually. I am expensive to keep

[BHDOGS]

i wished she did i could sit on my **** watch football go shopping and drive around in my car sounds like bliss to me work can suck a fat one

[fat4D]

my plan is depending on finances at the time which will likely be stretched but would love to finally buy and rebuild an e series xr8