My mother has Dimentia - I need help.

[gtfpv]

mate feel sorry for you . but she has a house . you get power of attourny as you are . then look into maybe a nurse/ social worker to help out . perhaps even you and your girlfriend could move in there and look after her . keep working and your not being selfish . if all else is exhausted you could sell her house and pay for her care in a home where she gets good care . / as outback jack has done . she reallyt needs full time care otherwise anything could happen to her and you . this may sound selfish but if it were my parents . i'd be very concerned but i wouldn't let it control my life . i guess it would be easy for me though as i cant remember my parents ever putting themselves out more than they had to for me .
in all due respect though , she needs to be looked after 100% if you cant do it it is your duty to arrange it . even if it costs her all her money . at least she has means to pay her own way . in this regard you are very fortunate .

[Mark^^]

I am a social worker by trade and there are a number of community services that can help you and your mum, from; in-home nursing, domestic home help, respite care, meals on wheels, etc. There are a large number of community based organisations that are there to help older stay at home for as long as they can without the need for full time care. These services can be sourced by contacting the welfare service in your local council, or by specialist to the peak organisation that deal with dementia.

As to power of attorney, this power just gives you power over property and money affairs. For someone in your mother’s situation you need to have power of guardianship as well, as this gives you control over medical issues. To cover it all you need both and should be able to get a good lawyer to draw up the documents and have them legitimised.

I am in my mid 40’s and I am single, so my mother and my married sister both have power of attorney and guardianship over my affairs. As I said above the guardianship is needed in the case I am not conscious or capable of making a decision and I know that they will operate in my best interests. If someone is under 18 their parents have automatic guardianship and if your married your partner has the decision making power in the event of a catastrophic event.

Not knowing about community services in WA I am not really able to give you specific advice on phone numbers or where to go. Lifeline has a national database on community services and they may be able to point you in the right direction.

[WASP]

I've been through the same thing with both my Mum and my Dad. You love your Mum obviously and she loves you. Your Mum clearly needs full time care by the sounds of it and unless you’re going to put your own life on hold to do this, someone else is going to have to cater for her daily needs to maintain a good quality or life for her. Find your Mum some care, maybe a hostel within a good community or investigate home care if you think she will be ok not having someone there all the time. It's important that the time you spend with your Mum is quality time. Arranging care for both my parents was an extremely difficult realization to come to, but this allowed me to visit them very often under more positive circumstances and enjoy their company and they enjoy mine. I knew that they’re general needs were being catered for which allowed me to focused my time with them on sharing my life and doing everything possible to make theirs more enjoyable and as comfortable as possible.

Hope that goes a little way in helping you.

Colville

[Skooter]

My Grandma who sadly passed away a few years ago suffered from dementia. At first it was just slight forgetfulness but it slowly got worse and worse it was really quite sad to see someone that has looked after you for suffering this condition. Luckily she only lived about 2 blocks away so it was in walking distance for her to our house and vice versa. So she would be around everyday for a cuppa which was really good for her, I think this is why she lasted so long with out having to go into a home because she had regular contact with us.

Once she was into the severe stages of the condition she really did become quite thin as like your mother she wasn't eating so I think we had a meals on wheels type service organised for her which was a great help and also load off our minds.

The best advice I could give would be spend as much time as possible with her because you never know when she might just forget who you are, and yes it will get irritating, trust me, but you have to deal with it and not get angry with her because it isnt her fault she is trying to fight this with all her strength but sadly it is a loosing battle so make the most of the time you have now. My nan had to eventually go into a home as was in a really bad condition with almost burning the house down and just not looking after herself, it was a good sammy's place near the river over hear and she loved it because she made so many friends and it really made her life comfortable, all the people there were incredable with a real dedication to their work even though it was a low budget place the care was fantastic so you never know you may find a diamond in the ruff nursing home somewhere. But as a final blow she sadly passed away from cancer.

I really can vouch for what you are feeling and truly give my heartfelt sympathy to you and your mother and hope that you can get through this well.

[fordOwner]

Hey Guys.

Well I thought id give you guys an update on my progress with regards in looking after my Mother.

We have sorted out the Enduring Power of Atterny which makes me legally her representative and I have the power to deal with all her affairs.
Power of Guardianship does not exist in W.A and so Enduring Power of Atterny covers that too.

We have looked into Meals on Wheels which the Council provides. The menu is amazing! 2 course meals (main and desert) delivererd Mon-Fri for a very affordable fee. So all she has to do is sort her own lunch out and cook or have dinner with us family on the weekends.

The councill also has an 'Adult Day Centre' which is on every day of the week and has Music days, costume days and painting days etc for the elderly including a 2 course lunch for only $5.50 per day! includes pick up and dropp off to her house aswell! So we are definatly going to orgainse this, there is no obligation to go so I think she is interested in going at least for one day in the week.

She is getting more frustrated with us family as we are all so concerned about her I think we are crowding her now. Every one is doing stuff for her and she feels as if she is losing controll of her own life. This is understandable and I might have to say to my granparents (her Parents) "Dont worry, I have it all under controll" As my Grandad is ringing up CenterLink with out even telling me and so I ring them up and they tell me that there is already an application being processed for her and so forth and then I find out my Grandad has given some wrong information etc etc.

So yeh thats about it for now. She is still plodding along, she is walking the dog more which is great oh and she has stopped smoking!! - She only just told me she has a collapsed lung too mind you!.. I was not happy at all. not because its collapsed but coz I was taking her to the deli to get her nicotene fix and all the while she has a bung Lung!

so yeh, thats it for now. Thanks again for the support guys.

[MO]

Keep strong mate seems you've got it covered..just remember the elderly and dementia can be very obstinate at times.

Anytime you need to talk post away in this thread common sense prevails ...for a change.

[dave351cid]

great to hear that you are able to get some good help mate. its sometimes amazing how much a cummunity will help when they find out someone is doing it tuff.

good luck and chin up

[[Tonko]]

Good luck mate, i know exactly what you are goin through...
Your mum is lucky to have you around...