Sunday Joke

[trick_xd]

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they
aren't prepared for
the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called
his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know
me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams
I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people
and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when
you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than
a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you,"

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do,
he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a
drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated
on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him,"

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench,
and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her
if she knows me,
I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

[TotalDriver]

GOLD!!!

Well done

:sm_headba

[Dav0]

oldie but a goodie

[russky]

Another law joke: Honesty

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer"?

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his sit and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

[xr8chick]

ok this is nothing to do with lawyers but my friend sent me this just b4 and i found it funny so here it is:

There was a man who really took care of his body. One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his ИИИИИ. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his ИИИИИ, which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, ''There is no justice in this world.'' The other lady asked what she meant.

"Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now I'm 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat!"