Hard Lesson

[FPV+fteT3]

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago has not managed to save anything of her pay in a year when asked where the money is spent "I buy stuff with it " well i said you can use the subaru dont bend it or you will fix it (02impreza).

Last thurs night she went to glendale shopping centre to buy more stuff and someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

[platinumXR]

Bit harsh I think. Not like she deliberately did it.

Chalk it up to a life lesson on how apathetic OTHER drivers are and leave it at that.

JMHO.

[GreenMachine]

So she's earning roughly minimum wage, someone else ran in to her when she wasn't even there and you're making her pay the damage. Are you insured?

[GS608]

if insured make her pay the excess, otherwise go halfs i reckon, but $350 a week is a hell of a lot for an 18 year old with no expenses bar buying things they fancy. Wish i had that sort of luxury.

Lesson learned the hard way i think.

[Mark s]

Mate

Does he work hard for what she has?

Is she a good kid?

Does she do the right thing behind the wheel of the car?

Are you proud of her?

If Yes to all of the above, then its not she has done something through being silly.

I agree, maybe put some fear into her and maybe get to to pay part of the excess.

[Jack91]

Yeah the excess sounds fair, if its not insured she can pay the whole lot I think, if someone was driving my car uninsured (as they would be) and pranged it they'd be paying for it.

[FPV+fteT3]

The car is insured she is listed on the policy her excess is $750 if she doesnt make a claim she will have 20%ncb in 12 months if she does the aami driver training for free at eastern creek, if she makes a claim how expensive do you think her insurance will be when she actually grasps saving for a car and goes to insure it? I would probably help her out if it was necessary for here to be there but she chose to go, not like it happened while she was at work or visiting pop at the nursing home.
She had her 18th 2 weeks ago tea at the ehchange hotel when I said to her I will be taking the subie the looks I got, I had to explain my other cars would not be left in the main street near a few pubs at night but I consider the risk of damage by drunk idiots acceptable with the subie but not to my other cars.
The subie is not a POS either but when you drive and leave your cars parked you or atleast I weigh up the risk in doing so.

[NGN 351]

I agree with the "you bend it, you mend it" philosophy however if your dtr is a good kid just go halves in the excess and tell her its a lesson learnt.

[gcg2503]

Had she been at fault I would have thought it fair to have her pay for excess or go halves at least

I think you are being quite harsh and it could end in tears for both. Don't get me wrong i do See what you are tyring to do and so will your daughter in 10-15 years time or whenever she has kids...but alas, that time is not now....

I would seriously reconsider your approach to this event.

[Buzz Box]

I agree with above I think its a touch harsh.

If she was at fault fair enough. But she wasn't at fault so 50/50 is fair and just be thankful it wasn't "your ford performance team"

[Mr Hardware]

Originally Posted by gcg2503

Had she been at fault I would have thought it fair to have her pay for excess or go halves at least

I think you are being quite harsh and it could end in tears for both. Don't get me wrong i do See what you are tyring to do and so will your daughter in 10-15 years time or whenever she has kids...but alas, that time is not now....

I would seriously reconsider your approach to this event.

+1
Happened to my wife when she was 18, didn't have a car yet, borrowed her old man's AU, went shopping, came back, rear passengers side door was caved in, she was in tears, went home told her dad, he said its all right, gave her a hug.

Why do anything different? Its not like she did anything wrong!

[GT69]

There's a difference between 'not bothering to work towards something' and 'not able to afford something'. Peoples attitudes count for alot. If she has the mentality of 'i need a car so gimme the keys' than I say its fair that she pays. Its am expensive taxi ride. But if she was saving towards a car and using yours as a fill in, they you could/should be more lenient.

[whynot]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

Based on the information provided, I think that you are being way too harsh.

A few points to consider ...

Firstly, the cognitive skill in humans for rational decision making is not fully developed until around 23 years (females mature earlier around 21, males somewhat later around 23). So ability to see how obscure actions may develop into consequences is just not there (yet).

Second, a rational human can accept that there are a number of possible outcomes from parking in a shopping centre. While we accept that there is an elevated risk of something happing, most of the time, nothing happens. Most mature adults would have trouble finding issue with your daughter’s actions. (I let my daughter park our new Mazda 3 in cark parks. Yes, I do hold my breath sometimes. But, you cannot wrap them up in cotton wool all of their lives.)

As an aside, I can recall years ago, a group of teenage boys use to go hunting through the remote areas of the car park at Brookside. They were specifically looking for nice cars that their owners had deliberately parked away from other vehicles, so they could damage them. Needless to say, their lack of cognitive ability blinded them to the possibility that they could only get away with it a few times before the police were waiting.

Third, when these things happen, particularly when we perceive that others are not taking responsibility for their actions, we often get angry. In this case, you cannot direct your anger to the correct target. So, you appear to be displacing this anger towards the nearest available target – your daughter. On reflection, and only you can make this judgement, is this particularly fair?

Fourth, there appears to be other issues here that are annoying you (e.g. the kid having income and no free cash). Once again, is your true source of anger this accident, or are there deeper issues that require some discussion and resolution.

Fifth, as an exercise, try and remember what it was like when you where younger.

[nobbystang]

I disagree with most of the above. Don't go through insurance, and make her pay half. Or if you make her pay for it all, use it as an incentive to get her to save for her first car, and give some of it back to her when she's getting ready to buy, would surely cover insurance and a few little cosmetics she'll need.
Kids these days get too much given to them and have no idea on the value of the $$$

[bcr2734]

Originally Posted by NGN 351

I agree with the "you bend it, you mend it" philosophy however if your dtr is a good kid just go halves in the excess and tell her its a lesson learnt.

I second that

[bcr2734]

I have a couple of young teenager sister-in-laws that think like her, i buy stuff.

I worked hard and have achieve alot and i think this might change her and she may become an adult in the sense of if you borrow and break it you buy it. But i wrote off my parents car off at 17 and i had to pay the insurance and i was on apprentice wages ( stuff all) but it taught me that if you borrow it and break it you buy it, No questions.

The insurance was back then 3 grand.

[PHATAL]

Harsh

[Yaw]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

The car is insured she is listed on the policy her excess is $750 if she doesnt make a claim she will have 20%ncb in 12 months if she does the aami driver training for free at eastern creek, if she makes a claim how expensive do you think her insurance will be when she actually grasps saving for a car and goes to insure it? I would probably help her out if it was necessary for here to be there but she chose to go, not like it happened while she was at work or visiting pop at the nursing home.
She had her 18th 2 weeks ago tea at the ehchange hotel when I said to her I will be taking the subie the looks I got, I had to explain my other cars would not be left in the main street near a few pubs at night but I consider the risk of damage by drunk idiots acceptable with the subie but not to my other cars.
The subie is not a POS either but when you drive and leave your cars parked you or atleast I weigh up the risk in doing so.

Age Excess would not be involved in this one, as the car was parked, her driving had nothing to do with it, would just be the standard excess, and if its your policy, its your rating...not hers.

[gtfpv]

i'm going against the opinions of this thread so far . i think she should pay for what you made clear before she drove it . you arent being harsh on her at all . she is working full time, living free, driving your car , and saving nothing ! she has no value of things at all. the accident wasnt her fault , so what, if it was you driving and parked there, youd have to pay for the damage, what makes her any differant.
you havent tought her to be responsible with money . but you now are by the sound of things . well done . i think your teaching her a good lesson for her own well being. cheers

[needaXYGT]

pretty harsh i reakon!

[yanknbank]

Now let's see.
Number 1 daughter in the old XF, took the roundabout in the wet like Ayrton Senna on a hot lap, swapped ends on the exit and clouted the kerb bigtime folding the right front wheel up under the car. : : I won't mention the ticket I got for having the car parked illegally. Sent the cops a photo and they withdrew the fine.
Number 2 daughter shortly after getting her licence, went through the giveway sign (" I didn't see it, it was hiding behind the tree!") and cleaned up a car load of unfortunate looking individuals who'd just purchased the car that day (a $900 Mazda if I remember correctly). The XF was written off.
Number 2 daughter again, just recently reversed into the G6ET whilst it was minding it's own business sitting quietly in the driveway. WTF!!! : :
Number 3 son (the one with a head like a bucket of smashed crabs, you know who you are!) took the bend in the dirt a bit quick and speared the AUII Ghia through the cyclone wire fencing ("I was only doing 20kph. Honest!" f%#&@* Bullsh!t!!!). : : He "Currently does not have a car!!" Gee, I wonder who that might be?
Number 4 son is fortunately at Uni and doesn't have his L's yet, thank God.
I won't mention all the little scrapes, bumps and the gouging of alloy rims up against the kerbing and the accidents they've all had in their own vehicles.
Kids. 20 seconds of pleasure swapped for 20 years of misery!

[Bmobile]

Iwould tell her she is up for the $750 excess and that will affect her NCB ect. She will have a hissy fit ect at that suggestion. Then when it all cools down a little let her know you wont put it through the insurance but you want her to pay half the repair costs {approx $500 she wont like it but when she sees you are paying half and she gets out of it cheaper then she will agree. You got to teach her a life lesson, that Daddy will not allways be there to bail her out. Oh and let her pay the $500 off over 2 months or something like that.

[GT69]

Yanknbank, you should think about wheelie bins and door knobs. Atleast then it'll be 5 minutes of pleasure, 20 years of misery :

[ZDHLANE]

A bit harsh!

You need to be more specific. Didn't you say you bend it you mend it?

She claims she did not bend it!!!!!!!

As far as She buys stuff, well I think that is part of being Daddy's little girl, and will always be.

[vanman_75]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

i'm going against the opinions of this thread so far . i think she should pay for what you made clear before she drove it . you arent being harsh on her at all . she is working full time, living free, driving your car , and saving nothing ! she has no value of things at all. the accident wasnt her fault , so what, if it was you driving and parked there, youd have to pay for the damage, what makes her any differant.
you havent tought her to be responsible with money . but you now are by the sound of things . well done . i think your teaching her a good lesson for her own well being. cheers

spot on

[FPV+fteT3]

My own experience with this type of thing was when I was a kid 19. I borrowed my brothers XB it got side swiped all down rhs I had no idea who did it. Went home after the night out was up before my brother at 6.00am we all lived at home then, mum said your up early did you prang pauls car....um sort of when paulie boy got up I told him about it and said dont get in thru the drivers side, door wont open........after he cooled down I said get it fixed wherever you like I will pay.......all new panels an excellent job to afford the repair I sold my dirt bike.
Years later we were talking about something and it came up that to fix the car I sold my bike Paul said if I would have known that we could have done something different but to me I had to make it right he loaned it to me straight and I got it bent simple really. I call it taking responsibility.

[Ibrox90]

OK an 18 year old perspective.

Can u be certain that someone else hit her?
Seems rather conveinant that the other guy ****ed off don't you think

For example mate of mine went hooning in the Adelaide Hills the day he got his P's, rolled his dads Laser into a light pole and is now IN A WHEEL CHAIR and will be for life.

Even now he still tells his parents that another car hit him he lost control and he his the pole.

And hes a mummas boy good guy always home when his parents say never lies to them until then.

When it comes to that sorta stuff theres a high chance shes lying.

No taking anything away from your young lady but if it goes through and she hasnt been been docked a cent doesn't teach her much.

Shes rather lucky, My parents took me out to get my hours up to get my P's. i havent been allowed to drive my parents cars since. I had to go out and work at KFC I walked to work. Bought my Magna $1500 then spent another $1500 fix stuff. Got a better job and then worked my **** off and bought my XR8 outright without a loan.

not having a go just showing a different perspective.

If it was me then she'd be walking or bussing it to work and buying a car. Teaches her that she should have saved all the cash. How does an 18 year old spend that much in a week?

P.s My Girlfriends dad bought her a $10,000 car near new corolla and she thrashes the ....breasts of it it has blown 3 radiators wheel alignment every 1000km (thats what happens when you go round corners at 70kmh!!!) new front brakes on a regular basis but its ok and she still does it because her dad still pays for it. Occasionally i let her driv emy XR8 but if she even scratches it she'll be paying for it if she rights it off she'll be getting out a loan so i can buy another BA/BF XR8.

P.s.s What would you be doing if you lent her the Pursuit or the TE50 T3 and the same thing happened?

Tough love seriously she might hate you later but she'll understand

She buys stuff.........like a new panel for an impreza.......

[Kenaz]

Originally Posted by Yaw

Age Excess would not be involved in this one, as the car was parked, her driving had nothing to do with it, would just be the standard excess, and if its your policy, its your rating...not hers.

Exactly, I think making her pay half the standard excess is fair.

[Barry_v]

be nice to your kids. they decide which old folks home you go to.

[Jesk]

I know I had the 'you break it, you pay for it' when i was driving mum and dads cars as a 16-18 year old and I pranged and wrote off dads van I paid for the fine and the excess and dad decided that i had paid enough, and even though i wasnt doing anything stupid, just a misjudgment i learnt from it not to over estimate my driving ability